Chapter 4

Soul Dwells in Every Dream

1G, the last experience of gravity on earth. I raised my leg slightly and put it down again. How I will miss this feeling of falling down. I remembered the scent of Jay for a brink of a moment. In just 1 hour or so, I will be seated on top of the rocket. Waiting room was busy with people. A man in a white gown approached me. On my chest, was written “MARS ONE”.

The man handed me a pill and a cup of water. It contained just enough water to swallow the pill. Preparation was required to depart from earth. I swallowed the pill without any doubt. Then somehow, my eyelids became heavier and alas, I could no longer control my body. I fell to the ground. I could not see anything. Just a faint sound was heard. Whirring sound as if I was in a gigantic fishbowl. An urgent voice, sound of footsteps. Wheel sound of a rollaway bed. I was raised and put on the bed. Sound of an ambulance siren getting closer, further, closer and further.

Unfamiliar place. Someone was taking off my spacesuit in haste. Even my white underwear worn under the pressure suit was being taken off. My trousers are torn with scissors. The sharp sound of the scissors made me feel as if my skin was getting cut. I felt cold. Men in operation gowns looked down on me. Sound of a chain-saw turning. Smell of calcium burning. my hair being pulled. From my clavicle to the pit of my stomach, something sharp runs down. I could watch myself from above. Skull was open like a wide open lid. Face all bloody and eyes, nose, mouth, not easy to discern. Chest open. I could clearly see my heart thumping up and down although no sound was heard.

...

Mars Camp One was situated 3 kilometers to the northeast direction of the West Sea Satellite Launch Station in Chul-San, Pyungan Bukdo, the northern province of Korea Federation. With a 10 floor high practice building in the center, dormitory rooms were surrounding it in a circular sector with a shape of a cocoon. They were all built using a 3D printer, identical to that of the Mars architectural plan. Early morning, a sharp scream pierced into darkness. It came from Rei’s room. Michelle Chang, having heard the scream, got wide awake and knocked on the door to Rei’s room. “Rei! Rei! What is it? Come on.”

After some time, Rei finally opened up the door. Her face pale as a ghost. Chang asked, “What happened?” Rei replied, “No, it’s nothing. Nothing to worry about.”

It was not nothing. It was another one of Rei’s nightmare which comes repeatedly over and over again. Michelle hugged Rei to comfort her. She was sweating so bad that her clothes had become all wet.

“But you’re sweating so much. Look at yourself,” said Micell Chang, looking at Rei anxiously. “I am hot actually.” “You liar, are you sure you’re gonna be okay?” asked Chang again, in a determined manner. Rei clenched his fist and said to her, “Now I am OK. I...think I’m gonna go for a walk.” “Don’t forget. We’re a team and you are the leader,” said Chang, as she wrapped her arms around Rei's shoulders. “Sure,” Rei answered.

Rei smiled at Michelle. The crew selection announcement is only a few days away now. Everyone was anxiously waiting. Nevertheless, Rei knew that the reason for her nightmare was not related to this. Her dream was like endless repeat signs on a music manuscript. The clock showed that it was a little over 5am. A dog was barking from afar. Rei walked fast and then started running. Even after waking up from her dreams, the dream scenes were clear and vivid as crystal. Even though she tried to ignore it, the images of her dream never went away. It was so real that it seemed like reality itself. Perhaps it was a deja vu for the future, yet, it could never be the past. According to Rei’s memory, she had never experienced lying down on a hospital bed.

“Good morning, Rei! You’re here early?” Another contestant greeted her. Rei gave a big smile back, pretending everything was OK.

The bigger problem for Rei was the way she woke up from her dream. There was always someone standing in front of Rei. A person she had never met before. That someone stared fiercely at Rei. Rei shouted and instinctively tried to throw a punch. At that moment, Rei realized that the someone was actually Rei herself, just as the image of her portrayed in the mirror. It was not the first time, but everytime she realized who she was, Rei was petrified. Rei searched for symptoms of sleepwalking, but it did not seem to match her case. Her body was not moving in unconsciousness, but a being which was not herself, was taking control of her body during sleep. The dream came by more and more frequently. It was inadequate to visit a doctor. Rei knew it was impossible to demolish her dream, rather, the dream of all four crew members.

'Let’s hang on a little longer. Maybe I am too tired.' Rei encouraged herself. Still, she was afraid of getting asleep. It was pitch-dark in early morning, as winter was still lingering in March. Still, no star came into her sight as the street-lamps were too brightly lit. Rei turned her eyes to the eastern sky. She supposed that there would be Mars shining bright at this time of the day...together with Jupiter and Saturn.

...

Hugh was transferred to Pyongyang. It was not far from the West Sea Statellite Launch Station. There were hardly any cars on the newly built eight-lane highway. Hugh moved a little trying to get up but his temple all bundled with bandages ached in pain. Since he got hit hard, the wound was deep.

“I saw you on TV, but you look better in real,” said one of the hospital nurse. “Thank you,” Hugh smiled shyly. “There is an old saying in Pyongyang, 'When you have fallen down, seize the chance and take a rest.' We examined you but you seem totally fine...so, we advise you take a good rest today, and leave the hospital tomorrow," The doctor in charge of Hugh advised.

