From: Kamal E Y [email protected]>

To: Sabrina [email protected] >

Sent: 22 September, 1999 04:47 PM

Subject: I am angry with myself

My lonely girl,

I came to know the full extent of disaster only yesterday evening. When you talked to me I could make out what is going on in your mind and how sad you were. But then I couldn't say any soothing words, my colleagues were sitting beside me. But when I saw the disaster in news in all its terrible face, I was really worried. When you called me I thought that the quake didn't affect your area. And you didn't tell me too. After I had seen the news, I tried to call you in the night, two times. The phone was ringing, but nobody answered. You were not in your house? I felt angry with myself, for not being able to help you. I know this was one of the situations in which we should have been together. We could have faced the disaster in each other's arms. If we were supposed to die, we could have done that locked tightly in a deep hug. Now I see your heart as a sacred little girl, standing lonely amidst the ruins, tears running down the cheeks...if I could, I would have taken you in my arms out of all the hell, and kiss your eyes and lick the tears off. I really feel angry with myself!

Don't be scared, OK? Nothing is going to happen to you. And if there comes a situation that you can't live there safely, forget everything and come here. I will face anything, you can come to me. Next time you really feel scared call me and tell you are going to come. OK? We will live here, let the world do what they want.

Yes, I need you. It is more than just an e-mail love. We have grown beyond that. We have come to a point where we want to touch, smell and be one. To share the innermost feelings, which we usually don't reveal to others. I understand the urgency of us. That is why I am looking for a house. It will not be a big house, it is difficult to get a problem I can explain our situation to them. I am sure that they will understand and agree.

In everything all right there now? Next week I am planning to go home. But now I don't like to go there and be with my family when you are suffering there alone. My lonely girl, too stubborn to anyone, too independent, too fiery, but always too soft in heart. I knew that you had a gentle and soft heart even in the first week of our relationship. I then wondered why no one ever found it out. Maybe it was left to me to take your mask off and get to the depths of your heart.

You told me that you might have got injured. Did you get even a small wound? Say "no". I didn't see you, but I was really relieved to hear your voice. Now I want to know whether anything happened to you. And take care, don't sleep under the light if any more shaking is there. Change our bed from there. My sweetheart, I know it would have been terrible to sleep inside a shaking building. You have done it, you have managed everything by yourself so far, this time again...I like you very much.

Ah, I forgot to ask you, give me your postal address too. If I want to send you something that can't be sent by e-mail, it would come handy. OK? Write it in the next letter.

Before going home, I will call you again. Tell me the time you are at home. I want to speak to you. I want to hear your cheerful voice once again...

With you always

Kamal