I am up at the same time as Frank; good to know that we’re still synched up. We get dressed in silence but before we leave I thank him, simply and honestly. There is nothing verbal, but every bit about him says thank you. After last night we’re both burnt out I think and need to be careful; it is about 28 hours to operation start. I open the door for him and gesture that he can leave first; he does without a word and I all in behind him.

Everyone is arrayed out already as Frank leads us to the daily routine of energy check, this time with mandatory recharge, a short bit of sparing, and then meditation. I have not yet gotten a hang of it, but I at least learned that I have music files that seemed aimed toward helping me reach that balanced state. After that we have the usual rest period, then more briefing. Everyone seems tense and poor Private Davis; he won’t even look at me. I want to tell him it’s alright but I am not sure if that will make things better or worse. The time passes on numbly; the ship lurches violently at one point and everyone but me has to catch themselves, sea legs, and I can only assume that is how we are going to cover that huge gap in such a small time. After briefings its more drills and the day just seems to plow on with a gray haze; I cannot begin begin to imagine how they do this over and over again. My guess is the constant work is designed to help keep us distracted from what is coming next. All too soon though it is time for us to have a brief respite before we are sent into the fight. As we lay resting Frank says the first thing to me all day: “Stay alive Kel. I’ll see you on the other side.” He rolls over; I am not sure what it means but I am afraid I will find out. I force myself asleep, aware that the morning will come too soon.

The burning eyes gazes down on me from the heavens. “Walpurgis comes for you Youth. In spite of your pleas to Dogma you will not be protected by them. All is a means to their ends.” The light fades and the ground beneath me sinks until I am in a cavern of lurid blood and bubbling fame. The shape of a man, covered in rusted armor and holding massive blade, feathered wings held down by blood. “You cannot help but dance in my song and swim in my sea, Youth of Lilith. Do not be afraid; I have given you what you need already. Anoint yourself with the wet oils of men so you may open your eyes to the Grigori. Purple opens all doors.” Sword grinds on ground and sparks sing like screams. “Become the Choir Master.”

I wake up to a song about having good dreams. I’m not supposed to have any dreams and these are definitely not “good” by any stretch of the imagination, although I think the song understands that. Surprisingly Frank is already awake, looking at the pictures of his sister; he’s not dressed though, so I am not sure if I ended up oversleeping or he did not. My HUD tells me I woke up thirty minutes early. I gently stroll over to him and put my hand on his shoulder. “Couldn’t sleep?”

He twitches slightly, not when I touch but after I ask the question. “I am always concerned that someone will need me so I take a short shift in case someone needs me. Targeting a small sleep works better than letting a longer one get interrupted. Why are you awake?”

“Not sure actually. You can snag another thirty minutes and I’ll keep an eye on everyone. I am here to help as well as learn.”

“No. I appreciate the gesture though. Davis would probably be deeply uncomfortable talking to you. Not your fault, but still a problem.”

“I understand. I want to tell him something, the magic word that will let him know that as far as I concerned we are cool. I am hurt by what he said but I have forgiven him and want to work to help him. I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable either. Any thoughts?”

“Not at the moment. Just try getting through the next few days and we can take it from there. Just treat him like any other marine in our squad; I bet that will help a lot. He just wants to feel normal.”

“Alright, thanks. Do you need anything from me?”

“No, Kel. Go back to sleep. I’ll see you soon.”

“Honestly I got as much as I can get I think. I give you some privacy, can just finally finish reading these files.” I have been delaying on finishing off the site I had downloaded, only partially because of how busy I was.

“You sure that’s a good idea given everything recently? It may be better to wait and we can discuss it later.”

“I’ll be fine Frank, just trust me. If anything upset me I’ll put it down right away.

“That might be too late. I need you able to function on your own.”

“Okay, I’ll just listen to music then. If you need anything tell me; I’ll be right here.” I am thinking the good Sergeant is not practicing what he is preaching but I won’t push it. Better to wait until after… assuming there is an after. The music clicks to a song called “L’appel Du Vide” but the track is nothing but this eerie, awful, series of noises with creaking and chittering backed up by this awful series of tense strings music and growing pulses. I try to skip the track but the program is unresponsive. Eventually the terrible noise has me bolt up when it suddenly stops and begins playing a song with some tremendous horn being blown every so often.

“Are you alright?” My sudden motion easily caught Frank’s attention.

