《The Wells of Eioa》Chapter 9
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The long couch in the castle was packed when Jira sat down next to Pidge the next afternoon. She had just gotten off patrol and had time to shower before heading over to see the paladins. They had promised to teach her, Viltri, and her brothers some things about their home planet and Jira could hardly contain her excitement. She squished herself between Jinx and Pidge as Lance and Hunk argued over who would go first.
"Alright," Lance said. "Here's how it's gonna go. Let's tell them about where we grew up first and-"
"No, let's tell them about different landmarks," Hunk argued.
"What about seven natural wonders?" Pidge offered. "Or famous and influential people."
"Or you could just ask us what we wanted to learn about first," Junx pouted at the end of the couch.
Viltri smiled at Lance. "I kinda like the idea of you telling us where you grew up. Tell me more about Cuba."
"So it's settled then," Lance beamed.
"No, we should vote on it," Jinx mumbled, but Lance went ahead with what Viltri suggested. The three of them explained their home in great detail, then went on to explain that their planet was made up of continents and divided into countries rather than districts like Eioa was. In many ways, it wasn't too different from Eioa, Jira realized. Earth sounded amazing and her longing to leave Eioa that she tried so hard to keep at bay was starting to build up again.
"Well, that should give you a bit of an idea of where we come from," Hunk said proudly. "Any questions?"
"I have one," Jinx raised his hand. "Where is Keith from?" He pointed behind the couch where Keith had slipped in halfway through the lesson. Jira turned to see him in a casual black shirt, standing uncomfortable by the door.
"Yeah, everyone else told us about their home," Viltri said excitedly.
"Um... It's really not that exciting," Keith said with a shrug.
"Everything is excited to us. We still don't know a lot about Earth."
"Where did you say he was from?" Jinx looked to Hunk. "Texas? Is that… a state?"
"Yeah. A really big one."
"Well cool. Tell us about Texas."
Keith frowned. "Really guys, there's not much to say."
"Well if it's so big, I'm sure there's plenty to say," Jinx countered. "Why are you so reluctant to talk about it?"
"Because maybe I just don't want to," Keith said, anger starting to rise in his voice.
"Look dude, if you don't want to, whatever," Lance said. "Just don't suck the fun out of this for everyone else."
Keith glared at him. "Don't let me stop you then," he said, walking out of the room.
"Uh… So is he always like that?" Viltri asked.
"Just ignore him," Lance assured her. "He gets pretty touchy about his personal life… Now where were we?"
"Why don't you tell us more about Eioa since we've never been outside the Kafa and Jungle," Pidge suggested.
"I'd love to!" Viltri said, rising to her feet. Everyone seemed to get over the tension with Keith quickly and they were soon caught up in asking Viltri dozens of questions. Jira watched the door, almost hoping that he'd walk back through it, but she knew he wouldn't. The paladins didn't really seem phased by it, so she wondered if that was a normal thing for him to act like that. She still had yet to talk to Keith like she had promised herself she would, but was now the best time? Something didn't sit right with her and she no longer felt okay with just sitting there like nothing had happened.
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"Where's the training deck?" She asked Pidge quietly.
Pidge gave her an odd look, but gave her the directions. Jira managed to slip away without detection thanks to Jinx and Lance getting into a friendly argument. She followed Pidge's directions and found the training deck. She was right in her assumption that Keith would be there, practicing with his blade against two training droids.
Now that Jira was there, she didn't know what she was going to say. He hadn't noticed her yet so she could still leave without any harm done. Jira hesitated by the door, trying to make her decision. He looked focused and upset, his brow furrowed in concentration as he attacked the droids carefully. Jira took a steadying breath and approached him; still unsure of what she wanted to say.
At the sound of her footsteps, Keith turned around, looking a bit taken aback. "Jira? What are you doing here?"
"You've seemed a bit… off lately. I just wanted to see if you were okay," she said cautiously, trying to gauge his reaction. Keith looked away from her and swung his blade a few times.
"I'm fine."
"You say that, but you don't really act like it."
"Well you don't really know me, so how would you know?" He asked with a slight edge. Jira instinctively clenched her fists and tried to keep her composure.
