Akira

I am scared and excited at the same time for my upcoming date. Excited because I can't wait for it and scared because of if.

And there are lots of ifs.

What if something goes wrong?

What if I make fool of myself?

What if he realises I'm not good enough?

What if he changed his mind?

I guess I just have to wait and see what today's night has planned for me and hope for the best.

I haven't told anyone about it. I just don't want to get my hopes high up only for them to fall down. Telling anyone means to go through series of questions that I don't have answer for. I don't know what truly is going on with me. My thoughts are flying like dust in storm, they have no definite direction.

I'm still trying to figure out everything happening to me and sharing anything will complicate it more. I'm yet ask some question to Romero that has been bugging me like why he was jerk to me all this time or why he humiliated me in front of his friends. Why didn't he like me at first or why did he insulted me.

I won't be fully able to move on until I don't have honest answer for my every question. I hate lies or being kept in dark with every fiber of my being. It is one thing I can't accept. I have seen its dreadful results. I don't ever want to see it again and I don't think I can bear it.

"Is the new edition of 'Not just Live' available?" A sound comes out of nowhere rifting the stream of my brainstorm.

Startled, I look up to find a young girl around fifteen is almost hovering me. It takes me a moment to realize she has said something, "Yes?" I smile politely.

She rolls her eyes in annoyance, "I asked, 'Is the new edition of 'Not just Live' available yet?"

I don't think I've read this book but somehow it sound familiar to me, like I have seen or heard about it somewhere.

"I don't think I know about it. Let me ask Mr. Jacob."

Informing her, I stand up and motion her to come with me. Once we reach his desk I find it empty. Seems like he is inside other room, maybe taking some rest.

Not bothering to call him, I open detail book and go through the name of books. After few minutes of searching I locate it and it shows second row third line.

Moving across the room I take it out before returning to desk. It is thick, maybe around thousand pages and oddly black coloured cover.

"Here." I say handing it to the girl. She takes is eagerly going through pages with satisfied smile.

I always wonder how a small thing like this can make people forget their earlier mood enough to make them smile. I admire people who find happiness in these little things and those too who selflessly make these little efforts just to see others them smile. I also wish to be reason of someone's happiness in anyway I can.

Abruptly she look up with knitted brows. "What?" She snaps.

I blush a little in embarrassment realizing I've been staring her expression, "Sorry." I mutter quietly, showing her sign book, "Sign it."

She quickly writes her name before scurrying out of library.

Just as I'm about to move back to my table my eyes catch something.

I stop still as I pick it up and glance at the picture of a impossibly beautiful woman on Mr. Jacob's desk. The smiling woman in the photo looks happy, ecstatic and gratified. Her eyes are shining like stars and and she is wearing an expression of mischievousness. She must be around mid twenties and the way she's looking at camera is enough to tell she's watching at her lover.

"She is beautiful, isn't she?"

I hear Mr. Jacob's voice behind me. Placing it back on its place, I swiftly turn around only to find him just about two feet. I was so engrossed in that photo that I haven't heard him coming. I look at him guiltily for invading his property and spot his tired eyes isn't on me but on photo beside me.

Peering back at picture, I answer, "Yes she is very pretty."

He doesn't look up and keeps his eyes on frame. I observe his eyes which is not only tired but also has a sparkling soft glimmer as they lingers on picture.

Curiously I ask, "If you don't mind, could you tell me who is she?" I want to know more about this woman whose just mere picture has this effect on my stoic employer.

His eyes shift to me, looking skeptical. After a moment he sighs, "She is the love of my life. My light and my everything. My Eveline." His last word has so much emotion that it's not hard to feel the love he has for her.

My employer in love.

Oh wow!

Then I frown, from what I know till now I've not seen woman around him or even heard about her.

I frown looking at him, confused, "Where is she now?" I inquire.

He clearly wasn't expecting this question for he flinches a little. His eyes turns gloomy and a ghostly shadow appears on his face as he speaks dejectedly, "Don't know. Maybe in some other country with her family."

What?

Why?

He draws a random file going through them. But I'm not done yet, my curiosity is at its peak.

Control it girl.

Shut up.

"You still love her, don't you? Then why are you not together?" I ask him lowly not wanting to anger him.

He rubs his face tiredly looking a brokenhearted man who has lost his everything, "Sometimes it's hard even for love to conquer everything. I was young, reckless and full of ego. They came between us and drifted us apart. I was too proud to try and fix us."

Pride is the damnation of many relations.

Damn pride.

He doesn't elaborate any further, clearly it's painful for him to talk about them. My heart breaks for him and for their love. I feel my eyes waters a little at his sad and broken expression. He still loves her, maybe too much.

I still have one question that I desperately want to ask and I do, "Do you regret it? I mean your past mistakes."

He turns to me, sharply, his eyes haunted as speaks tightly, "Every single day. Every second I wish I could go back and change everything and make every wrong right. I can never forgive myself for not realizing her worth and by god she's worth my everything."

After this he returns back to his memory and zones me out. I take a one last glance at the picture of young Evelyn and her radiant face before returning back to my place.

His words echo in my mind throughout and I feel the truthiness of his them. They holds a very strong meaning in just some simple terms.

I can't help but wander if Romero is worth my anything.

Is he really?

I don't know but I really do want find out.

.