The sound of thunder reverberated still through the air and inside Ed's eardrums when he instinctively ducked his head down, expecting a lighting to fry him. But there was no lighting, and the sky above was cloudless and... rather unbelievable.

“Wow,” was all Ed could say as he stared at something very deep and blue.

He looked around. There was a three-story house and a barn behind him, both looking rather medieval, but in perfect state with fresh bright paint and a green-tiled roof. It looked as if it belonged in an amusement park, and not here... in the middle of nowhere.

There was a gravel-covered road he was standing on. To his right, it sneaked up into the threes-covered hill, and on the left it went gently down to the slow-flowing river.

It all felt very unreal.

Yet, he hit the grovel with his sneaker and it flew over the road.

“Now, this kicks ass!” Ed said with a complete approval, putting his hand down to touch the leaf of grass growing by the road.

It was real, but it could not have been real. The sky was just too blue. The leaves and grass too green, the barks of the trees too brown. The air felt too fresh and the flowers were too... they smelled. He could smell their sweet fragrance before he saw a bush of yellow roses growing on the side of the house.

However they did this, it's crazy. Crazy amazing.

I want to do this for a living. Create worlds like this. This is fucken insane. Whoever did this, kicks ass.

He turned around to look at the house, its gardens. It all looked closed up with nobody around.

Where am I and why are there nobody around? Game designers, how about a friendly local? At least one. One stinking local that I could interact with. The one that could speak English and tell me what I'm supposed to do next.

He walked to the house and tried to open its front door, but it was locked. He peaked through the dirty windows to see a bunch of round wooden tables inside.

“Where the hell am I?” he asked as he turned around to get the whole sight in again..

The blues screen popped above him with the familiar golden letters that stated:

Dover's Tavern, The Four Season Road, Town of Eriiion Twenty Miles North.

I like the name Eriion. Sounds Elvish. God, if this is like a Middle Earth, I'll just shit myself. Shit, this is like the best shit ever!!! The air, never smelled nothing this fresh. The birds singing. Damn. I'll have to take on the birdwaching now.

But... the closest town is like twenty miles north? Twenty miles? It would take me like a month to walk that far! Who do they think I am?

Only then did Ed look at himself. He was wearing the same baggy pants, sneakers, his upper body shirtless. It was his body after all.

They flunked it there. Big time. Big no-no! How difficult would have been to give me like a proper body? I would not ask a lot. A six pack maybe. Not even an eight-pack.

A long waiving blond hair and a seven feet of muscle real estate for all the babes to feast on. They flunked it big time here.

“I mean everything is owesome, but do I really need to be stuck with this?” Ed said out loud and held his ice-cream and puff-puffs belly by both hands.

The body transformation is possible. The premium information cost 10,000 ducats.

“Yeah, I see it. You're all about money. Squeezing all you can, even for the tutorials. Someone will be making big bucks here. But what you've done right here is trully... inspirational. Yeah, you'd have to call it inspirational. And that noise? What is that?”

Hooves of galloping horses. Coming down the road.

Okay. The locals finally. But... what if... What if this is like Bilbo Baggins in Shire and those are the Nine Dead Kings coming to chase me down? Those Nazguls?? well, if hiding was good for Bilbo, it certainly is fine for me!

He ran across the road and jumped through the bushes thtrough the wall of greenery there just as the first of the horses made the curve.

Then he ran up a bit to hide behind the first tree, and only then decided to turn around to peak behind.

They don't even need to be like the RingWraights. What if they are some twisted fucks who like chubby shirtless white boys? I mean, how can I be sure no pervert was invovled in making this game here?

He only had to wait for a few seconds before six biggest horses he ever saw with black-mailed knights riding high in their saddles rode in with the cloud of dust, then stopped at the house entrance, and jumped down.

He saw two of them go straight for their swords, heard the threatening sound of steel leaving its scabbard, and his breath froze.

“Holly shit, this looks so real! Definitely life-changing. Scary too. Shows you can ever know.”

These guys don't look like the Nazguls. Still.. They are wearing black, and...

Good guys, white. Bad guys, black. Everybody knows that.

The man scattered around, looking in every corner of the front yard.

One of them, wearing a silver plate over his helmeted forehead the said. “The lighting came here. It must have been this place. Put the tracker out. And see what it says.”

The staff one of the soldiers were holding suddenly came to red shimmering light and a small back humming bird, looking rather metalic, flew out of it. It flew high in the air then down, and landed on the man's shoulder.

Shit, what kind of trackers are they talking about? Maybe looking for white and chubby, cute and tender? Hope they aren't canibals. Would not fit, would it?

The bird made it in the air, and flew over the house, around and around, but after a few minutes, it landed back on the staff.

“Nothing. Maybe whoever it was had already tailed down the road?”

Good.

“The tracker would have picked it up. No. This is something... very different. Little Mark said the same thing happened to him yestarday, three times.”

“Well, we better tell the sergenat about this right away. He will want to know.”

“Maybe they'll conisder posting guards next to all the taverns. If we were here when the lighting went off, we could have seen what happened.”

“Yeah, maybe they can post you here to watch the closed Tavern all day and night. Old Bass won't be back to open the Tavern here for another month at least.”

“We could break in, make us at home there.”

“Yeah, and when Old Bass sent in the bill, who do you think would have to pay for it all?”

“Enough chit-chat, we have to give the sergenant the news right away. Saddle up.”

Ed was glad when he saw the man climb back on their rides and gallop out of there.

“That was interesting. How MOLI, was that not interesting?” Ed said as he watched their backs disapper ahead. He looked at the road again, deciding that maybe going in the forest might be a better idea.

