I'm still reeling from his sudden confession when my mouth blurts out, "What?"

He shrugs, smirking, "You heard me."

I did.

Oh I so did.

'That was the first time I felt my heart beat.'

His voice rings in my head for the hundred time in past few minutes.

"Are you sure?" I ask dumbly, before I could even comprehend it.

His ease aura disappear in a flash leaving dark intensity of his eyes as they narrows at my own, "Am I sure? Of the emotions I'm bearing since I met you or of the the feelings I'm having for you?" He retorts incredulously.

Jesus H Christ!

Does that mean he really has feelings for me?

Oh my!

My heart sores at the happiness and the possibility of him returning my own feelings.

From what I have known in my whole life is, that time is no one's friend. It never stops for anyone, whether rich or poor. It will keep going and it depends on us to consider it as an acquaintance or an enemy, either way it won't effect the speed of time.

But at this moment I really wish for time to be my friend so I could stop this moment and consume full happiness that is bursting inside me. I want this moment to be itched in my soul. I'm this happy. I'm ecstatic.

But then I remember his attitude toward me. He has said sorry to me and admitted that he was jerk but that doesn't really explains his actions.

I frown at him, "Then why-"

As he's read my mind he cuts me off, shaking his, "Why did I behave like an ass to you? Because I'm an ass. That's what I do, I fuck everything up. I remember you standing at the entrance of cafeteria looking like a creature from another world, staring me like you could see my dark soul. As far I can remember I've never been nervous before that day, not even when I first took control of my businesses. Despite my uneasiness, I don't know why but I still wanted you to talk with me, I wanted to hear your voice."

He chuckles slightly before continuing, "My bloody palms were sweating in nervousness when I saw you coming with Sydney. And what you did? You went ahead and chatted with everyone. Every fucking one except me. I thought you didn't like me and that pissed me off. Never in my life before had I felt jealous but seeing you flirt with Adam had me seeing red. I wasn't thinking straight and that's when I fucking lost it."

I'm looking at him with my mouth hanging open as he stops speaking. My brain is still digesting his words and my heart... well I think it is going to out of ribs any second now.

Oh my God!

It is very hard to accept that he has had feelings for me from very start. I don't know what to think now.

Tell him, you like him too or better yet tell him you are falling for him.

No, not now.

I don't think I should confess anything to him until I'm assured that my heart is no longer in danger of getting trashed.

Their is always a danger where heart is involved.

Sometimes I don't really like my conscience, specially when it's right and contradicts with me.

I force myself to breath since I keep forgetting it in his presence, "I... I wanted to talk to you but Syd told me not to speak to you, unless you start. And when you did not say anything, I thought you disliked me and didn't want my presence there, that's why I didn't say anything either." I tell him.

He scowls at whatever he was thinking, looking ahead in sky, "Of course she did. I'm not a uh," he searches for the right word to put in, "pleasant company to be around. Usually I'm ignorant to everyone else."

You think? I snort silently.

I don't think I've ever seen him having conversation with anyone other Slade or maybe Lucas sometimes. Even then he is always wearing his signature passive face. Most of the emotions I've seen on his face are in his drunk state, like right now.

But then I think how aggressively he reacted when I actually tried to have a polite conversation with him and how furious he looked when I said his name, Romero. Even though he now insist that I call him that.

"What about next day? Why were you in bad mood when I tried to talk?" I question looking at him.

Instantly his body goes stiff and he whips his head to me so fast that I wonder how it hasn't broken already, his grey eyes roam all over my face avoiding my eyes before turning back toward lake "I thought I scared you, for good and you would never want to do any fucking thing with me again. That mare thought terrified me so I came to say sorry that day, but then I saw you smiling with that art fucker and once again fucking jealousy blew me off my ass. For someone who had never felt any emotion other that anger and numbness, it was hard for me to accept them. And when I thought to stay away then you spoke to me with that voice of yours and my every resolve of staying away nearly broke down."

He stops and takes deep breath before continuing, "I couldn't afford getting close to you knowing who and how I am. I didn't want to break you, I wanted you to remain same beautiful flower away from my darkness. When you said my name I knew either I'd fucking break you or I'd end up broken. All those shit I said weren't true, not at all. I didn't even understand half of them, they were just result of my insane jealousy and anger. I never meant to hurt you. Evil inside me did." He says turning to me, gauging my reaction.

What do I say to this?

