Chapter 4

Forbidden area number one

Or

Rules are meant to be broken

It was almost like a walk of shame as Ember followed Blake through the hall. the air was heavy silence. Curious by nature, the environment would normal had been perused. But the spark of tension around them, made it impossible to do so.

Unsure, she bit her bottom lip while her gaze jumped around. Everywhere but ahead. Because looking ahead meant admiring - admiring she could do. Just not when it meant the broad back of the very man she was determined to deny. Admiring him also meant allowing her head to play tricks with her. Tempt her with thoughts of how that broad - and no doubt strong back - looked like without the shirt played. Preferably naked.

Which was definitely forbidden area number one.

“Damn, I am going mental. Fenris spare me from these thoughts,” she thought bitterly. Almost running into the very being she had coincidently admired and abhorred. He stood still. Very still. Before she had walked into him a deep rumble vibrated from his chest, disturbing the silence. Surprised, she looked up and found the golden, almost glowing, eyes intently staring.

At her lips.

Whatever was working behind that stare was definitely fare more forbidden than her number one, overhauling hers by far. It was all she could do not to take a step back. Ember pressed her lips together to a thin line, as if she could hide them that way. Without doubt making a weird face at the same time. Ember found herself not caring. She knew whatever had provoked such reaction from him, needed to be replaced by something less desirous. And if that meant by making weird expressions then so bloody be it.

Just before the situation became too awkward, he opened the door and with a small gesture showed her to step in.

"This will be your room. If you need anything, just call." She had barely stepped into the room for a better look before she swung around to see him leave. Just like that. Surprised was almost an understatement. For some reason - and she was not entirely sure why - she had thought, felt, that something more would happen.

She nearly felt... disappointed?

No, that could not be. She did not want anything to happen, she told herself sternly.

As she reminded herself of this, something within took the breath from her. Crumbling in on itself. An ache burned. Like her chest was being pulled inward to close the hole she herself had made. The hole his soul left. Ember took a moment to get over the sudden overwhelming sickness which hit her.

It vanished as it had appeared. Abruptly.

Silent, she glanced around the room. It was not something grand; fit for a king or queen. It was in one word homely. While everything was foreign. She could, weirdly enough, feel a bit relaxed as she took in the appearance of the room. Pale green and light colors. A bed, two wide windows towards the valley, a soft carpet, and a dresser placed against the wall opposite the bed. Simple and yet comfortable.

With a huff she sat down on the bed, making the bedding jump. With nothing to occupy herself with, agitation and wariness took hold. She would have curled into a ball on the mattress and sleep for a year if possible. Resigned she relaxed her back and fell down onto the bed with her feet on the floor.

What now…

The ceiling was as blank as she was of answers. Over and over, it kept swirling in her mind. Everything had changed. Even if she did not want to acknowledge it. Her breath hitched slightly as she fought back the many emotions that welled forth.

You can do this, Ember. You are stronger than this.

Repeating it as a mantra slowly but surely, she calmed down. But it hurt. It hurt so much in her chest that she almost whimpered, so she closed her eyes and prayed for it to be over.

***

(The universal parenting rules of mothers)

Blake sucked his breath in a painful hiss. It burned and singed. His heart felt compromised. His limbs numb. He had fled. He had not fled from anything since he was a pup. Not even at times when he should have run with his tail between his legs. This time though, he had fled from his intended mate. Standing in her presence without going mad was impossible.

Within was an ache he could not rid himself of. He wanted to get angry and use the fuel to change the situation. The feelings he felt. Yet the fire of anger was but cold ashes. Left was only a bittersweet feeling of doubt and mockery. Mockery because he could feel it. The bond. It was but a shadow of what it was supposed to be, but it was there. Taunting him of what was supposed to be beautiful and eternal. Of what was just out of reach. By the Blue Moon he wanted to rage and rid himself of these destroying feelings.

It was too much. Even for him. And he was a bloody Alpha. Wasn’t he supposed to be stronger than this? He clenched his teeth. Grimacing. Weakness was but a bird on swift wings. Following and overtook him. Alone he stood in his study, eyes closed and tenderly massaging his chest trying to chase the pain away. He barely heard the small knock on his door before it opened.

"Blake?” No answer. “My pup?" Low she voiced her question, worrying lacing through. Morgana walked steadily towards him. He won the battle against the hurt and was able to open his eyes through the pain.

Used to bright burning eyes with a strong force and willpower. What met her almost made her choke. They were dark, dull, and full of doubt and anguish.

"Aw, my pup," she whispered as she hurried the last steps. She laid her slender hands on his cheeks. Their difference in height made him look down. He gazed at her while her eyes looked over every inch of his face.

