66. Swept Under The Rug

Juliet

It was my birthday. We weren’t going to celebrate. Drinking and having to exercise all day long didn’t go well together.

There was a knock at the front door. I quickly glanced over to the crib next to me… Caleb was fascinated by sparkly toys going round in circles above his head.

“Juliet!” My dad called me.

I walked out to see a package on the dining room table. I tilted my head, wondering what was going on. But smiled. I knew what it was. The little heartbeat was racing. There was a purring. The scratching gave her away.

A stupid smile spread over my face. I bit my bottom lip. It had been a long time since I had felt anything… Let myself feel anything. My heart slowly swelled with happiness. Everyone watching me closely. I hated being scrutinized like that. I thought that I had proven myself in the last three months. I hadn’t thrown one tantrum. Had one episode or done anything stupid. Well, not like always…

“It’s Catty!” I jumped up, clapping my hands together. The emotions finally got the better of me. I ran to the box, took the knife from my dad, and carefully cut it open.

“The cat you wanted for your tenth birthday?” My dad asked.

“The one… you didn’t want to buy me remember. I begged for days. It was the only thing I ever asked for, and you wouldn’t give it to me.” My dad bumped my nose with his finger. “Well, this could only be from one other person if it’s not from the two of you… I didn’t even think Louis knew about Catty.”

“Happy Birthday, baby girl.” He kissed my cheek.

“Thank you, daddy.”

A little black and white kitten stood up on its hind legs scratching at the sides. I picked her up and smelled her. I closed my eyes. Thinking about Michael for a second. But Michael wasn’t my watcher anymore. I would never see him again.

It didn’t mean I didn’t miss him. The fun we had… I wished I could bring him home with me… I paused, pushing the cat into my father’s hands.

“Just check both my kids for two seconds.” My dad was already playing with my cat. He shoed me away. I ran down the steps into the road.

It should have been a red flag already. I should have stopped right there. I should’ve known better. Jumping up and down, delving into emotions… always led to disaster.

But the flame was lit. The hope that I could see him again.

I stopped where the watchers usually came out of the teleporters. There was no one there. So I kept running down the lane. Thinking that maybe Michael had dropped her off by car. But I saw nothing as I ran around the bend that led the rest of the world.

Warden appeared before me. He startled me. I stopped with my hands on my waist, trying to catch my breath. He was constantly disapproving of me. I didn’t know why he didn’t like me.

“Get to the point. Did you deliver the box?” He nodded. “Crap… Thnx.” I turned back to the house.

“Juliet!” I stopped. He landed and came over, handing me an envelope. I grabbed it from his hand and flinched at him shaking my head.

“Why would you not give it to me… Weirdo.”

He rolled his eyes and flew away. I ripped open the plain white envelope. Inside was glitter and sequence and rice… Together with the most beautiful paper, I had ever seen folded neatly. Opening the sheet reveals golden handwritten calligraphy.

You are cordially invited to the wedding of:

Michael Heinz – The loving man

And

Juliet Samantha Farrow – The loving woman

I burst out a loud chuckle. I didn’t think Michael was really serious. Smiling, I read the following sentence.

“The physics of Love….” My hand stilled around the paper. The hole in my chest became just a little deeper. I missed him… I had been so busy. Not letting myself go back to better days... With any of them. My eyes darted frantically around me. Searching for him up and down the road, into the woods like he was standing somewhere watching me. There was no one. He wasn’t here.

That poem was from a TV show I watched when I was still on the compound a few years back. Delivered through my bedroom window… on my birthday. I watched it in secret and cried for days.

The physics of Love

Mass is not proportional to volume.

A girl as small as a violet.

A girl who moves like a flower petal

Is pulling me toward her with more force than her mass.

Just then, like newton’s apple,

I rolled toward her without stopping until I fell on her,

With a thump… With a thump

My heart keeps bouncing

Between the sky and the ground

It was my first love.