How could I not forgive him when he is looking so sincere and regretful? Heck I think I have forgiven him the first he said sorry. I'm not someone who holds grudges unless it is unforgivable.

I decide to speak up, "You know I've always thought that no one is born evil. Evil is formed in this world, it attracts us, only who are strong willed can fight this attraction and continue to live a moral life. Those who can't fight it, let evil absorb them. What I'm trying to say is if anyone who could ask for forgiveness still are far from evil. Evil destroys our ability to understand right and wrong. But you asked for my forgiveness and I forgave you. It shows there is no evil inside you. You may be jerk but you are certainly not evil." I smile at his confused face.

Realization flows on his face as it relaxed at the mention of forgiveness. It is so easy to get him speak or witness every emotions while he is drunk. I don't think he would speak this much if he was sober.

Then I ask another question that has been bothering me, "Why didn't you kiss me during game at party? Were you ashamed of me-"

He looks horrified as he speaks, "What? Fuck no! I thought you would not want me to kiss you considering how stricken you looked. You were already avoiding me like a fucking plague and I didn't want to add more point in it. I thought maybe pushing you away would disappear those unknown feelings instead it magnified. I realised it while you were ignoring me, that it'll never go away. Every second I wanted to hear your voice or even just see you. When you arrived at that party looking all beautiful and seeing every fucker in that room were eye fucking you and that had me murderous, I wanted to tear them apart."

After a short pause, he speaks again, "I instantly got jealous at everyone you smiled. I wanted to take you away from all of them. I wanted to talk so I followed you outside. My jealousy was getting best of me and you were egging it. Then you went further and said our kiss was mistake. When it everything but mistake, I got angry all over again and-"

This time I cut him off, "So you decided to sleep with her."

Her means Carina. His fuck buddy as Syd calls her.

I don't even want to remember that scene but it's like they are itched in my brain. I remember how hurt it felt seeing them both together, just after our kiss. Him on a couch looking comfortable and her on her knees between his legs. An involuntary memory of that man also appear, I push it way shuddering.

His face turns hard as he stares his hand, "No. I didn't fuck her. I've not fucked anyone since I saw you. I wanted to. I badly wanted fuck anyone or everyone so you'd leave my mind, but I couldn't. You wouldn't fucking leave me for a second to even think about fucking let alone fuck anyone." He growls as if it agitates him.

Shocked, I sputter, "But... but I saw you in that room and even at that restaurant you went with her."

He exhales through his flared nostrils, giving me a side glance, "She came to me and before I could push her away you barged in. You looked so sick at the sight that it still haunts me, I pushed her away and went to search you but couldn't find you. Even Sydney didn't know your whereabouts and turned out you left with that cafe fucker, I got drunk and found myself on your door. And about that restaurant day, my intension were to fuck her but I couldn't do it. Not after you looked so disgusted of me leaving with her."

I don't know whether to be flattered that he thinks about me or angry that he wanted to have sex to get me out of his mind.

I want to say that I think about him too, every minute, every second. It doesn't matter whether I want to or no. But I refrain myself, I've few more questions to ask.

"Why did you leave that morning, after party?"

"I told you that I thought you wouldn't want me there, so I left." He keeps his passive.

He is lying.

I knew he was lying when I asked before and I know he is lying right now. I don't know how but I know he is lying.

I shake my head at him, "You are lying," he lifts head up and accessing me.

He stares me for a long moment before giving in, "I was overwhelmed from all the feelings I was having after waking up beside you. It was surreal. It felt too good to be true, nothing good sticks with me and I didn't wait for it to leave me so I left it." He shrugs, averting his eyes from me but not before I witness vulnerability and despair in them.

My heart cracks a little a sight of it. I don't want him vulnerable or sad. I want to take away all his sorrow and make him smile. I like seeing him smile and I love his smile.

You love him period!

I change the topic and ask him one last question that was reason of my grief for whole last week, "Why didn't you come for our uh date?" I can't say if it was a date at first place.

His body turns rigid as his whole demeanor turns foreign and I can tell he is controlling his breathing. I keep watching him, wanting to meet his eyes but he keeps his hard face ahead, "I had an emergency meeting and I had to fly down for new York for it. I forgot about date." He speaks in a steely hard tone.

He is lying, again.

I know that and it's also clear that he doesn't want to speak about it. So I will let it go, for now. But I want its answer since that has him so stiff.

Abruptly he stands up, stumbling slightly, offering me his hand, "It's getting late, lets go."

I frown but take his hand as he leads me back.

What just happened?