127. Finding Myself

Juliet

I had traveled to France, taking some time for myself. Jessy was with me but living in Charlene’s house. I had never been alone… It was time, and after a few days, I sent him back. There really weren’t any more threats. He was reluctant, but I ordered him. I was a little lost after what happened to Mateo’s wife and daughter. The world had watched how we took over the Alien planet. Live on TV. We were bombarded with invitations to the UN.

What they didn’t know was that it really didn’t mean anything. There was still a planet we were not allowed on… One that had my kid. Another that wanted to kill me. Louis’s own mother was ruthless. I just couldn’t deal. All of it had to sink in… I didn’t want Louis in my head.

I didn’t know how Chris did it. But he had been sitting around for ten years. All he had to do in that desert… was think, wait, and he really couldn’t come back… Us taking over a planet didn’t mean I could come and go… What was the point…? How long would it be before I saw Chris? I just wanted that year to pass as quickly as possible.

But we still needed to figure out the other three coordinates. It had taken Marcus a year to get two. Even if we all worked together. Without Rodrigo… It would take us two. We had so many other things to do. People we needed to take into consideration. If we didn’t put all our efforts into getting to Chris. We would get sidetracked.

I had blamed Ahasuerus for being busy with his own agenda. Not fixing the problems on En-gannim. I wanted to do precisely the same thing… How many more women were suffering… While I took some…time… to go get my son.

***

I stared at the key in my hand. Twirling it around through my fingers. Just before they left, Rodrigo had given it to Michael. Next to me on the bed was a blank sheet of paper with a pen. Every now and again, when I thought of another thing bugging me… I would write it down. Until there was nothing left. Knowing I had it on paper relieved me of the worry of forgetting something. Having it running around rampant in my brain. I glanced at the rectangle... It was full. I had been lying on that bed for a month.

***

When I woke up the following morning. Firm muscles were pressing into my back. Strong arms and hands were holding me tightly. Our fingers laced and unlaced as the sun rose over the mountains.

“Did you bring your bike?”

He chuckled.

“Did you guys figure it out?”

Michael was quiet for a moment… “They don’t know I’m here.” His eyes opened for a second.

Before I left, I charged them to at least attempt it… Michael and I had never spoken about our relationship. It was always kinda, just assumed. It was natural and… unavoidable. He didn’t share or fight with me… He was the hardest for me to be in a relationship with. His beard was rough under my fingers… his hair still wet. He didn’t always have a beard, but I couldn’t remember what he looked like at the farm anymore.

“I actually came… to ask you… if you would….”

I almost jumped onto him but held myself back... Didn’t want to scare him… with my girly enthusiasm. It was the first time he had asked for anything sexual of me since he came back... I wasn’t going to do anything with clothes on. He sat up and watched me… My shirt dropped to the floor first, followed by my sleep shorts and underwear. His eyes roamed my body, his hands following as I threw my leg over him. Slowly I pulled his shirt over his head. Admiring all his hard work.

“No sex…” He whispered, not meeting my eye. If he only knew what I was planning. Been thinking about getting him there… I didn’t know how long it would be until we got to have a wedding… Waiting was just stupid… And we had never had sex… I had on my poker face… “What are you paying…?”

There was a low, suppressed laugh in his chest. He was expecting it. My hand ran up and down his shaved torso. Michael took out a piece of paper from his jeans on the floor.

I opened it… “I.O.U? That’s a bit vague. It needs to be more detailed.”

That smile on his mouth when we played like that made my thighs tighten around him. It was like he felt guilty and good at the same time. He dug into the other pocket. “One full body massage, no strings….”

His eyebrows raised in question. Sensitive grey eyes regarding me. Michael had beautiful eyes. A black ring with big pupils left little space for his irises. “Would it be enough, though? To tempt you?” His hand kept roaming my body.

I slid off him and settled on my knees in between his legs. I pulled on the waistband of his pants. He lifted so I could take them off. My hand pushed down on his torso... It was more than enough.

