Chapter 2

Broken bonds

Or

The three musketeers

Being Alpha came with many responsibilities. Blake believed, so far, he had done an okay job. He had won the challenges coming his way and with time came either respect or fear. The outcome was something that was out of Blake's control. It depended on the situation and the state of mind of the one challenging him.

Since the first day as an Alpha, Blake had tried to hear all and be fair. It was a fine line he walked for it was also his job to discipline. It was with utmost importance his emotions were stable. Constant changing emotions lead to restlessness in the whole pack.

Predators and time of tumult never went well hand in hand. Weakness was dangerous. Which meant that Blake's situation was precarious. Restlessness had settled in his body, taking a hold of him and it was all Blake could do to rope in his emotions. While he might have been a tad unruly when young and bold. He had never had this kind of difficulty holding back. But he found himself fighting against rumbling growls. Spreading beneath his chest and through his throat at every opportunity.

He wasn’t some juvenile pup in the midst of raging hormones. This erratic turmoil of emotions and restlessness was impacting everything around him. Most of all; his pack. If only this unrest in him was due to exhausting or hunger. Then he could at least do something about that.

The soul was a much more troubling thing to settle. And therein lay Blake’s problem. For though it was his body who expressed this agitation. It was within the deepest part of him the real storm was seething.

As another rumble vibrated in his chest, he pressed his hand against the disturbance. Trying half-heartedly to massage the tense muscle. It didn’t do much. Weary he sighed and found himself pacing once more. That was another thing. He could barely sit still. He was pacing more often than not.

He had considered whether a challenger was in the area, but this had been going on for far too long. For the last week in fact. If one was to challenge him, they would have found him by now. Besides he wouldn’t have felt like this by a possible challenger. He had tried that too many times not to know how that went down.

It wouldn’t affect his soul. His wolf instincts and his emotions, sure. But soul? No, that was far too deep and secret a place for a mere challenger to affect. So, he found himself wondering once more; what the heck was happening? He wanted to snap over the smallest of things. Had in fact snapped at a few when he no longer could hold himself back.

Fortunately – if you could count it that – it had primarily happened to his two Betas. Though, one time he even lost control around a lower rank wolf. The male had almost showed throat and belly right then and there. Blake almost grimaced when he remembered the fear and surprise that had been stark on the poor wolf’s face. The stank of fear had permeated the air.

Not wanting to repeat that, Blake had since secluded himself in his study. One thing was to put one in their place when it was needed. Another was snapping without reason. He would have to seek out Thomas and apologies for the unreasonable reprimand. When he was once more in control of himself that was.

In resignation he rubbed his hands over his face. His desk was a mess, though he had done nothing but stare at whatever gibberish scribbled on the papers. Which made it all the more impressive how his desk could have turned out to be such a disaster of a chaotic mess. The messy stacks of papers and notes could for all have been taunting him of the ineffectiveness he had been executing the past week. What time he should have used on work, had been a time of pacing. Back and forth, over and again.

He stiffened for at bit. No, he was being daft – again. He shook his head and turned towards the window. Focusing. Hoping he had simply picked up a faraway sound. A very faraway sound. As all but the sound he was searching for filled his ears, he couldn’t help but clench his fists.

“It’s official Blake, you are going crazy…” he mumbled to himself. How else could he explain hearing muffled sounds of child-laughter and puppy barks. No pups were within hearing distance. No matter how shrill and loud they would laugh or cry. Not in his study. Not in his own bedroom. Yet, he kept picking up the sounds throughout the day over the last week or so.

Defeated for the moment, he leaned his hip against the windowsill. To stare out at the winter day. Their little village was a wonder. He was proud of it. It had been there for centuries, and for many more to come. They had fought off the leading modernization. The bigger companies who wanted to expand the cities by chopping off every tree and killing the flora. If they could, they would probably have leveled everything to the ground.

Not only had they fought the humans off. They had even broadened the area to which was now a nature reserve. The only thing they made sure to do was make a few small villages around the little town of Kirkwall. A town of old which had survived as they had. Though it had been modernized in a lot of ways throughout time. It would seem too suspicious to simply have one little village in the middle of the woods next to Kirkwall.

