《The Worlds We Leave Behind (GameLit Novellette)》C6-The Sins of the Parents
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“How long have you known David?”
She phrased the question as though David were still there. Having cycled several icebreakers through in her mind before talking, she’d considered that talking about David as though he were still there might help Ritesh keep his grief distant.
“Three years. Meg has known him the longest, around four. We all met Laird shortly thereafter.”
Holly reflected on her own personal life. While it was easy for her to pretend that her near constant interactions with the other parents at David’s school were more than acquaintances, she knew better. She never talked to any of them outside of school, or about topics unrelated to David or his afterschool activities, which forced her to realize how alone she truly was.
“You guys must have been really close.”
She’d transitioned to the past tense without realizing it, though Ritesh didn’t seem to notice.
“Yeah, pretty close. My parents are pretty traditional, and have a hard time accepting this place for what it is.”
Holly frowned.
“What do you mean?”
Ritesh flipped his reins before responding, adjusting them with a motion that was more affectation than necessity.
“I mean, they just see me waving my hands around, VR goggles on my head, and think it’s an advanced version of the games that they played as children. They see it as a video game, but it’s much more than that.”
Holly nodded, not quite understanding what RItesh was getting at but wanting to encourage him to go on. Her expression must have given her away, because Ritesh continued his explanation as they entered the treeline denoting the foothills at the base of the mountain.
“My parents lack imagination. Past a certain point, their lives became more about responsibility and obligation than about pursuing their own dreams. Once that happened, they were so busy dealing with what was right in front of them or trying to prepare for whatever challenge life had for them next, reality had killed off whatever was left of the child in them.”
Holly thought about her own situation, about how being a single mother put her on much the same path. She remembered all the times that David wanted to talk to her about Silenia, how on 99% of those occasions she paid him the bare minimum of attention. How many times had he begged her to try the game?
Regret welled up inside of her. This game had been a huge part of her son’s life, as had the three friends riding alongside her. It took losing him for her to finally see that.
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“My parents were of the mind that the friends I made online weren’t real, that I needed to get outside and interact with people in the offline world. They just couldn’t see that my friendships in Silenia were every bit as real as the ones in Mumbai.”
Holly grimaced. She’d said some of the same things to David. She wondered if Ritesh knew that, if beneath his calm, mannered speech was a twisting of the proverbial knife? There was no way to know how much David had told them about her interest in Silenia.
The large green avatar to her right continued to stare wistfully into the distance, with no indication that his words were meant as a slight. She felt an almost irrational desire to defend herself to Ritesh. He’d not accused her of any of those things, had merely been talking about his own parents.
Her own guilt had connected the dots between them, and if she launched into an explanation of adulthood, how the all encompassing need to handle responsibilities never went away, it would have seemed to him that the animosity came from nowhere.
No, the anger welling up inside her, the frustration, pain, and exhaustion were all because of how her life had played out. For three weeks she had wallowed in self pity, blamed every convenient target, but in the end the only thing that had helped was time.
If there was a way that she could help Ritesh reach his parents, to keep them from making the same mistakes she had, she owed it to David to at least try to help his friend.
“Ritesh?”
Ritesh, lost in thought, blinked as he brought his gaze back to Holly.
“What is it?”
Holly thought about how to begin, wracked her brain for an elegant way to explain, but in the end went with the direct approach. They were weaving their way through the narrow trail that served as the road to the settlement above, and she had no idea how soon they would arrive at their destination. The lush trees to either side of the road, along with the meandering path it took as it traversed the foothills, made seeing very far ahead almost impossible.
“Ritesh, I don’t know your situation with your parents very well, but adulthood has a way of putting all parents in the position you described. The responsibilities don’t go away when you have a bad day. Things still need to get done, and it’s just as awful for your parents as it is for you. We don’t want to give up our dreams either, but the safety and happiness of our children almost always comes first.
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Ritesh tilted his head as he looked back at her.
“How much did David tell you about me?”
Holly could feel her face getting red under the VR visor.
“He told me quite a bit. I’m not sure how much I listened. I wish I had listened to him more. I should have made his interests more of a priority.”
She couldn’t meet his gaze, ashamed to be effectively admitting to being no better than his parents.
Ritesh looked down at his legs.
“After a while of hearing my parents tell me that I needed to get out and make new friends, I decided to accept an invitation to a party, from someone I knew through an academic club at school.”
Holly wanted to smile, but the melancholy tone in Ritesh’s voice indicated that this story was about to take a turn for the worse, so she let him continue without trying to interrupt.
“We had a great time. It was my first time drinking alcohol.”
Ritesh managed a slight smile. It was a weak, regretful thing, never quite reaching his eyes.
“Like many teenagers, I decided that if I did a poor enough job at something, my parents wouldn’t ask me to do it again. I drank far too much.”
He glanced up to check their progress on the trail. Seeing they still had a little bit of a journey ahead of them, he lowered his gaze to the ground and finished the story, though Holly could tell that a significant part of him dreaded the parts to come.
“Unfortunately, most of my friends indulged just as much as I did. I don’t remember much of that night after arriving at the party, but I do remember flashes, bright flashes of white light, loud voices shouting words that I didn’t understand. When I awoke, I was lying in a hospital bed with my parents at my side. The car we were riding in, driven by my classmate, veered into oncoming traffic and was struck head on by another vehicle.”
Holly closed her eyes, not knowing what the aftermath held for Ritesh, but knowing that it wasn’t going to be good.
“Three days later, the doctors told me that the damage to my spinal cord would keep me in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. It took me almost another full year to finish my schooling, due to constant physical therapy and complications requiring hospital stays, but I eventually finished my degree. I am able to work remotely, but between my paralysis and the other issues resulting from the accident, I have been unable to live on my own.”
A tear escaped Holly’s left eye. She had no idea what to say, so she defaulted to the only thing that made any sense.
“Ritesh, I’m so sorry.”
He smiled again. Either his mood had improved, or his acting, because it looked far more genuine than the last one.
“Thank you, but I didn’t tell you the story for sympathy. I’ve made my peace with that part of my life. I told you because you’ve seen this world now. When I tell you that this is the only place I can remember what it feels like to walk on my own two feet, you’ll understand how much this world might mean to me. I still can’t feel my legs, but here I can be a fierce warrior, a person who can look someone in the eye without them having to crouch. Here I can move around without special allowances like ramps or specialized vehicles, It’s a place where the person I am on the outside matches the person I feel I am on the inside.”
At some point, Holly had begun to cry much more heavily. Like his parents, this world had been little more than a video game to her before David’s death. A distraction-fun and entertaining, but ultimately useless when measured against the broader reality. She had no idea why she was crying, but his story had generated a strong emotional response just the same. Ritesh fell silent, waiting for some sort of response from Holly, or at least giving her the chance to provide one if she wanted.
“I don’t know what it’s like to overcome something like you have, but being here,” she glanced at the trees, their branches gently swaying in the breeze “,I think I have a slight idea what this place could mean to you.”
Ritesh bowed his head slightly, acknowledging the point. When he looked up, something caught his attention in the distance. Sensing his shift in mood, Holly perked up as well, seeing the gleam in his eye.
“Ah, we’re here.”
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