The rain did stop eventually, after two more days of working inside the ship, narrowly avoiding too much contact with Dimitri. Theo woke to a bright day outside when he peeked around the blinds in his quarters. It seemed the rain had brought in another change of weather; it was colder than it had been since they arrived, and when he sat at the open hatch he could see his breath in the air. He held his mug of coffee close for warmth and comfort. There was a sense that this was the last time he would be doing this; if Dimitri and Shade could finish the hull repairs he saw no reason to stay through the evening. He had not told his plan to Shade, which was maybe a little unfair, but he wasn’t really in the mood to have an argument with xem, either.

He could already imagine how xe would tell him that they had to be polite, that they would have to say their goodbyes properly after all of the kindness they had been shown by everyone on Imia II. But it seemed pointless to Theo, who just wanted to disappear back into the darkness of space, where he didn’t have to worry about being polite or doing things properly. He could just keep his head down and do his job until he died.

He also did not tell Shade that he spent the better part of the evening prior searching the streams for their next job, although it would have been easy for xem to figure it out if xe happened to look. Maybe he was looking for a fight after all, if had made it so obvious, but he would have much rather found a stranger to knock around a little bit. Someone bigger than him to hit, who would hit him back. Imia II didn’t seem like the sort of place for that, though. Everything about this place was far too clean and good, and in this mood Theo was starkly aware how much he did not belong.

It had been stupid of him to let himself get so attached to Dimitri just because he liked the sound of his voice and how he smiled, and to try to find some meaning in his kindness. It would have been stupider of him to try to find any hope in the situation. If there was one thing that Theo knew he did not have, it was hope. That was abundantly clear. The sooner that lesson stuck, and the sooner that Dimitri saw it too, the better off the both of them would be.

Once his mug was drained, he couldn’t stand waiting at the airlock any longer, so he rose to find something else to do with himself. He took the lift to deposit the now empty mug in the mess, and when he returned to the lift to find something to do, Dimitri was already on it. “Oh,” he said, a bit surprised, but he got on anyway, not looking directly at the other man.

“Are you okay?” Dimitri asked after a moment as the lift took them up to deck one. Theo couldn’t stand the concern in his voice.

“I’m fine,” he answered without looking at him, and when the lift stopped he could not get off fast enough. He disappeared into his quarters, not waiting to see if Dimitri had anything else to say, or if he would try to stop him.

Lying in his bed, Theo could hear the distant sound of the final hull repairs above him. He mindlessly scrolled a pad to search stream advertisements that were looking for exterminators, focusing mostly on the jobs that would take him very far away from Imia II. There was a job on Galiv Prime, two whole systems over, that looked promising, and he thought they would even be able to make it there without having to make any stops for supplies. But after he sent the inquiry he only felt numb.

He set the pad aside and let his eyes close, although with the noise above him he had no chance of falling asleep. He didn’t want to sleep, exactly, but he also didn’t want to be here anymore — not on this moon, not on this ship. It was the sort of abstract thought that would get him into trouble sooner or later if he didn’t find something else to do. The sound of drills did nothing to wash them out.

Theo didn’t know how long he was left alone, but eventually the sound of work stopped. He could find no peace in the silence, however. After another stretch of time Shade came looking for him, and xe knocked on the door before actually opening it. Theo was still lying in his bed with his eyes closed, but he wouldn’t be able to get away with pretending to be asleep. “The repairs seem to be finished,” xe said warily from the doorway, and it was only the novelty of their tone that made Theo open his eyes and look over at xem. The shapes on xyr face were just as cautious, the dark orange from a setting sun. “The diagnostics on the shields and hull are running now.”

He couldn’t find anything to say, though, because the only words that wanted to spill from his mouth would have sounded like vitriol. He once again had the stray thought that would have been unfair to xem, and it seemed oddly out of place, considering how raw he felt. As much as he was trying to avoid it, it wasn’t beyond him to pick an argument with Shade just because xe happened to be the only one there. It really was a wonder that xe put up with him for so long. He wondered if Boss had made xem promise before he had died that xe would not abandon him. It certainly sounded like something the old man would have done, and Shade had never been one to break a promise easily.

