From: Kamal E Y [email protected]>

To: Sabrina [email protected] >

Sent: 24 August, 1999 03:59 PM

Subject: Do you think I don't love you?

Dear Sabrina,

I didn't think you would get so angry reading my letter. But that made me really happy because you can become angry only if you have still a feeling for me. I am really happy.

I wrote about our feelings in the past only because I thought you may not like it if I use the present tense. I still have the intensity with which I once said I love you. I can still say with all the passion "I love you". I got a feeling that you had started to think differently when I read your message for Valentine 's Day. Is that right? That night I had the uneasy feeling of some storm pounding somewhere.

Do you think I want to end our relationship? Your letter makes my day awful?????? My girl (I am calling our again my girl), your letter decides the mood of mine. When I see your name in my Inbox, my mind races. You don't have to reconcile with me. Be with me as you are. It is not an unconcerned talk. I was just trying to be rational. No, I won't do that. I will be with you with the same feelings I had. You know how much I wanted you and how much I want you now also.

I wanted to know about HIM because I was trying to find out who is my competitor. If you don't want to tell, don't tell. I actually don't like to talk about HIM.

It is good to be in love with someone around you. But it is best to fall in love with someone who can be open to you. I fell in love with you because you made me feel you are not far away. I told you I always imagined that you were sitting on my lap when I write letters to you. Now also I feel it, but I tried to make me feel unattached. From now onwards I won't do that. I won't hide my true feelings for you. Is it OK? You are still sitting here on my lap, with an angry face and I am trying to calm you down. Look here. I know you are angry, but my sweetheart, I didn't mean to push our love away. Now tell me you are not angry. Give me your lips, we will kiss again, after so many days, again...

I don't feel any regret in postponing my German assignment. Now since you are there at 3 AM in the morning staying awake, I think if I am again asked to go, I will postpone of again. It is not a feeling of defeat to anyone. I too don't want to be defeated by anyone. My policy is "a man can be destroyed, never defeated". And there are some defeats which I fee are sweet, just like losing to you. When your heart defeats your brain, there is nothing you can do. I am defeated by my heart and so I am glad. I am glad I found you. And I am glad my heart full of your love is defeating my brain which tries to think rationally.

You asked me to look deep into my heart. I looked and there were you, smiling as ever, killing me inch by inch. I won't anymore try to act detached. You know very well that I can't. When your angry words strike my face, I realized that I can never be away from you and your love. When I tried to move away from you, I lost myself. I am sorry (excuse me I myself said sorry!) if I spoiled your bight. But I will make up in the coming nights.

Yours

Kamal