So as not to be condemned the weird forest people, and what not humans had a tendency to nickname what they thought odd. There had been made a few other villages around Kirkwall, all in different sizes. It was also a way to make sure humans didn’t get too curious and neared the pack-village. The last thing Blake needed was somebody seeing something they ought not to see.

And people turning to wolves was definitely within the not-ought-to-see-category. It was either information which made people vanish for good or drastically changed their lives forever.

A tuck within Blake’s chest made him focus once more. Trying to make his mind as blank as the fresh fallen snow hadn’t worked. He hadn’t tried very hard, mind you. Perhaps he should try more diligent. Trying to seek within and find whatever little tranquility there was in his soul…

Feeling foolish Blake huffed. He placed his elbow against the wall and leaned his forehead on his arm. If he wanted, he could still look out, but alas his eyes closed for the winter day. There was no placid zen to be found within. Already was one of his feet beginning to tap impatiently against the floor.

Scarcely a minute later a knock sounded. Blake answered in a gruff voice heavy with irony.

“If you really want to, do come in…” Blake knew it would only be his Betas or his mother who would dare to disturb him. With a low chuckle the door opened. Blake knew the tone and scent well. He needn’t see who walked in.

“I see you are in a fine mood as ever,” said a melodic voice that was not too deep, yet still not as light as a woman’s. Humor was hidden in plain sight within the voice. It was not wrong to imagine that the speaker laughed more often than not.

"Playing with fire as always, Jet," Blake said. Posturing himself so he wasn’t half leaning against the wall, he turned his attention to his Beta.

"It makes life interesting," Jet answered.

"Says the one who has Alexia as mate…"

The only answer Blake got was a warm chuckle. It didn’t hide the satisfaction Jet felt about his mate. Jet moved into the study coming to a stand before the desk. When Jet said nothing, Blake raised a brow at his Beta.

Jet cleared his throat a little and in a more concerned tone of voice asked, “anyway, how are you?”

Blake glanced a bit out the window as he tried to find the right words. He had no idea how to express how he felt - nor if he wanted to say them out loud. Saying them made them so final. Real. One glance at Jet settled his mind to at least give his worried Beta something.

“That’s a good question - I have no idea. What I do know is that the forest has never looked better. It’s all I can do to not shift and run without end. I’m afraid that if I do… I would not come back.” Blake took a heavy breath. “Not for a long time.” He let the words sink into the silence that followed.

“When did you last shift?” There was a small amount of hesitancy in Jet’s voice - with good reason. Blake snorted. Something within him began clawing at his insides when hearing that hesitancy. It annoyed him when it shouldn’t. He was almost grinding his teeth. In an attempt to rein in his growing annoyance, he turned to the window again, looking at the snow.

Be like the snow; clean, fresh and calm…

Bullocks.

More like a freaking snowstorm. Blake began pacing again. Jet said nothing. He kept a wary eye on Blake. An agitated wolf was a dangerous wolf. Mix that with an Alpha and you would more often than not have a ticking timebomb.

With agitation Blake ran a hand through his messy hair, resulting in only making it messier. It was all wrong. The weighty silence was only interrupted by Blake’s footsteps and heavy breathing. Their sharp hearing picked it out like a needle falling to the floor.

“I haven’t shifted for the past week.” I dare not to almost hang in the air. But never would Blake admit to that kind of… concern. Never in his life had he worried about shifting. His wolf form was simply him in another form. With more animalistic instincts and thoughts. Yet something held him back from shifting. That something worried him more than he wanted to admit.

What he did know - or thought he knew - was that his soul was searching for something. That wasn’t so weird in itself. All souls were more or less searching for their soulmates, but never had it felt like this. Never had it felt like his very soul was about to rip itself apart from him. Or try to take over his wolfish side, making him run who knew where to.

As he kept pacing, he was not aware of Jet’s keen gaze on him. The stare turning more and more worried as he saw his Alpha rubbing his eyes. The strain around his mouth. Showing perturbation in every movement and features.

It was unsettling - even for a wolf like Jet who was a Beta. Especially because Blake had never exhibited such behavior before.

"Okay, let's summarize," Jet interrupted because he could watch no more. He extended a finger for each statement. "One: you feel agitated. Two: you haven’t been in wolf form lately. Three: you have no clue as to what is going on... Four: Am I missing something?" He said, looking pointedly at Blake. Hoping that he would calm down a bit, if Jet recapped what they knew.