(Christina Rosetti)

However, good Michael meant that… It had the total opposite effect on me. I knew why Warden didn’t want to give it to me. All the memories came flooding back of what we had for so long. The fun we had, the drinking… The freedom to do what we wanted when we wanted. How he treated me. It was so easy with him.

I didn’t let myself realize… but the control had gotten to me. The constant faking. Pretending. It was sneaking up on me. And with that first taste of anything real. Something actually worth living for… Flooded me. My mind and my heart. All the standards that I had for my life. I wanted to kill myself on the compound. To just be free. Happy.

I had grown up to just accept my fate, and it sucked. I didn’t want it. I had a year left of living. I was giving it up to just being together but not really being together.

Marcus's words echoed in my mind daily… for me to tell him just before I had enough. He meant just before I jumped down a mountain. They knew me so well. But none of them could make it better.

“No!” I screamed at my own thinking…

“Get freaking control of yourself… right now.”

I balled my fist and willed myself to turn back to my human form. I was struggling. Manifested, I screeched into the air. So loudly that the birds fly away. I didn’t want to live like that. I didn’t want to love… like that. Chris and I haven’t even spoken in months. Every time his yearning eyes landed on me, I would break it off. Hurting that special connection we had.

But I did eventually control my emotions and fell to my knees out of exhaustion and breathlessness. The pain in my heart burned as I fought my impulses... Turning into a raging demon eating everything and anything in my path… I kept fighting it until it went away… I wasn’t going to hurt Louis like that anymore.

I cough up blood and spit it out. Pounding my chest. Hoping the burning would stop and not spread into my shoulder and burn my back until I passed out from the pain… Glancing up to the house, everybody was there standing and staring. Louis was fine. I closed my eyes, thanking the universe.

But I was doing a crappy job of sorting out my house. Who would have known that a cat and a poem could break down all my defenses? Stupid… Little Juliet.

Everyone wanted to come and comfort me. I held up a hand. I wanted to tell Marcus that I couldn’t anymore… I just wanted to make them leave before I threw away months of his efforts of trying to stay there with me. Fighting to stay. Isn’t that what I wanted… Was him just here… My mom and Louis quickly took everyone away. And I forced myself not to cry.

***

Later That Night

I smiled at Caleb. Laughing at the kitten playing with his toys and then jumping up on us. The three of us were sitting on my bed. Pillows behind me propped me up. My legs were close to my body so Caleb could sit in my lap. He had a few hours of awake time that I just liked to watch him. I talked to him. He fixated on me like I was the best thing since chocolate cake.

“I love you to bits, little guy.” I liked touching his face and holding his little hand. Playing silly games with him.

After some time, he usually started yawning. I would get up and rock him to sleep. That night my body was aching from all the practice. We had learned a new move. It had gotten to me. My emotional outburst earlier didn’t help. Something felt off. It was more than just muscle pain. I shook my head. It felt like I had been drinking, my vision blurring. I wanted to put Caleb down, but everything went dark for a few seconds.

I heard crying in the background. I had Caleb in my arms. Confused, I looked down at my empty hands. Caleb was on the floor crying. Bawling.

“F-! Marcus!” I yelled. He was at my door in two seconds. Pushing on the door handle.

“Whack” “Whack,” he banged on the door. “Juliet, it’s locked! Open up.”

I wanted to pick up Caleb again. Tears dimmed my vision. I didn’t want to drop him again.

“MARCUS!” I bellowed out, and he kicked the door open.

“Get Caleb quickly.” Everyone is at the door flooding the room. He rushed over and bent down towards him.

I let go, and it was dark around me.

When I could open my eyes. The whole world had a white glazed aura around it. Everyone was different. I couldn’t really see them, but I knew who was who. I stood still in one place, trying to move. I couldn’t even lift a finger. I heard Caleb. I felt the wetness on my cheeks. Everyone was loud and coming in and out of the room as I stood frozen.