In the city center of Pyongyang, by the Botong riverside was standing the Bongwha Hospital. The hospital room which accomodate 2 patients, was on the 15th floor. The room was clean but timeworn. Metal bed which was painted over and over again squeaked every time the patient moved. The walls of the room also had visible cracks here and there.

Outside the window, there was a pyramid shaped Yoogyung Hotel. In terms of space usage, the structure was way too inefficient. Considering the low knowledge of architectural techniques in the North Korea days, one could suppose that it was the best they could build. Just like in many cities of Europe, city redevelopment in Pyongyang was not supported by the citizens. The building built in North Korea since the Korean war until the beginning of 2020s were indescribably attractive. Majority of people in Pyongyang wished to preserve the city’s architectural heritage.

The windows were tightly shut due to yellow smog. Hugh, dressed with pressure bandage on his head, was gazing at the pyramid standing amidst the yellow smog. Hugh imagined that he had come to Egypt and faintly smiled.

The first thing Hugh heard when he came to his senses was news about Rei. Rei came to meet him at the hospital early in the morning, and although it was too early a time to visit a patient, Rei had insisted on seeing him. It was the usual Rei who never give up on something she decides to do.

'Loving someone...' Hugh thought about the definition of “love”. Hugh kept his distance from such feeling of affection. Love is perhaps an attachment. Motion of your mind regardless of the situation you are in. Love is perhaps worrying. This may be the reason why Hugh did not want Christina to draw nearer.

Sound of footsteps approaching towards his room, and the door opened up. It was Rei.

“Hugh!”

It has only been a day since the accident, yet Rei’s cheeks had become slightly bony.

“Hey, you were worried?”

“What do you expect, huh?”

Rei hit Hugh on his stomach playfully with her fist and said, “This is for making me worried.”

Gazing at Hugh, Rei climbed up the bed and pressed her lips against Hugh’s lips. Rei hugged him tightly without allowing even 1millimeter space in between them.

Rei did not express her affection when they were together with the other crews. She kept a line between public and private lives. But when they were together without others around them, she was affectionate, always expressing herself freely. Rei had sweated a little. It seemed that she dashed up the stairs till she reached the 15th floor.

“Don’t get hurt next time,” Rei raised her eyes and looked into Hugh’s eyes. She clamped her lips. She seemed to be saying that she will run to him if he gets hurt again. Hugh carefully ran his fingers through her hair falling on her face, as to look into her eyes better.

“I could’t sleep well last night,” Rei sighed, unlike her usual self.

“Are you saying you were worrying about me all night?” Hugh asked.

“No, you know me. It’s not that,” She was serious.

“Did you dream the same dream last night? The nightmare?” he asked with a worried look on his face. Ray nodded. Rei was always strong and cheerful. However, she hid her shadowy self beneath her. Like a wounded tigress, she never disclosed her lacerated wound to others.

“I really don’t know who I am,” her words sounded like sighs. Hugh asked, “What do you mean?” “I think my memory may all be fake,” said Ray, looking down at the floor. “Fake?” said Hugh, with a puzzled look on his face.

Rei walked to the window. Outside was dark with smog and the pyramid building was standing tall all by itself, “There isn’t anyone who can prove that my memories aren’t fake.” Hugh asked back what 'prove' meant. “What do you mean by ‘prove’?” Rei moved towards Hugh and said, “There’s nobody who can prove that I was born in Kyoto when the whole city was blooming with cherry blossom.”

Memories may be something that is collective and constructive.

“Did you know...” Rei asked Hugh as if he had thought of something then. “Amongst us four, besides you, three of us have no families? Three of us are all alone. Did you know that?” “No,” said Hugh affirmatively.

It was a lie. Hugh knew. Although Hugh had a family, his data was manipulated and the record showed that he had no family. Dragonfly gave additional scores to those without families. Although Hugh changed the information to get the scores, he never seriously asked the reason why they gave additional scores. He thought it was a way of promotion to look more dramatic.

Rei continued her talks about the dream, “It’s way too vivid. It was real as if everything was happening right in front of my eyes.” Rei frowned. Bringing up her dream back was torturing her. “My dream. What could it be?” Hugh smiled. Rei insisted, “This is no joke. I am darn serious. It’s like there is another me inside of me.”

Rei thumped her chest with her right fist. But she could not tell Hugh the scene she faced this early morning. Rei turned to him and said, “Perhaps I am a robot?” Hugh laughed out loud and said, “Robot? You mean a robot? What makes you think you are a robot?”

Hugh got up from his bed and walked towards Rei. He bent his waist and softly kissed Rei on her lips. “Would you be able to love me if you are a robot?” Rei stared at Hugh and asked. Hugh stroked Rei’s cheeks and said, “Rei, being able to dream means that you have a soul. Even if you are a robot...”

Hugh felt bad. In some sense, Rei was taken hostage to Hugh. Rei’s existence meant so much to the team. Rei, being a member of the team raised the possibility of getting selected as the final crews for the Mars Two. The selection will enable them to realize what they have planned for.

Hugh hugged Rei from the back. It was comforting and it made her feel that she can endure what’s waiting ahead of her.