《Hunter's Wrath (Completed)》Chapter 37
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P-Paanong wala? Paano? Bakit? Naguguluhan ako? Kasama lang namin siya kanina. Nagbilin pa siya. S-Sabi pa n'ya hahabol siya?
"H-Hindi ko maintindihan." Tulala ako habang yakap pa rin ako ni Hunter.
"P-Paanong wala? Umalis na ba siya rito? Iniwan na ba niya kami? M-Mahal ako ni Tremor... P-paano siya mawawala?" My voice shivered. Nagiging marahas na ang paghinga ko habang pinoproseso sa isip ang narinig. Bumitaw na sa akin si Hunter. Dian ran towards me and hugged my waist, crying.
"Why are you guys crying?! My husband told me he'd come back! Hahabol siya rito... Sabi niya... Sabi niya may aayusin lang siya!" D'yos ko. Panaginip lang ba ito? Please, gisingin niyo na ako. Hindi pwedeng mawala sa amin si Tremor. Ibalik niyo sa akin ang asawa ko.
"Mommy!" Dian cried. Unti-unti na rin ako naiyak at nanghina ng malakas pang umiyak si Kimmy.
"Pupunta dapat si Kuya sa America, nagkaroon kasi ng problema. Pero hindi suya umabot. The plane crashed at isa siya sa mga nasawi, habang ang ibang katawan ng ibang pasahero ay hindi pa rin mahanap." Nanigas ang katawan ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano tatanggapin ang narinig.
Bumalik sa alaala ko ang mukha ni Tremor. Ang mga ngiti at tawa niya. Ang paglalambing niya sa akin. Ang mga kalokohan niya."
Hindi pwede... Hindi niya kami pwedeng iwan." Unti-unti na akong napaiyak. No. Hindi pwede. Hindi pwedeng wala na siya!"
Hindi pwede... Hindi pwedeng wala na s-siya."
"Dimaria," Nalusaw ang boses ni Hunter sa pag-iyak ko at sa mga bagay na naiisip ko.
"Asaan siya? Let me see him please, bring me to my husband please!" I desperately asked Kimmy and Shane. But Hunter did what I was asking. Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at marahan akong hinila palabas. Sumunod lang sa amin sila Shane, kasama si Diana na umiiyak na rin.
Si Hunter ang nag-drive habang ako'y walang tigil sa pag-iyak. Hunter tried to hold my hand, but I refused."
Don't cry too much, makakasama 'yan sa anak niyo." Mas lalo lang akong napaiyak.
Bakit niya ako iniwan? Hindi pa nga niya nakikita ang anak namin e.
Bakit ang bilis?
Hindi man lang ako naging handa.
We arrived at the hospital. Hindi pa man namin nararating kung nasaan si Tremor ay unti-unti na akong kinakapos ng paghinga. Pakiramdam ko hindi ko kakayaning makita siya.
I don't want to see his cold and lifeless body. But it's better not to be able to see him for the last time.
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Hindi ko alam kung paano pa iiyak ng tuluyan ko siyang makita. He was covered in white cloth. lifeless. Sunog ang kalahati nitong katawan pati na rin ang mukha.
Ang minsang masayahin niyang mga labi at mga mata. Ngayon, kailanman hindi ko na makikita.
Unti-unti na akong napaiyak ng malakas.
Someone held my back trying to comfort me, but I didn't bother to know who it was. Niyakap ko ang walang buhay na katawan ng asawa ko at roon umiyak. Diana also hugged her dad, crying and calling him, I don't know how many times.
Tinatawag ko rin ang pangalan niya to wake up, kahit alam kong hindi na mangyayari.
He's really gone. Pero hindi ko matanggap.
God, I love him! Hindi ba sapat na mahal ko siya para kunin mo agad siya sa amin?
I nearly forgot this feeling. The feeling of losing someone who had a great impact on your life. 'Yong tipong alam mo na hindi na sila babalik sa tabi mo.
I experienced it first with my mom. I was still a child at that time... and dad to my child, and now my husband.
Hindi ko na alam kung paano pa ulit magsisimula ng wala siya. I am so tired of losing someone I love for good. Balik nanaman ba ako sa zero?
I don't know. I don't know what to fucking do with my life anymore. Kaya ko naman. Kakayanin ko, kasama ang mga anak ko... Pero iba pa rin kapag andyan ka hal.
Two days ago, Hindi pa ako pumupunta sa burol ni Tremor. I can't. I can't see him sleeping peacefully inside a coffin.
Nagkulong ako sa kwarto habang si Diana ay nasa puder nila Shane.
I cried for two days, pagtulog lang ang pahinga ko. Hanggang sa makita ko ang camera na pag-aari ni Tremor. I opened it at puno iyon ng pictures naming dalawa, hanggang sa kami nang tatlo nila Diana.
Hindi ko nanaman mapigilang hindi umiyak.
I let go of the cam and took his laptop instead. Ngayon ko mas na-reaiize na sa loob ng bahay na ito, marami siyang alaala na iniwan.
I was browsing on his laptop and saw a bunch of our pictures. Ang iba ay copies mula sa cam niya. Ngunit may isang file ang nakaagaw ng attention ko.
It was a video.
His video was recorded recently.
Nag-aalangan pa akong i-play iyon pero ginawa ko pa rin.
