I got news from Earl's wife, Maggie, that Earl was diagnosed with prostate cancer about a year ago, and it has since progressed to stage 4. Apparently, it has gotten so bad that he had to be hospitalized. They thought he would recover because it looked like it was getting better. But, Maggie said things turned bad really fast, and now the chemo treatments aren't working. Maggie made it seem like Earl only has a few more months at best. And, if that's true, I'll be devastated. When I talked to Maggie on the phone, she sounded like she was barely keeping it together. I felt so bad listening to her try to explain everything to me.

Her and Earl were high school sweethearts. They've been in love practically their whole lives, and it breaks my heart to know that they're now suffering. And I can't do anything about it except be there for both of them. I've been talking to Maggie for the past few days and I really want to go visit Earl in the hospital, but I just got back from Briana's party last weekend. Luckily, the hospital that Earl was sent to is only two hours away. But, until I can make time to go, I'll just stick to calling everyday, multiple times a day.

I looked down at Royce as her snoring got the tiniest bit louder. We were supposed to be watching a movie, or more like it was watching us. She fell asleep on me two movies ago, but I couldn't blame her because it was way past her bed time.

There was a knock at the door, so I got up to go check it. I looked through the peephole and it was Remi. I opened the door confused.

"Why are you knocking on the door when I gave you a key?"

"I can't find my key," she stumbled past me. I closed the door and locked it. She walked further into the house, swaying every so often.

"Are you drunk?" I asked her. She turned to me and nodded.

"Who were you with?"

"Some people I met from my job," she said. Damn, that was fast. Remi just started working at the restaurant this week. It must be nice to be able to make friends so easily. But Remi has the type of personality where people are just drawn to her carefree attitude anyway. I was never like that.

"Wasn't this your first week?"

"Yep, and I was invited to a party."

"And that's where you were?"

"Yep," she took a breath and swayed into the living room. I watched her closely. I wasn't sure how much she had to drink, but definitely enough for her not to be able to drive.

"Who dropped you off?" I asked.

"This girl I went to the party with." Remi plopped down on the couch next to Royce, but I don't think she actually saw Royce because she came way too close to landing on her head.

"Damn, Remi."

"Oops, my fault. I didn't see her."

"It's cool. I'm about to take her upstairs anyway." I took the blanket off Royce and lifted her up. I started towards the hall when I turned to face Remi.

"Did you really lose your key? I'll have another one made if you did, but you need to be more careful."

"I think I just misplaced it here. I put the key with my actual car keys, but I didn't drive to the party so they must be here. I'll look for them in the morning," she said.

"Ok. Well, when you go upstairs make sure you turn off both the lights and the TV for me."

"Yes ma'am."

"I told you not to call me that."

"I only call you that when you start acting like mama bear." I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever Remington." That wiped the smile right off her face. I chuckled, walking down the hall and up the stairs. For the rest of the night and well into the morning, I was restless. I kept thinking about Earl and Maggie, and how I was going to make time to go see them. But, I know I need to go visit Earl. I just need to get my shit together. Earl has done way too much for me, and the least I could do is make a few trips to the hospital. But when?????

Once I finally got tired of my own thoughts, I drifted off. It felt like I barely closed my eyes before Royce was waking me up. It took everything in me not to have an attitude. Her little ass was snoring the entire night, and I ain't get no sleep.

"Mommy, get up please. You said we could go get breakfast." I kept my eyes closed and rolled over on my stomach.

"I can make something instead. I don't really feel like going anywhere Imani," I said turning my head towards her.

"But you said—"

"I know, but I'll make your favorite." Imani frowned but didn't say anything. She only slid off the bed and left the room. This girl. I ended up falling asleep. Hours went by before I even woke up. When I say hours, I mean hours. By the time I got up, brushed my teeth, and went downstairs, the house was deserted. I called Remi.

"Where y'all run off to?"

"We went to IHOP earlier, but now we're just running errands."

"How long y'all gonna be out?"

"We're heading back now," she said.

"Actually, can you meet me at Cold Stone. I just know Royce is mad at me, but she can never resist ice cream."

"So that's why she's been pouting all day."

"Yea, probably."

"Ok. we on the way." When Remi and I got off the phone, I rushed to throw on some clothes. I met them at the ice cream place. We got our stuff and sat at a table outside.

"Are you still mad at me?" I asked Royce.

"No mommy," she said while stuffing her mouth with a spoonful of ice cream. She then started bouncing up and down in her seat.

"Do you want some?" She tried offering me a bite of her ice cream.

"No, it's okay," I wiped her chin with a napkin.

"Did you eat today?" Remi spoke up.

"No, not really. Why?" She opened her mouth to say something, but just shook her head.

"Nothing. Umm, have you talked to dad?"

"Like two days ago. Have you?" I asked.

"He called me earlier today..." she paused for a second. "We had a decent talk. He asked me how everything was going. He said whenever I'm ready, I can come back. But, I don't know why he wants me back when he's the one that kicked me out."

"He didn't kick you out. He just let you come stay with me so that both of y'all could calm down. He also said I should teach you some manners."

"I have manners."

"You can be a bit disrespectful when you want, especially to Ray."

"That's because he pisses me off."

"But you can't say that you don't also do things to provoke him, because you do." She just shrugged. I looked down as my phone started ringing.

"Or am I wrong?" I asked her. She shrugged again.

"Well, whenever you want to talk about it, I'm here." Not really paying attention to the number, I answered the call.

"Hello," I said.

"Asha?"

"Who is this?"

"You don't know your own mother's voice?" I immediately hung up and blocked the number.

"Mommy, I need another napkin!" My eyes snapped down to Royce. She had fudge all over her face. As I said before, she's normally a very clean eater. But all that cleanliness goes out the window when it comes to ice cream.

"Yea, okay. I'll be back." I looked at my phone and shrugged off any unwanted thoughts. I then hurried and got some napkins. When I got back to the table my phone was going off again. I ignored the hell out of it. We left the ice cream place soon after and went straight home. Later that night, Royce had to go to bed early since it was a school night. Once she was ready for bed, I tucked her in and said goodnight.

I took a shower myself. I turned the water all the way up, in hopes that it would soothe both my mind and my body. I just stood under the scorching water until my skin was damn near raw, but it still wasn't hot enough.

"Asha?" I jumped at hearing my name. I turned off the water real quick.

"Are you okay? You've been in there for forty-five minutes."

"I just lost track of the time. Can you hand me my towel?" She passed it to me, and I wrapped the towel around myself before stepping out.

"I'm fine Remi. Thanks for checking on me." I said nothing else after that. Remi looked like she wanted to say something, but she kept quiet. It was starting to get awkward, especially since I was waiting on her to leave so that I could get ready for bed.

"Goodnight," she said before leaving.

My phone would not stop blowing up from unknown calls. I eventually had to turn it off. And just like these past few nights, I got not an ounce of sleep. Now I'm basically running on nothing but air.

.....

💜