January

River James Anthony Lander had arrived. Gab was a mother. Gab and her baby spent two nights in hospital and afterwards, she did not walk herself home; her pelvic floor was too gutted for that. Freya had to bring the baby-capsule to the hospital before Gab could put it into the taxi to take them fifteen hundred meters home again. The three ladies who had shepherded the girls to hospital along the city streets were delighted to hear of River’s safe arrival. They sent Gab flowers.

Saanvi organised a very practical gift bag for Gab, with packs and packs of super-sized pads, a heat bag and Panadol, breast pads for leakages, and lots and lots of snacks. She brought it around with two bags of frozen meals on the first day home, including some of her famous butter chicken curry. It was very helpful to have a conscientious Mum to borrow, Gab thought.

Midwives visited Gab and River frequently during their first week, too. Gab’s milk came in painfully with absurd jet-stream let-downs, and her body was something changed and different. There were hours and hours of feeding, sometimes with many frustrating, failed attempts to latch a fussing baby on in the dark. There were night-wakings and daytime naps. Freya however, was relaxed about River’s presence in the apartment. She held him while Gab ate breakfast, took him for walks so that Gab could have a shower, and usually slept through his night-wakings. It was hard for Freya to see her friend in tears some days, exhausted and foggy; she felt out of her depth and tired some days too, but she wasn’t scared off.

River had a distinct presence. Things were different. He wasn’t very noisy yet; feed him, cuddle him, and he was happy—so Gab did, while reading up profusely on parenting styles, developmental milestones and the norms of baby rearing in different cultures. Brian brought ‘Uncle Jack’ to visit when River was one week old. And Tony brought Gina to visit a week later, playing the role of supervisor and Gab’s backup, which he did well. Gab had phoned Tony the day after River’s birth; Tony had indeed heard from Gina about Gab’s pregnancy but hadn’t wanted to intrude and, like Gab, hadn’t known what to say. But he’d been waiting on tenterhooks with growing anxiety as Gab’s due date approached, and was delighted and relieved to hear of River’s safe arrival and Gab’s good health. The strength of these feelings surprised him.

Gina was besotted when she met her grandson despite everything—though of course, she came with plenty of advice she was unqualified to give. But it was all Gab could do to take her son back out of Gina’s arms again when Tony declared it was time for them to leave—not before he surreptitiously stuffed $200 into Gab’s hand. James and Melinda had a gift pack sent to Gab. She phoned to say thanks and ended up regaling Mr. C. with her labour story; it was so fresh in her experience and so much in need of processing.

The timing of River’s birth was serendipitous and Gab was glad that at least in that way she’d stumbled across some good luck. He was born in January, right in the middle of the uni summer break, and a couple of weeks after Gab’s nineteenth birthday. Classes didn’t start back until the beginning of March when River would be almost three months old.

Maybe River was relaxed or maybe empathic Gab was attuned to his signals and was quickly responsive. She had an instinctual drive to nurture; the foundation must have been laid by the sensitive care of her grandmother in her first years of life, compounded by the years of attending to Jack and craving what she herself lacked.

Jack was besotted with River and constantly pestered Brian to drive him down to visit. Then Brian invited Gab to come and stay with them for the first weekend of each month. When Gab told Tony about it, he promised to drive down to pick them up, ferrying them to Brian’s each time. He just wanted to see them both, and Jack.

Before River was six weeks old, the health nurse had encouraged Gab to join the mother’s group at the local Health Centre. But Gab was reticent to join. She feared the humiliation of being the youngest in the group; she also feared questions about her relational status or about the identity of River’s father. That she wanted to keep right to herself.