***

Marcus

I left my door open to hear what Juliet says to Caleb every night. Her routine was the same every day. The two of them will spend an hour together until he fell asleep. She would soon follow. Passing out from sear exhaustion.

Caleb only woke her up two more times during the night. We were all worried about her. She wasn’t stopping at all. We were all busy the whole day long. Coupled with her sleepless nights, had all of us watching her every move. In the last two months, she had changed so much that I didn’t even recognize her anymore. Her spark was gone. She was like a machine. Earlier, when she was happy for the first time in months… I couldn’t care who gave her what. We begged Chris to come back a month ago… just to come and fill the void again. But they weren’t in a good place. He had made it worse.

“Marcus!” That cry of hers… For me… always made goose flesh run up my arm and down my back. She was crying out to me… I was jolted out of my chair, running. Whether my grandfather saw it or not. I couldn’t care.

Breaking through the door was awful. Seeing little Caleb on the floor screaming was unbearable. I had never heard a baby make a noise like that before. Juliet sobbing. I rushed over to pick him up. I needed to see if he was okay.

“Get Warden! Chris!” It wasn’t necessary. The white figure rushed over, ready with a device. Warden scanned over the little guy.

“He’s fine,” Warden said.

I scooped him up, putting him on my shoulder, rubbing his back. I kissed him. His little head couldn’t even lift yet. But on my shoulder, it involuntarily lifted with every scream. His face bright red. Not taking a breath. My heart broke for the little guy. It was a very far fall. He was frightened. Chris came over and wanted to take him from me.

“You okay?” He asked as I put Caleb in his arms.

I shook my head. “Where were you?”

How could I be? Glancing over to Juliet… she was just standing there. Michael wouldn’t be rushing in to come and help or monitor her. I was a bundle of nerves walking over to her. My eyes darted to Chris.

“Louis!”

He handed Caleb to Cindy. Running upstairs, we heard him yell, “Liam!”

“This isn’t good,” I whispered. Cindy left the room. Caleb was loud, and he didn’t want to calm down.

I had to touch her. Lifting my hands, I hesitated. Scared to unleash whatever she was turning into.

“Juliet… I’m going to touch you.” My hands just grazed her skin. She shook her head. Coming back to herself. Her eyes changed back to blue. Just like last time, she fell into my arms. That afternoon we witness her fighting it and conquering it. We were relieved and happy. But the episode just before the embassy left her still lucid. She was regressing.

She was dead weight in my arms. I put her gently down on the bed. She wasn’t sick, though. She wasn’t puking. The strappy strings of her tank top left most of her skin exposed. I needed to assess the damage. Fearing what I might see.

I gripped onto her shoulder roughly, squeezing the flesh before I pulled her forward. I drew in a breath, eyes wide. Her whole back was covered.

Where the leathery texture met her skin, it peeled up. You could see the inside of her flesh. I pushed her over onto her stomach. I ran upstairs. Louis was being sick into a bucket. I walked over to check his shoulder. It seemed that he was one episode behind Juliet. Rubbing his back, I took the bucket when he was done. He fell back onto his ass. Chris picked him up and took him downstairs to take a shower.

I cleaned Louis’s room where he didn’t make it to the bucket. I followed them into the bathroom when I was done. Chris turned off the water as I went in. Louis laid back, sitting on a bench in the shower.

“We have to start making plans….” I said softly.

They both nodded. “I know you guys don’t want to split up, but I think we should go find Rodrigo. Even if we didn’t find him, maybe something could slow down the process… I should go. It would just be logical.” I suggested.

“I can’t leave her,” Louis groaned, trying to sit up.

Chris doesn’t say anything rubbing his hands over his face. “I’m the only protection she has right now.”

“And Caleb…” Louis said. “If you go and leave Caleb, all sides are protected. Just like after the birth.”

“It’s not to say that we’ll find the guy.”

“It’s getting worse, Chris. We’re running out of options. You have to.”