Finally, Blake’s feet seemed to be able to stay in one place as Blake thought it over. He needed to get a grip on himself. Before further ado he said the first thing that came to mind. And regretted it the next instant.

"I hear pups... and child laughter." Blake placed one hand at his hip, the other rubbing his neck. “When neither are even in hearing distance.”

By Fenris’ grey hair he sounded positively ludicrous.

Jet looked baffled for a moment. "Pups?" He asked dubiously. Blake nodded sharply, knowing exactly how it sounded. Jet’s face changed under the strain of effort from trying to keep an expression from appearing. Blake narrowed his eyes. He knew Jet well enough to know what expression he was fighting. And only fighting it because of Blake’s sullen temper.

“Out with it already,” Blake huffed.

Immediately Jet’s lips formed a lopsided smile. As soon as it appeared it made Blake wary, wondering if he had made a mistake.

"When did you last get some?" His Beta asked, this time with an unrepentant grin. A growl rumbled in Blake's throat as he frowned. With hands raised in surrender Jet smiled and said, not sounding sorry at all. "Just saying".

"Right," Blake grumbled before he picked two sheets of paper from his desk, trying to look them over. All the while fighting to ignore the smile gracing Jet’s face with its own secret. Blake needed no more crazy thoughts or ideas.

The only thing that went through Jet’s mind was that his Alpha’s biological clock had begun ticking. Hearing pups? Yeah, it seemed like his Alpha was finally feeling the need to start a family. And why not? An Alpha at Blake’s age would by now have found a mate (or attempting to find one) and trying making offspring. Blake? Nope, he hadn’t felt the need. Much to the disgruntlement of his mother (and some packmates).

"Was there something specific that you wanted or was annoying me just on your daily agenda?" Blake interrupted Jet’s musing. As Jet was about to open his mouth, a knock interrupted. Withholding a deep sigh, Blake said to enter. In came Cailean; his litter brother and first Beta.

"Cailean," acknowledged Blake with a nod and something that might resemble calm. Cailean stayed close to the door, as he did not look like one who was staying for long. This Blake knew was not because of his temper. Though he would not have faulted Cailean if it was.

The two litter brothers resembled each other in a lot of ways. They both had dark hair, but where Blake had golden eyes, Cailean took after their mother with the grey hue. In height there were but two centimeters between them. Something they only knew because as young boys they had been quite competitive about it. In such Blake had been quite prideful as a young juvenile when he overtook his younger brother by two centimeters.

"I just got a call from Leon," Cailean said not elaborating. Blake contemplated whether his Betas tried to get on his nerves on purpose. They certainly seemed to get a kick out of it. He lifted a brow in a silent inquire.

"A stray has stepped into your territory." It was simple. It was straightforward. Blake felt an uncanny fury storm burn its way through his inside. An echo of a wolf snarl seemed to vibrate from his very soul. He hadn’t felt this kind of anger in a long while. It almost took him by surprise. Yet within his deepest self it seemed the unrest that had been brewing suddenly began to boil. It was all he could do not to shift right then and there. And it was not because of the anger.

"It is a female wolf, Blake - a lone female wolf. And you know that as an unmated Alpha you have first claim." Female could just as well have been the most powerful word in the world. A sudden serene dropped as a supreme bass inside him. It was a calm that remained for all of that one word. Then the restlessness bounced back with ferocity.

"Do we know where she is headed?" He asked, straining his hands against the back of his desk chair that he stood behind.

"I made Leon keep an eye on her. The last news I got was that she was on her way towards the center of Kirkwall."

"Alright, let's go. Jet?" Never one to miss a party Jet nodded and followed Blake and Cailean. They had reached the car when Blake addressed Cailean in a serious tone.

“Don’t spout nonsense such as first claim again - mother would beat you within an inch of your life if she heard you. With good reason too.” There was a short pause. “And you know I am not looking for a mate.” The only outward reaction Blake got for his trouble was Cailean’s eyes dancing with his own mirth. A short "aye, aye.” followed.

Jet kept his grin to himself.

It was in the car that they got two more calls; one from one of the juveniles who had seen her at the local photo-shop. The other from the tracker, Leon, who told she was running towards Manson's motel.

