From: Kamal E Y [email protected]>

To: Sabrina [email protected] >

Sent: 20 March, 2000 08:09 PM

Subject: pressure

Honey,

The card says,

"This card says the secret how you can be so charming, lively and pure. Be the same way as you are now."

It means you are charming lively and innocent. Then "best wishes for your Birthday." The other things are the name of Card Company etc.

Same with me, the whole Sunday I was in bed thinking of you and our relationship. Our meeting, your words through the phone, everything. The more I think of you the more I am convinced that I love you more than anything.

The marriage custom in India is very complicated. Dowry system is common in our state also even among educated people. When I was studying in college, some people told my family that they will take care of all my expenses, if I would agree to marry their daughter. After I complete all my studies, I have to marry her. My parents said "no" to them. Then came another proposal offering a huge sum of money. That also was rejected. After I started working, came the proposal which I told you about. One crore Rupees. It is a huge sum. The parents of the girl might be rich. And I had a good job. (Ah, in my native place, everyone thinks I am a very good boy. Nobody knows that I drink or smoke. Nobody knows about my relationship with other girls. They all think that I am a perfect gentleman!!! Poor people!) So to get me as the husband of their daughter, they will offer whatever they can. Maybe the girl was their only daughter. So whatever they have will go to her.

I told that you don't know many things. One is that I am supposed to marry before my sister. Because I am 5 years elder than her, I have to marry first. If I don't marry and we try to get our sister married, people will ask, "Why her brother doesn't marry?" It will become a problem for her.

I don't want you to think of all these. Yes, I wanted to protect you from all such pressure. You are too innocent and I don't know, I don't like your mind paining. You are my only lover, only mine. I want to give you my love, not my pressure. I know you will not agree with that. But I can't think of letting you worry. Really. I am saying the truth. I feel you like a small girl. You maybe elder than me, but you are a little girl to me.

This is the same reason I didn't want you to talk with Sumit. (What I said is correct, he is in Saudi Arabia and he doesn't check his emails, but if I had wanted, I could have arranged something.) He will directly say that everything is impossible. But since I am his best friend, he will support me in everything.

Your idea of meeting every three months, I had also once thought something of that kind. But I want you to be mine and only mine. And I want me to be only yours. I don't show my feelings nowadays, I told you that. But in the depth of mind, I feel strongly the possessiveness. I don't want anyone to meddle with you. And I don't want any other person to share my love.

I had also thought about our life after marriage. That may not be as sweet as it is now. But again, the thought that we are together all the time...I want to be with you always. I like to listen to your dreams and I want to work with you to fulfill them. You see, my pressure on every solution?

I know only one thing, I love you too much, I have never loved anyone this much and I will never love anyone this much.

Yours, only yours

Kamal