74. Going Back To hell

Marcus

“Where’s Juliet?” I asked, jogging up to the car. “We’ve got to go. I just finished boarding up the last room.” Liam and Louis were in the front seats. Cindy in the back, waiting.

Louis’s head came out the window. “She’s been sitting in our dressing room for an hour. I was just there… nothing I do get’s her attention… I was hoping you could give it a try… You guys have the connection at the compound... Going back and everything that happened.”

I tapped the windowsill and nodded.

“Oh, and Marcus, now would be a good time.”

I frowned, walking up the stairs thinking. But when I saw her, it touched me. She wasn’t happy. I stood a long time staring at her sitting there. Shoulders slumped. An empty suitcase and a cat playing with the tiedown strings. She didn’t even know I was there or heard when I called her name.

I was going to have to do something…

***

Juliet

The day we were packing for our trip to America. I didn’t speak to anyone. Not that I was in a tiff about going back… I was just that nervous. No matter what Louis tried to do, he couldn’t make me relax.

My parents have been quiet for the last few days, and I felt guilty. My mother would have no freedom. I saw how she enjoyed it when we first got off the compound. How my father’s behavior instantly changed. He could just let go from protecting us twenty-four seven. I had begged them to stay, but they wouldn’t even argue with me. My father just patted my shoulder and told me how proud he was of me.

Sitting and staring at my suitcase was just an excuse. I missed Caleb. I was going to miss my cat. There was no point in packing? What did you take to the place where there was nothing but making food, sitting around, being pregnant, or being abused.

My plain black veil laid, staring back at me over the daybed. I wasn’t going to be stupid again and take makeup or even one book. It would be taken away when my suitcase was searched when we went through the gates.

My stomach was in knots, and a wave of nausea was building up. It was my own fault. I wished from all of my choices that I could be pregnant again. That thought made me even more depressed… All the options were going through my mind of how I could get out of going back. My life had become one of those. Where peace and security were exchanged for fear and dread. Children and being able to bear them was your only bargaining tool.

Someone touched my shoulders and squeezed them. I would have known who it was if I was paying attention. I only saw Marcus’s face when he lifted me up by my armpits. Slowly he turned me around to look at him. He took my hand and led me towards the door. Closing it so that we were the only two in the room.

Marcus left me standing there. He turned to pick up the veil behind him. He came towards me and lifted it into the air and over my head. I drew in a sharp breath. It happened so quickly that I didn’t have the chance to react.

Two strong hands reached underneath, slowly cupping my face… Fingers feeling my cheeks for tears. The little flap of the veil lifted. His one thumb rubbed over my lips till it reached the corner of my mouth, applying pressure… His eyes fixed on mine until he felt the release of my lips parting. His eyes drifted to my mouth. His finger pressed down even harder… until his whole thumb slid into my mouth and over my tongue. He moved closer to me. His finger kept playing with me until our lips touched… My muscles tensed… Marcus was kissing me. Out of his own. I wanted to cry and laugh. All in one sweet moment. I let go of everything. Enjoying getting lost in all of him. It was enough to make me forget for a few minutes.

“Mar…cus,” I whispered. His arm wrapped around my body. His other hand pushed my mouth closer, reaching in deeper. His whole body pressed into mine, making me moan… I was so taught that I tilted my head so he could get to every part of my mouth. His fingers on my skin felt so good.

He yanked off the veil, dropping it on the floor. His hands free to roam the rest of my body. I kissed him back with fervor. My arms reached around and clasped behind his neck. All I could do was hang on as he kept me up. Our lips kept parting for each other, over, and over. Both of us were breathless, heaving from frustration. There had always been a tension between us. One that needed release. He tried speaking… Swallowing hard. His breath was heavy on my lips. But what had happened between us… was raw and tangible. I couldn’t even think straight. Dreamy eyes were fixed on mine. His fingers still tracing my lips. He raised his voice. “I was trying to say…” He smiled. “I won’t give up, Julie. No matter how hard it gets.”

He bent down and picked up the veil. He extended the black cloth out to me. I didn’t hesitate that time and pulled it over my head.

Marcus’s face was full of emotion. I had never seen him like that. There was no mask, no guards up. Slight frowns played across his brow. His hand extended out to me, and I grasped onto him. Finally, knowing how he felt about me.

“Julie... Just leave everything. There is no point.” His voice was soft and gentle. I wove my fingers in with his and made the hold tighter. His eyes jumped to our hands, then smiling eyes met mine.

“Marcus… You’re so beautiful when you’re happy.”

“I want you so bad...”

“Is that all you think about?”

He laughed. I almost cried. I knew how he felt… “I love you too Marcus.” His hand gripped around mine even tighter.

***

The car ride was quiet. Not once did I let go of his hand. Sat so close to him that I thought he would get irritated.

My hand lifted as we drove past Charlene, hers waving back at me standing in Ben’s arms. Carl had left early that morning with Kubra. They needed to report at the embassy in Paris.

Kubra had told us that he wouldn’t be able to teleport us all the way to America. Notified us that we would have to make our own way. That he would meet us at the compound. I didn’t care. It meant we would travel two days to get to the compound instead of minutes.

