《The Wizard of Ounces》Chapter 12: What lies Underneath?
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"No, my name is Bob."
"What?" said the Teacher.
"My name is not Phil Hoss O'Fee," said Bob.
The Teacher hit Bob on the nose again with his staff.
"Ow! Wy do you keep doing that?" asked Bob, rubbing his growing red nose.
"Me," said the Teacher, "what about you? ...my name...is...not...Phil...oh Ijust can't."
"Its not. Some people call me Bob Brave."
"I bet they don't call you Bob Smart."
Lefty started giggling.
Bob turned to Lefty. "Hey! What are you laughing at."
"You're right," said Lefty, "I should not laugh at that old man with the long white beard who has probably not seen another human being in years stealing my bit."
Lefty held Mute Mute up to Bob. His mouth opened and closed.
The Teacher looked at the puppet. His old, lined face scrunched at the sight.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," said Bob. He then yawned. "What did he say?"
"He says," Lefty said, "no one is ever going to call you Bob Smart."
Then Mute Mike rolled his fingers into a fist and smote Bob's strawberry like nose squarely.
"Ow!," screamed Bob. Why does everyone keep doing that?"
The Teacher started laughing. "You guys are a riot." The Teacher than ran back into what looked like a quilt made up of animal hides draped over a rope and brought out crudely made puppets on each of his hands.
The puppet on his right hand said, "I'm tired of living all by myself. If I read another thing, I'll spew chunks."
The pupet on his left hand said, "That is because you're round the bend."
The Teacher bent down and picked up a stick and put it in the mouth of the left handed puppet. The left handed puppet started hitting the right haded puppet with the stick.
"Take that you nutter," said the left handed puppet.
The Teacher began to laugh.
Bob just stared with his mouth wide open, as well as his eyes.
Lefty muttered, "Looks like my act is safe."
Jazz stepped up and put his hand gently on the teachers left hand and said, "Teacher, tell me about your life here."
The teacher looked at Jazz. The color in the Teacher's face seemed to return. His eyes began to brighten.
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"Thanks for asking," said the Teacher, "I haven't had many visitors lately. It is like I was completely forgotten up here since the Orc wars. No one wants to learn anymore, much less read. They just want to play those war games."
"Stupid Orcs" said Lefty.
"Stupid wars," said Bob.
"Stupid illiterates," said Jazz
"Sexy girls," said Juan.
"Huh?" said everyone.
"Oh never mind," said Juan, "I just got caught up in the moment."
Everyone looked at Juan and scrunched up their face as if they were trying to scrutinize Juan; to decifer the mystery of what made him tick.
The Teacher broke the silence.
"Well, I did have one visitor. A Halfling. An odd fellow. He wanted a recipe for a sandwich."
"Say what?" cried out Jazz.
"Yeah, a sandwich. A crazy sandwich!. Twenty years on this mountain and he wants to know something about cookery. Can you imagine?"
Bob, Lefty, Juan and Jazz crowded around the Teacher, jostling his lightweight body slightly, as if he were a screw being turned around.
Jazz put his hands on each shoulder to stop his motion. "What did you tell him?"
"Well, the first thing I did to the little bugger was knock him a good one on his nose with my staff. Cheeky little one asking me, a man of great learning, about something as mundane as cookery!"
"Well," said Bob, "I am glad I am not the only one."
Jazz looked at Bob with his eyes askew, and then looked back at the Teacher, and said, "Then what did you do?"
"It was a long time ago. As you know I don't believe in the love of learning. I believe in the exchange of learning for money. So, I probably sold him a cookery book."
"Why don't you believe in the love of learning?" asked Bob.
Jazz elbowed Bob in the side, making him jump and wince. "Not now, Bob. Let's see if we can find some clues."
The Teacher turned to Bob and said, "Don't worry son, it is just my business."
Then, the Teacher turned to Jazz and said, "I'm sorry. I don't really remember much. But, I must have sold this halfling a cookery book. I try not to keep financial records. Nothing good ever comes from that, so I can't really provide you any more information."
