#31

Tobi..? I noticed a name near the bottom of the student list, ranked according to the mid-term exam result. That name sent a pang through my heart. It hurt. This is not the first time, but it's been a very long time since I saw this name last. Maybe more than thirty years ago. I had to check for myself if this was who I thought it may be.

After some digging around, it turned out this 'Tobi' was just in the next class. I wanted to see him, to see how he looks this time, not that I missed him in any sense, but he is an undeniable part of the puzzle nevertheless, and I can't say I never enjoyed any single moment that we shared – it's been too long for me to keep denying anything remotely good that happened between us. By this time I acknowledged that some things were worth reminiscing back at, as there were so few moments like that in my life.

I got chatty with the class gossip girl to ask a few questions about this Tobi boy in the next class. She was a bit surprised I asked about him, but it was so obviously and completely out of the question that I would have any romantic interest in that boy, so she thought I was just after some creepy rumors. I didn't know whether to be glad or feel bad that this Tobi had such a bad reputation. I was told that he was a quiet and awkward boy in the class, always looking kinda creepy, but very good at art – the only problem was that everything he drew looked creepy too, although it was never discernable what he was drawing. Let's say it was some sort of abstract creepiness art.

There was one simple way to test if this Tobi was any good (or bad, should I say), so I sneaked into school one night and left a note inside his desk drawer, asking him to come to meet me on the rooftop the next day after school. I've used this trick once before, and it worked back then to identify him as the real thing.

The next day, I was waiting on the rooftop, admiring the view of the red sky as the sun was going down. As expected, he came through the door and spotted me standing by the fence at the edge of the rooftop.

"you… you are the one that asked me to come here?", he asked shily. His personality varied from time to time, but there was always something invariable – like his little shyness and being clumsy like a puppy, and this was exactly what I was going to use.

"Yes. Come closer"

He looked a bit taken back.

"er, why?"

"You know... I wanted to talk to you"

"Why me?"

"Come closer, I will tell you"

He hesitantly walked a few steps towards me and stopped

"Why did you stop?"

"I don't know... what do you need from me?"

"You know... I have been watching you for a while.." – time to play girly.

"er.. eh?"

"It's embarrassing to say it out loud, please come closer.."

As stupid as he was, I think even he got the hint by now and walked a few steps closer to me, and stopped just about a meter away from me.

"Is this.. close enough..?"

"For now.. you know... do you have a girlfriend?"

He was startled a bit, instantly followed by a blushing face. How cute.

"No... No. I don't"

"What do you think about me?"

"I... I don't know you.."

"Look up and look at me"

He looked up at my face and our eyes met for a split second, and he was very quick to turn his gaze away

"I think... I think you are very pretty"

"Come closer"

He was already just about a meter away from me, getting any closer would be, well, quite intimate, so he understandably hesitated, or more like, froze on the spot.

I was losing patience a bit, so I extended my hand and pulled him closer to me by his sleeve, and he duly obliged. I pulled him so close that his face was maybe only twenty centimeters away from mine, and I could feel the heat from his blushing.

"Look at me"

"This is.. embarrassing"

"I like you" – It felt like I could hear his heart start beating faster

"Have you ever kissed a girl?"

"no.. no.."

I closed my eyes, still holding his sleeves and keeping him close to me.

"Kiss me"

"I don't know how.."

"Just close your eyes if you are too embarrassed, and kiss me on my nose"

"That... I think I can do... if it's not on the lips I guess"

I slightly opened my eyes and saw him squeezing his eyes so tightly shut. It was stupid but also kinda cute this way. He inched his face close to mine slowly, and just as his lips were just a few centimeters from my nose, I let go of his sleeve and grabbed his hand with mine. They felt warm.

"Bwwaaaah!" he screamed in shock, startled – it was probably the first time he's ever had his hands held by a girl – and with a sudden jerk of his head, he accidentally headbutted me on the nose – ouch.

Then I lost my balance and fell back towards the fence, which, erm, I knew had some screws loose, which meant that the fence gave away as I fell on it and I descended into a free fall towards the ground

"Nooooooo!"

I closed my eyes as the sound of his scream grew more distant, and I landed crashing my head onto the pebbly ground, probably cracking my head open. Ouch. This hurts.

I then felt someone shaking me desperately by my shoulders, and my consciousness was coming back.

"Please, oh god no, are you okay?"

Ah – this was Tobi. My Tobi. My one and only Tobi that I love and hate.

I opened my eyes and saw him crying.

"It's okay Tobi. It's okay"

I embraced his head with my arms and gave a little kiss on the top of his head. This Tobi is probably the sweetest of them all.