Sergeant Jacobs marches off after making sure everyone else is on their and is moving at such a tremendous speed with that predatory grace of his I is struggling to keep up. He definitely knows exactly where he is going though and if I were to fall behind I would risk being left behind… or risking his further ire. The speed is moving at is just making me feel worse and honestly the temptation to fall behind and run away is so strong that eventually my feet just stop moving and I just don’t, can’t, take another step. As soon as he realizes that I am no following him he comes back and stands right in my face, that controlled breathing suddenly intimidating like it is supposed to be. “Sergeant Kel, we don’t have time for this. You will follow me and quickly and I will be there to help you. We cannot keep Captain Salazar waiting.” I try but my feet just do not move take a step. My pain only becomes worse as I realize that I am just disappointing the only people to have any real concern for me recently. I reach out gently but Sergeant Jacobs just grabs my arm and pulls me along.

He rush, not quite as quickly as I am being literally dragged, to an office simply marked with Captain Dioniso Salazar. Sergeant Jacobs sets me beside him and carefully knocks on the door. I hear Captain Salazar’s muffled voice respond “Enter.” He opens the door and proceeds with my struggling to keep on his heels. We both stand at attention as Captain Salazar is seated at a desk working on two pads and a built in screen. It actually takes almost a full minute before he acknowledges us, looking worse for wear. “Sergeant Jacobs you have done much to earn my respect so here is an important piece of advice, since you are here as well enjoy it as well Sergeant Kel: if they offer you a promotion that would put you behind a desk do not do it; it is an evil trap and will suck the fire right out of you.” He takes a moment and puts the two pads away in his desk and turns to us while shutting the screen off with a touch of his hand. “Sergeant Jacobs, please tell me that I am going to need to discipline you for a bad joke involving Lieutenant Kies. That would really make my month right now. I would not even be mad at the right this is going.” I can see the tension on his face as he makes the comment; it seems awfully indirect for a marine.

“No, Lieutenant. I am serious and this is worse than it normally is.” I don’t like the way they are talking about me. I know I am broken but I thought at least Sergeant Jacobs did not think of me like that. “A good number of Sergeant Kel’s necessary functions are tied up intimately with the memories of what happened to him and trying to use them is extremely difficult for him, not to mention he seems to trapped in a situation where he was clumsily forced to learn about himself and is likely to be stuck at the worst possible time to have normal post conversion feelings.” Maybe if I am lucky something will explode and kill me; I’ve seen it happen.

Captain Salazar stands up and walks over to look at me in the eyes; even with the eight inch difference in height I am the one feeling intimidated right now. “Sergeant Jacobs, what do you recommend we do? You have quite some experience dealing with this.”

His voice strong, “I believe he can be helped. He has a lot of valuable experience and has good leadership potential. The problem is primarily a factor of time. If this does come to war I have no confidence I can have him remotely prepared by then. This would be an uphill battle at the best of times but this presents a terrible complication.”

Captain Salazar is still staring directly at me. “Should I transfer him to someone else’s command then? Is there anyone you personally feel could help this marine?”

Sergeant Jacobs hardens his voice, “Captain I was given responsibility over the Sergeant and I believe it to be best if he stayed with me. I can help him better than anyone else and we have begun to already help him grow into his abilities. He should be kept out of combat until such time as I can be sure he is not a liability to himself or the squad.”

The Captain is distracted by my face. “Why did the ruin a perfectly good marine with this garbage, gilding and these weird lines. We’re warriors, not ornaments or trophies.” He reaches up to touch and my face I instinctively lean back. “Would you like to tell me what you are doing Sergeant,” he asks in a neutral tone.

“Captain, those lines are specialized sensors and sensitive to touch. I was taught poorly how sensitive.” I don’t want to think about this, but I don’t want to punch a marine captain in the face in a fit of panic.

“Poorly how Sergeant? I do not want gaps in your self-education to be problems on my part.” I cannot actually tell how he feels since he betrays nothing with face, tone, or body. His discipline is amazing.

“Kies taught me after they were first activated. He knew fully how they worked and took advantage of that fact.” I am trying to keep it together but this is just humiliating.

“Lieutenant Kies, Sergeant. No matter our feelings we will address him as appropriate. Am I clear?”

“Yes, Captain.”

At that point Captain Salazar takes a step back at that point, granting me much needed space. “I understand. Do you know how to use them Sergeant?”

“That is difficult to answer easily Captain. I was taught and given some training on a wide number of functions added or activated only days ago but given how I learned remembering how to use them is difficult. I only began to use the sensors at all today during sparing with Sergeant Jacobs.” I am just trying to remember how much I actually enjoyed myself there but the more I concentrate the more the memories begin to blur together, joy and sorrow mixing together.