"I know that you've been acting differently since the others showed up."
Keith ignored her and kept training. Now more annoyed at being ignored, Jira pulled out her polearm that she kept clipped to the back of her pants, even when wearing her casual clothes. She extended it and twirled it.
"Okaaay," she said, glaring at the back of his head. "How about this? I challenge you. I pin you, you have to tell me what's going on. You pin me and I'll drop it and leave you alone."
Keith stopped and scoffed at her. "I'm not fighting you again."
"Why, because you know you'll lose?"
"Just drop it, okay?" He swung at the droid on his left, but Jira launched forward and stopped his blade.
"What was that for?!" He asked, his voice rising.
"Fight me." Jira gave him a hard stare.
"Knock it off." He went in for the droid again, but Jira revealed the blades on her polearm and whipped it across the droid's neck, sending the head flying across the room. She shoved the pole forward and strung the droid up through the chest, causing it to shortage and stop moving.
Keith gave her a look of anger and shock, his blade hanging limply in his hand.
"Fight me," she said again, and delivered the same fate to the other droid. Keith tightened his grip around the blade, but refused to move in towards her so she took the initiative, frustration pushing her forward.
"You've been acting like a jerk to your friends," She said as their weapons collided. Keith pushed her back and she readied for another attack. "Why? Does it have to do with you leaving Voltron?" She asked, smacking the tip of her pole against the blade, sending a sharp ringing sound through the air.
"I told you," Keith said through gritted teeth as he fought to give himself distance. "I don't want to talk about it."
"So it does, then," Jira smirked. "You've been distancing yourself ever since they arrived. I'm not stupid! And neither are they." She swung at his legs and he rolled out of the way. "What happened when you left for the Blade? It caused some sort of rift between you guys… one that seems to be your own fault."
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"Stop," Keith said, his concentration cracking under her questions. He made a sloppy attack, but his strength was enough to push Jira into a corner. She pushed against his blade with her pole.
"Why did you leave in the first place?" She asked, starting to feel out of breath. She used the leverage of the wall to push herself against it and Keith's stomach and kicked him away from her. "I've tried to give you some space and tried to get you to open up, and you've been pushing me away too," she spat at him. "Why'd you leave in the first place?" She asked more forcefully.
Keith held his stomach and glared at her. "To learn more about my mom!" he yelled, his voice cracking. "... She was part of the Blade."
Jira paused and lowered her pole. "What happened to her?"
"I don't know," Keith said quietly. "She... left me and my dad." He didn't look at her.
Jira gripped her weapon tightly in her hand. "Keith," Jira caught her breath. "I didn't realize… but that doesn't mean you can treat people like that. People who care about you-"
"-You don't get it," he said tersely, and Jira struck his blade with a furious warning blow.
"Why wouldn't I get it?" She challenged him. "Tell me."
"You-" His eyes shone with fear and anger, but he didn't finish his thought.
"What do you think I don't get? My dad was killed by the Hauhet when I was a kid. That's why I'm part of the Elites and not with Wunrik. That's why my mom doesn't want me leaving the Kafa." She yelled back. "Quit acting like you're the only one around here who's having a hard time! Just because my dad was taken from me doesn't mean I don't get it. Everyone is having a hard time with something, and you don't seem to care because you're so focused on your own problems. All of the paladins have been taken from their homes and they might never see their families again." She stuck the blade and again and again with Keith making weak attempts to fight her back. "They found a family with each other and you're the one who pushed yourself away from that. That's on you. Not them."
Keith swung back at her, nearly knocking her to her feet. "It's easy for you to say." he said fiercely. "You grew up in a place where people don't question your family or heritage. You didn't have to make the discovery that you were part of a race that is hated. People accept the Galra here; some of the paladins couldn't look at me the same way when they found out."
Jira let out a cry of frustration and hit the pole against the ground. "No," she said firmly. "That's just some excuse. I don't run away from my problems. My home and family are what they are because that's what I have worked for. The paladins are your family!" She dropped the pole arm and let it roll away from her. "You're just hiding behind your own insecurities and you'll be the only one to blame if you wake up one day and realize that your family isn't there anymore because you pushed them away." She could feel hot tears start to form in her eyes and she quickly wiped them away. Keith dropped his blade and looked down at the ground. Jira stormed out of the training deck, leaving her weapon behind her.