“Dimitri has a proposition for you,” xe went on cautiously. “Perhaps you should speak to him.”

Theo blinked, feeling something close to blindsided, although he didn’t understand why. A proposition? What the fuck was that supposed to mean? “What is it?” he asked, his tone dull and uninterested, in spite of the tension in his chest.

“I cannot say,” Shade answered, xyr shoulders lifting in a small shrug. “He wishes to speak to you.”

Theo sighed now and tipped his face away from the android, letting his eyes close. He lifted his arm to cover his face, like that might shut out the whole world. “Tell him to come back tomorrow. I’m tired,” he grumbled, knowing full well he did not intend to still be here in the morning.

If Shade knew that he was thinking this, xe did not say anything. Xe stayed in the doorway for a moment longer before leaving, the door sliding shut behind xem.

Theo kept his eyes closed and he thought he might have slept for a while, or at least drifted in a mindless darkness that was more comforting than consciousness. When he opened his eyes again, everything was still silent. Without rising from the bed, he found the pad where he had left it and sent the remainder of the payment for the repairs to the Croft account and tossed it aside again.

That would be it, then. There was nothing else for him to take care of. All he had to do was leave.

When he finally left his quarters, Theo went straight to the bridge. Shade wasn’t there, and did not appear when he stopped at an operations panel and began to read over the diagnostics from earlier in the day. It was almost a relief to see everything complete, a weight off of his chest and he could breathe again. Almost. He would only feel better once they were off of this moon, and even then he couldn’t guarantee that he would immediately snap out of this mood. But at least he wouldn’t have to look up and see Dimitri smiling at him, reminding him of something that he wasn’t allowed to want.

Satisfied with the diagnostics, Theo stepped away from the panel and moved down to the captain’s chair. Looking out at the stars he thought back to the moment in the barn, climbing into the loft and sitting with Dimitri in near silence. How peaceful the other man had looked with his head tipped back, his eyes closed. Theo frowned, and pulled the captain’s controls closer.

“Computer,” he started, and he didn’t know why he paused before he went on with his command, “Prepare for launch.”

“CANNOT COMPLY,” came the response in Shade’s crisp voice.

Theo looked up from the command panel, confused. “Explain,” he demanded, his hands curling into fists.

“UNKNOWN COMMAND,” the voice answered.

“What?” Theo snapped, pushing the control console away from the chair in frustration. “Computer, prepare for launch, command code 3-7-2.”

“CANNOT COMPLY. UNKNOWN COMMAND,” the voice responded again, and at that, Shade’s hologram flickered into view in front of him.

“What are you doing?” xe asked coolly, xyr arms clasped neatly behind xyr back.

“What am I doing?” Theo shouted angrily, his eyes narrowing. It did not seem to bother Shade in the least, xyr expression unmoved. “What are you doing?”

“We cannot leave yet,” Shade answered calmly, not moving from where xe stood.

Theo sneered at xem, leaning forward slightly where he sat. “And why not? The ship is repaired, I’ve finalized the payment,” he snapped. He was beginning to feel angry enough that he felt like he was far away from his body, watching the scene unfold from a distance. There was no way he could have reasoned with himself. His mind had been made up, but now he was being stopped from doing what he wanted, from doing the only thing that made sense. “Give me one good reason—”

“MOVEMENT AT THE AIRLOCK,” came Shade’s voice over the intercom, and the anger on Theo’s face softened into something closer to fear.

Shade smiled at him, the expression almost odd on xyr usually stern face. “It seems our newest crew member is here,” xe said coolly.

“Shade—” Theo started, his voice low. His hands were still in tight fists, and he felt like he might fall apart at any moment if he let them go. In an instant he understood what quiet conversation he had walked into only a few days prior in the mess, the proposition Shade pretended xe knew nothing about, and he felt panic coiling tightly in his chest. He didn’t know what to do, where he could take out his frustration, and he felt stupidly betrayed even though he could not explain it. “I want to leave.”