“I would have done it for a pack of cigarettes.” Our eyes bore deep into the others until my mouth and hands slowly found him. His hand touched my body for a while. His hand gripping my hair. Deep moans escaped his lips. I was going to make him sleep with me.

“Juliet… I can’t anymore.”

I stopped. Quickly making sure his eyes were closed. He was waiting... for that final push… I got on top of him. And before he could say anything, I had him in me. Slowly sliding down. It was over. He came up to meet my first urgent thrust, crossing his legs under me, pushing us together. Our mouths connected, his arms around me. Touching me from my ass over my snake-like back. He didn’t care anymore. He was too far gone. His arms wrapped around me tighter as our lips moved. Until I started driving up and down. He rested back on his hands. I didn’t stop until he threw his head up at the roof. He plopped down on the bed… His elbow covered his face and eyes.

I chuckled. “I have to say that was way easier than I thought… So much for waiting to be married. You could have pushed me off.” He was still not taking his arm off his face… “It’s just sex, Michael.”

“F- it is Juliet.” He pulled me down on him. I slid off and laid down next to him. His arms came around me, pulling me close to his chest.

“Juliet… where are the chains and the ring?”

“I took them off.”

“What’s going on… not like you to answer like that.”

I rolled down onto my back. The weight of the world was on my shoulders. Literally, I was the queen of a freaking planet. I had never thought Ahasuerus would concede… tap, and bailout. Handing it to me… I didn’t understand it. He was so bent against it. Not that Ahasuerus had anything to do with me deciding to take off… Louis… from my person.

“Honey…” Michael’s voice softly broke through my thoughts. I had heard him the first time. But I wasn’t there. My eyes traveled to his. He didn’t deserve me absent… I sat up, turned towards him, and crossed my legs. Willing myself to focus on him. I was nervous, wringing my hands. Eyes flickered from my hands to my face… frown lines played on his brow.

“I’m sorry about leaving with Louis after we were talking… It feels a bit redundant saying it now… It’s been two and half months.” He stroked my hair.

“I… We haven’t talked since that night… We haven’t talked much for the last… year.”

After a month of doing nothing but stress… I was so tired… I rubbed my eye, frustrated that I didn’t know what to say…

“Will you brand me, Michael…?” Even just the words felt wrong… Blurting it out like that. I didn’t know how to talk to him.

The astonishment was written on his features. He sat up propped on one arm, the sheet covering his legs. He pulled my lips onto his with desperation. With his forehead on mine, he nodded…

“I will… I thought you bailed out in asking me… because you weren’t sure, Juliet… I was so quiet that day because I didn’t know what would happen. If you didn’t ask.”

I laughed, falling back on the bed…. “So, that is what’s wrong… That wasn’t what I was thinking in the street that day… There is no doubt in my heart, honey!” He stared at me… mouth opening and closing again. I didn’t know how… I just was. “I want to do it here… With you sleeping right there. Not somewhere else where I can’t take care of you.”

Tears welled up in my eyes. “I’ve been here because I didn’t know how to ask you to put yourself through that, Michael.” My voice was strained… “After all you’ve been through… for me… To make another decision that affects you… Us all! To such a degree. It’s just too much… All that responsibility.”

Michael stroked my face. I kissed his palm. “You’re not alone. When we do it, we will be together… But we would have to wait. And we only have till next year.”

I nodded.

“Juliet!” Marcus’s voice came from the front door.

Our heads snapped around. I glanced at Michael in concern. Wiping at my eyes… “That I did not think through. I just wanted to talk to you. Get off.”

“F-!” We said at the same time.

Michael covered himself with the sheet. From head to toe.

One of the reasons I had been hiding away walked through the house. “Marcus. We’re up here.” He stopped for a second and moved slowly up the stairs. My gut was twisting. Marcus came into view, and my eyes met his. He was nervous, and I didn’t want to hurt him again. But Michael wasn’t an option. I didn’t want to hurt anyone… It seemed it was all I did. Marcus’s eyes were darting over the floor. I grabbed my panties and pulled them on. My shirt and dragged it over my head.