*******
Keith kicked his blade away from him and tried to steady his breathing, anger and shame coursing through him. He walked in a slow circle before resting against the wall and sliding down to sit. His mind went over Jira's words again and again; what she had said was hurtful and it caught him off guard, but he knew that it was deserved. He had always managed to keep people at a distance because it always seemed easier that way, but now he was being forced to see the effect of his actions. Now he felt like an idiot for allowing Jira to see through him so easily, and the thought of that made him want to shrink away and push those feelings down deeper… Though, she had told him about her dad and he hated seeing she could be so open about things while he only pushed her away more. Guilt ate away at him as he looked at her polearm still lying on the ground; he knew he should at least return it… and apologize to her, but that task was far more daunting.
He pushed himself off the ground and retrieved his blade and with shaky hands he picked up her polearm. She wielded it skillfully, but what really put him on edge was the fact that she was able to throw off his concentration so easily with just her words. Gripping the weapon tightly, he made his way out of the castle, careful to avoid anyone else. The last thing he wanted was people asking him where he went off to. He had no idea as to where Jira could have gone, but he figured he'd start with her room.
Creeping into the barracks and up the stairs, he found himself in front of her door, unsure if he really wanted to speak to her. He need to talk to her, to explain himself and apologize, but considering what had just happened, it might be pointless to try and talk to her at that moment. He cautiously rested her weapon against the door, trying not to make a sound. He knew he shouldn't have come, why would she want to talk to him now? Keith laid a land on the door, her name caught in his throat.
To his right, Junx's door opened and he stepped out into the hallway.
"Why are you here?" Junx asked gruffly. Keith quickly back away from Jira's door and struggled for an excuse.
"I uh… I was just returning this," he said, gesturing to the polearm. "She left it on the training deck, but I'm not sure how to shrink… it back…" his voice trailed off when he noticed Junx's frown. Keith rubbed the back of his neck. "Um… okay, I'm looking for Jira. Have you seen her?"
"What makes you think you deserve to talk to her right now?" He asked, his eyes narrowing at Keith.
"Well I-"
"I saw her leave the castle on my way over here." Junx stepped closer to Keith. "You know in order to effectively manipulate emotions, I have to be good at perceiving them. Do you want to tell me why you're the reason she's upset?"
Keith took a step back from Junx, but he moved in dangerously close to him. A sudden rush of guilt overcame Keith and he looked up at Junx who regarded him with a satisfied smile.
"I need to apologize," Keith blurted and grabbed his chest as if it pained him to speak.
"Why?"
"Because… She was right." Keith gritted his teeth. "... I have been acting like a jerk…"
Junx folded his arms and leaned over Keith. "Anything else?"
"Please. I just need to talk to her."
Junx sighed and stepped away from Keith and the intense guilt quickly faded away from him. He rubbed his chest, trying to rid himself of the unwanted emotion.
"She goes to the tree when she's sulking," Junx said.
"Oh." Keith held his arm awkwardly.
"Do you remember how to get there?"
"... I think so." They stood for a moment in silence, Keith unsure if Junx was really going to let him leave.
"Well leave before the sun sets, at least."
"R-right." Keith started down the hallway. He stopped at the head of the stairs and turned to see Junx still standing outside his door.
"Why are you helping me?" He asked Junx.
Junx rolled his eyes and opened the door to his room. "Just hurry, you idiot."
Junx was right in the fact that Jira would be at the tree. Keith didn't have too much trouble finding it, but he took his time in making his way to her, trying to collect his thoughts. She was sitting on a root, dangling her feet into the water and lazily splashing them around. She looked up and saw him from the shore, but turned her head and ignored him as he climbed his way over to the root and sat down next to her.
They sat quietly for a while so Keith took off his shoes and socks and dangled his feet in the water, pleasantly surprised by the cold. He finally looked over at Jira who was steadfast in her decision to not make eye contact with him.