“Yea, mostly. Weird song popped up and player lagged badly when trying to skip it.” I need a moment to compose my thoughts. “I think we’re done with music for now though. I’ll just quietly sit here.”

“Suit yourself. Still time for a little sleep. Your bodies ability to conserve energy is impressive but even then we should be talking every measure in case we need it. Actually, as sophisticated as your body is I don’t envy it. They seemed to have forgotten debugging some critical things. Sometimes… Nevermind.” He cuts himself off and tries to make it clear the conversation is over.

“Tell me. If nothing else you’ve piqued my curiosity.” I know that there is a real chance that this will be the last time we have to talk so I don’t want to let this pass me by after last night.

“Kel, you’re enlisted. You’re paid to do, not to be curious.” The finality isn’t a strong here. I may still have a chance.

“Please. Whatever you want to say I can handle it from you.”

“Sometimes I just worry that these errors and this situation are putting too much of a strain on your heart. I saw someone die once of a broken heart; it wasn’t pretty.” I grow cold at the thought of such a thing; I’ve never heard of it before. To even think that someone heart could break seems… gross, abhorrent even.

“I have no intention of doing… that.” I openly scorn the word and what it stands for.

“It’s not a choice. Now, will you do me a favor and sleep for ten more minutes?”

I see now why he’s so strident about me getting these last few precious minutes. “Okay. And when this is over I’ll see you on the other side.” I lie down and roll over.

“That’d better be a promise,” is the final thing I hear before my power nap.

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Given how sleep works I awake immediate after I fall asleep to see Frank is gone and the light is on. I get dressed, try to calm myself, and step outside. No one is currently there. The time seems right so I message Sergeant Jacobs and await my orders. It is not long before I see everyone else line up with the Sergeant coming down the hall looking extra shiny; that is one heck of a fast shower. I stand in my usual spot waiting for him, not long though. Once we are all set he says, “gear up and meet me at the staging area in thirty” and with that, everyone departs. “I’ll need to gear up as well Sergeant. I was told there is a locker there with a combat uniform for you there as well. Follow me and we’ll do a quick review.” We march down the hall at a slower pace than everyone else.

“Lasers,” he starts.

“Shouldn’t affect me. Usually bad for cyborgs and I have extra defenses.”

“Kinetics.”

“Big ones could rip us apart but would also risk puncturing base walls. Likely deeper in but possible outside if they get desperate or try to scuttle the base.”

“Melee.”

“Normal humans can’t. Too fast, too much reach, too hard armor. Robots and cyborgs are a threat. They could task twice-baked tungsten knives which can punch through on a direct hit but shatter if misused.”

“Blocking.”

“Only if core is in danger; dodging is better and not being in the line of fire long enough is best.”

“Dodging.”

“Serpentine. Bounce off the walls if you need to.”

“Energy levels.”

“Cycle if my main battery drops below fifty percent unless otherwise ordered. Only use my personal battery until it is depleted.”

“Vacuum.”

“I am sealed. No rockets means activate emergency beacon and enter power saving mode. As long as my heart is undamaged I will be alright.”

“That will have to do for the moment. Stay focused and flexible and try not to lose your balance Sergeant. We can do this.”

“Yes Sergeant.” Is my response. We move to catch up to the rest of the squad and are soon at the prep room. While everyone else get massive bits of armor strapped over their core and attaches massive rockets to their body for extreme propulsion I go to my locker and see what they have for me. The massive locker contains only a moderately sized bag that is totally soft. I open it and inside is a strange, circuitry filled, skimpy outfit I would not be sure was appropriate for a stripper, let alone a soldier. I check the instructions and all it says is to wear nothing else and once properly in place to activate the system: it will draw off my power slowly and shut itself off if my main battery drops below twenty percent. I change into it and I can honestly say that I would feel less exposed naked. It is fetishistic and strange and I hate it. Once I have it properly on though I end up activating it and the complex and curvilinear gilding on my body begins to come to life, shimmering and flashing. I quickly shut it off.

“What was, and is, that?” Sergeant Jacobs says as he heads over to me, his footsteps an absolute crash of noise given the massive added weight.

“My official uniform Sergeant.” I see that everyone else is staring too and want to cover myself, but that would probably make everything worse.

“I am going to kill someone for this,” he growls. “Turn it back on and let me see.” I once again become a strobe of flashing colors. “Hrm, activate defenses again sensors, eyes, and diffuses lasers. I will at least kill someone quickly for this. If you are ready fall in.”