He reluctantly nodded, pulling his mouth in that upside-down frown he did. Chris turned around and left the bathroom. He walked down the hall towards Juliet’s room. I heard him go in. A few minutes later, he came out with her in his arms… Then he quit the house.

***

Chris

Juliet had not spoken to me in months. Now they wanted me to leave again? When we come back, she might be dead. Or turned into something unrecognizable. I didn't want to go. I just wanted it all to be over.

Walking up the mountain path with her in my arms was the first time I had been able to get close to her. Something had shifted in her. I wanted to know what was going on. I wasn’t leaving before she told me.

It was better when she was pregnant. At least she was begging for attention. Her so hardhearted, scared me. If Louis got two weeks with her, I also want to have her before we left.

***

After three hours of walking, our Cabin came into view. I carried her into the tiny space. It wasn’t much but just enough for her and me.

I laid her on the bed on her stomach so that her back wouldn’t hurt. I softly tore off her shirt and released her back from any pressure. Covering her with a sheet up to her waist.

***

Outside, I called Warden.

“Give her what Michael gave her last time so that she can sleep this off.” He bit his lip, staring at her back, and nodded. He disappeared and came back. He took out a little black pouch and moments later injected her.

“Can I talk here?” He nodded.

“You heard what Marcus said.” He nodded again.

“Is it even possible?”

“Try the 16th of April in two weeks. When Qadir is off the compound.”

“Thank you… Can we have something good to eat when she wakes up?” He smiled. “This time, don’t tell anyone.”

He smiled again and agreed. “How about I let Samuel deliver it.”

“Best idea. If he would.”

“You kidding? He misses her so much.”

“He saw her for almost three months before the birth and over Christmas. He saw her more than me.”

Warden’s smile fell. He seemed confused. He shook his head slowly from side to side. “Samuel wasn’t there?”

I hadn’t been jealous of Juliet in a long time. But her not saying ticked me off. Her ignoring me for months ticked me off.

“It was just her and….”

I lifted up a hand, stopping him. I turned away. Was my head still that far in the sand that I didn’t even know when she… slept with someone else? The thought upset me.

Warden didn’t leave. “This is all my fault… Michael gave her a birthday present. It caused her setback. I had seen her fighting for so long. I knew that one stressful, emotional episode would be bad. She just feels too much.”

“What did he give her?”

“Well besides the cat… a letter….” I held out my hand. Another freaking letter breaking her into pieces… He disappeared and came back, putting it in my hand.

***

The following day Juliet moaned, slowly waking up... Why was she already awake? Wasn’t she supposed to have slept for three days? Lying next to her, I took the hair out of her face. She was still on her stomach. I lifted up on my elbow to check her back. The skin was melted together with the patch that had grown and covered her. It looked so much better.

She talked in her sleep. I rolled around and sat up. She was having a nightmare.

“Caleb! Louis?” When she saw me, she scanned the room. “Where are we?”

“Caleb is fine. Louis too…”

“He is?” Tears pooled in her eyes, throwing her arms around my neck. “I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean it. I promise.”

I chuckled softly. “No one would ever think you would deliberately hurt anyone, Juliet.”

“Really? You believe me.”

I pulled away from her and kissed her forehead. “Yes, really… Juliet, something happened.”

“I know. I was there staring at all of you. I just couldn’t move.”

“What?! You should have seen your eyes. And you’re back….” I gesture to behind her.

“Is it bad?”

“It’s not bad. It’s just… bigger.” I overexaggerate with my hands.

“You’re not grossed out yet? My skin hasn’t started disintegrating like the zombies on tv.”

I laughed lightly. “No… Not yet, but when I’m done with you… You might have blue marks to conceal. Or maybe I should go get a belt.”

“What did you just say? No! You didn’t just say that….” Her eyes were tiny slits.

“So you sleeping with other people is okay?” I muttered.

Her face hardened. That internal struggle loosened… I took a breath. Here we go… And I couldn’t wait…

Thank you, Michael. For giving me a reason to get her back.