《Cognitive Deviance》17. Grievance
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It took an hour for the coroners to remove the corpses of James DeShawn and Finn from their cells in the psych ward and another hour to clean up the mess.
The day after Finn's arrest, Royce and Commissioner Mason were the first to find the bodies, both sprawled down on the floors with their limbs severed from their torsos. Their blood was splashed all over the walls, windows, and even the lights, darkening their cells a deep crimson as if a red lens had covered them. Finn's mask was pinned to the wall underneath the words NO PRISONERS while the words NO WITNESSES hovered above DeShawn's dismembered body.
Of all people, Royce was the first to scream. He bolted to the bathroom and spent twenty whole minutes washing himself off before disappearing for the next few days. The younger employees like Holden and Nikki were ordered to stay as far away as possible from the psych ward until the mess was cleaned up. That still didn't stop Nikki from having a panic attack and requiring comfort from both Carl and Margo along with more medication.
And the days only got better.
In the four days following the discovery of the bodies, Andrade ordered the Psychwatch officers to identify the rest of the victims from the incident in the public restroom near the zoo. One victim, a seventeen-year-old boy who died by twelve stab wounds, was identified as Theo Proctor. His family was the only one who continued to maintain contact with Psychwatch following the incident, as every other family member was too ignorant or angry to ask for help. Theo Proctor's mother had made an appointment with Margo to help cope with the grief over her lost son.
The session went downhill from the start.
Sandra Proctor sat at Margo's desk weeping uncontrollably. Her words were knives with which she tore herself apart, endlessly muttering self-deprecative phrases to emphasize her failure as a parent. In the middle of the session, she pulled out an e-cigarette and proceeded to deluge her sorrows in vapor.
"Ma'am," Margo said, "I apologize, but vaping is prohibited during sessions."
A puff of aerosol left Sandra's mouth and she stared at Margo with a look that could kill, a single tear drifting down her cheek. "My son is dead, Miss Sandoval," she croaked. "I have nothing left to lose. One way or another, this soothes the pain."
"There are admittedly better ways of dealing with the pain, Sandra. Pain should not be dealt with self-destructive behavior."
"Oh, come on. E-cigarettes aren't that bad compared to real cigarettes, and those went out of business years ago."
"True, but some—including the brand you're smoking right now—still contain harmful substances such as nicotine, which is known for being addictive. And like I said, it's incredibly unhealthy to replace an old problem with a new one."
Sandra dropped the e-cigarette down by her side. "Will you just leave me alone?" she croaked. "Like how you left my son?"
"We did not intend to leave your son alone, Sandra. He was in an offline neighborhood, and the only way we even found him was because someone informed us of the incident. I wish we could just go back in time and prevent this from ever happening."
Sandra started sobbing harder. "How the hell do you think I feel? In just four days, I've grown so distant from my husband and my family, it's like we've never even met before! They told me I'm the worst mother a child could ever have!"
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"Wow, what a mess," Ellie retorted through Margo's ThoughtControl piece, and Margo quickly hung up on her sister once again.
"Sandra," Margo spoke sorrowfully.
"And you know what? They're right! I always let Theo have his way. I never told him if anything he did was wrong, as long as it made him happy. I never stopped him from hanging around that Donny Redford kid. I knew he was trouble from the start, yet I let him corrupt my child."
"So it's his fault then," Ellie said, and Margo had to hang up once more.
"If I couldn't protect my son..." Sandra muttered, both her heart as well as Margo's sinking into a dark abyss, "why couldn't you?"
"Sandra," Margo replied, pausing to make sure the words that would leave her tongue would be the correct ones. "You're a good mother as well as a good person. It's just that no matter what we do, people always have the ability to think and do things for themselves. As much as it hurts to say, Theo just didn't make the right decisions."
Sandra looked back up at Margo with a cold expression. "Excuse me?"
"I don't think that was the right thing to say," Ellie commented.
"Shut up," Margo hissed, hanging up for the third time.
"First, you insult my son by calling him irresponsible," Sandra continued angrily, "and now you're telling me to shut up?"
Margo nearly panicked. "I'm terribly sorry, Sandra," she replied quickly. "My sister keeps calling me and refuses to leave me alone. But she's not important right now. What's important is that—"
Sandra slammed the e-cigarette against the desk, breaking it in half. Juice splashed onto the floor and table, the scent of strawberries filling the room. "Maybe if you people did your job, my son would still be alive! He's dead because you still leave us unsupervised!"
"I'm sorry, Sandra," Margo replied, her hope burning out like an ember, "but Psychwatch doesn't have long-lasting control over offline neighborhoods. There are many citizens who believe we're taking away their freedom by doing so."
"Fuck those people! Just a bunch of idiotic hedonists and junkies too scared to face the authorities. I'm a mother who just wanted the best for her son! I just wanted for him to live a long life knowing he was safe!"
"I wanted the best for your son, too. I want the best for all people! But no matter what decisions we make, we can never satisfy everyone.''
Sandra buried her face into her hands, tears streaming down her cheeks like waterfalls. "I believed in you," she said miserably.
Margo jumped from her chair and ran over to Sandra to comfort her. She wrapped her arms around her and fought the urge to cry herself. "I'm sorry, Sandra," she said in a hushed tone. "I wish we could've been there to stop them."
"Why did he have to leave?"
"He was a good child." Margo had to hold Sandra tighter as she continued to sob. "He loved you very much."
"Theo...please come back..."
"I don't understand..." a single tear nearly parted from Margo's eye, but she quickly wiped it away. "I don't understand how people could be so cruel. How they could just...do such horrible things without thinking about what it does to everyone else."
The heartbroken mother didn't say a word.