“Maybe I'll venture and see what is behind those trees. Anything new I should know about?”

Your performance has been updated.

Sucessfully survived an incounter with the King's UC Elite.

Stealth Experience up by +100 points

Total Experience stands at -50 points now

"What? Why is my experience so low? Should I have not started at least zero? I mean, I played so many games, you should have at least gave me like 5000 to start with."

Your low wisdom level of 5 has your starting Total Experinece points handicapped at -150.

“That's a bull!” Ed protested as he ventured furhter inside the forest. “And how do I raise my wisdom?”

The fastest way is by Earning Experience

“What if I just read a bunch of books? Would that help?”

Yes. That could raise your overall intelligence level and your wisdom would be most likely affected.

Wait, what is my intelligence level? Wait, wait, I actually do not want to know. The last book I read was “Ten Minutes Till Bed Time” when I was like five. Well, most likely looked at the pictures back then. When the hell did I even learn to read?

“Okay, great, now I'm in the middle of the forest? How do I come back to road?”

Do you want to purchase a local map?

“How much does it cost?”

100 ducats.

“Screw you. I'll find my own way.”

He stepped through the brush and thought he found a goat trail. But then a pair of cutest little furry animals poppoed on the trail in front of him. About ten inches big, gagging and jumping up on two legs, rounded and covered in thich white fure with black spots, they almost looked like a soccer ball if not for two huge rounded eyes.

“Oh, you're so cute,” Ed said as they started to bounce toward him. A few more poppoed out from behind the tree.

“Cute little things in a game like this... what are the chances of that?” Ed said out loud and decided to pick a dead branch from the ground and break a good four feet long stick from it. “I played enough games to know better. Minus 150 my ass!”

The cute little things kept on coming closer to him, even starting to make a cuddly-begging noise. But that all changed when Ed poked one of them. Then its mouth opened, a huge mouth that seemed so cute and small just a second before, and the long sharp teath flashed out. The growling came all around.

Ed swang the stick and when he landed it on one of the furries, it flew away as if it was a golf ball, hitting the nearby tree.

Ed swang again and again, left and right, frantically. as they kept coming. One got close enough to grab his pants right next to his ankle, and took a big piece of it before Ed remembered his soccer year and hit him with his right leg that made the fizzling noise at the animal flew way over the tree tops.

“Oh, that's a goal right there!” he said estatically, and swing his left leg at another one that came close as well, but missing him completely and flipping his whole body around, falling down on his ass.

A few more popped out to jump on top of him, but he started to wave the stick at them as he got up, first to his knee then up again, not trying out his soccer skills any more.

“Golf was always my game, gentlemn's game,” he concluded as he remembered that running after a rolling ball was a hazardous to his ego and his well being. He contined to wave the stick, moving forward them now, not ready to give a little furry guys a chance to cirlce him.

After twenty or more flew threw the air, they decided that Ed was a monster not worth challanging and had disappered inside the forest again.

“Now what do you say about my clubbing skills, MOLI?”

The local sheep hearders will be pleased. You killed fifteen of Teethies.

“You fucken lie. I must have hit at least two hundred of them. Learn to count MOLI. Every one of them. Not fair."

Ed breathed heavily, trying to catch his breath, wiping the sweat off his forewhead. “Now this is good workout. Now what did that got me?”

You earned ten ducats for each kill

Hand Compbat Experience up by 50 points

Total Experience is now 0

“Welll, at least I evened that out. Not failing any more, am I?”

Ed turned around the forest and noticed that the shaddows had grown longer, the sun setting behind the hills.

"How much do I have now?”

Your purse balance is 1150 ducats.

“Damn, I'm hungry now. And how much does a pizza cost here?”

There is no iteam like Pizza here.

“You don't have pizza here? Hot damn!!”

That's what I can do! I can make a killing here! I'll call it Papa Ed, franchise the shit out of it. Sell it to all the peasants and their dirty rugrats. Swim in the daugh and laught all the way to the bank. Damn, I could really use...

“Pizza!?!”

Fuck, how do I get out?

How do I get out!!

I want out! I need out.

Stop. Think. There has to be a way.

“MOLI, why are you not getting me out?”

That is a premium information.

"Of course it is. Getting up on a camel is free, but getting down costs you a hundred bucks. What a stupid turist sucker I am."

Ed breathed deeply, but then shrugged his shoulders and said. “My mom is going to kill me, rip me a new asshole. How much does it cost?”

It can be provided for 100 ducats.

“You're a fuckin' rip off artist, MOLI. But I'll bite... Just now. I'll pay. Okay?”

You have not purchased a neural reader and authorized Silent Command Mode. So, all your commands have to be issued verbally.”

“MOLI, I want to get out. Is that good enough for you?”

Suddenly the light flashed, again so brigthly that he just had to close his eyes. A blink of an eye later, he was back in his living room, the TV showing its connection to the game console.

“Shit!” Ed cursed and ran to the kitchen.

But there was no smoke, beeping fire alarm or anything like that. Surprised, he opened up the oven's door to see the pizza pie just starting to get cooked.

I was there for more than an hour. It must have been at least an hour. And this pizza here is not even melted yet?

For a second he thought that the stove got busted, but then he saw his phone, and it seems only a few minutes have actually gone by.

What the hell? This really needs more exploration.

But, I'm not going back there unloaded.

First pizza, then the shirt, and... maybe a baseball bat, and then back to the game I go. Well, maybe I can squeeze in a bawl of Rocky Road somewhere in between.