The airport was the worst with the way my mom and I were dressed. People kept staring at us. Louis in his stylish clothes. Marcus was dressed so well. After the kiss, I could think of little else. He didn’t let go of my hand.

At the check-in, it was strange. Louis handled everything. Even all our documentation. I had thought we would be flying in a commercial plane. An airline attendant in a very red dress suit came up to us. She escorted us through some side doors.

Soon we were moving through the tunnel that took us from the boarding gate to a plane. It wasn’t that big. We were all welcomed with a glass of champagne. That was the first time I let go of Marcus’s hand. To take a drink. He smiled again. I stared at his mouth.

I made myself at home. Said nothing and sat staring out into the distance. We only waited a few minutes. The doors closed. We were up in the air after another ten on the runway. Seemed like we squeezed in somewhere. It all happened so fast.

In the next hour. Louis came to sit next to me. “Now I know how Marcus felt when he bought you the couch.”

I absently smiled, gazing out the window. When it registered, I said, “This is your plane… Of course it is. You just have an intercontinental plane lying around at Charles de Gaulle. Parked in some hanger.” I snorted.

“You sound like a pig when you do that,” Marcus said when he sat down. My eyes darted to his mouth. My cat forgotten.

“She really isn’t fazed with anything materialistic, is she?” Louis joked, putting his hand on my leg.

Marcus shook his head. “I told you… Maybe later, you’ll get a hug for all your efforts.”

I snorted again.

“Juliet, you have been thinking about your cat for the last hour. Staring out the window.” Louis wanted to take my veil off.

“No!” Both Marcus and I said at the same time. The corner of his mouth lifted.

Marcus had actually smiled so many times in one day. If I knew that going back would make him so happy… I would have gone back a long time ago.

“He isn’t happy going back, Juliet… Never.”

Marcus’s smile fell. He frowned.

“You are free there. Isn’t that why you’re happy? Chris told me what happened when you guys stopped in front of our old house.”

Marcus shook his head. “That’s not why I’m happy, and you know it! I’ve got this stupid smile on my face because we kissed for the first time.” I blushed bright red. The whole plane staring at us. Glad that no one could see me.

“Then why did you say that the compound is the only place you can be free?”

“Because it’s the only place I can give you what you want.”

I was confused. I pressed Louis’s hand not to say anything. If Marcus felt he had to prove himself. Maybe it was a good place for him to be.

“And that is not all I said. You should talk to me when you want to know what I mean… When I say something.”

I would have to wait and let him show me because right at that moment, I doubted that he would even speak up for me. He loved me… just not enough. Sitting with Marcus and Louis was bizarre. The family we had become. The idea that we would always be linked. That the next part of my journey was the three of us.

***

Charlene

“Hey Charlene, I’m doing a load of washing. Are you going to come and help me? We need to get some chores done.” Ben said from behind me somewhere…

Juliet was leaving that morning. Carl was packing. Walking back and forth across the house. Finding stuff, he left everywhere. Going up to the main house and coming back down to mine.

I just couldn’t deal. Doing chores wasn’t on my list of things that could keep me busy. There had been nothing between Ben and me for the last week. He thought it was about everything that happened with Sita and the guns... We had to tell him. Because we needed an excuse for me to be staying. When Carl left. I was going to have to wait till Juliet also left. Then only could I have it out with Ben? The day was going to… suck. Fear that I might end up sleeping alone made me jump up and check all the locks and the windows. Making sure the guns were loaded.

Ben eyed me suspiciously. “What’s going on?”

I shook my head.

Carl was also watching me. He knew what was going on… There was nothing he could do. I wasn’t going to be as lucky as Juliet having someone who promised to stay no matter what. How she got three grown men to do that was bugging me… Maybe that was my problem. I went out with boys. Slept with boys and reaped the rewards of dealing with a boy… I groaned at my own stupidity. Too grown-up for my age.

After a few minutes, Carl stopped and put his bag at the door. He took my hand in front of Ben and dragged me into my room. Locking the door behind us. Half dragging me into the bathroom. Running the water so Ben couldn’t hear us.

“I think Juliet is right. I have this picture in my head of us. I don’t know if we will end up there… I just don’t like how Juliet is sometimes… That I didn’t notice you were exactly like her. I’m just so different from you guys, but….”

I breathed in and out slowly.

“But… I can’t stop thinking about you, Charlene… I never could.”

“Carl… I don’t think you like me. We slept next to each other for so many nights. Went out, got drunk, and not once did you do anything remotely romantic. How could you say that you think about me? What do you think about when I come to mind. You didn’t even react when I kissed you… Let’s not ruin this, huh.”

His shoulders slumped. “You didn’t do anything either.”

“But I did kiss you. There was no reaction or passion… I kinda want the guy that I finally end up wanting me more than anything else.”

Carl was nervously looking down at the floor. He couldn’t even hold my eye contact. I was frustrated with him. He wanted me to choose but gave me nothing to make the decision with. “I’m just too tired today to try and convince myself we will be a good fit,” I said at last.

