July, mid-semester break

Gab and Freya stayed at Freya’s place for three nights and by the end of the time, Gab had laughed more than any time she could remember. Freya’s sisters Priya, Indira and Lena were funny, precocious, sweet. They accepted Gab into the fold naturally, just as they would have with any of their friends, treating her as if she were part of the family. For her part, Gab was eager to help out and fit in, assisting with chores and cleaning up. She joined in with family games and movies and this strange ecosystem of relationships was foreign and delightful. That secret, painful yearning she felt while watching Mr. C. with his children resurfaced, but was tempered by the joy of inclusion. By the end of the stay, she allowed herself to feel like one of the family. She had even talked with Priya and Freya together about the pregnancy. Both girls were encouraging and supportive of whatever decision Gab made. And being with Freya’s family reminded her of those thoughts from her long walk that day she’d taken the pregnancy tests; of what it might mean to start her own family, with her own child, with the space and freedom to shape a life all of their own.

***

Gab wanted to make up her mind. Buoyed by the stay at Freya’s home, she decided to phone Mr. C. and tell him. Being pregnant wasn’t so bad, was it? It wasn’t such a big deal—not the way Priya and Freya had talked about it. These things happened. It wasn’t like a hundred years ago when Gab would have become a social pariah, forced into dingy backwaters or onto the streets; or like fifty years ago when she’d have been whisked away for the pregnancy, only to have her baby taken off her for being an ‘unwed mother’. She hadn’t ruined everything, had she?

Before the confidence of Priya and Freya could wear off, Gab decided phoned her old teacher.

“Hi, James speaking,” he answered that chilly July evening.

“Mr. C? It’s Gab. Gab Lander.”

“Gab? How are you? How’s uni? Great to hear from you!”

“Oh, thanks Mr. C. Yeah, um, uni’s good. Really good,” she said, trying to muster up some enthusiasm. It had been good, but she had not been feeling good.

“Have you settled into city life?”

“Yeah, it’s okay. Lots of great food. My housemates are nice.”

“I’m glad to hear it. What else is news?”

Gab was quiet; James could sense something was up. She didn’t have the courage to launch in; where would she begin? How about, I’ve been having nightmares? I feel so mixed up? I spent the night with a guy I don’t know … but I have no idea what actually happened? Except I’ve been horribly sick … and it turns out I’m pregnant? It all sounded so incredibly stupid inside her head.

Mr. C. didn’t fill up the dead space with chatter; he was quiet.

“Mr. C? You still there?” Gab almost chickened out and hung up.

“Yeah, I’m still here. You still there, Gab?”

She smiled at his silly question. “Yeah, I’m here. You’re not saying anything.”

“Neither are you.”

“It’s just … ” she began timidly. She hated the thought that he would think less of her. But she had to tell him. It felt dishonest otherwise. He had to know the truth.

“I’ve been doing stupid stuff, Mr. C,” she said finally.

“Oh ... you mean the typical uni stupid-stuff? Well ... that’s okay, Gab. I mean, it’s okay if you’re okay. Are you okay?”

“I don’t know … it’s just … my mum’s driving me crazy, Mr. C. She’s calling all the time, texting me, making me feel guilty for coming here. She can’t cope without me, and I feel bad for deserting her. I’m angry at her too, Mr. C, but she doesn’t deserve it.”

James was quiet for a moment.

“You haven’t deserted her, Gab,” he said quietly. “You haven’t done anything that you need to feel guilty for.”

“But I have!” Gab insisted. “She’s at home on her own, and I’m out here living my life and ... ” She trailed off. And you have no idea what I have to say next, she thought.

“Uni is exactly where you need to be, Gab. Isn’t it?” spoke Mr. C. He was willing to reiterate this until it soaked in. Gab was silent, breathing hard.

“You have not done one thing,” James continued, “not one thing that you need to feel guilty for, Gab. Really.” He sounded so certain, so utterly convinced.

“Mr. C … I’ve been sick over the semester … ”

“Have you?” he sounded concerned. “Have you been to the doctor?”

“Yes … and … don’t worry, it’s nothing major,” Gab said automatically, not wanting to cause worry. “It’s just … it was a certain kind of sick, Mr. C … ” She trailed off. She breathed deeply. Then she shut her eyes tight and blocked out the world.

“Morning sickness.”

There. She’d said it. She desperately hoped she wouldn’t need to explain any more. She just couldn’t.

James paused, only briefly. Had he picked up what Gab had put down?

“Okay,” he said neutrally, slowly—as though considering his response. “Should I say congratulations, Gab? Or … or is that not what you need to hear right now?”

“Mr. C … ” said Gab. She was so relieved he’d understood. And then something dawned on her. “That’s the first time someone’s said congratulations to me!”

“So … it’s okay then?” he asked gently. “Because if it doesn’t fit with how you’re feeling, that’s okay ... I can say something else.”

“No, it’s fine,” said Gab. “It really is.” And she meant it.

“Well, good,” said James, feeling more at ease. “Congratulations, Gab.”

“Thanks Mr. C,” continued Gab, “But, don’t you think … I mean … I’ve really stuff up. I’ve wrecked everything! I’m so sorry.” Her voice cracked.

“Wrecked what, Gab?” he asked. “You haven’t wrecked anything, Gab.”

“Yes, I have. You were so happy for me to come to uni. And now … this.”

“It’s alright, Gab. It’s your life, not mine. Life happens. And things often don’t turn out as we’d planned.”

“But what do I do next? I don’t know what to do.”

“You’ll find a way through, Gab.” Mr. C. was gently firm.

“But I won’t!”

“You will, Gab. You will. Wherever this goes, it will be okay,” said James.

That was a load off Gab’s mind. Afterwards, Gab realised with surprise that no one—neither Freya, Priya, Saanvi nor even Mr. C.—had acted like this was the end of the world, even though it felt like it to her. So maybe it wasn’t. As long as she didn’t think about what Gina’s reaction might be, everything would be okay. She had no idea how or when she was going to tell her mother. She didn’t want Gina weighing in on any decisions about her future.