From: Kamal E Y [email protected] >

To: Sabrina [email protected] >

Sent: 27 January, 2000 09:33 PM

Subject: believe me

Dear,

You got hurt. I knew that will happen, but I couldn't prevent it. From the first day I reached here onwards, you have been asking me to hurt you. I tried to prevent it. But at last you made me tell some things, which even I am not sure of. And you got hurt.

You told me that I neglect your questions with my intentional forgetting. I don't understand. Which question I didn't answer? I answered all the questions you asked me.

1. My mom

2. My feelings after our meeting

3. Your intention to study TOEFL

4. Disappointments

5. Why didn't I talk too much during the first few days of our meeting

6. Why I touched you at the first meeting

7. Why I didn't say any sweet words at the airport

8. What is the state of my love

9. My "hidden" character

10. What is not my type

This list is long. I haven't neglected any of our questions.

Just now I received your today's mail. In that also you didn't ask anything specifically. You asked to show my true mind. I am still unclear, what you are expecting. I will do anything to clear your doubts. Because I very well know how much discomfort it can cause.

Before we met, I didn't talk much on the phone, because I didn't know your character. I was afraid of creating a bad impression of myself. I didn't want to force my opinion on you. I thought you will feel better if I listen to you more than talking.

The only question I could find in the last mail was "why I didn't hurt you". The answer is another question. Why should I hurt you? It is not because of love. It is because we two are friends. Who will want to hurt a friend?

You wanted to know more about the intentional forgetting of subjects. I will tell some examples. Remember, after two or three months after we knew each other, you told me about the meeting. In all my replies, I just made a passing remark on that subject. That was my way of pushing aside that issue. At that time I was not prepared for the meeting.

Another one was you told me that you don't know whether you love me. I didn't discuss that subject till the day before our last day. At that time I was comfortable with you to discuss those.

I have already told you that I felt like a guest in your house during the first few days of our meeting. I was so sorry that I disappointed you. I felt that you were doing me a favour to let me live there because I didn't have any other place to go in your country. When you tried to discuss the subject of my feelings there, I always slipped out. I remember the first two-three days we were eating breakfast in your house, (not on the sofa, in that room where you have kept many chairs.) I didn't know what to do or what to say. I was even afraid of saying that "I don't like this sauce."

I don't know why the day you didn't go to the office I felt so happy. From that day onwards I felt comfortable and then I began to talk. But after that, we didn't discuss many serious things. The only thing was that you told me that I should find a job in the US by next February. I didn't show much interest at that time, because I was thinking of it. I didn't want to make any commitments. You asked me many times what I was thinking so deeply even in bed. I didn't say anything. Actually I was thinking of this. But I wanted you to forget about the subject for that time, so I didn't tell you.

You asked me what things are not of my type. Honestly, I don't know how to answer. So you tell me some examples. I will surely answer your question.

I may have to leave for Germany on the 8th of next month. Forget about this right now, let us clearly discuss the questions you asked. Let us talk and talk and clear our minds...

Love

Kamal