《If We Could See Forever》Chapter 4 Scarifies

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Eric didn’t in the mood for a game named “fighting-for-John’s attention”.

For these years, he was so tired of John’s lies and emotional abuse.

He was already half-asleep when John got out of the shower and awoken by the sinking of the mattress. John climbed on, lying behind Eric, with an arm around his waist. He rubbed Eric’s bony back, gaping, “God, you are scrawny… anything wrong?”

“Nothing. Just as you said, I’m losing weight.” Eric mumbled drily.

John couldn’t see Eric’s face, still believing he was mad at him for his three-week-long absence. He pressed a series of light kisses alongside Eric’s spine, trying to soothe the anger only existing in his imagination.

“Stop it. It’s a very long day, and I’m too tired to enjoy this.” Eric turned to face John, pushing him away.

John was actually also not in the mood: He had spent over three weeks living with his new lover and was in dire need of sleep.

But Eric’s rejection still hurt his pride because he was always so sure that Eric would do anything to make him happy.

“We haven’t had sex for over three weeks! Don’t’ you miss it?! Don’t you miss me?!” He inquired grimly.

Eric didn’t want to see John’s face. He turned around again, facing the other with his back, “Just tired. Don’t be a child. Get some rest.”

John frowned. He knew Eric must be hiding something from him but couldn’t prove it.

Eric was always so calm, and no one could get anything out of him if he refused to talk.

Besides, John didn’t have the courage to confront Eric: after all, he was the unfaithful one. So, he controlled his curiosity and anger, closing his eyes and trying to sleep.

This time, Eric was wide-awake. His head was splitting as if it was riddled with holes.

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It had been torturing him for almost half a month. He thought it was caused by John’s absence and would be fine when he came back.

Turned out, John’s presence only aggravated it.

The first time he outed to his family, his beloved mother warned him that he would be betrayed by this man.

Because, law and society were both against their so-called relationship. While in youth, one might believe that love could make anything possible. But, seen too many in her life, Eric’s mother knew love was pretty powerless.

She believed that John would replace him with a younger or charmer man years later. And when Eric begged for John’s back, nothing would redeem their love or relationship.

Maybe, I just hated to part with him… Eric turned to look at John, who was soundly sleeping.

He put his arms around John’s waist, whispering, “We have only one year… I don’t care about your affair, I really don’t. Just, don’t leave me…”

With his eyes closing, John held Eric tight to his heart. He muttered in dream, “Ricky… honey…”

Tears ran down Eric’s cheek, melting soundlessly in the darkness.

He loved it too hard and couldn’t let it go at all.

It was true that John was the one who said the three magical little words first, but Eric was the one who had been making concessions for their relationship and love.

John hoped he could stay at home and be a househusband after their company started to make real money. Eric agreed. He gave up his position in the company, gave away his stakes to John, and learned how to cook like a good lover.

Apparently, his sacrifices only got betrayal in return.

He didn’t have much personal money. Most of their properties belonged to John, who’d rather giving them to his other lovers than spend on Eric. Eric’s bank account was continuously shrinking after he was diagnosed and achieving an almost spooky number.

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It was also one of the reasons he refused to be hospitalized.

“Be good to me… for all these years, I’ve never mad at you… don’t betray me again, and you will really regret it one day…”

After diagnosed, Eric had thought a lot. He had imagined if he didn’t fall for John and give up everything for him, would he have a better life? Would he still have family and friends?

Would he, like everyone in the world, live a quiet and normal life?

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