"Speak to me, Blake." A heavy sigh left him. It made his shoulders slump and feel leaden. He closed his eyes in his exhaustion before fighting to open them once more. He folded his hands around hers.

"It is as she said mother. She doesn't want a mate, yet we are bound."

His mother’s features took on an aghast expression.

"That is unheard of, my pup. A true mate bond is something precious and a once in a lifetime experience. A joy. Something not everybody has the luck of finding, as you well know. The soul name is not something to take lightly. She must know what your soul name means." With everything it took, he tried not reacting to the words. Blake was not going to kid himself into thinking that Ember did not know what the entirety of it all meant. He knew as she did what this was.

It made everything so much more devastating. Thinking about the lost soul name was damage beyond repair. He could not deny, though he had no certainty of his knowing - he just knew, that his soul was the reason for the suffering. There was a reason why most soulmates didn’t survive losing the other.

"Mother, we... we don't know each other's soul names..." The truth was hard to swallow. Though it still needed out. Mrs. Macbay looked so taken back, perplexed. It would have been comical if it had been any other situation. She blinked a couple of times, took her hands from his face. Not quite knowing whether her boy was joking with her, or meant it in all seriousness.

"Blake, my boy, I don't need to tell you how soulmates work, do I?" He huffed and shook his head.

"Give me some credit, mother."

"Blake, dear, you just said -"

"I know what I said mother. What I meant is that one way or the other, I lost her soul name. I could feel it - I almost had it but... but her rejection left me with nothing. I can feel the bond between us, I know it’s there just... barely there." The more he said the more despair spread through her. She paled under his words.

"I have never heard of this happening before my sweet, but... Blake, my son, as much as it probably is against the universal parenting rules of mothers. I will have to say that you will need to - what do you call it - woo her. The bond is only so much. It does not spark love. It is not necessarily love at first sight - while it would certainly have helped in your situation if so.

“Love comes with time, and only time I’m afraid. I would know Blake, I loved your father dearly. You know I did and still do, but our feelings came with time. The bond simply helped us along. She will come around Blake, don't worry." Morgana tried hard to reassure her oldest son, but her smile was feeble at best. Though he didn’t doubt that she believed in him.

Blake had no trust in himself of how he should proceed from here on. Just hours ago, he was talking about how he didn’t need mate. Now he was wondering how he could change the very mindset he himself had had. The difference was that while Blake hadn’t needed a mate, it wasn’t because he didn’t want one. Whereas Ember definitely neither needed nor wanted one.

The only thing Blake decided he could do was trust in what he knew. He knew what his responsibilities were. He knew that his pack needed him. His position. Alpha. And that spoke louder than anything right now. He couldn’t nor would succumb to this. He was stronger than this. Leaders didn’t have time to be weak.

And his mother needed him too.

Morgana Macbay was strong. The strongest person he knew. He would do whatever he could to make sure of her happiness. Just as she had with Cailean and him. Having lost her soulmate years back, he knew she hurt. Probably worse than he did. He could sometimes see the sorrow in her grey eyes. Yet she would always smile when she either saw him or Cailean. Shielding them.

If his mother could survive through her loss, he could find the strength to go through this. He had to.

"I'm going to be fine, mom. You needn’t worry." He forced some strength into the words. She didn't look particularly convinced though. He tried a smile. While her lips undoubtedly curved it was no smile. Her brows knitted. Overall, she looked plain sad in soft lines. Then she took a deep breath and her expression changed.

"But I am worried - I am your mother. It is my duty as your mother to fret and worry about you and your brother. Not to mention Jet, that boy! You would think that he does half the stuff he does, just to give me a puffed tail." She tsk’ed perturbed whilst placing her hands on her hips. Half a laugh that was more of a low grumble sounded from Blake.

"But I am serious Blake. Listen to me - you need to solicit her, court her. You need her and I may not know this girl, but there’s always a reason for one to be a soulmate. It is fate - written in the stars if you will." He lifted a brow at her words. Written in the stars sounded so far fetched that he had a hard time believing it. But then again, nobody really knew how or why there were soulmates in their kind.

"As you can say it, mother dearest. Fret not, for I shall court the fair maiden or as you so gracefully called it, woo her," he teased. The result was a smack on his arm.

"You sound just like your father did!" She huffed. She turned to walk out but stopped halfway. Then she glanced over her shoulder at him. Waiting, he stood wondering what she was pondering about. He didn't need to wait long. Fast paced she soon stood before him once more and embraced him warmly. Gave him a motherly pat on his cheek and then she left.

Only a weak smile graced his lips as he watched her walk out. None the wiser of the plan that was brewing in the older woman’s mind as she left her oldest son. For what kind of mother would she be if she didn’t meddle in a situation like this?