In an underground military bunker deep in the Australian desert three people sat around a long table.

“Sir we have identified new candidates from the latest sweep.” A comms operator finally announced.

“Excellent. Patch it through to the main comms room and we will review.” Captain Joysich said he as he tapped his fingers on the table. At 19 he was incredibly young to be in command but that was the way of the world since the Discovery was made.

“The numbers are getting less and less in Australia.” A sharp looking woman in her early 40s observed. Few who had met her knew her real name was Madeline Price and her real occupation as the head of ASIO, Australia’s version of the CIA.

“Part of it is a numbers game. The Indians and the Chinese are the most advanced by numbers alone though the Americans have the two highest level Rankers currently.” A thin man with glasses said. At 28 years old he was considered a genius and headed up the research division.

The records began to pop up on the screen as they gazed through the numbers.

“Only three potentials! These numbers are truly poor. If we cannot undo the seal on the next world we may lose this war if the other countries numbers are similarly diminishing.” Price lamented.

“Our numbers in America are also decreasing at a proportionate rate.” Joysich said quietly.

“Well if you look at these numbers there are only three and all from Western Australia. But more importantly, there is an anomaly here. Is this correct?” Price asked as she pulled up a file on the screen.

“The scan here says this man is 38 years old!” she exclaimed. “And not only that, but his numbers are incredible!”

“Impossible!” Dr Jefferson said. “In the ten years since the Discovery no one over the age 18 has ever tested positive. If you don’t enter the Beanstalk by 18 then you never will until we unlock the first seal. Pull up his testing record.”

Price navigated the testing records as he searched for the right file. Nothing was hidden from the government when it came to testing for candidates for the Beanstalk. The testing machines that were put in schools also had surveillance equipment installed that activated upon use. Not only were sensitivity and potential metrics recorded but a video and audio record was also captured.

“Here it is Log #84939485 DNA indexed against citizen ID Jackson Wolf.” Price said as she clicked play on the file.

A video popped up on all their screens and they saw a balding older man in a janitor’s uniform standing in front of the testing machine. He had the padded wires placed on his temple as he was looking at a computer screen. He gently placed some headphones in his ears as he turned on his iPod and started bobbing his head.

As the testing machine fired up a look of pleasure came across his face. His eyes began to dart left and right as he looked over his shoulders as if making sure no one was watching. He peeled off one of the padded wires and experimented with placing it on other parts of his body.

“What is he doing? I thought the wires had to be on the head for the testing to work?” Joysich asked.

“Actually no they only have to be in contact with the body. The machine actually gives a warm comfortable feedback sensation designed to make people relaxed when the testing process is active.” Dr Jefferson replied.

In the video Wolf continued to look over his shoulder before nodding to himself as if he had made a decision. He stood up and because of the limited camera angle all the people in the room could see was a close up of Wolf’s groin.

“Oh jesus.” Dr Jefferson complained as Wolf’s dirty janitor pants took up most of the screen.

Slowly a hand began to enter their view as it moved down to the top of Wolf’s pants.

“Oh my god is he……” Price began.

Before she could finish her sentence Wolf had flopped his knob out and it bobbed around on the screen semi-hard as he began to attach the padded wires to it.

“What the FUCK!” Dr Jefferson yelled as he covered his eyes.

Once the padded wires were attached Wolf’s penis began to get harder and harder until it was fully erect.

“Can we skip past this please!” Dr Jefferson said.

“Come now Dr it’s just penis. We need to watch to make sure there are no unusual outliers in how the testing was conducted. Already we can see that he is probably the first person in history to attach this device to his genitals. Would that alter the reading?” Price clucked. She viewed the whole scenario clinically.

It’s also not a bad cock. She thought as she looked at its shape. It had an unusual upward bend that sparked her interest.

“Well……i guess not. Provided the sensors are connected to the skin the readings will be exactly the same.”

Suddenly the close up of the penis went away as Wolf sat down. Soon some kind of video they couldn’t quite see began to play on the computer screen next to him as his hand disappeared under the desk and made up and down motions as he started to hum a tune.

“Working hard to make a living…….”

“Bringing shelter from the rain.”

“A fathers son left to carry on.”

“Blue denim in his vein.”

“Oh oh oh he’s a working class man.”

The three people around the table stared in shock as the video footage of Wolf masterbating unfolded.

“Oh my god he is masterbating to Barnsie!” Dr Jefferson shouted.

“Who is Barnsie?” Joysich asked confused.

“An Australian rock legend.” Price replied as she tried not to laugh.

The video continued to play as Wolf’s singing got louder and louder until finally he stood up and shouted.

“I”M A WORKING CLASS MAAAAAN!” he cried as he shot his load all over the testing camera.

The video footage became obscured by a thick milky substance.

“Oh shit!” Wolf’s voice could still be heard until finally the footage cut off completely.

“Ok…..so I don’t really know what to say here. Who the fuck is this guy?” Joysich said as he stared dazedly at the screen.

Within minutes Price had a full work up out of her database.

“Jackson Wolf, age 38. Current employment is a Janitor at South Fremantle High School. Served four years in jail for fraud. This is THE Jackson Wolf gentlemen, the man that almost bankrupted the Australian economy with his pyramid scam.”

“Holy crap. What is doing working as a Janitor?” Dr Jefferson asked.

“Difficult to know. Seems like he goes missing for a few years out of prison, just drops off the network but he pops up now and again for drug treatment prescriptions. Seems like he was on the streets with drug issues. Then he seems to have gotten a hold on things a few years ago, scattered work history in mostly dead end labour jobs until his current position.” Price summed up.

“Joysich as an American you might not be aware of who this man was. But he tanked the Australian corporate sector on the same scale as the Enron collapse in America. He used to be a big deal back in the day.”

“And now he is a janitor jerking off with our testing equipment.” Joysich frowned.

“The other two potential candidates from Western Australia are also from this school strangely enough. They are also at the older end of the scale at 16 and 17. Names are Eli and Billy Jones. Their attendance record indicates they rarely go to class and so the first time they took the test was only recently. They both presented strong numbers, not that much lower than our masterbating janitor. They also have a colourful background with some low level gang links. I believe you would call them petty thugs.”

“What do you want to do Captain?” Dr Jefferson asked.

Joysich stared at the screen for a long while before signing. He flexed his fist a few times and felt the enormous power he possessed thrumming through him. Though he looked merely like a young man he alone could wreak havoc on a city and could not be stopped by conventional earth weaponry.

“We do what we always do. We collect the candidates, brief them and see if we can force them through portal into the Beanstalk. The war with the undead is entering its final stages and we need every recruit we can lay our hands on. I myself will be permantely deployed to the Australian side of the portal shortly.”

A silence spread across the room at Joysich’s words.

“Can we win?” Dr Jefferson asked

“All we can do is what we have done since we made the Discovery of who and what we really are.” Joysich said.

“Climb the bloody Beanstalk.” Price whispered.

“Indeed.” Joysich replied as he smiled and showed all his teeth.