"We will bring your son justice," Margo whispered, still hugging her patient. "Along with his friends. And anyone else hurt by these monsters. You are not alone, Sandra. We will always be here for you."
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Sandra's cries slowly faded out. She wiped the remaining tears from her eyes and lifted her head up. She corrected her posture as she sat back into her seat, offering Margo a view of her puffy red eyes.
And even after all that, she still didn't seem to be in the mood to make new allies. "You weren't there for my son," she whispered harshly.
Margo heard another beep. Her ThoughtControl went off once more. "She wasn't there for her son," Ellie chastised. "Can't she realize that?"
Her frustration growing, Margo let go of her patient, carefully thinking of new responses for whatever cold remarks Sandra would come up with next. "Sandra," she spoke cautiously, "you need to remember. Not everyone is happy with the idea of Psychwatch taking control of everything. They're incredibly selfish for not thinking about—"
"No, Psychwatch is incredibly selfish!" Sandra shouted, leaping from her chair. "You're all just like everyone else. You care only about how others think of you, and you only do good things for other people to make yourselves look like heroes. You're just like the damn parasites!"
"Fucking hate this bitch," Ellie muttered into Margo's piece.
"Sandra, just listen for—"
"No, just shut up! There's no point anymore, Miss Sandoval! I'm already aware of your false sympathy. Tell me whatever the hell you want. I'll already know you're telling me it because you think it's what I need to hear." Sandra glanced over at the door out of the office. "And unless you can bring my son back, I don't need you anymore. Consider this session done."
Margo choked, her mouth gaping open in defeat. She could only watch as Sandra made her way to the exit, a tissue crumpled up in her hands. A quick evaluation from the SanityScans indicated she was a Threat Level 2 due to her aggression but was otherwise harmless to other individuals. However, she was already suffering from severe depression and dangerously low self-esteem levels due to grief. To Margo, seeing those results was like learning the exact cause of a person's death.
"Quick!" Ellie chimed in. "Tell her about Dad!"
"Haven't you done enough for today?" Margo fumed. "Stop eavesdropping while I'm at work!"
"I'm telling you, sis. She doesn't think you understand what loss feels like. This is probably the best way you can change her mind about you!"
"But we don't even know if Dad is dead. He just disappeared after—"
"Doesn't matter where the fuck he is! He's still gone, Margo. Tell that lady what an impact it had on our lives."
What impact? Margo thought to herself. Luckily, Ellie wouldn't be able to hear that.
Yet despite her doubts, Margo couldn't come up with a reason to disagree. She jogged over to the door, hoping Sandra was still close enough to be stopped and considerate enough to be convinced they were on her side. She wasn't excited at the idea of unburying what few fuzzy memories she had of her father, but if it meant she could help lead someone down a better path, she would never turn down this opportunity.
She peeked her head out of the room. Sandra was halfway down the hallway, her head hanging low as she passed by the SanityScans.
"Sandra, wait!" Margo shouted. Much to her relief, she managed to get Sandra to look back, even if she still displayed a doleful demeanor. "I...I have something to say. Could you please come back for a moment?"
Sandra spent a couple of seconds standing in the middle of the hall, contemplating whether or not she should believe whatever else Margo had to say. She ultimately decided to take the risk and made her way back to the young doctor-cop.
"I understand fully what you're going through," Margo explained as softly as she could to make sure Sandra felt as safe as possible in her presence. "When I was fifteen, I lost my father in a car crash. We never found his body among the remains of the accident—still don't know if he's alive or not—and my mom was stricken with post-traumatic stress disorder for years. Even the thought of getting in a car would make her break down in tears."
"You seem very broken up about that," Sandra said coldly.
"Please hear me out." Margo cleared her throat. "Throughout high school, kids would make fun of me for not having a dad and for my problems with short-term memory as a result of the accident. I spent so many nights having to hear my mom cry herself to sleep and sometimes I'd find rest in the same agonizing way she did. So I can assure you, Sandra, I understand what it feels like to lose someone important."
Sandra's original look of disdain melted away into one of growing sympathy, yet she still couldn't bring herself to look at Margo right in the eye.
"But my mother and I are better than ever now," Margo continued, slowly approaching Sandra. "I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. It was quite a challenge recovering. Probably the hardest years of our lives. But all it took was the acceptance of our situation, therapy, and lots and lots of time." She placed her hand on Sandra's shoulder. "And as hard as it was, we knew it was possible to overcome our demons because we weren't fighting them alone. You just need to remember that you will never be alone. There will always be someone who cares about you as much as you care about them."
Sandra sniffled. "I love my son. I always will, even after everything."
"Then ask yourself what your son would want for you. Would your son like seeing his strong, loving mother like this? Wouldn't he like it if his mom could still be happy, no matter what obstacles life sends her way?"
Sandra silently nodded her head.
Margo took her hand. "Your son is at peace, Miss Proctor. And he'll be even more so once we finally catch the monsters who did this to him. But in the meantime, you should find a way to attain peace for yourself. And that starts by asking yourself if you want to find peace again someday. If you want to let these horrible memories bond you like chains."
Sandra nodded once again, still refusing to look Margo in the eye. She let go of her hand and turned back toward the exit, taking several steps before pausing to say one more thing to the woman who had given her a smidgen of hope. "Please bring my son justice."
"We will, Miss Proctor," Margo replied, more sure of it than anything else. "Even if it means getting in harm's way, we will."
And Sandra left, leaving Margo unsure of when she'd return.
"I'd say you did a great job," Ellie added.
"Ellie," Margo replied, her heart sunken. "I really didn't."
"What are you talking about? You made her think we're gonna win in the end. Isn't that the point?"
"Yeah, and I lied to her. As much as I wonder where Dad went, I can't really say I miss him." She turned back toward her office. "Why would I miss someone I hardly remember?"
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