That brought back the old Carl. He slapped the shower lever down so that the water stopped running. He opened the bathroom door in a huff. Opened the room door and walked right past Ben. He was standing against the wall, waiting for us. I heard the front door open and Kubra’s voice, “Hey Carl. You ready to go?”

“Hi, Kubra. Yeah, let’s get out of here.”

I was so used to following Carl. Talking to him. But I was too disappointed. He wasn’t going to fight for me. Or us.

A thought crossed my mind. Hoping that Ben would let it go. Comfort me or just say something. But he didn’t. He played with something in his hands turned away from me without so much as a glance. Why was this my life? How did I make so many wrong decisions?

***

Standing and waving at Juliet was one of the worst moments. It felt like we had only come to France the day before. And it was all over. Ben was holding me but only barely. The car disappeared. His hands fell off my shoulders. The distance between me and everybody was too much for me… So much that I wanted to lie to just keep Ben there. Would he bolt if I told the truth?

“Come on… let’s go talk.” He said softly.

I followed him into the house and sat down on the carpet in front of the couch. My hand in my hair. Trying to find words.

“What happened between you and Carl? You’ve been different since I’ve been back. It’s not about the shooting. Is it?”

“Nothing should have happened.”

Ben’s eyebrows raised. “Are you saying that he made a move? Or did you make a move?”

“He blurted out that he liked me. Has liked me since the beginning of our friendship. I… kissed him…” Ben was getting angry. Too quickly. He stood up and paced the room. “He didn’t kiss me back… and told me I had to choose… that he wouldn’t share.”

“Well neither am I! I’m not going to be the third wheel, Charlene. Even if you wanted to do what Juliet’s doing… You and Carl have this amazing connection. Where would that leave me … Are you that attracted to him?”

“No Ben! This isn’t about attraction. Or love… Attraction can fade. I don’t want to ruin a friendship for that… We… have a baby together. Does that mean nothing to you? Does Miné mean nothing to you?”

Carelessly his eyes darted to our daughter. She was sitting in a swinging chair under some moving toys. But he didn’t say anything.

“What an awesome werewolf you make… You’re just like Sita. You want to make commitments, but there are all these conditions that I have to meet. How can I sacrifice and put my whole life on hold for a man that comes and goes as he pleases.”

“Then why did you kiss him.”

“I don’t know… To force the situation. To see if something was really going on. We have been friends for so long, and he’s done nothing… And you know what, I was right… He left. Just like that.”

“A lot of people have problems with cheating… Or sharing. You can hardly blame him. And you forget, I live on Earth. You can’t expect me to go on like a normal werewolf in a harem. I’m never going back. That was where I was. Figuring out if I would be able to go back… They don’t care about us here. They don’t care about Miné. They so much as laughed at me.”

“What! Why does that matter… And… What has Miné got to do with… Don’t tell me that’s why you came back? To see if this can work? Because you thought she was you’re way off of Earth?”

Ben was steeped in guilt. I picked something up and threw it at him. Getting up. “Get out! Get Out! Get Out! You lied to me!” I kept throwing him until he was on the other side of the front door. I locked it and tossed his phone and wallet through the window. “Then you wonder why I don’t sit around and wait for you. Or kiss Carl. Not once did you show any signs that we were working? I thought it was… Take one of the cars and just leave Ben!”

I was done talking to him.

“Come on, Charlene!” He yelled. “Who is conditional now. Not everybody has that parental instinct embedded in them. And what does it matter if it didn’t work out between us? We’re obviously not meant to be.”

“I at least gave us a fair shot. And Carl has been more of a father to her than you ever were. Now I know why you welcomed his help. Just one more hand to lessen the load… Didn’t get jealous once. Are all werewolves like this?”

“Do you really want me to leave?”

“The question is not up to me, idiot! You should know if you want to stay. You’ve had enough chance to figure out if I’m worth your time. Or if you want to make this work.”

He was too quiet, and I heard his keys clinking. Steps down the poarch.

I sat down with my back to the front door. I actually heard the garage door open. Then a car drove out. If he left me there, I would never speak to him again. There was a massive house he could go stay in… He knew how scared I was. Being alone was going to make me go nuts.

My mind went into overdrive. Where could I go? Wouldn’t it be better to go to Paris and stay in that house? I should have listened to Juliet and made plans. We are too far out here… What if something happened. What if something happened to me and no one knew Miné was alone. The sound of the car faded into the distance. I yawned, rubbing my eyes. Closed them for a second. I would cry later.

***

I must have fallen asleep. The room was dark. I had to use my phone to shine a light on the chair where Miné was. She had also fallen asleep. A ragged sob escaped me. For a moment, I thought she was going to be gone. That she would have been taken by Rodrigo. I checked my watch. I had been sleeping for two hours.

“Katty!” I wanted to open the door. My hand rested on the nob. Outside was as black as night. I put on the porch lights. It didn’t really help. None of the garden lights of the main house were on… because no one was there. Marcus and Louis had closed off the house. I didn’t want to leave Miné. Too scared to go out anyway. There was no way I was waking her up. Just to go get a cat… “Sorry, Juliet. But I’ll do it when the sun comes up.”