I needed a minute to calm down. It felt like everything was happening so quickly, so I do what I always do when I need to process something… I run.

It’s been too long, I think, as I start off slow. I don’t want to screw up my foot again, but as the cold air opens my lungs, and the trees by the side of the river remind me where I am, I feel the need to go faster.

The Love Game remains in the back of my mind, and I know Ravina is worried about it too. It’s why we still couldn’t have 100% honest conversations with each other, no matter how much we wanted to.

It’s complicated, and I hate myself for making it that way. If I’d just been brave enough to actually ask her out instead of all this extra crap-

I wish I’d never cheated on that test!

Oh to hell with being cautious…

I let my arms swing faster, my feet hit the ground harder. This is true freedom. When I’m running somewhere even if I don’t know where. There’s always been freedom in movement. And now, I’m discovering freedom in something else. Someone else.

I let my thoughts go back to her, and as memories of Ravina flashed through my mind, I think I finally realised how good she is compared to me.

She would have passed that test all on her own if it wasn’t for me being greedy and scared. And when she could have told on me and gotten her spot back, she instead decided to take me up on this idiotic game which I’d only invented to figure her out.

I smile bitterly when I decide that there’d been no way for Ravina to win this at all.

She is too loving, too kind. She’d fall for a miserable bastard like me in no time at all, simply because she is able to see the goodness in others.

What a fucking miracle she is…

And now I had her kissing me back, laughing. Drawing me, thinking of me when she listened to music- something so precious to her. And I had her words, whispered hesitantly over the sound of rain on my windshield; I love you too.

I could have sworn she meant it.

Do I mean it when I say it first? God, I don’t even know. I am a hypocritical liar and a cheater, and Ravina is forgiving, understanding, passionate.

Should I even be doing this anymore? What am I winning with this game? College matters my ass. If I lose Ravina my future will be unfulfilled anyway.

Maybe I should just give in. Admit I lost.

The thought annoys me, but is also tempting at the same time. I imagine what would happen…

I’d put my arm around her small shoulder and say; Ravina you won. I love you, and I know you’ll succeed in college based on how you fucking annihilated me at this game.

She’d probably smile and say; I know.

And then, if she still wanted me after that, I could be with her with no more lying. I was so sick of lying. Especially to her. She deserved more than that from me. But could I admit I’d lost? Really, could I?

I cheated on that test because I was scared I’d fail. I can’t disappoint my family- my parents. They’re so ashamed of me already. I need to prove myself to them-

The familiar tightness in my chest starts to make breathing difficult. My muscles aching from pushing myself too hard too fast. I couldn’t help it. What’s the point of running away from my problems if I’m not fast enough?

Slowing to a stop at the end of the path, I place my hands on my knees and stare down the bank at the fast-moving river. It always flooded this time of year due to rain so the water was close, just past the trees.

Catching my breath, I focused on the sound of it. The melody brought me back to Ravina and I’s first outing to the train tracks. Her arms around my neck as I carried her, and her breath, as constant and calming as the wind that surrounded us.

I missed her.

My phone buzzed suddenly-

Did she miss me too?

James

who is us and why do I have to leave u alone?

I grit my teeth as I stared at his name on the screen. Asshole.

I hadn’t spoken to him or Lee since the night of the party. Ravina told me what James had said to her in the car that night. He shouldn’t be interfering in my life. Ravina wasn’t his concern and neither was I.

I text back angrily: fuck off

A second after I send it, my phone rings. I frown, but then see it’s Ravina calling and not James to yell at me.

I answer right away, wondering why she’d call after I’d just taken her home…

“Ravina?” I frown. “Are you okay?”

She doesn’t say anything at first, but then I hear her sigh softly.

“Theo, I need you.”

My eyes widen when I hear her crying.

“What happened?”

I’m already on my way back to where I’d parked the car, running even though my lungs feel on fire.

Ravina sniffs. “I’ll tell you when you get here. Sorry I’m making you drive so much,” she laughs, but it’s broken with sobs.

My heart tightens.

“Stay there, I’m on my way. Do you want to stay on the phone?” I ask, sliding into the driver’s seat and buckling my seatbelt in record time.

What is going on? Could it be James? I tightened my fists on the steering wheel. He better not have talked to her again…

“I’m sorry I’m bothering you,” she says softly. Her voice sounds exhausted.

It was about 9 pm now. I pause. Had Julie come over yet?

“Ravina Dobs, you never bother me.” I tell her quickly.

I put my phone on speaker and toss it onto the other seat, speeding through another yellow light.

She sniffs again.

“Do you have someone that can be with you until I get there? I’m 5 minutes away.”

“No rush,” she sighs softly. “Yeah, I can go find Charlie.”

I hear her pause, then knock on a door. Feet shuffling… then a boy’s voice.

“Rav?” I hear him say faintly.

“Charles, will you play video games with me?” Ravina cries softly, and I smile even though my heart hurts from hearing her cry.

“Okay. Can we have ice cream?” Charlie asks.

Ravina holds her phone back up and speaks to me…

“I’m saving you some ice cream, okay?”

“Okay baby. I’m almost there,”

“I’m going to hang up now.”

“I love you,” I say.

