-You ask, why don't I flee?

You ask, how do I hold?

Alas, it is not me who wields the sword

The sword, weilds me -

-MILLIONS OF NIGHT

Anger is a fascinating emotion.

the world had gone mad, and all I could do was run for shelter, to find a safe haven that was familiar, but my Baba; the last of that intimacy has been ripped from me..... in an instant.

I perceived my heartbeat, and then another’s....

It came from the pendant. Mine was fast paced. Beating widely. I could feel it tearing my chest open, my tears a bitter acid I could taste on my lips.

The pulsation of the other heart beat was soft yet carried a ponderous strength, it was like a soft morning breeze yet it could pull mountains. A small candle flame, that could raze a world.

what is this?

A heavy sound filled my body, making my bones ache, yet calmly embraced me, soothing my pains. The sheer dissonance of two opposing factor existing simultaneously seized my soul turning it to grey ice.

I was on the brink of madness when a calm breeze blew through my soul as the twin heart beat synchronised.

“HAAAAAH"

A slow sound of comfort radiated from my palm. I felt movement between my clenched fist, dully I opened my hand, and saw the pendant. It was undulating, waves ran down the metallic snake akin to the waves in the sea, and from the jaws that swallowed its tail, tiny grey specks drifted off - they resembled snow. No.... more like ashes.

My eyes were drawn to the body of the snake, and I saw that the undulations was a result of uncountable tiny hands performing esoteric motions, and even in their minuscule I could see every details in those hands, each hands held claws that were silvery bright... I had to tear my eyes away, for the hands were a magnet, they were demanding something from me.

Another burst of cold radiated from the metallic snake, and my anger, fear and confusion was soothed, and the malaise of the dead settled upon me, discomforting yet familiar. I felt at peace. The edge of my mouth turned up.

An unsympathetic will awakened within the pendant, it seized my mind, and spoke to my soul with a voice like lamentations. Then the illusory solace of nihility warped into hunger...

“FEED ME!"

A moment before the pendant was silvery bright, now it drew from the darkness in the shrine....the colour turned a black that harken to the void, an emptiness that could never be filled.

“LET IN TO ANGER. FOR IT IS A USEFUL ALLY"

Everything sheltered was gone, but that cold gaze drew me from my despair, I saw the bizarre creature that took that from me, it prowled at the edge of sanity, it could not come inside. But those dead eyes held such awful longing, like it had been starving for an eternity and my flesh was everything it had ever craved

Frozen clarity gave my shaking legs strength.

I will die here, I felt the certainty of that inside. Nevertheless I will rip the guts from this creature with my bare hands.

It was the face of the madness that consumed my world, all the terrors of the night now had a mantle, and it rested on this creature.... and before I die. I want to sink my teeth on terrors flesh, I want to look despair in the eyes and smile. I want to beat it.

That face.....It has intelligence. So it will feel fear.

I..... I want it to hurt...

I want it screams to wash my pains....

I want to feed on its anguish...

I want to taste it tears....

I want........

I want.........

I want to consume!

Anything wrong with these thought processes was washed underneath. It was lost, under an ever mounting anger at the creature that was now plodding towards me. As the pendant drew on the darkness of the shrine, my safety net was eroding, the ground cracked... noxious fumes rising from them.

Chaos followed.... the beast followed too.

The beast dragged its hind leg approaching. I observed that it was moving much easier, I heard a faint pop as muscle shifted and bones realigned, it got increasing closer to the doorway.

then I stepped out. it startled.

I took another step forward, then knelt on a knee. The so-called bultigin backed up, and observed me for a moment....

I let my head hang low, a shiver ran across my skin as I heard its.....chuckle?. It was hard to say, the sounds that came from that maws were distorted.

My hand shook, disguising my anger for fear was hard, I was feeling none....

Its shadow covered me.

A putrid odour was the only warning I had, the beast was upon me, and if I lifted my hands up I could touch it.