“Hey Marcus,” Michael said from below the sheet.

“Hi.”

“I need to talk to you,” I said as I dragged Marcus out of the room. I pulled on my pants at the bottom of the stairs. Jumping into my boots at the front door. We went down the stairs. Across the yard. Past the swimming pools. Into the trail that led up the mountain. I only stopped at my tree. I let go of him and sat down against it. Almost crying. Marcus came forward. He sat down next to me. I climbed between his legs, resting my head back against his chest.

“I’m not angry, Julie….” He whispered in my ear. “I know Michael is different. He’s not like Soren, is he?” I shook my head. “Was it your first time?” I nodded. His chin rested on my shoulder.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Marcus!”

“I know… I’m just controlling. Used to be in charge. I think if it’s not so unexpected, it might help. It’s time Julie. If we can’t make the decision. I’m sorry to say, but you’ll have to.”

I nodded. “I know… I will have to set up the schedule, but it’s hard. I just want what I want, when I want it… Having to force our relationship into a box… I don’t like it… But let’s begin with you….What do you want?”

“I want to have a baby.”

I frowned. Turned around and threw my legs over his. “Is that what is bothering you… Well, that’s not a problem… give me your phone.”

I dialed Louis’s number. “Hi, baby.”

“Hi. How is France? You okay by yourself.”

“Michael is here. And we slept together. Marcus showed up after, and we are sitting under a tree, and you’re on speaker.”

“Hi, Louis.”

“Hi, Marcus.”

“Is it schedule time… Thank heavens. I was getting a little edgy.”

I had never thought Louis would keep pushing. He seemed to even out again when it was just on the yacht. But he wanted the schedule as much as Marcus. It was very unromantic. But I had to indulge them. At least try. They might not like what happened as a result. “What do you want in the immediate future? Big picture…” I asked Louis with hesitation.

He was quiet… “I want Marcus to go back to En-gannim… I want Michael to take over Bertram’s position…. I want me and you to work on the coordinates to get to Caleb… It means you can’t get pregnant now, baby… It’s just a few more months… Not even a year….” He was quiet.

“But… what we want can’t be important right now… And I know it’s hard but…. They wanted to give you En-gannim so that you’re busy with other stuff. Because splitting us up is what they wanted. Keeping you away from Chris is what they wanted.”

He was quiet again… “ I think all Michael wants is to stay by your side... So sending him off… It might not be the best for him at this stage … So I agree with Marcus… You will have to decide… But the best would be… If we all work together and forget just for a few more months… We could get there. I know you think it will take two years… But I think we can do it before they return to Shumaan.”

We heard the footsteps and the voice coming up the trail. Louis was there. I sighed. He came over and pulled me up. “Why are you so tired? I thought you were resting.”

“I don’t know?” I croaked out.

“You’re not getting depressed on me, are you?”

He pulled me into his arms. I should have cried a long time ago, but it seemed that it would be that moment. I wanted to say that I can’t do it. I wanted to say to leave Caleb and Chris there, and when all the dust was settled, they would contact us. I would eventually see them… Did it matter how old Caleb was… If all they were waiting for was my twenty-second birthday… They could have just said or asked… It will be Michael anyway. Louis pressed me into him. I knew Chris was waiting, and the price seemed a little high at that moment… The stress too much. The morning light dimmed. The day became night.

***

Louis

“S- I think you might be pregnant already. You might just get your wish, Marcus.”

“She’s not pregnant… look at her arm! She is still on birth control, remember.”

I swore as the skin grew over her shoulders and covered Caleb’s tattoo. “She’s not going to be happy about that.” I carried her back to the house. It was as if she was seventeen again, and it had not been the most brutal three years of my life.