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Sa una ay black pa ang nakikita ko, it turns out na nakababa ang camera at nakatapat ang lens sa table so he fixed it. Unti-unting lumiwanag hanggang sa tuluyan ko siyang makita.
He smiled. Tumulo ang luha ko sa pangiti niya.
"Hi mahal!"
"Unang-una napakasaya ko kasi nalaman ko na magkakaanak na tayo."
"Matagal kong hinintay ang pagkakataon na 'to." He bowed his head and intertwined his own fingers.
"The first three years na nakilala kita, sa shoot when we're at Vegas. Na-in love na talaga ako agad sa 'yo. Pero alam ko na may-asawa ka so I distanced myself at nanatili na lang akong kaibigan mo kahit 'yon lang."
"Hindi na ako umaasa noon, na matupad ang pangarap kong mapangasawa ka at bumuo ng masayang pamilya kasama ka kasi alam ko naman na mahal na mahal mo siya."
"Tinanggap ko na, siguro hanggang friends na lang talaga, pero nakasilip ako ng pag-asa noong nakikita ko na sinasaktan ka niya. Nakakainis kasi mahal na mahal kita tapos sinasaktan ka lang ng iba? Ang swerte niya kasi siya ang mahal ng babaeng mahal ko. Kaya noong nagkaroon naman ako bg chance, noong binigyan mo ako? Sobrang saya ko no'n mahal. Kasi sa wakas! Kahit hindi pa ako ang mahal mo, malaya na akong mapaparamdam sa 'yo na mahal na mahal kita at hinding hindi kita sasaktan. Na hindi ako tulad niya."
"Mahal na mahal kita Dim. Higit pa sa buhay ko, pero kahit gaano kita kamahal, hindi ko pa rin nagawa ang pangako ko na hindi kita paiiyakin at sasaktan." His tears escaped his eyes.
Kumunot ang noo ko.
"Gusto ko nang sabihin 'to sa 'yo, at hindi ko alam kung magagawa mo ba akong patawarin. Pero nalaman ko na magkakaanak na tayo kaya, hindi ko pa masabi... Ito rin ang dahilan kaya nirecord ko sarili ko ngayon, dito na lang muna ako.mag c-confess. Hindi ko kasi makakayang itaya ang buhay ng anak natin. Baka sa sobrang galit mo, or iyak... Mawala anak natin or worse, mapahamak kayong dalawa. Hindi ko kakayanin 'yon, kaya siguro after mo na lang makapanganak, ipapakita ko sa 'yo 'to, at handa ako sa kung ano ang magiging desisyon mo pagkatapos." He paused.
Kumalabog ang dibdib ko habang patuloy na umaagos ang mga luha ko.
"I was jealous and insecure. Pero hindi lang naman 'yon ang dahilan. Sobra ka niyang nasaktan kaya dapat lang na kamuhian mo na siya para hindi ka na kailanman bumalik sa kaniya, pero mali ako na hindi ko naisip na mag-iisip kang gumanti. Nakonsensya rin ako ng malaman ko ang nangyari sa kaniya at naduwag ako na sabihins sa 'yo ang totoo, kaya ang ginawa ko na nalang, I encouraged you to adopt a kid."
Nanlaki ang mata ko at unti-unting nalito.
"Y-Your baby is alive. B-Buhay ang anak niyo ni Hunter." He covered his face and cried.
"I was so damn guilty, nilalamon na ako ng konsensya ko pero wala akong lakas ng loob at tapang para itama ang nagawa ko."
"Ipinaalaga ko siya sa dalawang mag-asawa na kakilala ko."
He returned to the camera, tears streaming down his cheeks.
"I'm sorry, Dimmy. I'm so sorry. Sorry kung inilayo ko si Diana sa 'yo. I'm really sorry." He kept on saying sorry, habang ang isip ko ay umiikot sa mga sinabi niya.
Si Dian? Si Dian? Anak ko? Anak namin ni Hunter? Si Diana? Kaya ba... Pareho sila ng mga mata? Oh God. Ano bang nangyayari?
Bakit nangyayari 'to?
I cried.
Damn you Tremor! Pero wala akong pakialam sa ginawa mo. Oo nagagalit ako! Pero mas nangingibabaw pa rin sa akin ang kagustuhan kong bumalik ka! Gusto ko pang magtalo tayo tungkol dito! Gusto ko pang bumawi ka sa nagawa mo!
Come back! Please!
I cried.
Kasabay noon ang pagbubukas ng pinto at pagpasok ni Hunter.
"Dimaria," Naupo siya sa tabi ko at niyakap ako. I lost. I hugged him back, crying so hard.
"Wala na talaga siya Hunter. Wala na talaga. Iniwan na niya ako." Paulit-ulit ko iyong sinasabi ng pasigaw habang umiiyak at yakap-yakap siya. He was caressing my back. letting me cry against his chest.
"Mahal ko siya... Mahal ko ang asawa ko... Bakit kailangan niyang mawala sa akin? I couldn't have done this without him. Paano na ang pamilya namin? Paano ako? Kami? I want him back please... I want him back to me..." hindi ko alam kung bakit sa dami ng taong pwede kong paglabasan ng sakit ay siya pa? Bakit si Hunter pa.
Sa gitna ng pag-iyak ko, hindi nakaligtas sa akin ang pakiramdam ng tila mainit na bagay na bumabasa sa balikat ko. Umiiyak si Hunter.
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