I do so and find myself marching with an oncoming storm. As we approach the staging area the incredible noise only grows worse as every shock trooper squad gathers together to board their boats for the assault. Each shuttle will carry us, the pilots, and a small crew whose job it will be to specifically defend the shuttle in case of extraction and to ensure what meager supplies we have brought initially. Technicians run around topping up everyone’s batteries and we are escorted onto the shuttle and told to drop to low power mode until immediately prior to insertion.

This means that we wait in dark silence, not even our clocks to tell us the passing of the time. The temptation to flash up my HUD to peek occasionally is insane; I feel I am trapped inside my own body and will do anything for a taste of… anything. It is not too long, I think, before the ship rocks and a deep vibration passes through; we have struck, or been struck by, something. Not too long after I can feel inertia kicking in as the shuttle begins to move and hear a terrible roaring as the bay depressurizes. Soon we are off and I am struck by how silent it is. Space battles in vids are full of intense noise as weapons flare and flash and ships explode but here, in the real world, there is nothing. Eventually even the weak dampeners are enough since we stopped accelerating and I am again trapped, the only break being a swivel or swerve as we doubtlessly dodge something, not that I can see or hear in here.

All too suddenly though I feel us slowly down harshly, a forced ping on my HUD “now” and feel the ship spin while flare and ram full speed backwards into something as we suddenly breach the ship yards. Instantly all is chaos as everyone jumps up Sergeant Jacobs is shouting orders my HUD is a flash of information I need to go here save power let rockets through and the terrible noise of them launching themselves I follow, falling behind I know where to go and rush there fighting already over blood and oil spilt Miller needs help run to Miller pinned down no weapon but a steel blade dive in slashing extra energy go Miller good now Wilson dash there energy burning sixty-five percent need to go faster Wilson cleared up come back for energy we have a moment orders shouted in HUD and head run back to insertion battery ready fuel quickly eighty-three percent good enough Martinez encountering crude barricade and heavy mounted laser suit protects get there fast and easily smash enemy flees don’t chase just keep LZ controlled get energy again this time get to hundred not sure time passing HUD says fifteen minutes LZ for main troops not secure need to expand control zones extra tunnels added recently gives enemies too many access points need to break morale ordered here to intimidate enemy with new tech as soon as there enemy already gone Higgins pinned by heavy fire rush there work together kinetics hurt but too weak to damage new sensors flare as movement behind increase power see sneaking at thin wall Higgins and I crush ordered back to LZ for further orders and more energy.

I finally collect my thoughts briefly as I wait a moment, ready to deploy again. Everything is such a blur right now that I do not really even think I about what I am doing; I hope that doesn’t catch up to me. Words comes through that they have organized a resistance and are bringing tools to try to push us back. The main to is going to be sent out soon so we cannot allow them to push in ordinance, in a sealed environment, really, but apparently they are breaching hastily crated tunnels. This is turning into a messed up warren as opposed to a proper structure. Quickly orders come streaming through.

Again the pounding against the ground drumming violently the call of war Jones and Johnson meeting up meet them enemy has grenades boom they rocket through crashing and cutting balloons burst cracking I see them behind turn cutting and bursting and crunching and wet surprise paralyzes not time Brown found cache rush to secure no time destroy run crushing and grinding weapons crackle energy fifty percent already how doesn’t matter top off external battery at forty percent running out of energy there no time Brown needs help again boom boom thundering feet time stretches on enemies balloons sparks as men appear to fight fighting so much fighting running barely names keep running place to place external battery consumed head hurts need to sit down.

It is only after a mere five seconds of actual rest that I am called again Davis pounding feet warning heavy kinetics rushed over terrible noise rending metal horrible crashing rush Davis down charge in flash of light more balloons bursting crunching weapons shattering grab Davis not moving ignore moaning… Davis… not… moving?

