My teeth bit into my bottom lip as I nervously stared at the screen in my hands. I hadn't had social media in years and now I can't help but feel a sick twist in my stomach at the thought of seeing my old photos.

I already knew my whole insta was filled with me and my ex. He had insisted he be in every photo with me and of course I thought he was just trying to keep it for the memories instead of just trying to claim me from all of my guy friends. I could still remember the day he got angry and made me block one of my best friends because he commented that I looked beautiful. My lip curls in disgust at the memory and how I stupidly blocked my own friend without a second thought because I hated the idea of disappointing my ex.

"Focus.. What was your password?" My mind was a jumbled up ball fo anxiety and trash memories as I sorted through each and every thought until it finally popped in my head, "JxJforever2k19" The password accepted and my old feed popped back up on my screen.

At first I was impressed by how much the app had changed until my eyes landed on my DM's, "250 unread messages?!" I gasp softly and clap a hand over my mouth. I hesitantly click the icon and see floods of worried messages and even a few happy birthdays from family members. My stomach twisted and turned as I clicked on the first one, "Chloe!" The familiar name made a giddy feeling rise in my chest,

"Hey girl! I know you don't use this app anymore but just in case you see this, Happy birthday!! You are the baddest Bitch!!! Hmu and we can get some food or sumn! Love you"

-October, 27 @ 3:45 pm

I laugh at the message and swipe out, "It's really been such a looooong time!" My mind was flabbergasted as I looked below her name, "Active 30 mins ago" I gasp softly and feel my hands freeze, "Shes still on here??"

"Well duh. the one who left." I mentally slap myself and move out of my Dms to my profile. I wanted to cringe at all the pictures of me and my ex. There had to be atleast 50 of them and half of them were of him subtly groping me. I swipe through each picture, "And nobody knew he was hurting me." Each picture progressed as I started to cover up more and more. Long sleeves and turtlenecks became a necessity from his bruises and the filters I used were so harsh that I barely looked human because my makeup would barely cover up the bruises he left.

My thumb tapped the three buttons in the corner of the post before deleting it. It felt like a weight fell off my shoulders with every post and picture that I deleted. I deleted them all except the ones I had before we met. The pang in my chest worsened as I stared at my friends and I at the beach. I can't even remember the last time I showed so much skin or had that confidence. The thought of putting a bikini on made my stomach turn and I quickly swiped out the picture.

I go back to messages with Chloe and slowly read up, looking at the paragraphs she sent me about her day or even the worried ones where she hoped I would respond but only to get nothing. My thumb pressed the key board as I began to type, "Hey!" I frown and slap my forehead, "You were gone for years and all you can say is "hey"?" I mock myself and delete the message before trying again, "Hey Chloe! It's been a minute!.. I know it's not my bday but maybe we can still meet up???" My thumb froze over the send button for a second before I swallowed the sick feeling in my mouth and pressed the screen.

A little whoosh sound came from my phone as my message sent. I scream and quickly slide out her dms, "Oh my gosh.. Jocelyn you crazy bitch!" I yell at myself and throw my phone on the bed before cupping my face. I rolled back and forth on the sheets as I screamed like a monkey, each moment getting more nerve racking and embarrassing than the last.

The sound of the door opening made me freeze and quickly get back in my position with my phone in my hand. Dion's head popped in the doorway, "Babe!" His head set was lopsided on his head as he covered his mic, "You good?!" I nod my head quickly as if I wasn't just having a mental breakdown, "Y-Yeah I'm good! Just sorting stuff out!" I give him a smile and watch him look me up and down slowly before humming softly, "Yeah aight.. lemme know if you need help... Imma be on the game.." He spoke slowly as I nod my head innocently. He looks me up and down one last time before disappearing from the doorway but this time leaving the door open.

I let out a soft sigh as I let my body deflate back onto the sheets. A soft ping came from my phone and my eyes quickly snap to it but yet my hands didn't move.

"What if she hates me now or doesn't even wanna talk anymore?!" I was mentally defeated as I looked away from my phone. And then just like magic, common sense slapped my forehead, "Jocelyn, you are ridiculous! She texted you after all this time! Of course she wants to talk! Dummy!" I should have put on a red nose and big shoes just for thinking that Chloe no longer loved me.

I unlock my phone to our convo, "OMG!! It's been so long! And ofc we can meet up still! 🥺 Where do you live now?" My eyes widened at her reaction, "I'm in NY rn!! If you're close, I know a place!" I quickly respond and watch as chat bubbles on her side pop right back up, "Me too! I transferred to the hospital here! Send the details and the date sis!! ASAP!!" My heart felt like it was going to burst from all her love. It felt like no time has passed from the way she talked to me.

"Saturday @ 12 good with you?.. And ur the first person I texted back on here lol." My smile could have ripped my face in half as I she mentioned a group chat with all my old friends and even said she would add me to it. I sigh softly as I let my shoulders rest, "Things are slowly falling back in place and it feels.. amazing.. I can barely describe the warmth I feel and the excitement I have for the future now.. before I didn't even want a future." I slap my forehead and shake my head, "Insane.." Three pings lit my phone up as I looked back down at the screen.

From Groupchat: The Circus🎪

My eyes narrow as the unfamiliar name pops up but I open it up nonetheless.

: AYO JOCELYN IS BACK!! I ADDED HER TOO YALL!!

: Jocelyn?? As in thee phat booty Lyn?!"

: Bout time baby girl!! We was waiting on you!!"

: She better respond Bc imma need to know EVERYTHING 👀"

You so nosy!! Shawty ain't even say hi yet🙄

My stomach felt tight as I laughed wildly at their messages. They were exactly the same as before, still loving and goofy towards me and each other. I quickly typed as they waited for my response,

: My butt not even dat phat 🙄 she medium at best"

: You knooow you lyin but we gone let it slide on today.. 👀"

: Girl where was you?! You really went off da grid for a hot minute!!"

: Explain yo self or get jumped boo! 🐵🤛🏾"

: NAWT the monkey emoji!! And Issa long story.."

I hesitated as I stared at the screen. I didn't even want to bring up everything that happened or even talk about what I went through. In all truth, I wanted to act like it didn't happen but I knew they would be even more worried if I didn't speak up about it.

: Aht Aht! She finna tell us at lunch! This Saturday @ 12 so y'all better be free or MAKE some time for her😌✨"

: PERIODT!! Send the Addy and we all pullin up boo!"

: Facts we all got tea so we pullin up at 12 and leavin at 12 🤣"

: Shiiid y'all thinking about a sleepover Bc??👀👀"

A smile grew at my lips as I watched them make plans for a sleepover and maybe even a weekend. Each promising to bring drinks, snacks, and movies before arguing over if we all need matching pajamas or not. I shake my head but laugh nonetheless, "It feels good to be back."

_________

HEY YALL!!! I was lowkey writing this chapter bc it's been a minute :( I feel like I could do better but I mentally CANNOT like I rewrote this bitch like 6 times 😭 I think it came out good thooooo!

how we feelin about this chapter and our baby getting her old friends back?