;they're both stubborn and it's complicated

"And I can't deal with pretending anymore, Bella."

The past two days I've wrote out a million and one texts, then ended up deleting them.

Do you know how many times I've nearly launched my phone at the wall?

Too many to fucking count - then to top it off, I haven't made a single basket.

My mind is all over the place and it's all because I'm a dickwad who can't keep his damn mouth shut.. And Bella.

Bella is the main reason why I'm so goddamn distracted.

Her face constantly flashes through my mind. So hurt, defeated, disappointed, sad.

"Okay, that sounded cheesier than it did in my head, but it's true. I like you, Bella. A lot, and I can't cope with all these fucking feelings, I can't, I hate them and it's all your fault-"

Her jaw drops. "My fault!? How the fuck is it my fault!?"

"You kissed me back, and ever since that night you haven't left my fucking mind, it's torture -- absolute fucking torture that I can't have you when you're all I want! Maybe the draft too," I added with a shrug, "but other than that, it's you. And I don't know what to do. I'm clueless, stuck and a dick, and I'm sorry. Truly, truly sorry."

Her features may of softened ever so slightly, but she's still glaring me down, hard.

"You think you can come here, spin me a load of shit and I'm just going to forgive you? If that's the case, you're stupider than I thought." my brunette fumes. "You hurt me, Maddox. Did you even stop to think how I would feel? How your words would affect me?" she snorted in disbelief. "No, of course you didn't, because I wasn't supposed to hear them. You slated me like I was nothing, so that's exactly what I'm going to be to you, nothing."

"You don't get it! You're not nothing, you're everything, Tori. Every-fucking-thing. I said what I said to get Cammy off my back because the conversation was physically knocking me sick. I didn't wanna think about not having you and moving on, I didn't want that. But you rejecting me hurt too, it hurt real fucking bad, but that's not on you because I knew you had this rule, you had it to protect yourself from dickheads like me, but I don't wanna be--no, I'm not one of those dickheads. You just have to let me show you! Please, Bella."

Now I sound like a fucking idiot.

I'm begging this girl, pleading with her, and I don't even care how pathetic I look.

If this gets me my Bella back then I'll chance every bit of dignity I have.

"I don't know, Maddox," she lets out a frustrated sigh. "I just need sometime. Away from you."

"Is that really what you want? Time?"

I'm not convinced, and I don't think she is either.

I know she feels the same way about me, or at least she did before I opened my damned mouth.

"I'm not doing this with you again. I'm not." she shakes her head, she's adamant, but I'm not ready to take no for an answer.

"I'm not letting you walk away from this." I argue. "Not a fucking chance. You think after this shit we've been through, I'm just gonna let you slip through my fingers?" A snort leaves me. "If you do, then you're stupider than I thought."

"I'm stupid? Are you really going there right now?" she yells back.

Back straight, shoulders stiffen, hazel eyes wide and angry.

"Yeah. I'm really going there right now. You know full fucking well we can't be just friends, and we can't not be in each others lives. You're just too fucking scared to admit it!"

"I'm not scared of anything! I was fine before you, I'll be fine after you! That just shows how big your ego actually is!"

"You're so fucking scared it's unhealthy, Tori, and you know it. You think everyone who has a status is going to fuck you over like Jack and Mason did! Newsflash, princess - we're not. Some of us are actually decent guys who care about you, and yeah we've made mistakes but that's because we're human!!"

"And we is you, yes? Well you made a big mistake! What was you gonna do if I didn't hear you? Keep it from me? Lie to me? -- You're so full of yourself you've made yourself believe you want me - newsflash baller, you don't."

"This has nothing to do with ego, Bella. I want you, plain and simple. Everything you are, and I know you want me too!"

Holding her hands up, palms out, backing away slowly. "I'm not dealing with this."

I step forward, closing the space between us. "You are fucking deal with it, right now. If I have to camp outside your apartment, if I have to hold you hostage, if I have to kidnap you and hide out, I will. We're doing this, and we're doing it now."

"You can't do that."

"Watch me."

"You're so fucking annoying!"

"As are you."

"Like, really annoying."

"Yup."

Her hazel eyes roll under the sun setting sky. Her hip hitting the drivers door of my car, arms crossed, perfect brows still furrowed.

"I can be civil with you, but nothing more. Friends obviously doesn't work cause we end up making out, so civil it is." she says pointedly. "Take it or leave it, Maddox."

"Then we can build it up?" I ask, hopeful.

Another eye roll. "I don't know? Maybe?"

