“Ha… What do we do with the bodies?”

“Just leave them. They’ll be cleaned up sooner or later. Don’t waste our time on something so insignificant.”

“Man… I just wanted a vacation…”

“Come on. Let’s go back. If we can’t relax, we might as well do work in our own territory.”

As our private jet was about to take off, Rylan just had to open his damn mouth again.

“Are we monsters?”

“You know I love you and all but do you have to keep talking?”

“Just… I know. I’m asking a lot of questions and bringing up some useless points but it’s just… There’s so much information that I just….”

“How the fuck did you even arrive at us being monsters?”

“I mean, we kill. We feel no remorse for those we kill. And it’s not like we’re going hunting. It’s like a constant war. Just some times after, you start to feel numb.”

“I’m honestly worried if you’re starting to question our existence right now. What’s brought on this whole moral train?”

“It’s just… Trying to understand everything… Fein is an Arc. But he’s not our target. The Arc is our target but it’s so vague. I understand going after the head of the family and dealing with all those in our way… But the Arc is using Fein if he doesn’t know he’s a sleeper. We’re planning on using Fein for our own petty satisfaction. I know Fein was a catalyst to all that happened and I can’t help but hate him for what he chose to do. But… Even if you’ve never said it, he’s a pawn for the Arc family isn’t he? He’s – ”

“Once you’ve become the victimizer, you are no longer just a victim. The world isn’t black and white. This is something that we know very well. Although I will admit that there are some whose deeds are easily judgeable, who’s right and who’s wrong depends on perspective. The moment Fein encountered me was the moment he got thrown into this world. Like a white paper stained with ink, he can’t just fake ignorance anymore.”

“’He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.’ I’m beginning to see why you love this quote so much. It’s more than just a reminder to us. It’s a warning isn’t it.”

“Reminder. Warning. Does it make a difference? Just remember it. Light can’t exist without darkness. Darkness can’t exist without light. But just because they balance each other doesn’t mean they are equal. Do you know what’s the opposite of shadows?”

“Light?”

“No. The opposite of darkness is light. The opposite of shadows are the things that block the light and therefore creating the shadows.”

“So is this the part where you say no matter how much you run towards the light, your shadow will always be behind you?”

“Why do you think Clarins is so afraid of his shadows? He can’t get rid of it no matter what.”

“This is becoming more of a deep philosophical talk, way more than I bargained for. Why does everything lead to the Arc?”

“Well sorry that my brain trails there.”

“… Hey. You’re on a train headed to a tied up group of 10 people. You have a chance to pull the lever and divert the train to a track headed for one tied up person. Would you do it?”

“Ha… this type of question huh… How did you end up here? What are the conditions?”

“Just answer. No conditions. Not yet.”

“Then yes, I would pull the lever.”

“What if that one person was me and the group of 10 were strangers?”

“Then obviously I would not.”

“You answered that pretty quickly. No hesitation what so ever.”

“It shouldn’t be that much of a surprise. What do you strangers mean to me? Nothing. Look. I never claimed I was a saint. I never even said I was a good person. The world is grey. Like I told you, most “good” and “evil” depends on perspective. Why should I save them? For the “greater good”? What is the greater good? You do know that morality changes depending on the situation right? Do you think we’ll still keep our current values if there was a sudden apocalypse? There can be a bunch of “what ifs” scenario. You can debate the answers all you want. But you’ll never truly get an answer until you actually experience it yourself. After all, talk is just talk. Let’s say you’re a surgeon who’s never failed a surgery. 10 people come into the hospital, all with different organs failing. Kids, adults, seniors… whatever mix that makes you pity them the most. You’re the only one in the hospital for whatever reason. However, at that moment, a healthy janitor walks in. Given that organ rejection isn’t a thing, what would you do?”

“I’d let them all die. What does the janitor have to do with them? It’s not like the janitor committed some crime right? He just innocently walked in to do his job. Why should he be sacrificed?”

“Reason?”

“Quality over quantity? What would you do?”

“I’d let them die too. But maybe I’ll take the rest of the usable organs of the first to go to save the other 9. Maybe I won’t feel like doing surgery at all. Maybe I’ll let them all die, harvest their usable organs, get the janitor to clean up the mess, and sell it to the black market. Janitor gets a cut of course. There are so many possible outcomes. After all, why would there be a single surgeon? Where are the nurses? Where’s the rest of the staff? The scenario seems to question your morality but really, there’s just not enough information to truly see what’s “right” and “wrong”. Maybe he janitor wasn’t innocent. Maybe he was a hitman in disguised. Then they’d all be dead.”

“You’re starting to trail again. It’s becoming a story now.”

“The point is, knowledge and information affects your priorities. This is one of the reasons why I always stress knowing everything.”

“But I still can’t understand. How are you able to make such cold decisions sometimes? Knowing something doesn’t mean it’ll cut off your feelings. It’s just… My deep fear is… You’ll eventually drop me like you did with Fein so easily.”

“Hello! We finally get to the problem! I was wondering where this was leading to.”

“Misera, I’m serious.”

“I told you before didn’t I? I’m selfish. I will fight for our love if you give me enough reason to believe in it. But because I’m selfish, I will also abandon our love if I see no reason to continue it. I will fight for my happiness but not if it breaks me. I will not fight for a life of having one day of happiness for a year full of pain. You can guess which one Fein gave me. And yes, I’m able to cut feelings. You just get used to it. Whoever said feelings will get you killed isn’t completely wrong. We don’t live in a white house with a picket fence. We don’t work a 9 to 5 job where our biggest concern is making ends meet or health insurance. We kill. We do the dirty work because there is no such thing as a utopia. Our job is literally kill or be killed. But just because you’re in survival mode doesn’t mean you can’t feel. You get used to it. It just means you’re able to move on faster.”

“How long does it take before you get “used” to it?”

“Depends on the person. I never said this life was for everyone. If you want to survive, get used to it.”

“I – ”

“Lady and gentleman this is your captain speaking. We have arrived in …”

“If you wish, we can continue this later.”

“Wine and steak over the fireplace?”