Michael was sitting on the couches having a cigarette. When he saw me with her, he got up. “What’s wrong?”

He immediately noticed the growth of the skin. “This is all my fault… I thought she was past this.”

“It wasn’t your fault. It’s mine.” Marcus said. “I shouldn’t have come… I have more issues than you. Believe me….” Marcus wanted to run away.

“No Marcus! Come take her from me… It’s you she wants when stuff like this happens. No one else. You will take care of her.”

“Come Michael! We need to start working. We can’t sit around waiting for her anymore.” I put Juliet in Marcus’s arms. I could have stayed… I felt like Chris… She always blamed us for passing her on… “Where is that key? She hung it on one of the chains.”

My gaze flickered from her neck to her fingers. I stared at the empty space for a while. It would be the first time she slept with someone and not had it on. I stopped to try and think if she had it on in the shower… after Marcus… She did… My eyes cast to the floor. Michael had immediately noticed that I saw and had left for the front door. Rankled, I glanced over my shoulder at him. Not even with Chris was it a problem. But Michael?

“What is it, Louis?” Marcus asked.

“Your freaking clueless.” I sneered and pushed past him.

I walked to our dressing room and closed the door behind me… They were there. In a neat pile on her dressing table…. The ring resting on top of the chains… I sat down, staring at it… I had left her alone after Marcus came back. Until she forced me to go to the yacht… After that, we trained so much… that I left her alone again. Had she finally given up on me? She had said… Only that one time.

My head snapped at the door. As if she would be standing there. That she would tell me she was just cleaning it… But she wasn’t. She had too much on her plate, and I would have smelled the cleaning solution.

I picked up the jewelry, making sure not to get it all tangled up. I walked towards the door. Marcus was still there, waiting for me. His eyes grew larger, and his gaze traveled to her neck.

“Meet up with Michael and me when she’s fine….” He pulled his mouth. “We are going back to where it all started.”

“Rodrigo’s house?”

“That is our home for the next year. There is a reason he left her the key. We will come to get you. Call me. Find out about the emblems from Liam and your mom.”

***

Marcus

Louis seemed lost. He walked towards the garage and came back out with a hammer tightly fisted. His eyes were cast down, and he headed up the stairs.

I heard him hammering. After that, he went crazy... The sheets and pillows were flying down the stairs. He was cursing. Yelling in French. It would have been romantic if it wasn’t so heartbreaking. The last thing to hit was the hammer into glass. Louis was nearing the end of his rant…It would not shatter… It was bulletproof. Juliet tugged at my shirt. She wanted me to get her out of there. “What did you do, Julie?” I whispered, heading to her room. I put her down on the bed.

I had never had to deal with so many emotions… It was all the time… Neverending. From every side and from multiple people… Everyone was different. All I wanted to do was cry… What the hell was wrong with me?

She was in my arms, and if they left right away… I wouldn’t have taken her upstairs either. I would have washed the sheets first. If anyone knew how it felt… It was the rest of us.

I wanted to get up. Juliet grabbed me and pulled me down, throwing her leg over me and snuggling onto my chest. “If you could have chosen, would you have wanted an eagle?”

She and Louis just went through something monumental, and that’s what she wanted to know… I thought about it for a moment. “I would have wanted a book.”

She nodded and started crying. If someone chooses you… what could you do but stand up and be a man? Don’t get lost in the hurt and evil… “I won’t go back to that, Julie… I love you too much. He will be okay.” She fisted my shirt. And we cried together.

***

When she was asleep. I ventured upstairs, picking up sheets as I climbed.

The hammer was lodged into the glass. I walked across the floor. It had been a small nail. It was hammered into one of the window frames. His chains and ring hung there. They did bother me… I won’t lie. She was on the bottom more than I would like because I didn’t like the sound they made... Knowing that she took it off for Michael felt… awful. I took out my phone and called the contractor. “He what?” I said. I pushed the little red button. Louis had already called. They would be there as soon as possible.