I heard the heartbeat of the beast. I felt the decaying breath on my face.... it felt cold.

The beast encapsulated the vitality of life, and the coldness of death. It was a fallen creature, that had no business walking the earth, but hell was unleashed and now its had free reign...

Being this close made me appreciate its size, it was as big as the horse I rode at the ranch next to my village.... I raised my right hand, my neck tilted, exposing my jugular, this was the ancient sacrificial pose, that was expected when offering our lives to the old gods, Baba made me learn it.

The breath of the beast slowed. I could detect its satisfaction, like a fat maggot placed on decaying flesh___ to feast till it burst.

It nipped my neck almost gently and tasted my blood.... it did not hurt, even as blood ran down my shoulder, a part of me was discontented with that. When did I began to crave pain?

Raising both hands I encircled it neck, and rested my head almost affectionately near those teeth, that still held pieces of my Baba flesh and blood.

“your blood is bitter” The Bultigin spat out words that came out misshapen, its rheumy eyes narrowing in suspicion

“is it?", I chuckled.... "let’s taste yours"

My arms tightened around its neck and I chomped down.

My teeth cracked, and my gum bled, for such was the force of my bite. I chewed on uncaring, it reared back more in surprise than pain. It was powerful, it motion dragging me along like a ragdoll. It was slipping from my grasp, so I dug my fingers into exposed muscles.

“Cur." A powerful cry resounded from its chest. In anger it shook its body, my arm dislocated with a faint pop. Rearing it's head, the beast closed its jaws on my left arm it tore it from my body.

Now I could feel it, I thought in pleasure. But the pain was distant, like seeing through black film. If I had any sanity left, perhaps I would have realised, that I was mumbling through my bite.

I will eat you.... I will eat you...

The claws of the beast rose up, and my body was savaged.

Seemingly in a fit of anger for my transgressions, my body was butchered in a manner that would cause a sickening amountof pain... I think, in spite, the beast made the edge of its claws dull. For a pale green fog gathered on the.. It was not slicing, it was ripping.

My mind was a passive observer to this carnage as I appeared to float above it all. My head still stubbornly hanging on the neck, as my teeth was clamped shut.

The bultigin began devouring me.

With a sharp movement, it yank my head off from my spine, opening wide to swallow it whole. My arms were next, proceeded by the rest of my torso.

Then I made a peculiar discovery. Ma⁰y point of view was linked to the pendant that I held with a death grip in my discarded left arm, and as I watched it swallow down the arm, that point of observation followed, as I slid down its throat.

Darkness consumed me, wrapping me up, I realised; this was not so bad.

it’s was soothing, like a mother soft lullaby that drew one to a gentle rest, my sadness was cloying. I needed relief from from the confusion and pain I had been dragged into, I will be joining Baba soon, I welcomed this solace.

Funny how death made me sane. For I knew in the last moments of my life. I truly went mad. My aching soul settled. I would have smiled if I could.

However, the gods had other plans for me.

Inside the stomach of the beast, I distantly heard:

“empty words"

And shame held me.

This world had changed,but my grandfather seemed to understand the reasons, he could fight this creature, and maybe he had tried to teach me all these while but I did not pay proper attention. I traced his teachings with levity, the tasks given to me I did them noncommittally.

If I had moulded the chalk earlier, maybe baba would be fine. The circle was incomplete because of me.

I did not fulfill my obligations. I did not keep my promise.

Slowly, I discarded that peace I did not earn, and turned to the open arms of madness.

I should never have let him leave my arms. I should have died beside him. I did not even draw blood from the beast.

Baba always said: the old ways had powers. But it was stripped from men. For the gods were two faced.

That power. It had returned and bought hell with it.

Seemingly outside my control fury covered my shame.

No mistakes I made should necessitate the death of my Baba.

The tearing down of the world was not my fault. I could not have known this would happen. And I would not die, unless I made this beast pay a price. Even if I had to burn my soul to Ash.

