*Editor's Note: Keep this brief. We don't want to look back and found we committed to things we cannot achieve. Also, I think it best to scrap the introductions for now. It makes us sound like four washed-up armchair adventurers, sat around in a tavern drinking beer and preaching what we don't practice. It's not great for confidence. *

(TO BE NAILED TO THE QUESTERS' REGISTRATION HALL. WHEN THE GUARDS AREN'T LOOKING.)

Hello again dejected adventurers. You've made it to registration, so we'll just assume that you can't or won't go to some horrible place far away from here riddled with peril (which you really should), and won't hang up your sword and settle for a lifetime of happiness in Happiness (which you really really should).

Well, that's what we're here for, I guess.

If there was a little bad news, then there's a tiny bit of good news.

You, yes YOU, could soon be a member of the Questworld Union Of Underworked Adventurers (QUOUA)!

We're a group of heroes just like you who understand the financial and emotional struggle of a land enjoying bright and prosperous times.

For just ONE gold coin per season, we'll provide you with:

* Handy guides to stepping up the Questworld adventuring ladder from destitute to impoverished. How to approach possible questgivers, standing out from the competition and making coin on the more boring side of life are some of the things we'll write about until we think of something more useful to you.

* Maps delivered straight to your gauntlet when entering a new cell of the Hive. Are you more likely to earn a cheeky copper from the crazy old lady in Hemmling Town who thinks those nasty little caterpillars on her cabbages are emissaries of evil, or from the crazy old man who seeks to stop a certain witch from dismaying the entire town with her hideously overcooked vegetables? Find out with our numbered cartography system!

* Scrolls of breaking news to give you an edge in finding work. Better hope it's bad news!

* The potential for a civil war over the pronunciation of QUOUA. We say 'kwo-a', but we encourage heated debate within our membership. The resulting fights are a perfect opportunity to hone your skills.

For TWO gold per season, you get:

* Invitations to our social events. This consists mostly of drinking - we have a fearsome reputation to uphold after all. Tasting menus and further information on the times we actually get off our arses shall be delivered straight to you via newsscroll.

* Adventuring workshops at our union hall in Webley hamlet. Know your hack from your slash, your charming smile from your deranged grimace, and how to tell you're a hopeless and desperate layabout with no prospects. Invitations shall appear magically in your hand for your consideration or angry crumpling up.

And for a generous THREE gold per season, receive:

* The glow of the knowledge you are a true brother by letting us get that whisky we've been eyeing up on the top shelf of the inn we're certainly not sitting in right now.

So join the Questworld Union Of Underworked Adventurers today to give yourself that unique edge that every single other adventurer in the Hive has.

To start, simply toss your desired payment in the air and say "QUOUA". Our imps shall either snatch it up and grant you power to see our magical inks or end your miserable life if you do not use one of our approved mispronunciations.

Also, don't throw near the teddy bears. They're surprisingly nimble and athletic. And greedy.