105. The Test of Change

Marcus

I hated being down there. But I needed to get Juliet to Rodrigo. I never wanted to be in that basement… ever again. That day I was there with Chris was one of the worst days of my life. Rodrigo’s screams and crying when he was just a boy… I will never forget. It was the worst years of my life. I put her down on the steel table. I grabbed a lined bin and held it out to her. She puked again. Rodrigo came out of the freezer. Visibly startled. His eyes darted from me to her.

“Did Ahasuerus do this?”

I nodded. “I wouldn't have let him. But he sneaked it in.”

He came over and took all her vitals. Gave her something to rinse out her mouth. She laid back and passed out. I had thought it would end up bad, but not like that.

Rodrigo pushed an injection into her arm. Her body relaxed. It was painkillers.

“I’ll keep her here.” He pushed past me and picked her up. It felt weird. Didn’t he do the unthinkable to her in the first place?

“How does she trust you? You infected her…”

“She trusts you… and you keep disappointing her.” My fists clenched at my side. I followed him to a cubicle that was a fully furnished hospital room. I scanned it. He must have seen my confusion.

“Sammy.”

My back stiffened. Rodrigo calling Chris’s child by a nickname… He was more at home than I was. He gently put her down. Taking off her shoes.

“Are you going to help, or do I have to do everything with… your wife.”

It stabbed at my heart. She was my wife. I pushed him away. I was getting sick and tired of not living up to everybody's expectations of how they thought I should be treating her.

***

Louis came running into the room. He wasn’t on-site earlier. Carl and Louis went after whoever took Michael. It had happened at the Embassy.

“What the hell Marcus? Didn’t I warn you?” Louis yelled, pushing me out of the way.

He went to her side, taking the hair out of her face. Out from her neck, and softly put a pillow under her head. Rodrigo let the bed fall a little. While Louis pulled a blanket over her.

“Like I wanted this. He did it when my back was turned.”

Livid Louis spun on me. “Look at her Marcus… You, Mr. General of an army, could not pick up on his ques or watch her for one minute. You always know everything before it even happens… Why did you turn your back on her at all.” He pushed his finger into my chest.

Soren… I didn’t even know it, but that was my first thought. Louis scoffed at me. Reading me… “Why didn’t you let them get married when she didn’t want to marry you… She would have been happy. Their house was not like yours?”

Jealousy… I wasn’t going to give her to someone else to save her.

“But you’ll let her marry Lucius? You’re more screwed up than I thought.”

“I would have had a year to get her out….” My gaze darted to Rodrigo. I felt like crap, and Louis laid out all my secrets in front of him. I walked past them to get back to En-gannim. Louis grabbed me and pushed me against the wall.

“If you were here, she would have slept with you. You judge her, but you are NOT here.”

It has always been my problem, Louis.

“You will lose her eventually!”

My breathing was instantly ragged.

“And don’t sleep with that woman. If you do Marcus… No one will be able to help you. We will lose you completely. There is no coming back from that.”

“What the hell do you want from me. To let Qadir give her the option? Let my grandfather make her tap… so she can kill herself?”

“All I want is for you to use your self-control towards your prize. Just a little bit longer. Please… If she loses you…”

“I don’t understand why she slept with him?” Louis’s eyes cast down, and he let me go.

He dug into his pocket. “You want to know what my letter said… I asked Soren what his intentions were.” He took out the tiny silver plate from his pocket. He held it out to me.

“That was his answer. The people around her… don’t care, Marcus… You branded her because she wanted to kill herself. It wasn’t something you wanted to do… If I asked her… she would probably say yes… She would willingly bend for him.”

“I can’t do it Louis… I can’t handle another addition. It has to stop.”

He put it back into his pocket. “You don’t have to. Go home, Marcus. I’m here. Go decide what you want… Even if your prize has changed.” Louis hesitated. His gaze drifted from Juliet to me… He pulled out a book from his back that was stuck into his pants. Nervously he twirled it around in his hands. He held it out to me. I took it. I didn’t stay. I couldn’t…

***

I went back to En-gannim. My first thought was about Qadir coming home a few months ago. Only for a night. I had not understood because I was there and everyone else was on earth. I was shocked when I walked into my study, and he was just sitting there. I had never been that depressed to see my own father. My grandfather sat across from him. Qadir was on Juliet’s couch.

“Marcus come sit down. We need to talk.”

All they talked about was the succession. It was all they cared about.

Qadir didn’t even glance at me. The last time I saw him was when we came back from Palmyra. It had almost been a year. Had time gone by so quickly?

I should have known there was more to his release than simple good behavior… agreements and treaties. Juliet had made a deal with Qadir… again. For his release. It was Qadir that took Michael and was going to use him. Make Juliet kill Ahasuerus… It didn’t make sense. There had to be more… Would it ever end?

I was getting tired of the politics. The backstabbing and the little regard they had for other people’s lives. Ahasuerus might be more humane in some ways, but they were the same. If you were not for them… You were against them.

***

Fighting with Louis about Juliet had made everything worse. I sat at my desk and opened the book he had given me. I didn’t know what it could be… I flipped the first page. Diary entries. Juliet’s… journal. I didn’t know if I wanted to read it… But did I have a choice?