A cold part of me, that felt like the heart of a cold snake, was amused at that thought

So. This was what madness could bring me. A pitiful disembodied soul screaming its hate.

Fury and self-loathing in equal measure danced in my head.

“I hate.......hate.....”

“ hatred is useless. Your bare fist has shattered over unyielding stone"

That voice. The voice that first stripped me of my fears and made my decision simple...walk to the beast and kill it.

Was it mocking me?.

I have had my share of fights. You can’t live with Baba without growing a spine, if you don't, it will be forced down your throat. Baba always encouraged me to use my head, but never back down from a fight.

He says: let your body lead, and your head should pursue behind. The body is foolish, so it doesn't know fear, the head is wise, so it would direct that fear.... for if you lead with your head, fear will control you, for your body now controls you, and it is foolish.... it cannot guide fear.

I also remember his words by the evening fires, as the sun sets....he said: your mind is a powerful tool, but if placed inside a weak body, was an unforgivable blunder.

So Baba made me strong.

Strict exercise regimens Baba tortured into me made me toned, athletic and deceptively strong for my age, coupled with the knowledge he bequeathed me sharpened my mind, it was no surprise I was the strongest youth in the village. For no one had drawn that title in the yearly wrestling matches for my age group for the last eight years.

But that strength was useless against something like this.

“Open yourself to me. Frailty of flesh is a transgression. let’s make a better one, and this pitiful creature will be nought but ash under our heel"

It felt almost natural to let myself go, to let the madness take me. I felt a gaze upon my soul. It was an eye, it split apart vertically like an open mouth, and it was. It opened wide. I went numb when it massive fangs sank into my soul.

Agony became me.

My soul shrieked, and the scream of the Bultigin echoed with mine, an unearthly symphony, for even in the throes of pain I observed the flesh of the Bultigin being pulled towards the pendant... in a short while, a heart was forged from the pendant and it was black as deep night.

It rose up, and made it first beat. The world stopped.

Several amorphous tendrils shot out from the heart and pierced the stomach of the Bultigin, and it went mad with pain and horror.

I watched as the linings of the stomach rapidly dried up, calcified and turned to ash, the entrails were next, and still the tendrils hungrily dug dipper.

Light poured into the stomach, the Bultigin tore it’s own weakened stomach open and with a hellish will dragged the heart out.

Its sorrowful wails echoing in the haze of a world occupied with madness, another notes in the melody of the damned that lights up this world.

The tendrils relentlessly affixed to its flesh...in a fit of madness the Bultigin tore deeper into its flesh nearly cutting itself in half, cold grey entrails was flung away, a sorrowful yelp resounded as it tried to crawl away...

The tendrils dug into the discarded flesh and entrails draining it into ash. The darkness of the heart became deeper, and it rested on the earth.

The Bultigin turned to the black heart, its expression in a comical parody of fear. The heart beat a second time, and the wind stilled.

It rose up, the black surface wiggling a little, then four distended bones, like spiders leg popped out of the heart. The Bultigin whimpered...

The bones extended and they got fuller, I vaguely surmised that if I was lying prone the bones will represent my arms and legs. Slowly a frame of bones was pushed out from the heart, that the four growing spurs of white bone was attached to.

I watched in fascination as the bones spread in a facsimile of a skeletal structure, for there was no joints. Yet it was an exact duplicate of a human skeletal structure, just without any gaps for its joint, for it all flowed together. A single piece of solid white bones.

The bones pulled across my frame, like melted plastic, but a solidity in its makeup felt like molten steel... a crack resounded as a skull grew from my spine.

I became aware of my new body.

I stood up. I was nothing but a pale skeletal figure, no muscles, blood or flesh. The black heart grew more tendrils that was meshed into my bones, they seeped inside it, without any visible opening, and I could feel them moving inside my new bones.

Smaller tendrils like maggot were shed from the heart. They crawled up my skull and filled my empty eye socket, suddenly my perception that was vague and broad shifted to my eyes, and I could see.... no, seeing was the wrong word, I could__grasp information.

