I wish this did not hurt like I thought it would. when I was torn from all I knew and loved, to save myself from despair I needed the rule to follow. for my existence to have meaning - something to hold on to, for you see I am not fond of giving up.

By all right I should be a pathetic mess, I was tired. All my decisions pointed at me that I knew fuck all about what the right moves I should be making, for all I know, the right move was the wrong move, and I had to scrub years of learning, change who I was fundamentally to survive this world. For I have paid the price of ignorance for too long.

My body was consumed by a beast, my soul was defiled by an unspeakable horror, my sanity was nearly torn apart by Herald flames, I was taken apart by that %#&$$--###%@@% over and over again, my soul was shoved inside metal, inside corpses, poked and prodded and I was aware of it all. The beings that did this to me thought my feeble mortal consciousness should have been torn apart by their machinations. It was not!.

My legs left the floor, while spit from the abomination sprinkled me it. should be howling threats and promises of torture, but you see I could not hear them, just my anger and fury pouring hot magma through my system, my hands still held the chain taut, the horrid form of the creature did not phase me that much, I had seen worse.

Perhaps aware I had zoned out, it squeezed my head, my skull creaking with an awful sound, and another clawed hand swiped across my body taking huge chunks of decaying flesh with it... “ Stay with me, dear child. Just a little more and your task is completed”

My eyes snapped to hers, all eight of them and said “fuck you”. I let go of the chains, her cry of surprise was cut short. her body was jerked back hard, and the chains dug deeper into her body with a vengeance, twisting her frame into a mad caricature of distended limbs and broken bones, her unearthly wails vaporizing my skin. She nearly pulled my head off, but at the last second, she let go.

I fell, landing steadily on my feet, a host of wears and tears announcing themselves to my senses, I disregarded that shit. Looking down at my body it was shrivelled up, but this allowed me to see my heart, it was burning with silvery flames, and suddenly I felt a wave of understanding dawning on me. A hand seized me and dragged me up, whatever enlightenment I was to have was cut short.

“That won't hold the beast for long, you’ve broken all of one of the seals holding it. We need to run.”

“okay”, I turned around and promptly fell on my face, my will was immortal but my body was not, it would seem. Again something tugged at the back of my head, I was forgetting something.

“What sort of a Nephilim are you”. An exasperated voice rang out, as I was dragged by the collar, my legs being liberally scrapped by the metal grill.

“ oh, I don’t know, the dumb one?. Since I don't even know what a Nephilim was, and EVERYBODY besides me, apparently are aware of this information” my irritation was coming to afore, and being dragged like a sack of old oatmeal was not helping, even though you know... I was being dragged from the fate of digestion in a demon's stomach.

" I AM COMING FOR YOU!" The shriek of anger was cut short, by that sweet burst of cold "shut the hell up" I was grateful for that.

We left the cavern in record time, as we disappeared down the passage, the screams of rage a visible force that blew us ahead.

“what was my father thinking when he bought you into my seat of power! You are just another absolute soul, and the darkness has eaten more of you than I can comfortably count”.

We neared the edge of the passage, and entered a side corridor I missed when I first entered the cavern, which was not my fault, I was hurrying down the strange passageway so that I would not have been blown hundreds of metres down by the creature's screams. And also trying to be a knight in shiny armour.

I grimaced as I was being hurled forward, and said, “The darkness huh?, why is it chained up? And why does it look like you?, and could you please stop dragging me on the floor, I am down to bones and that's going away... Fast”.

She looked down in exasperation,

“Shut up, we don’t have much time, I have been in delicate balance with it. my father used an aegis gate on my seat of power, and it tilted the balance towards my favour until you came in, my father does nothing without reason” she paused “ why did he bring you here”.

She glanced at my burning heart, “or is it because of that?” her free hand reached for my heart.

“ Trust me... I don't think that’s a good idea”

“yeah ‘cos you look like someone who knows what good ideas are”

“okay”, I shrugged, your funeral lady”

“I did that, three thousand years ago”

“oh, you certainly look pretty spry for a corpse”

“I could say the same about you, your kind should not even exist, but in pages of forbidden texts”

I puffed my chest up “you can take my heart whenever you want lady”

“wait... What?”

.

“oh you know, the Herald filled me up with his flames, and I thought my heart was too hot to handle, but what do I know, right?"

“that fire is Herald flames?. How do you still exist? how could you contain it”

“lots of love? I did have many hugs while growing up, did you think that helped?”

A thunderous rumble reverberated behind us. She dropped me unceremoniously to the ground.

“ Stay here and don't move. I can't win this fight, but the darkness won't either, you are the only wild card here.”

She pushed me in an alcove of a sort and disappeared back into the passage...

I was in the darkness, but the flames of my heart illuminated the surroundings well enough to see the space I was inside of, it was blue – that was the general aesthetic choice it would seem, and in the lights of my flames I was struck again how the structure felt alive.

My hands, what was left of them, traced up to my heart. The memories came to me, in fragments and pieces but I remembered during the worst of the pain when I thought I could no longer hold on, that voice that told me:

“ you are a ship, thrust into a calamitous storm, and in every moment a part of you get wrecked, destroyed and cast out, but your will is eternal stone, and as surely as the sun rises, your missing parts you replace, your wounds you heal, the light you reignite!. You are the last. &$&+””*!;...

Seize your mantle..... The Herald was mistaken, now you own his flames!”

I gasp as I understood, the Flames would do what its purposes were for: consume, cleanse and I was always the one holding it back, I contained it with a mortal heart that should by all right not be able to contain that first flames, but I did, letting go was easier than I thought, my grasp on the flames had been screaming for mercy all these while, but I was nothing but stubborn. If I could hold, I would hold!. I opened the floodgates, let go of the roaring flames and felt tremendous relief. The words came unbidden from my mouth. “I rise!”

The flames burst from my heart, turning me to ashes, and from the ashes, I rose anew!