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Juan stepped up. "Do you think this book could have been magic or contained magic spells?"
Everyone looked carefully at the old, well-worn, almost leather-like countenance of the Teacher.
"Hmm...it is a distinct possibility. If I remember correctly, he was happy, and paid good money. Yeah, that's right. I remember now, there was something interesting about his money. It was unlike anything I had seen before: they were gold coins with a picture of a smiling dragon on one side and a wagging draggon tail on the other. Strangest things I've ever seen. I still don't know what King minted them."
Bob, Jazz, Lefty and Juan looked at each other.
"This is getting a little eerie," said Lefty.
"A smiling dragon on a gold coin. A gold dragon?" said Bob.
"What the heck is going on?" said Juan. Juan then blushed. "Sorry, I mean what is going on here?"
Bob and Lefty looked at each other. Bob raised an eyebrow.
"Are you trying to watch your language?" asked Bob.
Juan's blush took another degree deeper of crimson.
"By any chance, can we see one of these coins?" asked Jazz.
"I don't know," said the Teacher, "let me take a look in my bag. Maybe we can find one."
The Teacher was surprisingly fleet on his feet despeite what seemed like advanced age. He moved a blanket down a rope exposing another quilt patch tent behind.
"You wait here," said the Teacher, "I deserve some privacy, right?
"Sure," said Jazz.
Juan and Lefty looked at each other.
Bob put his hand on the hilt of his sword. He gave it a good squeeze. But, then Bob relinquished his squeese and put his hand back to his side.
"Even if it is a trap, I don't think I can fight," said Bob.
"Yikes!" screamed the Teacher!
Jazz, Bob, Lefty and Juan looked at each other.
Lefty was the first to react and he ran into the next tent.
Lefty looked around. The floor was cluttered with cloth and parchment. On the walls, there were tapestries with naked men and women in various scenes. In the middle, stood the teacher looking into a small wooden box on the floor. It was open from the top, which was rounded like a loaf of bread.
"What is it?!!!" yelled Lefty.
"The coins!" yelled the Teacher.
Bob, Jazz and Juan entered the new tent.
"Hey! What is this?" said Juan looking at the tapestries.
"Focus!" said Jazz, looking at the teacher bent over the wooden chest on the floor.
Lefty looked into the wooden box. "I don't believe it!"
"What?" said Jazz.
"Look!" yelled Lefty.
Jazz and Bob leaned over Lefty's shoulder and into the box.
"Dragon scales!" cried out Bob.
The bottom of the box looked like the molten gold pathway they had followed, squirming and swirling - pulsating - like a living thng.
"Thank goodness you didn't touch it," said Jazz.
Juan still looking at the tapestries said, "I think he did."
Jazz looked at Juan confused, and then turned back to the Teacher. "Don't touch it, Teacher, they are gold dragon scales and it will burn, possibly kill you."
"When I put them in the box, they were coins," said the Teacher, shaking his head,his whole body shaking ever so slightly.
"Magic," said Jazz, "It must have been a powerful spell. "
"Is that what you call it?" laughed Juan.
"Aye," said the Teacher, "I was totally fooled and I am the Teacher!"
"Do you think your connection to the Teacher is why we are on this quest?" asked Bob.
"Maybe. I don't know. It does seem that way, doesn't it?" replied Jazz.
"I feel like a pawn," said Bob.
"I know the feeling," said Lefty.
"What are you feeling?" asked Juan.
"Umm...guys...things are getting worse!" said Bob.
The dragon scales were moving up the walls of the chest, such that, you could see the exposed, stained brown wood of the chest underneath.
"I don't believe it," said Jazz.
"Is that what I think it is?" asked Bob.
"Yeah, it is, " said Juan, "I'd know that act anywhere. Three people, one on top of each other like a sandwich."
"No," said Jazz, "It is a door, underneath the dragon scales."
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