My eyes sucked in the light...the world was opened. my vision was reality itself. It took up all my senses. I could literally see the fear of the Bultigin, its colour was yellow.

I looked down at my arms as I raised them, marvelling in horror, from afar I may look like a skeleton, but up close the bones were all smooth. like a mannequin made of bone. I could easily flex my fingers, I experimented and closed my fist, then closed it again...I chuckled as my forearm became a fist, my wrist the knuckles.

This degree of flexibility was unreal...

I “saw” another whimper from the Bultigin.

my body had been unconsciously moving towards it while I observe my frame...

“why wield weapons, when our fist can shatter the earth, and our claws tear apart the horizon"

Looking at the trail of pale blood the Bultigin left behind, I laughed, a sound so unnerving it terrified me...I felt an itch on my sole...how do these bones feel sensations?, I can’t begin to fathom. A wave of tendrils snaked from my rib cage down my thighs to the ground, those dug into the soil draining it for every pale drop of blood shed by the Bultigin.

I walked closer, thoroughly enjoying all the lines of fear that the Bultigin fed me with. A few feet away from the beast, I cocked my head, and said:

“empty words?"

Not waiting for replies, A burst of hunger radiated from my heart as I threw myself at the Bultigin.

I don’t know what my bones were made of but as I clasped its neck, it felt like clay... so weak was the flesh of the Bultigin. My fingers penetrated its skin and muscles and I held on to its spines....it grew more terrified and it fear fed me. I pushed my skull closer to its face and drew a deep breath, I closely watched its eyes as an horrifying deluge of tendrils escaped from my bones and enveloped it.

It was torn apart..

The Bultigin whimpered, “let me serve" but the plea from the beast was lost before my all consuming hunger, a moment later there was no trace of the creature left.

I stood up, still bone. then with a flurry of motion I was wrapped in a cocoon of tendrils, as it receded, flesh was revealed...I stared in awe at my arm, it was lean, my skin was grey like old stone, with hardly any musculature beneath, the Bultigin was a Huge creature, after consuming all that mass I hardly had any flesh over my bones, but at least now I had a tongue, and other sensory organs. I regretted that shortly...for a deluge of inputs buried me from my surroundings. The whole world was squeezing themselves inside my skull.

I crouched covering my ears and squeezing my eyes shut. The world was pouring into my skull, I tasted the flames from the fires and heard the light as it cast shadows , my senses was jumbled as I tried to make sense of what I was experiencing, my eyes seemed to zoomed into objects if I focus on it long enough giving me horrifying details of my surrounding, I closed them again and buried my head.

I don’t know how long I was hunched over but my senses became easier to manage.

I had became used to the sights, sounds and smell, the adaptability of my new body amazed me.

Overall all these paled to the screams in my heart, it gnawed at me, every essence of me wanted to feed, for I could feel the totality of my body , the distinction between my bones and flesh gone.

Every part of me was known, and available for my control and manipulation, down to the tiniest bit of hair on my arm, I could feel them. I realised for the moment that my veins were present in my new body but no blood ran through. Only ash.

Am I eating myself?

This question was rapidly forgotten as hunger crashed into me in unrelenting waves, it was a need I had to satisfy, I peered up, and saw pale florescent light drift into my skin, tips of little tendrils fine like silk floated on my arm, grabbing the light and drawing them inside of me.

I knew somehow that I was feeding on the carnage around me. The burning forest, the dirty skies, the now silent village was feeding me, I was drawing in the despair, anger, confusion and wrath around me, pulling them tight.

I was eating chaos. But there was too little of it. I needed more.

I heard rustling in the forest... I peered over and saw a short green creature, it was observing me in a furtive manner, it turned, disappearing into the smoking forest.

“leave nothing in our wake"

The voice was coming from my heart.

Grinning like the Bultigin, all teeth. I followed.