“And we will,” Shade promised, xyr voice still calm. Theo could not stand it. “As soon as Dimitri is aboard.”

Shade left the bridge in the blink of an eye, but Theo remained in the captain’s chair, staring out into the dark sky, trying to calm his breathing. It seemed like a futile attempt, and he wanted nothing more than to hit something. He thought back to a time he had torn apart his quarters for no reason aside from a vague feeling of rage, but this seemed like a good enough reason to do it again. This was not what he wanted. This was not what was meant to happen. He was supposed to leave, and then everything would return to normal — for himself and Dimitri.

There was no reason for Dimitri to come along with them. It didn’t make any sense. He was only throwing away a perfectly fine life that he could live perfectly normally with a family who cared for him — and for what? What good would come from him joining them, to bounce around systems without any real purpose? It was a life that Theo was mostly content for himself because he didn’t think he deserved anything more, and Shade seemed happy enough as long as xe could continue flying the ship, but what would Dimitri get out of it?

The door to the bridge slid open and Theo was still sitting in the captain’s chair, staring blankly, his fists tight enough that his nails dug into his palms. He did not look to see who entered, he did not move an inch. He wanted to scream.

“Theo,” came Dimitri’s voice, soft. From the sound of it, he barely set foot on the bridge.

The room felt like it was spinning, and everything felt wildly unfair. In some abstract way Theo knew perhaps he was acting childish again, but that didn’t matter. He felt like he had been tricked, when he had been trying to escape this, trying to forget that he liked the way Dimitri said his name, and the way his hand felt in his—

He pushed himself from where he sat and turned to storm off of the bridge, trying his best not to meet Dimitri’s eyes as he pushed passed him. “Shade!” he called in the hall, his voice shaking. He slammed his hand on the lift controls to call it, and the doors slid open near instantly. He did not turn around to see if Dimitri was coming after him after he boarded, and the doors slid quickly shut behind him. He could not keep his voice level as he went on, “Deck four,” and he was whisked downward.

“Shade!” he called again when the lift doors opened, and he stomped toward the computer core angrily.

In an instant, Shade flickered into view in front of him before he had a chance to reach the core, looking unimpressed by his display. “Yes?” xe asked, xyr voice still smooth and calm.

“You can’t do this,” Theo hissed, his hands balled into fists again. But he knew he could not hurt Shade, and he would not bother trying, even if he desperately felt the urge to. “You can’t just undermine me—”

“Undermine you?” Shade said with a forced laugh, some of the calm leaving xyr voice. “Theo, in case you forgot, you do not own me. Not matter what you might think, this is not your ship, and I can do as I please. Not everything is about you. Dimitri asked me if the ship would be in need of a permanent engineer, and I would very much like one on board.”

Theo gaped at xem, unsure of what to say or do. Xe was not wrong, of course, but that didn’t shake the feelings of anger and panic that wound tightly around him. Perhaps he shouldn’t have felt like this, perhaps he should have been glad that Dimitri asked to come along with them, but there was only the idea that Theo would ruin this, like he ruined everything else he touched.

He could not allow himself to feel even an ounce of hope.

“You should have asked me first,” Theo settled on, his voice still angry and shaking.

Shade let out another sharp laugh, and it only made Theo’s blood boil. “Why?” xe asked coldly. “So you could come up with a reason to say no?” xe went on with a shake of xyr head. “And if you recall, Dimitri wished to speak to you about this earlier. Only I know you better than you think, Theo Altair. I knew you would try to run.”

Theo let out an annoyed shout, still unable to argue with xem, and it was only infuriating him further. Shade had the advantage here, he knew, in that xe was able to stay calm and rational, when Theo only felt the urge to break something. He turned and stomped away from xem, aimless.

The lift was still open as he passed it, which meant that Dimitri hadn’t gone after him. Maybe Shade had told him not to, if they had been discussing things behind his back. But he didn’t use it; he was headed for the small cargo bay across from engineering, to look for something to smash.