All the difficulties she went through after I left. How depressed she was. How she wanted me… and I didn’t go back… She found out about Soren… It had… broken her down even more… She met my mom… Who told her she would become Queen… My mother… would come back if Juliet was queen.

What happened with her and Louis. How angry she was… What Louis did to her… If I had been there, I could have helped. I was mad at her… but she only had Louis… They also had problems. It’s not all fun for them. They fight and don’t see each other at all.

And Louis was turning… right along with her. I haven’t even gone back to make sure she got the treatment… I didn’t even know she was pregnant until Kubra told us. Pages and pages of questions she wanted to ask me. Self-help exercises and ways to work through loss and grief. So much research to help herself. Letters to all of us. How she saw every one of us in her life.

Louis was the Love and happiness she never thought she deserved.

Chris, the obsession that came true… One she never thought would realize. And how it felt to get what you want.

Michael was the nervousness and excitement of being in love… She always wanted to spend time with him because he made her feel good. It was easy with him. They were friends.

Me… I was the longing… the desire that she knows will never be satisfied. All the thoughts she has about me. Sexual thoughts… About us and how she felt when I just touched her. The approval she so desperately needed from me… but never received. Because we will never be enough for each other. But we couldn’t seem to let go. That relationship where the line was so thin that if you crossed it once… it would turn to hate. And the line was as simple as giving up and walking away. Or me cheating.

I didn’t understand how I got from staying in France with her. Never going to leave her again… to actually thinking about letting her go for good. Giving in to what my grandfather wanted me to do.

The last question she asked me was… “Marcus, do you think that this feeling will ever disappear?” She answered herself. “I hope not.”

I paged to the back of the journal. It was dark… But Louis was there. Louis is always there.

***

Sita

Since Qadir was released, he lived on Samuels’s farm. I met up with him there. I didn’t go to the compound anymore. There was no point. Until Qadir got back what he lost, things were still in limbo.

He didn’t seem to mind the company. We kept ourselves busy, trying to find something important in the ledgers and boxes Samuel had to keep.

“I thought the next time we saw each other, you would be married.” He stated.

I couldn’t answer him. I felt like I failed. I didn’t know how to get into the palace any other way but drugging Mateo and taking the chance of getting pregnant.

“The fact that you are not answering means he wasn’t receptive to your proposal….” I couldn’t look at him… “No need to feel bad about yourself… You still have one option left if that is the case.”

I drew in a breath at my reluctance of drugging him… “Will you come to visit Sita? When I have the compound back?”

“What do you mean? I thought you wanted En-gannim?”

He pulled a face. Took a drag of his cigarette. “You don’t want to go back.” He shook his head. “What is En-gannim to Earth… Run properly it is the best of all the worlds. It is the most important.”

“That’s vague… but… with the technology of En-gannim and the earth’s military. Trading with the Riphaths to join you in each campaign… You would be unstoppable… Would I still be welcome? Would you keep the werewolves close this time?”

“Now that we know who Mateo is… It opens a lot of doors. I still don’t know why they kept it so under wraps… Did you ever find out what he had hidden away on his phone?”

I nodded again. He waited, taking a drag of his cigarette. “There…” I cleared my throat. “There were pictures of a woman and a little girl on his phone.”

It took me and Nicholas one whole night to get Mateo that drunk. To take his phone and go through it with a fine comb. He had a lot of things on there. Even notes that were password protected. Swiping up revealed the most recent thing he did. It was his photo album.

“He is already involved… Has a baby? A daughter but can’t go home. Banished. That is strange…” Qadir lifted his eyes, thinking.

“It means I have to find her… And I am terrible at human relations. Tracking and finding out stuff. I know my weaknesses… If I could get Louis to do it… he would find her in a heartbeat.”

“It’s not to say she’s on earth. If she is on Palmyra, you don’t need anything to find her… All you have to do is read. There will be a paper trail somewhere.”

I had already thought about it.

“Why haven’t you started with your harem on Palmyra. Isn’t it as easy as buying a man at a market or something?” I didn’t answer him… “You are missing earth as well. You are content where you are… Having best of both worlds.”

“It’s difficult to adjust. I am not a romantic person. Having so many men to keep happy… I think I’ll go crazy.”

He got up, pushing his bud into the ashtray on the table. Qadir and I were trying to find out what happened when Chris came. Why his mother was alone. And why no one was with her at the birth.

I had found out a lot from him about Zoreah. They had a policy of four adults to a child… If the future king’s child was on earth because of a drought… Everyone would have known.

Qadir picked up one of the last few boxes we needed to get through. “Juliet did have a Riphath.”

“Yes, I heard. Seems like my son and Juliet had still not copulated. Marcus was always too clever. He could have had her ages ago and secured their future like that… Now he is stuck in that hole… He will never get out.”

“Why didn’t he?”

“She is our one weakness… My father is so stupid… All he cares about is the future.”

We both paused, and our gazes locked… For the first time… Qadir smiled at me.

“Is it essential to kill that man locked up in the cellar? You could let Juliet kill herself and have even more freedom.”

“She has already signed her own death sentence. I just want to see the look on her face when I rip his head off his body…. No, Michael had served his purpose… He will die at the end of the month.”

I didn’t want to say it… but Qadir pushed too hard. If he knew she was going to be his downfall… Why would he temp fate?