A cheap rundown place that against all odds was still up and running. They knew the shortcuts around the city, so it didn't take them long before they saw the motel with its queer colors and faulty sign. The closer they came, the more it seemed his heart was trying to beat his chest to pieces. His hands were straining around the wheel. His knuckles white and looked about to pop. The others said nothing. Though it didn’t take much time, it felt like hours had gone by when they finally arrived.

The tracker had seen the female wolf go into room seven. Not that they needed to know. As soon as they exited the Land Rover, they could smell her in the air. The smell hit Blake like a baseball bat to the face. It halted him in his steps for all of five seconds. As the first hit abated to something akin to a caress, Blake began to find his senses. Never had anything beckoning him as much as this. His whole being was so tuned into this sensation, that he almost forgot everything around him.

Until he had waited far too long. Agitation and need plunged into him with a fury that took his breath away. Once regained he marched with tunnel vision towards the door of seven. He was almost banging the door off its hinges with the first knock, much to the glee of Jet.

"Easy there, tiger," the Beta snickered, but with a warning glare from Blake he was silenced. On the third knock Blake's wolf soul was whining and growling, echoing in his being. Being no longer able to control the burst of overwhelming pressure from the unknown sources within, he kicked the door open.

The room smelled of her. And what a scent. It was almost enchanting. The need to find this female was a firm hand of steel. He had expected her to stand in the room, and from what he could detect by her smell, she was nervous and ready to bolt. Much to his lamentation the room was empty. Jet was the first to approach the window, and it didn't take long for them to put two and two together.

Being bigger than the female, Jet had quite the trouble getting out. He managed it by breaking the frame of the window. The breeze wafted in through the now broken window, offering Blake a fresh scent of the female. A certain sweetness and promise saturated the smell. Alongside a strong portion of wildness - something which awoke slumbering needs. She could have turned wolf and run through the thin foliage behind the motel. But no clothes lay scattered around. Also, he would have been able to see her from here. Something wasn't right.

A single exchanged look with Cailean told him much the same. As the gears turned in his head, he knew. Dammit he knew. Before Cailean could ask, Blake was already running out the door.

There! He saw her - a female with red hair and firm legs moving in a sprint. Her goal the car parked close to his own. He knew he would lose her if she got in her car. Never did he remember to have run as fast as he did then. For all he knew, the wind could have placed him right behind her. The harsh rhythm of his lungs told him a different story.

It was when he finally stood face to face with the intruder of his territory that he began to understand. Her deep blue eyes drew him in and he was struck speechless.

The longer he stared into her eyes, the more it seemed his body was filling with a humming vibrating energy. His body was not shaking he realized. It was something so deep and intense he was more lost than ever yet found in that moment. The humming had a certain rhythm to it. And as it spread along his veins, filling his whole body, he had never felt stronger. Peace was however upon him. Whatever it was, was pulling him apart. Then putting him back together into something new.

Time stood ever still. Like a drop of water on the tip of a leaf. Precarious hanging on, until the last moment. Time moved on as fast as a raindrop falling to earth.

He took a filling breath and almost choke on the strong burning sensation in his nostrils. Never had smells been so sharp, intense or clear. Never had the air been so light nor fresh that whatever he must have been breathing before had to be smoke. Cleansing his whole body and mind. In that moment he knew he had never taken a proper breath before.

Strength ran through his veins like rivers. Spreading, warming and never stopping. He knew he would be ready for whatever might come. To protect. To fight. To do what he must. It was a shocking realization to say the least. To know his strength was as great and mighty as his determination. A dark almost satisfying voice whispered beast. With a knowing hunger rumbling in its debts.

He would truly be an unstoppable beast should anything threaten this precious being before him.

His soulmate.

The fact that the unfamiliar wolf that roamed his territory happened to be his mate, was so unrealistic he stood stumped. But not even shock could stop his soul rejoicing in the discovery. He could as good as taste her soul name forming on his tongue. Knowing nothing would sound as right or as promising.

But a broken promise it was. For no sooner had he realized who she was, an intense pain and desolation penetrated his whole being. What had been vanished and all strength left him as he saw into the blue eyes before him and understood...

She was trying to break free from this blessed meeting.

