Putting my TruShift on my head, I laid back in my bed and let the full immersion VR take me, but I wasn’t going back to Yevelia. The beautiful land of magic and fantastic creatures had been amazing, but I just couldn’t face it at the moment. I needed space, time away from the place, and especially the person, that had caused me so much hurt.

Jupiter betrayed me again. He had apologized, for a second time for involving me in things that I felt better left alone. For the first time since high school I found myself putting distance between us. I logged out, refused to call him, and put all my calls on silent. I couldn’t face him right then. I needed time to think about all that had happened, time to find my bearings again. To figure out what had been bothering me since we first logged into Yevelia.

“You just have to be the hero,” I whispered to myself. And it was true. Jupiter felt an unrequited need to be a hero, to matter, even if it was in the virtual world. He wanted to rescue the damsel, and run into the burning building. It was a trait he had since we met as children. When I had been pushed on the playground he got between me and the bully, making sure I wasn’t hurt again. Later when I started having trouble being around people he would run interference for me, helping me deal with the constant press of crowds in modern society.

He always knew who he was, and what he wanted. It was no surprised that he was trying to be a hero inside the virtual world, either. It shouldn’t have bothered me. He would always be there for me. Always rescue me.

Then why was I so angry?

It didn’t bother me that he wanted to rescue me. I had several friends and relatives that did the same, and they made living with my anxieties easier. I had come to terms with my anxiety and agoraphobia long ago. The treatments I tried in the past didn’t seem to work, so I just learned to work around it.

If I was so satisfied with my life then why wasn’t I happy? What did I want?

Maybe that was why I left Jupiter standing alone on a beach. Being with the hero reminded me that I had no direction in life, no purpose. Jupiter had always been the hero trying to get out of the projects and into a better place. He wanted to effect the world around him, change it, while I avoided it.

The TruShift offered me a location grid to choose from. The Hub, the center of everything, Yevelia where I had left Jupiter, or a few smaller worlds that I had visited the first time I entered The Hub. I clicked on the central hub area, still unsure where I wanted to go.

The world shimmered into focus and I appeared deep in the heart of The Hub. Right in front of a tower of lights and music. Streams of people made their way into the waiting cacophony. Any other time I would have danced away my sorrows with drinks and loud music. This time something felt wrong.

What did I want?

Jupiter had always been the hero trying to get out. He wanted to effect the world around him, change it. What about me? What did I want?

I felt the tears start to flow and instinctively pressed the back of my hand to my cheek. A couple of blinks and the water works were turned off. I didn’t need sympathy inside of a video game, I had enough of that in the real world. Every well meaning sympathetic ear cut a little bit deeper.

I gripped my chest, feeling my heart race and my breathing get shallow as I looked at all the people. That manic display of energy. It had never been a problem inside the virtual world before, why was it suddenly so painful?

What did I want? The thought kept twisting inside me like a knife. What was I doing here? What did I want out of it? What would I get?

Maybe I didn’t know what I wanted, but I suddenly didn’t want to be anywhere near the dance hall, or around that many people.

I turned on my heel and ran down the street. I didn’t know where I was going, or what I was doing, I just had to get away. I kept running, avoiding any crowds of people, or anyone trying to get my attention. I didn’t care if they were people or NPC’s, I just had to get away.

TruShift had been a marvel of technology when it first emerged. By connecting two minds together you could enter entire realities created from fiction. Everything from fantasy based role playing games, to cooking simulators, and city planners, all in the comfort of your own home. And everything connected to The Hub.

I could go anywhere, do anything, visit any monument, or planet at the touch of a button. But I wasn’t running to anything, I was running away, again. Away from Jupiter, away from Yevelia, away from disappointment. And away from myself.

I turned down a side street, then another. Bright lights and portals lined the paths, but there were fewer people down the side streets. It gave me time to breath, to let go of the panic that had been holding my heart hostage. I slowed down, wrapping my arms around myself to try and stop the shivers running through me. It was never cold in The Hub, but my body didn’t seem to care about facts right then.

It took me a few minutes to calm down, my breath evening out, my heart no longer trying to escape the confines of my chest. I stopped in the center of the path, closed my eyes, and took several long, deep, breathes. I let the panic from a moment before evaporate away. Once I had myself under control I opened my eyes and looked around.

I recognized the street instantly. There were several virtual bars down the road, each with a different card based game. Several were just regular casinos allowing you to play poker and black-jack just like you did in Vegas. Others were built from trading card games. Before the internet became popular people played, and collected, the trading cards in paper form. Around the 2020’s most trading cards had a digital presence. You could buy, sell, and trade the same cards you could in the real world, but their digital counterparts didn’t take up room in your home, get damaged by children and pets, or suddenly go missing when a friend visited.

When virtual worlds became a common part of gaming some of the first games to show up in VR were the trading card games. Many just opened up tournament halls and allowed you to compete with your collection in an actual arena. Some brought the cards to life allowing the creatures you summoned to fight it out in front of an audience. A few blended the card game with an RPG element allowing you to fight and capture your cards in a virtual world, then battle with them in arenas.

Somehow I had run to this row seeking out my guilty pleasure. I had been playing online card games since I could hold a mouse, and the idea of a virtual game that blended RPG and a card game had peeked my curiosity. I never suggested it to Jupiter since it wasn’t his style of game.

But I wasn’t with Jupiter at the moment.

I was standing in front of an old style saloon with swing doors. The stucco had an earthy grey cast to it, and the wood grain doors had been well worn by all the hands pushing them open over the years. Or so it appeared. With virtual you didn’t know if it was designed that way, or programmed to react to the people interacting with it.

A pink neon sign blinked above the door frame proclaiming it to be Vertigo. In smaller letters it read VR-TCG-O. I couldn’t help but give it a small smile. The devs had been a little on the nose when naming it. The virtual-reality trading card game online. Vertigo was so much easier to say.

I could go in, loose myself in a game like I always did. I had been wanting to try some of the virtual trading card games anyway, right? And Jupiter really wasn’t interested in it so it just made sense to go now. So why did I hesitate?

As soon as the question entered my mind so did the answer. If I went in there I would be hiding again, running away from people and burying my face in a deck of cards.

Agoraphobia, they called it. I called it being a hermit while I was growing up, I just didn’t feel like going outside. Being an introvert, interacting with people just wore me out then it was easy to stay in.

I couldn’t remember why I stopped going outside. I don’t think it was a conscious decision, it just happened over time. I took all online classes, started ordering food in, stopped going on dates since they were pointless anyway, and one day I just woke up and realized I hadn’t been outside my home in more than a year.

No one questioned it. No one fussed. No one pleaded with me to go outside. No one cared, they just accepted it, if they knew. Like Jupiter most people didn’t even realize it because I was such a home body anyway. It was easy.

So why did it hurt so much that I couldn’t risk going on grand adventures with Jupiter?

We could still hunt dragons, quest in the dark mountains, or find enchanted forests, but I couldn’t risk my real life home. That’s where the line had to be. Wasn’t it?

Before I could do anything someone stumbled out of the saloon. Her arms were wrapped around the neck of another player. They both had augmented bodies, their eyes and fingers looking more mechanical than human, and they were so engrossed in each other that they didn’t even notice as I stepped out of their way. They wandered off down the promenade, and I could hear her giggling at something he said.

I shook my head. Here I was having an existential crises and the world went on without me. None of my worries really mattered to anyone else. I made my choice a long time ago and it was pointless to start worrying about it now.

I stepped forward, pushing open the swinging doors and stepped inside.