The days had begun to see improvement, Frank and I working together, until the ship was rocked by an explosion and the klaxon began to wail. The ship rumbles around me, shuddering and lurching violently in throws of some unseen force. I hop up with the sound of thunder, the Sergeant jumping up beside me with an equal explosion. With a quick gesture he sends me off to check up on the squad as he runs off to do some other task. It quickly assemble the nine of them, nine - I shake the thought from head, and arrange them in front of me in their usual lines. The tension is tremendous and only grows worse as another blast rumbles through the ship.

It is several agonizing minutes before our orders come through: to wait. Everyone seems surprisingly calm with the rumbles rocking our ship, even me on the outside, but this is painfully agonizing for me at least. Each shot shakes us badly and sometimes you can see the shock wave actually pass through the area has it reverberates through the ship. I can only guess that those are the hits that struck our ship and several of the smaller booms are shots hitting other ships near us. It is an agonizing two minutes before we are told to get ready to repel boarders. I dread, loathe even, the thought of more close combat. Being covered in gore in definitely going second from the top on my list of least favorite things at this rate but I need to focus. The booming of heavy feet, the rumbling of damage to the ship, these are the bass beats of a terrible song that lacks harmony or melody; I fear that I will soon be providing the missing parts of this war symphony myself. I cannot fold now though: people are depending on me, most of all myself.

No giant rockets of any kind thankfully, but we do get a number of blades, short one stabby slicey ones for narrow corridors and bigger heavier ones in case armored, or even cybernetic, troops come in. We divide into two teams, with Sergeant Frank giving me Martinez, Brown, Higgins, and Miller. They form up being me as I lead them to our designated staging area. There are some false starts as my lack of familiarity with the ship causes me to get turned around and Martinez has to give me better directions; I swear I cannot read a compass in the best of time. After the sudden rush the waiting there, in a small junction room between multiple hallways, in painful. This maze is going to become my tomb… my stomach drops out from under me. No information about enemies moving around though so either my intel is poor or we have a little time before sometime disastrous happens. Not sure how good I feel about it either way; maybe they are not successfully boarding at all and we can just wait for the enemy to back off? I stop and breathe, for lack of a better term, and try to entice my mind to stop running around and keep focused on the task at hand. My squad is depending on my abilities and I am going to get good at this whether I like it or not.

Still waiting, I can see the tension in my men. On the service they look like impassive machines but I have spent enough time with them to see the subtle extra tension in their bodies, the absolute stillness like a coiled snake trying to figure out if it needs to strike. I stop and check to see if anyone is poking around in my head, but all communication seems to be one way. I have only one way to help them at the moment and I need to make sure no one is spying in my brain to try to muck it up; I am going to share my ill-gotten music. Quickly I find something weird and electronic with a beat, energy but not passion. Dancing music for a war symphony… I did provide that harmony it seems. I fire up the music and send an invite to share the music with me and not one of them hesitates. We are not sharing into some sweet electronica and I can see their demeanor change slightly. Less angsty tension and more deliberate waiting for whatever comes next. Music is magical for all of us; I will keep that in mind.

The shock start dying down after about thirty minutes and I can see the squad starting to calm down in a real sense, after all no one managed to board and the battle is nearly over. The next rumble to go through the ship is strange and immediately sets the squad on edge, a dull clanging sound like a failed missile smacked the ship. They are quite stressed though.

“Boarders,” I ask through the link.

“Debris,” is Higgins’ only response.

I admit I am not entirely sure what is going on but I think… did a ship explode and it’s pieces smacked into us? Why didn’t I hear anything? If so stressed makes sense… we really do not have the faintest clue what is going on outside of these walls, this room, do we? Well, more than the faintest since things hit us but that is hardly too informative in the long run. How many ships have been destroyed then? Ally or enemy, are we next? The explosions fade, no longer shaking the ship violently with every movement. There is only one more dull thud that swings through and they stand firm, upset but working at keeping together quite well. By the time the seventy minutes of music ends the battle appears to be over. I have no idea how long space are supposed to be, honestly I have no idea how anything space battle at all really works. I need to learn more. Running list: space battles, spend time (learning) with Frank, figure out how to be a good leader. That is easy and simple and should take me five trillion minutes, tops.

I pull my wandering brain back into focus with only some protests from it and look at my little squad. They are stressed from the hurrying, waiting, and now other waiting. I turn to look at them physically, machine to man, and nod my head in approval. I hope it looks better to them than it does in my head because I feel like an idiot.

“Any word, Sergeant?” Higgins again. I need to thank him for stepping up.