Fear and rejection were crystal clear in her wide eyes. It was heartrending. The warm soothing and gentle touches of souls connecting, like fine silk threads weaving into a tapestry of ancient and legendary stories, were beginning to segregate. The promise of her soul name, unfulfilled, left a bitter taste on his tongue.

So close to letting a whine escape from his lips, Blake clenched his teeth hard. He felt weak, pathetic and weak. Just trying to prevent her retreat by gripping her arms was almost enough to bring him to his knees. He felt the threads break and he did a sharp intake of breath when the cold harsh truth glared in his face.

His mate was rejecting him, and he felt bloody helpless as it happened.

It was in that moment he felt her slip away. Leaving his arms. Leaving him. It woke his instincts from the torpor of disheartenment. Never being one to chase after females, he nonetheless threw caution to the wind. He ran with everything he had, closing his ears to surprised calls of his Betas.

He caught up to her in less than five strides and she was back. Back to where everything within him was screaming she belonged; in his arms. If he had been guided by his humane morals and not his wilder instincts. He would have thought himself a brute and vulgar in the way he held her apprehended. His wild side thought it only fair. She fought hard and wild against him. He knew well it was pointless.

She growled, kicked and tried everything in the book of dirty tricks. But his hold held firm. Instinct took over and without much thought as to why this was possible a good idea, he sought out her lips. Why, he had no clue. A touch of insanity perhaps. He would have liked to think it helped. Just a tad. But a moment of insanity or thoughtless gestures never had much success in history of well-received reactions.

She froze as she realized what was happening. Only for a moment though. With brute force she got control of her arms and covered his mouth with both of her hands.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" She snarled at him while locking eyes with him. If she had been in wolf form her hackles would have raised and her teeth showing. She had spirit and it pleased him to no end. Jerking her hands away from his mouth he took ahold of her upper arms and steadied her.

"Tell me why! Why do you fight against what is meant to be?" He could not help but ask. He felt the bond yet again try to reach out to her. It connected but it was a fight to gain a hold as she still tried to close herself off from him. How she was even doing it, he knew not, but it was baffling.

"I don't want a mate!" She all but screamed at him. A knife to the gut would have been just as effective as her words. With a long dull knife. He took another hard intake of breath.

"Do you even know what you are saying?" His rapid breathing charred his throat. His eyes burned into hers. Those dark blue eyes were steadily filling with anger and pain. For pain followed the broken pieces of the bond. She knew what she was saying though. He could see it in her blue depths and it almost made him let go of her. Until he felt it click.

As puzzle pieces meant to fit whatever way they were rotated, they clicked into place. Together they were meant to create a masterpiece. Yet whatever glow it should have emitted, it was but a tired looking thing, that fit yet did not.

Whatever she had done to hold him at bay vanished as the bond took hold. He felt a low burn once more, alongside emotions from her. Almost overwhelming for a second. Disbelief and panic marked her and it saddened him. The fighting had made the bond fragile.

This time no soul name was at the tip of his tongue. The lost was close to crippling.

Reluctant he let go of her as the fight left her. The strong emotions and heartfelt connection occurring as their souls merged, began to dull. An unpleasant burn took form in the back of his throat. Whether it was a certain amount of disbelief or perhaps akin to an anger of sorts, he knew not. He just knew it was not pleasant. It was not peaceful, and it was tearing at his soul.

All the while the female was standing still. Intensely looking at everything but him. The deep nature of the wolf couldn't help but make Blake a bit perplexed by the whole experienced. He had gotten his mate but at what price? Blake didn't know if he should apologize or not. Didn’t even know if he could. Before he could do more, Cailean and Jet’s arrival distracted him. He had completely forgotten about them in the midst of this mess.

He could feel, if not smell, their unease. Well, he was right alongside them. On one hand he was grateful that they had his back. On the other hand, he could already feel his body tense as they neared. Every instinct warned him to make them stay the hell away from her. He swallowed the notion.

"At least tell me your name," Blake asked. It made the whole situation so much more ridiculous when he thought about it. Finding one's mate and bonding not even knowing each other's names. Well, that was a sight for the Gods he thought.

For a moment she glared piercingly at him, like she had had the very same thought.

"Ember," she answered at last in a dead voice.