Barracks Road, here I come. I wonder, does the mess hall have a street named after it or even the Hall? Hall Road or The Hall Road? Hmm, has a ring to it. I know that the Hall has been here nearly as long as this town, second oldest in Favinonia. Why doesn't it have a street named after it? Market Lane is off the main bazaar and is where most prime businesses are located. Coin Street leads to the bank and noble section, which the Hall is on. Corner of Market and Coin. Well, that does make sense. Funny that.

Hope this is an easy day; not in the mood for hard work. The three ales—or was it four? Does not matter—left me feeling a little tipsy, but I had worked in this condition before, and no one noticed what I like about being in this state because I have a superb perception of all the pretty ladies. A small smile from me, and they swoon. Most, I think, avoid eye contact because such an attractive man so turns them on. But, then, here come a couple of lovely women. Wink and say, “Good morning, beautiful.”

A small giggle as they walk past. Still got it! Now, just a little strut and change it up with a click-point-wink. Yeah, baby, you do want this. Maybe I should put in a chin tip too. Hang on there, you sexy beast, don't want them to faint. Pull back, make them want more. This will be the last one. She a biggun, but I like it. Click-point-wink, chin tip, and then, “How you doin’, beautiful?”

“What are you doing, Solo!” What? Who? Is that—? By Jara's hammer! “You are thirty minutes late! Patrol, remember? And where is your tabard?” From here, Stillwater's flushed angrily made my legs turn to rubber.

Shake it off. The last person I want my charms to affect is Stillwater. “Sorry, ma’am, I could not remember the time we were starting.” Laughing a little to myself. “Won't happen again. Was investigating the case files I showed you yesterday.”

Let’s hope this works; can not show her I have been drinking.

Gunnar is laughing his head off. WayWocket is just staring off into the distance, smiling.

“Fine, what did you learn?”

“Headed down to the dock and warehouse districts. Did a little snooping.” Think, think. And here is a rabbit out of my hat. “The other places, which could be, um.” What would be the most secure place in this town? “Oh yeah, the grain mills. They have similar locks and protocols as the other three places.”

All three look at me. What? Are they stunned? “Is something wrong?”

Stillwater coughs and says, “Gunnar, why don't you discuss this while we head down to our patrol area.”

We form up rank. I put on my tabard, turn to Gunnar, and ask, “What is this about?”

He looks around and then back at me. “I went snooping around last night too, to see if there could be a link between these three robberies and murders like you suggested. But, unfortunately, the only one I found was the grain mills.” Did I pull that out of my arse convincingly or what? Well, that is what I was hoping, but that it’s true too—wow! “I’m surprised that you went off on your own and … well, yeah, good work.”

“What can I say? That is what I do. I do not half-arse around.” That was close. Way to go, brain! “Are we heading down there now?”

Gunnar replied, “No, we still have to complete the patrol. It would be best to go down there at night; that’s the usual time these things happen.”

“Stillwater, what is the patrol route?” I ask.

She looks at me and replies, “Residential and craftsmen sections. Not much happens there during the day, except for the occasional pickpocket. After that, we'll head down to the warehouse district and have a look.”

This will be a dull day, but I will have a payday from it.

“Solo, because you are new and have had little training, follow our lead and try not to stumble into trouble.”

“Sure thing, boss. I assume non-lethal is the recommended course of action?”

“Yes, lethal force is only a last resort. Gunnar and WayWocket have special skills that would make most encounters a moot point. Your main job is to stay out of the way!”

Wow, I feel like a bit of a waste of space. Just remember, slips!

I step back in line next to Gunnar and ask, “Hey, Gunnar, what can you do that is so special?”

He replies, “I have some powers over nature; I can cause the vegetation to grow and entangle a criminal. WayWocket can do a similar thing—”

And here is some crazy talk from WayWocket. “You see, yes, see. With a simple mixture, with some special ingredients, I make a gooey, sticky mixture, see?”

What is that in his hand? Is he going to throw it at me? He is! That crazy Gnome is going to throw some concoction at me! I start to jump out of the way as Gunnar grabs his arm mid-throw and says, “Not now, you fool!” He turns back to me. “Sorry about that. He gets a bit excited when he leaves the basement. He wants to show off all his toys.”

WayWocket pipes in, “How will he understand if he doesn't see it first hand? To truly see the path, you need to walk it, so—” He rips his hand out of Gunnar’s grip and throws the concoction at me.

This is me browning my pants. Diving away, the flask does not even come close to me. It hits a barrel behind me with a flash of light! As my eyes clear from the bright flash, I see that a massive gooey mess has engulfed the barrel. “See, see! WayWocket added something new—a flash, a flare. This will help! Joan won't let WayWocket add acid, flame, or even better, explosives, so an exploding light will have to do!”

Looking around, I see people blinking and freaking out. Think fast! “Wow, WayWocket, I thought we were going to keep a lid on that!” Charm, do not leave me now. “Sorry, everyone! We are practising for a Watch talent show. That was going to be the big finale, but my friend here had to go and spoil it.” As I bow to the crowd. “Thank you for Watch-ing. Hope to see you there!”

A few people laugh, and a few more clap at either my display or WayWocket's. Then everyone goes back to their day.

Stillwater grabs my arm and whispers, “Thanks for that, but next time give me a heads-up before you spout off some bull, okay?”

Gunnar is talking sternly to WayWocket and smacks him gently on the back of the head.

“Yes, boss. I will try to do that from now on. I am used to thinking on my feet, so sometimes I just quickly react. Besides, I think we could really win that imaginary talent show.” I wink at her.

She raises an eyebrow, and her shoulder and arms swell. Wow, she has some big muscles. They are really bunching up. Is she going to hit me?

“Sorry, boss, I was trying to be funny. Maybe we should leave this spot. Too many eyes looking our way now.”

“You’re right, and we have this patrol to do. Fall in. Let’s do this!