I'm looking outside of the window, looking for a child to pass by, yes, I am looking for Calix to pass by my window. The path outside of my window was the only way to the room where he practice his swordsmanship.

But I guess he will not pass this path today...

Just the thought of it pains me. The moment I came back, I never caught a glimpse of Calix. He was hard to find, it was as if he was avoiding me. I can't bring myself to complain because I understand why he was like that. It was because of me.

I sighed...

"Wife?"

I turn around to see Regan peeking from the door. "What's with that sigh?" he asked.

"I want to see Calix..."

His face was blank, and he was just staring at me. I can feel how tense the room is, I know that he can't decide that because we have to consider the child's feelings. I can't just show up in front of him and say that I'm back.

"That child is taking his lesson inside of his room, even swordsmanship lesson. He also asked me that he wants to take his meals in his room as well."

I can only look down, what could I do to get closer to him? Jennie said that no one was allowed inside of his room aside from his maids, tutors, and Regan. His room was always locked as well. So one should call out for him open the door.

"What can I do for him to forgive me?"

"He'll probably open up soon. He is our son and you're his mother that he cried for months to come back. I am sure he will forgive you."

Hopefully, I wish he would...

But I can't just sit still like this and do nothing to get his trust back...

"M-Madam! You shouldn't do this! I beg you!" A kitchen maid named Gema cried while she was on her knees.

"The Duke will be furious if he finds out about this!"

"Come on, I just want to switch places with you."

I heard that different maids were tasked to serve my son Calix every week. And today was the day for Gema to serve him.

"But Madam! How can you serve the young master with that!"

I looked at myself. I am wearing Gema's maid outfit.

"Why? There is nothing wrong with this attire?"

"That is not what I meant! I mean, at first look, everyone would know that you're Madam in a maid outfit! Of course, everyone would notify the Duke about what you have been doing!"

"You, how can you say so?"

She didn't need to reply, she only looked at my big belly.

Oh...

I guess I am the only pregnant woman in the whole mansion, isn't it?

"I don't care, I will do what I want."

"Madaaam!"

Gema can only cry when I left her in the kitchen, carrying a heavy bunch of what seemed to be a stripped wood, I tried my best to walk to Calix's room.

But then I got tired.

Shit, I should avoid carrying heavy objects! I totally forgot about that.

Still, I need to do this...

"Hup!" I struggled to lift the wood, and I started to walk again.

This is a cut piece body of a tree. It looks like someone is going to sculpt it.

I was already out of breath when I arrived at Calix's room. I knocked on the door and I heard a small voice from inside that said come in.

Slowly, I opened the door and look inside to find where he was. He is lying on his bed, his arms and legs widely spread on the mattress.

I didn't dare to make a sound and sneakily set aside the heavy object that I carried.

"Gema, how is my mother?" I was startled when he suddenly spoke. Unable to speak because if I did, he would find out. But then he started to talk again.

"I heard that she was allergic to kinds of seafood isn't that right? As a maid working in the kitchen, pay more attention to the food that you'll send to my mother's quarters, understand?"

"Hmm" I hummed as a reply.

My heart was thumping so hard against my chest. My son... He cares about me.

"I want my sibling to grow up well. Before I leave the Duchy. I hope I can play with him but that is not going to happen right? I lost my favor, my mother probably hates me that's the reason why she left the mansion in the first place. Now that father and mother will have their child, I am no longer neede--"

"Y-You don't have to think like that..."

I was trembling at the place where I was standing when I spoke. Such a young child, how could he think of such things?

"I don't hate you, Calix. I was stupid to think that your father hated me and will hate the child in my womb. So the only option that I had was to leave, I never resented you, my son, you are my miracle, you are the first son that I had. You are my precious son, you will never lose my favor, I love you so much, please forgive this mother who broke her promise..."

Finally, my knees gave up and I can't stand anymore, I prepared my hand for the impact and I protected my belly.

"Mother!"

In my peripheral vision, Calix went down from his bed and rushed toward me.

"Mother! Are you okay? Why are you here? And how is my baby sibling? Do feel any pain?"

"I'm sorry, can you forgive me?" I asked. He frowned and looked away.

"There is nothing to forgive..."

"I know that you're angry... You can say it to mother, your inner feelings... I won't get mad."

His pupils trembled, and then tears started to form from the corners of his eyes.

"I-It's just that I am scared... When mother left, I thought that I was the reason, maybe I didn't do good in my lessons or maybe I have become clingy that you find me unsightly. If mother hates me, then I have no choice but to go back to the orphanage... I will get bullied again because no family can take me..."

He looked at me and then at my belly.

"But that was not the case it seems. Mother is already heavy with a child, it means that I am no longer needed in this mansion..."

It was too much so I hugged him...

"You will always be needed here... Calix, and I will not take you back to the orphanage nor I find you unsightly." I moved away to wipe away the tears on his cheeks.

"You're my son no matter what. My precious Calix..."

He started crying again and then he hugged me. We were like that for a while when Calix suddenly stopped.

"M-Mother..."

"Hmm?"

He pointed behind me "Blood..."

May 3, 2022