"I'm sorry about your dad," He said quietly, hoping he chose the right topic to start off with. Jira shifted away from him, pulling her feet out of the water. "I shouldn't have said that you didn't understand what I felt, I-" He paused. "You were right… about me pushing people away. I think that's just always been easiest for me, or at least I thought it was, I don't know, but I have a hard time letting people in… That includes the paladins... And you."
"Is that because of your mom?" Jira asked softly. She turned her head slightly and looked at him and he could see tears still in her eyes.
"I think so… I think because of that, I've spent so much of my life looking for a place to fit in or a home, that I didn't realize that I had one when I found it." His face grew hot once he had said the words aloud. He had never admitted how much the paladins meant to him. They were his family and he was risking that by his behavior. "I was the pilot of the Black Lion for a while when Shiro was gone, but I know I didn't make a very good leader. I joined the blade shortly after he returned… I was so set on learning more about my heritage that I think I took them for granted… but they always supported my decision."
Jira wiped her eyes again and focused her attention on him, her golden eyes shining brightly. Her hair had fallen out of her braid and draped around her shoulders and down her back. Even though she was so open and vulnerable with him, she had a strength and confidence that Keith couldn't quite grasp. He was pushing himself far outside his comfort zone, but she deserved to hear what he had to say, and he knew that he needed to hear himself admit to his insecurities.
"I've spent a lot of my life running away from my problems," he said slowly. "And I think being apart of Voltron kinda scared me in a way. Like, maybe I got too comfortable and was afraid of that comfort… or afraid that maybe it was really too good to be true. But then I came here and saw how you were with your brothers, and saw how well you guys got a long with the paladins, and I realized that I was missing something. I wanted to be apart of something, a family… I guess? But I started pushing people away again because I sometimes feel guilty about leaving Voltron and I thought it would be easier if I pushed people away before they did that to me." He looked down at his hands, embarrassed that he had said as much as he did. "I'm sorry, that was a lot, I just… I don't know."
"Thank you," Jira said, a smile starting to form.
"What do you mean?"
"For opening up to me. I know that's not easy for you, and I'm sorry if I pushed you too hard…" her smile widened. "Well, only a little sorry. It did feel good to get all that off my chest."
Keith laughed softly. "Yeah, that's really the first time I've been called out like that… But I deserved it."
"I hope you know that you have a lot of people that really care about you." Jira's tone grew serious again. "And I know I haven't known you very long, but…" She stopped and glanced down at the water. Keith could feel heat growing on his cheeks again. He cleared his throat, hoping that his voice wouldn't crack.
"I know. Sometimes it's just hard to remember that... Sometimes I think it would be easier if people didn't care. That way, I wouldn't have to worry about letting anyone down."
"That's no way to live, though," Jira said. "You need people to care about you, whether you want them to or not."
Keith looked over to her and sighed. "You're right."
Jira scooted closer to him and dropped her feet back into the water. "Look, there are still things that I have a hard time opening up about… maybe we can both work on that?"
"Okay."
"Good," Jira smiled. She twirled her feet in the water, looking more content than when Keith had first arrived to the tree. He liked sitting there with her and wanted an excuse to keep talking to her, but perhaps about something not quite as serious.
"Umm," he glanced over to her. "Do you want me to tell you about Texas?" He offered, realizing how lame he sounded once he said it. "I mean- if you really want to, if not, that's cool too."
Jira's eyes lit up. "Yeah… though I have a question first."
"What's that?"
"What does 'Emo' mean?"
Keith's shoulders slumped and he frowned. "Where did you hear that word?"
"Hunk used it to describe you."
"Hunk..." Keith grumbled. "It, uh, it doesn't mean anything really," he fibbed.
"Hmm, okay I'll just ask him later," Jira said mischievously.
Keith smirked. "Do you want me to tell you about Texas or not?"
Jira brought her legs up, crossed them and rested her chin on her hands. "I'm all ears!"
Keith didn't go into great detail about his family life, but he explained his home state and answered any question she had about America. A wistful look crossed over Jira's face; the same look that she had gotten any time another planet was mentioned. He was grateful that he was able to be honest with himself and with her, but he realized talking with her that he really did want to help her open up more. They both had insecurities and doubts that they were struggling with and he was surprised to find that he wanted to be the one that she confided in.
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