“No, Lance Corporal. We wait here until further orders.” I am direct but trying not to be terse. This situation is a bit aggravating to me I admit but there is not much I can do beside wait. I dare not ask anyone outside of this room what I am supposed to do next. “How is everyone holding up?” Breaking the tense ice? Classy Krl. Very leadership. They all sound off that they are ready and awaiting orders. “Once we are back with Sergeant Jacobs we can talk with him. You are doing well and I appreciate your patience as I continue to learn.” Add speech making to the list. Five trillion and one minutes now. I am leaving some wiggle room, of course. Part of me just wants to hug them and tell them that everything is going to be fine and they can relax, but that is twice stupid and a lie. My instincts are geared toward vulnerability. What do I change to? Curse the bureaucrats who threw me into the mess for their own random purposes.

Still more waiting before the order comes through to head back to our rooms. As we file back in earth shaking silence I hope that Frank had a better time, or at least an equally violent one. The easier this is the better, no need for another Davis so close to his death. Quiet is the conversation and our voice as return and quiet we wait when we get back to our rooms. Not sure what to do so I just have everyone wait in silence. If I had a human heart it would be counting the seconds until their return; even the imagined one in my mind beats so fast and loud as a terrible echo of our footsteps a moment ago. There is nothing to do to stop the imagined pounding. I just place my hand over my real heart, locked in its cage in its case and try to will it to calm itself. Please, please just have faith in my better half. Praying to my heart seems stupid but… but there is no one else right now and I am desperate but I refuse to give up. If nothing else I know that there are gods of some sort mucking in my life; if they can mess with my life I can to, on my terms.

We end up waiting near on an hour before I finally hear my companions footsteps. Is it bad or good that I have begun to recognize them? Hmph, I admonish myself, and have everyone in formation to meet them, secretly shaking at what I might see. When they come into view and we salute my anxiety peaks at seeing their gleaming bodies, unsullied by even dust; the tenseness is just feeding into itself. “This wasn’t necessary Sergeant Kel. Everyone else is dismissed. We have a briefing to attend shortly.” Letting go of the fear is hard. Why is not having my fears realized making me feel better? Life was better as a corporate slave honestly.

He leads without waiting for me to follow but I do not need any encouragement. The pace is brisk and my movements smooth, as oil skims across water I follow his lead wanting to reach out by unable to break the barrier between us. “Sergeant…” I manage only the word before he cuts me off with a sharp gesture.

“After.” Terse, but not an order. Strange, but I will listen. He is asking my as my equal, not that oil is to water.

We keep the brisk pace up until we get back to the meeting room that we used planning the assault that seems so much farther away with each passing minute. We once again get set up with the other behemoth leaders of machine men and wait for someone the officer. I noticed that there far fewer such leaders than I remember, but without knowing when the meeting is we could just be early? I waited for everyone else to come but… But no one came.

“We have a problem,” Sergeant Frank begins. “I was authorized to spread this to you all, but this rebellion is bigger than anyone on our side seemed to know. The Sergeants not here are under investigation for treason. I expect that they did nothing wrong but things are bad.”

“How bad?” I cannot tell just how serious he is.

“Everything, I mean everything, is starting to fall apart.” He is worried, worries in a way unlike I have ever seen before. “We can expect the our civilization may endure for a few more weeks, at most, before devolving into a mess of warlords vying for slices of territory.” I can only shake my head.

The meeting continues on in a far more technical tone than I am really equipped to handle, but one thing is clear: we need to pick a side and stick with it because whomever we serve, whomever… really, whomever that is will be our only “safety” against whatever far less forgiving persons have in store for us. The choice is clear to us all: we must ask the captain of the ship. We are required by sheer necessity to trust his judgment normally, but now it is a matter of more than just survival. There is a chance we can expect others to try to seize control but as long as Captain Salazar supports Captain Eriks we can likely keep the situation under control long enough to try to make any attempt to eke out a life for ourselves somewhere in the galaxy.

After our clandestine meeting adjurns, also known as we sneak out, Frank takes me aside. “I know you have a lot of reason to want to leave and join some rebel group or another but…”

I cut him off, “Is this a ‘you are too valuable so side with us or be destroyed deal?’ Do you really think that little of me?”

“Don’t cut me off! You are too big a pawn to be left to run around on your own. I need you to realize the technology you carry will be a big boon to anyone who can get their hands on you, seduction, kidnapping, mind control, whatever. You need to be on guard, yes, and if I feel you are not strong enough to keep yourself focused on the task I will rip your heart out myself until we can find you a new body. I don’t want to kill you but I will not hesitate you put you somewhere you cannot cause trouble until we are safe. Do you understand me Sergeant Kel?”

“Yes, sir.” My response is timid. I… I don’t understand how I feel about this and I don’t even know how I should feel. I feel that terrible feeling again, that aloneness when crowded in. “You can trust me.”

“I do, Kel. For now. I just cannot trust your fears.”