It’s true. I lost. I don’t care-

“I love you too.” She says once again, then hangs up.

I get to her house as fast as I can and remember that she said they always leave the front door open. I knock once, then go inside.

Ravina is sitting on the corner of her couch, wrapped in a blanket and a huge black hoodie. Mine, she’s wearing my jacket.

She has a spoon in her mouth, and is staring at the TV where her brother is connecting what look like two controllers to the game system.

Ravina and Charlie both look at me when I come in.

I go to her immediately and see her eyes are red from crying. She doesn’t look nineteen right now, more like fifteen. I’ve never seen her like this…

Something fills up my heart. I can practically feel it sitting in my chest like a weight.

“Ravina, are you okay?”

She pouts and shakes her head, taking the spoon out of her mouth and then looking over at her brother.

“Charlie, share.” She sniffs.

He stands up and brings her a carton of vanilla ice cream.

“Hi Theo,” he smiles.

I smile back. He and Ravina look almost nothing alike except I could almost see her in the way he smiles. It’s pretty adorable.

“Hey,” I glance behind him at the TV. “What are you playing?”

He tilts his head and then grins.

“Overwatch, you wanna play?”

I look at Ravina. She blushes slightly, licking a drop of ice cream off her hand. She looks like a goth kitten. All black. Her dark hair hidden by my hood…

“I would, but I better make sure your sister’s okay first. Rain check?”

He gives me a thumbs up and then goes back to what he was doing.

I sit next to Rav on the couch. She looks up at me as I look down at her.

“You look tired,” I frown. “I only just left you.”

She blinks when I reach up to touch her face…

I hate seeing her sad.

“Can we go to the train tracks?” She asks suddenly.

“You want to think?”

“Yes,”

I nod, “Okay.”

I help her stand up, and she puts the ice cream away before going over to Charlie and hugging him from behind for a few seconds.

“I’ll be back soon Charles,” she sighs. “We can play later.”

He waves his hand. “Cool beans.”

Ravina sighs again and I take her hand as we step outside. No rain. Finally.

As she closes the front door behind us, I realise it’s still cold out, so I quickly turn and zip up my too-big-on-her jacket.

She blushes.

“Sorry,” she stammers. “I was cold.”

She means sorry for wearing it.

I can’t tell her how hot I think she is right now, so instead I just smile.

“It’s okay Ravina.”

She takes my hand again and pulls me down the street.

“Are we walking there?” I ask her.

She nods silently.

Hmm… should I ask what happened? I’m sure it has to do with Julie. Why isn’t her friend here? Why isn’t she comforting Ravina? Not that I mind doing it.

“What do I wear to a family reunion?” She mutters.

I blink. Oh no, is she worried about this?

I shake my head. “Absolutely anything. Well, appropriate. I’m not sure I’d feel comfortable sharing the sight of you in something too revealing with my extended family.”

Ravina smirks up at me. Thank god, she still has her sense of humor.

“Okay, no strapless mini dress. There goes my plan.” She giggles.

I smile. “Save it for me, another time,” I tease and she hits me playfully.

Her eyes are still red, and my heart aches again. Ow.

Ravina, I wish you’d tell me. I don’t want to ask and risk making her uncomfortable-

“I’m sure you’re curious,” she sighs suddenly.

I nod. Yes, I am.

“I know you’ll tell me when you can.”

She looks up at me and her bangs fall into her eyes a little…

I realise that she’d taken her makeup off. I also realised that I liked her much better like this. Ravina wasn’t really as pale as she thought, and she had such cute birthmarks and freckles on her cheeks, and neck. One near the outside corner of her eye…

Gosh, she was adorable-

“Julie and I broke up.” She breathes out, her voice tightening with emotion.

I blink. What?

“You and Julie had a fight?”

Ravina winces a little so I squeeze her hand tighter.

“Yeah. It was horrible.”

She doesn’t look at me. There was something more.

“Ravina, what is it?”

Please tell me what’s hurting you. I want to help, truly.

She draws in a deep breath like she’s in pain.

“It was about you,” she exhales quickly.

I stop walking. Me?

Ravina turns to me, and I can see her eyes have started tearing up again…

Me? I broke up her long-term friendship?

She sees my expression.

“No don’t be like that,” she frowns. “You didn’t do anything. It was Julie.”

Ravina grabs onto my shirt and steps closer. We’re standing off to the side of the road. No cars, since we’re just leaving her neighborhood…

“I don’t know what to say,” I mutter like an idiot.

She shakes her head and I watch a tear fall from her eye. It darts off her cheek like a shooting star.

“What exactly happened?” I ask.

Suddenly Ravina hugs me-

I stumble back a little in surprise, but quickly wrap my arms around her shoulders.

She’s tiny, holding me around my waist, her cheek pressing against my chest.

I hold her tighter. “Ravina, I’m so sorry.”

She shakes her head.

“It isn’t your fault. Julie and I both just said some awful things to each other. Best friends really know how to hurt you the worst,” she sighs.

“But it was about me?”

Ravina pulls away a little and nods.

“If I tell you, will you promise not to be offended?” She whispers.

I shake my head, “I promise. Tell me,”

Ravina breathes in deeply, then sighs. “Okay.”