I stop and reach down, HUD flashing but I’m just ignoring it; there are massive holes in his chest and his armor is torn to shreds. I message Sergeant Jacobs that Private Davis is down and not moving; the immediate reply is for me to secure his heart and take it back to the lander. I reach into his chest, shuddering at the grossness of it, and find his heart canister, wet with fluid. Even though he cannot hear me I quietly apologize for molesting him like this as I tear his chest apart and pull out his heart and… no. I feel so sick when I realize the the fluid I feel is from the case, his heart. There is a gaping hole in one side of the canister and I cannot focus on what is going on; the stupid noises behind me ruining the gravity of the moment. Filth. Murderers. Die quietly. Quietly! SHUT UP! Crunching and bursting and no more of their stupid meaty noises wasting my time, insulting my friend. Davis… why? I cradle his heart so gently, softly. Sergeant Jacobs asks for an update; I don’t want to say it. I tell him that Davis is badly injured, that I am trying to be careful moving him. Once I update the Sergeant he just tells me to hurry and he will take care of Private Davis himself. I still move slowly, not wanting to jostle my precious cargo. Sergeant Jacobs urges me on, telling me there are others to help, but that only move a little faster. Once I gently place his heart in the shuttle, refusing to let the crew protecting it to touch something so precious.

The drums of war pound on, especially once we can let the major force take over and come back to where we were inserted to rest. All of us, even Sergeant Jacobs, are covered in grime and gore, a grotesque mess. It does not take long until they realize Davis is missing as the crew cleans of us enough to fill us up with power. I can hear the sound of the retort of guns and the crackling of energy weapons in the distance, the melody to the harmony of cries, the music of war that does not truly reach us here. Sergeant Jacobs tells everyone that Private Davis was injured and is safe and will receive medical attention as soon as we can return but we need to stay mission-focused for the moment; the battle is still happening and we may be needed again. He does deliberately keep them away from where Davis’ heart is secured on the shuttle and messages me to make sure I do as well. I silently agree.

Turns out we are not needed ultimately. While they had begun to alter the structure to resist invasion they had not been ready for us to appear out of nowhere and once we landed a large number of troops there was nothing they could do. Even their efforts to try to sabotage the station were ultimately fruitless, at least in the grand scheme of things. We have to return to the ship via the actual shuttle bays; I am leading them on while Sergeant Jacobs stays behind to “take care of something.” No one speaks but they don’t see as tired as they could be, as I feel. I just hear the dull thud of them walking behind me. We make it back to the MRS Foment in slow time as they are moving a lot of heavier troops back to the fleet and there are only so many heavy duty shuttles to go around. Sergeant Jacobs makes sure to send me a checklist of everything I should do once I get back, knowing we’ll be out of touch for some time. I read it over but I cannot help but think how badly I need him right now as well as how badly he must need me to be strong.

Once back on the ship we trudge over and remove our equipment, armor, everything we can really. I lead them to the massive line to wash off; while we’re in no danger of damage ourselves from the mess we are supposed to keep it contained. Thing is, so many of us and so few showers means it takes hours to even get in and the water is straight up freezing in what is a truly gross room. I cannot imagine what the poor cleaning crew has to say about this or do to get this clean, at least the water and soap slick floor is fairly clean. I as finally get myself not disgusting I see the brown and flow off my body and for the shortest of moments it seems to form a winged pattern with some purple gunk that washed off my feet as an eye on the turned head. Weird, looks vaguely familiar, but regardless I assume this is a result of me seeing things after an intense day… but wasn’t the anti-dream chip supposed to deal with that too? I check and see that I have been up for thirty hours, hardly feels that long honestly, but that is hardly a reason to have issue. I end up shrugging if off and just finishing cleaning myself.

By the time I am dried off the rest of the squad has beaten me to returning to quarters, extra nooks and crannies make for longer cleaning. They are in their respective rooms and my checklist says that I need to just check up on them. I should talk to them if Sergeant Jacobs is not here in due time though. I peak in on one room and the four them greet me respectfully and Private Miller thanks me for my help but they quickly turn away from me and retreat back into their own minds. I tell them that if they need anything to find me and I will do my best to help. The other room, with all five, is less darkened in mood and they greet me with a little more energy. Something leaves me suspicious though… I wonder what? I shouldn’t assume just because they aren’t upset that… Regardless, I give them the same “I’m here if you need anything” before I leave. I do wish I could have someone be here for me but I suspect that is just me being selfish; I need to be strong and to lead, no more faltering or stumbling for Sergeant Kel. They squad pop out only rarely to ask me a question or just see if I am there so I end up pacing the hallway for some time, over an hour before my music on and twenty songs from there, my thoughts slowly descending into darkness, when I finally hear from Sergeant Kel. He needs to meet him at the showers and then we need to talk in private. I have begun to learn; I simply head out to meet him with no further questions.