《Never with Me (Book 1)》[8]: Numb
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A/N: I realize I am updating this story quite quickly, but I have words stirring around in my brain. I am a bit OCD in nature, and once I know what I want to say, I will hunker down and do it, until the words cease to exist in my brain. This chapter will be a mix of Leilani, Alex, and Damien's POV
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[Leilani's POV]
I don't remember standing up and walking to the backdoor to go up to my room. I have no idea how I got from the table to here. I just know that I am here, taking one look back. One final look at the future I had been condemned to. The residual hope that had lived deep within my soul, finally dying its slow death. Leaving nothing but this numbness in the aftermath of its death. I looked back at the only part of my soul that was left living and breathing, Damien. I had known there was no hope for an us, but my wolf and my heart had hung on for awhile on the slim chance that he would change his mind. Only now, with his engagement to Rachel, had I finally set that hope free. I watched as members of the pack, my brother, and Abby surround the happy couple offering up their congratulations. Watched as they were hugged, and Damien's back being slapped. It was just too much for me. I needed to get out and away.
I turned around and slowly made my way through the kitchen. Hearing the sounds of plates being washed and stacked. People talking amongst themselves. The sounds of an alive kitchen, but feeling as if I were hearing it from a long tunnel. I climbed the staircase, and walked to the door of my bedroom. Resting my hand on the doorknob, I leaned forward and placed my forehead on the coolness of my door. Letting tears leak from my eyes, before opening the door to go in.
As I opened the door, I toed off my red heels, and turned around to close the door. I stood there rooted to the spot, not knowing what to do. I knew with this new revelation, that my time had just become drastically shortened. The numbness was seeping into my bones. My dark thoughts were intensifying second by second. The voices growing louder in my head. Soon, I would not be able to ignore them. Soon, they would take over my mind. Soon, I would cease to be me. How long did I have now? Months, weeks, even only days?
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The voices were being to scream in my head right now. Yelling at me, and ricocheting in the confides of my brain.
"THEY MUST DIE!"
"YOU MUST HURT THEM!"
"MAKE THEM FEEL YOUR PAIN!"
"YOU ARE NOT ALONE, WE ARE HERE TO GUIDE YOU..."
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" I screamed at myself, as I began hitting my own head with my hands, hoping to force the voices back. Hoping to quiet their yelling in my head. Hoping for silence.
I watched as my door was violently wrenched open, and Damien came stomping in. His face contorted in fury. He walked up, his face a mere inch from mine. His hot breath fanning across my face. As he seethed in anger and snarled at me.
"I told you I chose my own fate. What you pathetically thought I would chose you over her one day? How delusional you are. You will NEVER compare to her. I would rather die than to ever be mated to something like you. You will never be worth anything! Do you hear me? Get it through your thick head that I don't want you. Your brother doesn't want you. Even your parents would have rather killed themselves, than to want you."
I howled in absolute pain, closing my eyes tightly, I sunk down on the carpet, and wrapped my arms around my legs and began rocking myself back and forth. Trying to comfort myself. When I saw Damien's shoes begin to fade like an apparition. Looking up, I realized it was all a hallucination, but had been more vivid than anything I had experienced before. It had been so real.
I got on my hands and knees and crawled to the nearest corner of my room. Wrapped my arms around my legs, and buried my head into my knees. Letting the numbness engulf me. Before I could calm myself down, I felt the black dots invading my sight again, and before I could do anything, I passed out into oblivion.
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[Alex's POV]
Abby and I were smiling and clapping for Damien and Rachel, when I turned to my sister to smile at her. But when I looked at her, my hand froze mid-clap, and I watched as a single tear fall down her face. Her face completely unsmiling, even if she were clapping. It was as if she were in some sort of shock, and I didn't understand what from.
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The last year or so, I had been progressively getting more and more worried about her. She had become more and more introverted, and began spending less and less time with me or anyone from the pack. She was secluding herself, and I didn't quite understand why. I knew she must be lonely, having not found her mate yet, while watching almost all her friends and mine become mated. I just never realized just how sad she really was. That tear was evidence enough of her grief and I wish there was something I could to to help her.
I never wanted to see Leilani sad, and more often than not, she was. Although I saw her smile, and joke around, I knew her well enough to know that they weren't from the heart. It was as if she were acting at all times of happiness. But I know that couldn't be true, but I suspected I was right. It wasn't until tonight, when she came downstairs, had I seen the first gilmpse of true happiness come from her in a very long time. Her warmth coming back to life. It wasn't until Damien made his announcement for dinner, did I see a shift from genuine happiness to this act.
With more and more attacks from the rogues, I had less and less free time to spend with her. I would have to speak with Damien tomorrow and ask him if I could have a day off to spend with her. My worrying was at an all time high, and I really needed to make the time to spend with her. She was after all, the only family I had besides Abby, and I was her only family.
Abby and I got up to to congratulate Damien and Rachel, when I noticed out of the corner of my eye, Leilani's back retreating towards the back door. I watched as she paused for a second at the door frame, and looked back over her shoulder towards our table. But she wasn't looking at me, but towards Damien. And I saw a look of sadness and longing pass over her face, before she turned her head back around and walked into the house.
I promised her then and there, that I would do everything in my power to find her the happiness she hadn't been granted yet. I would give almost anything, to see a smile on her face, that actually reached her eyes.
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[Damien's POV]
Pack members were currently surrounding Rachel and I, offering up greetings and congratulations. Some of them telling Rachel it was about time she made an honest man out of me. She just smiled sweetly, and emitted a short laugh at their teasing comments. She tip-toed up, and placed her lips next to my ear.
"Baby, his breath is horrendous. And did you see that dress his mate wore?" She said, with a false smile on her lips to disguise her discomfort.
As much as I loved Rachel, and I did. The one quirk I thoroughly disliked was her tendency to be judgmental. She had a sweet nature about herself with me, but from time to time in the last five years, I had been privy to some of her more scathing comments when we alone in the privacy of our bedroom. She would rant and rave, throwing out various snide insults when upset. But then apologize for her outburst, and weep softly in my arms. I always forgave her for her tantrums. I knew the pressure she was under being with me. But, it was taxing at times.
As I was leaning down my head to hear what she had just said, I noticed Leilani at the back door. Her eyes locking with mine yet again. For a second, I smiled to myself. For a second, I allowed my walls down, and took in her beauty. And in that second, I noticed the slight frown on her face, a bead of sweat falling from her forehead, and deep seeded sorrow in the depths of her eyes. I watched as an abyss of devastation pooled in the vortex of her pupils, before vanishing and becoming blank. She turned away then, and walked inside. Walked away from me, as I had walked away from her.
After a few more minutes, I heard a gut-wrenching howl of a pained wolf, as if it were in the feats of dying at that very moment. I looked around to furrowing my brows together, trying to find out where it had come from. When I noticed no one else had heard it, I turned to Rachel and Alex.
"Did you guys hear that?"
"Hear what?" They both said almost at the same time.
"Oh nothing, guess it was my imagination."
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