"Maybe? That's it?"

Throwing her hands in the air like the brat she is, she exasperates, "I don't know, Maddox, jeez, what the fuck do you want from me!?"

"Have you not listened to a damn word I've just said!?"

"I've listened longer than I should of, actually."

"You're such a brat."

"And you're such a menace."

After a snarky comment along the lines of are we done here? I reluctantly let Tori head back inside - but not before she agreed to come back to the baller house for dinner with me and the guys.

It's not their fault I fucked up, so therefore they - and her - shouldn't miss out on spending time with each other - they all love her in their own way and I'd be the shittiest captain if I was to come between the people I care about most in this world.

As soon as I stepped foot through the door, Jason was on my back straight away.

"Try this that Tee made, bro," He bellowed, grinning ear to ear, trying to shove a piece of battered fish in my face, "best. Fish. Ever."

I shoo him off, in no mood to eat, like I haven't for the last few days to be honest.

Instead I head up to my bedroom, grab my duffel and shove my cap on backwards before bouncing down the stairs taking them two at a time.

The only place I wanna be right now is the gym.

My bedroom doesn't feel like a sanctuary anymore, every time I see my bed I end up replaying that night with Tori in my mind; me asking her to break the one rule she has, for me, then the look in her eyes when she said no.

Fucks with me everyday.

"I'm out. Don't wait up." I call out as I throw open the front door.

I tug on the handle of my car when Cammy's voice stops me.

"Sup bro?" I ask, chucking my bag into the back seat.

He pushes his hands into the pocket of his sweats. "I'm worried bout you."

I chuckle. "There's nothing to be worried about, man. I'm good."

Lie.

"You're gonna burn yourself out, Mads. Your ankle is already fucked, you need to rest it."

I slap a grip on his shoulder, squeezing and raising my brow. "Cam, honestly. I'm sweet. Now stop acting like my mother, it's weird."

He pushes my arm off his shoulder and snorts. "Stop overthinking it, bro. Just don't want my cap breaking a bone on the court now, then I'd have to step up and I ain't got that shit in me for that this season."

"Yeah, sure." I shoot back sarcastically. "Oh, and I spoke to Bella, by the way. Took your advice."

"About time." he snaps. "So? How did it go?"

"Meh, hard to tell, you know what a brat she is. But she's agreed to come back for dinners, so guess it could of gone worse." I shrug.

He nods. "Good. Guys nearly hit the fan when she didn't show up tonight."

"Tell me bout it. Who knew a petit firecracker like Bella could have all us 6 foot monsters wrapped around her little finger, huh?"

"Trust me, brother. She's a good girl though.. Just try not to fuck it up this time. We're going to NYC in a week for christmas break, the last thing we need is you two bickering and glaring each other down the entire time."

"Won't come to that." I shake my head. "You finished with your little pep talk now, Dr Cammy?"

Playfully shoving my shoulder into the car, he chuckles, turns his back on me and gives me the finger before walking into the house.

Asshole.

✫✬✫

Y'know in movies when someone's doing something then others appear but they can't see the first person and they begin talking shit about them not knowing that person can hear?

Mhm, yeah, I've never experienced it until today.

I've been in the gym for well over an hour now, and just as I'm tidying shit away, balls and what have ya - I hear both male and female voices from the hallway that leads to the locker rooms, I didn't care until I heard them mention Tori.

I stood back in the crook of the gym, like a fucking creeper and stayed silent so I can hear properly.

"Did you hear that Wyatt McKenna from the soccer team asked Tori Quinn out last night?" The female voice said.

A gasp is heard. "I did! Jamie told me, although she never gave him an answer, what do you think she said?"

"You two are the worst kind of gossips, seriously. Everyone knows Tori has a no jock rule." the male chimes in.

One of the female scoffs. "Please, that rule is bullshit, we all saw her out with Maddox Hunter the other week, and they looked more than comfortable with each other."

"Because Maddox is the man. He's a sick ass baller and pulls the hottest chicks on campus, why not her?" Cheeses the guy. Gag.

"Well rumour has it they're no longer friends, that's why Wyatt jumped to ask her out before anyone else got a chance." Said the squeaky female.

"I'm so team #Mari."

"Nah, team #Tyatt for the win."

"Don't you girls think you're getting ahead of yourself? Who's to say she's going to end up with either of them? Get a life, you're worse than Oprah's chat show."

So Wyatt McKenna, soccer sucker, asked my Bella out..

Huh. Okay.