The road seemed too loud under the tires. The pavement roared in my ears. No one spoke as we rode with the corpse in the car. I watched blood dry on the window, but I kept my gaze glued in one spot. Refusing to look at Nathan made it seem like in some way it wasn’t final. Through the red the city changed from pristine skyscrapers to shabby corner stores and barred windows.

Robert pulled into a large parking lot and parked near a back entrance. Boss got out and at the same moment the back door opened. A short man in a suit peered out. His eyes did a quick dart to the right and left before he stepped out all the way. I looked up and saw a sign that read “Brown Funeral Home Parking Only”.

Boss and the director spoke in hushed tones. They appeared to know each other, and I briefly wondered how many young souls had been lost while members of The Disciples.

I pushed open the door, still refusing to look at Nathan, and began walking. I didn’t want to be there when they came out for the body.

Who is going to tell Ava?

It should come from me.

I felt a rush of emotions, and the strongest was anger. I felt angry that Pathos should believe her words could comfort Ava. But I knew the real anger was toward Persim, but I couldn’t touch her. Not yet.

No, it has to be me.

Ava was coloring at the kitchen table when I pushed open the door. Anita, Robert’s girlfriend who had been watching her, stood up from the table with a smile on her face. It quickly fell when she read the pain in our eyes.

Ava looked up from her drawing; her eyes scanning for her grandpa. Then she looked behind us through the door, expecting him to be coming up the walk. I inhaled through my mouth to calm my nerves and push back any words from Pathos or Logos. This needed to be between Ava and me alone.

I walked toward her and took her hand in mine. I led her away from everyone else and went into the living room. I gestured for her to sit next to me on the couch. Her big brown eyes turned to mine, and in them I saw shattering hope. A little girl who had seen too much in her lifetime already who could sense something was terribly wrong at her young age.

I pulled her in for a hug and didn’t let go. Her little hands barely reached around my back as she buried her head into my chest. I held her and let my body warm her up for what felt like an hour before I finally released her. I could feel the unwillingness in her hands to let go.

“Ava, Sweet Pea,” I began to choke up. I took a long breath to quell the tears brimming in my eyes.

“Ava, your grandpa won’t be coming back. He was very brave today. He…he was helping me and got hurt.”

“Hurt? He’s at the hospital like I was?” Her head tilted ever so slightly to one side. The yellow light from the lamp warmed her chocolate eyes, and I wanted to get lost in the remaining innocence.

“No, Ava, he isn’t at the hospital. He won’t ever be coming back because he passed away today.”

She must have recognized that phrase because an understanding dawned on her face. In an instant she was up and running through the door. I scrambled to my feet and chased after her. By the time I rounded the door frame she had swung the front door open. It still bounced from the force. I sprinted outside and saw Ava flinging open the gate hatch. I used all my speed to catch up with her in the street. I stretched out my arm and grabbed her hand. I pulled her in close and we collapsed crying in the street.

A car horn honking made me jump and squeeze Ava to me tighter. I looked up to see an angry old man make a rude gesture out his window before going around us too quickly. I wiped the tears out from under Ava’s eyes only to see them reappear a moment later. I helped her to stand up and together we walked slowly back to the house.

Aunt Sarah Gene was heating up a frozen lasagna for everyone. The aroma of cooking beef made me nauseous. When the timer finally went off, the old woman piled everyone’s plates high with steaming mounds. Most of it ended up in the trash. I spent most of dinner watching Ava push food around her plate.

Finally, the sun went down. Aunt Sarah Gene said Ava could sleep with her, and the two began walking up the stairs. A few minutes later I excused myself from the quiet room to go to bed.

My mind kept cycling through the day, bringing with it a flood of emotions even though my body stayed numb. I stared at the dark ceiling until the popcorn texture began to swirl.