Captain Salazar simply looks at Sergeant Jacobs. “Yes Captain. He has basic fighting skills that badly need polishing but he did catch me off guard when he first demonstrated any ability to see behind him. I should note now that he reacts violently to flesh humans touching those sensors, especially gently.”

He swings his head back to me a look of concern. “How strong are you really? Do you really think you are worthy of the title ‘marine’ Sergeant Kel?”

I try to look proud but I am pretty much standing up as straight as I can already. “I will fight Captain and I will do my best to bring us honor.” I am ad libbing badly here.

He simply returns to his desk and sits down. “I will continue to place my trust in your abilities Sergeant Jacobs, but I expect you to push Sergeant Kel as hard as possible. If he breaks, he breaks. Better here than on the battlefield.” He then gives me a surprisingly piercing look, “Sergeant Kel if you really are a marine you will not break. You will endure and grow stronger for it. For now I am ordering you to avoid anyone with flesh when possible so we can avoid incidents. Am I clear Sergeants?”

We respond with a chorus of “yes, Captain!”

“Dismissed.” He simply watches us as we turn and leave.

It is not long out of the door before I just sink down to the floor, my body finally just giving up hauling my worthless heart. Sergeant Jacobs simply sits next to me, not saying a word. Have I disappointed him? I failed myself and now I am going to fail him. “Kel, please.” He eventually whispers. “You did well, okay? Follow me and I’ll make sure you are somewhere safe, just not here. Just follow me a little longer.” I struggle to stand but my body gives out. I just moan in despair. “Okay, I am going to do this the direct way if you don’t move and I am not going to apologize for helping you. Stand up and go or be picked up and moved but I am giving you ten seconds to make your choice.” I struggle again and with the power of the thought of further humiliation I manage to get up and move slowly. Sergeant Jacobs keeps pace with me and is quietly observing our surroundings. He directs me where to go with subtle gestures and whispered words and, if we notice someone getting close, pretends to be in his part of a conversation about the ship. The attempt is desperate and rather awful but I do notice him trying.

Eventually I recognize where we are as he directs me back to our room. As soon as I am in I march over and flop face first onto my bed. “Kel,” I hear him say, “it’s not even 0500. This is not the time to sleep.” I appreciate what he is saying, but I just ignore him and continue to lay there. “I am serious Kel.” Frank’s voice is stern, “do not get comfortable and do not ignore me. If you do good here I will go with you to take a shower. Sound good?” I just nod into the bed as I missed the pillow entirely. I suddenly feel my legs being lifted and my body being adjusted so all of me is on the bed. “I’m starting by having you not hog access to my bed.” Momentarily more focused on my surroundings I hear him sit on the bed next to me as it creaks down. “I am sorry that was so sudden and uncomfortable for you, but you did really well. Captain Salazar is being hard on you because he needs to be but if we try hard I am confident he will show you the respect he has for you.”

I turn my head slightly, “what makes you think he has any respect for me. I got thrust under his care without proper training and am about to make a mockery of everything he holds dear.”

Frank just gets off his bed and crouches in the narrow area between us. “I like you and want you to succeed, so I will not tell you why I know he already has respect for you.” He puts his hand on my shoulder. “Come on, you only have one uniform and should not get it ruffled in bed. I requisitioned some more and those should be fabricated tomorrow.” I don’t move.

“On board fabrication? Fancy.” I just quietly let him touch me as long as I can.

“As I said, efficient and effective is the goal. Now am I going to have to undress you are you going to stop wrinkling that thing?” I feel a weird moment of tearing before I roll over, take off my shirt, and throw it on the chair. “There, better?”

Frank grabs my right arm in a firm grip. “No Sergeant Kel. I have my orders and that means making sure you hang your shirt up properly. Get up or I am getting you up.” His voice is stern but friendly. I want to say fatherly but that feels wrong somehow. I do the minimum possible effort to hang up my uniform shirt but I do. Before I get even a nanometer from the close he calls out, “If you are going to be on the bed, pants too. Your uniform is not just random clothes and you need to treat it with more respect.” I slowly, nervously, strip down, keeping my back to him. As soon as I hang up my pants my brain gets to work solving the conundrum of how to get to bed without turning around. “Kel, come here. You are going to need to not be shy around your fellow marines. Privacy is in very short supply in the military.” I still refuse to turn around.

He comes over and stands next to me. “I would say a shy cyborg is strange but I’ve seen too many,” he intones sadly. He gently puts his hand on my shoulder again. “Come on, you did as I asked so let’s get you in bed for a little.” The strength of his hand, the closeness of his body, my own nakedness. Next thing I know I moved so quickly even Frank could react and had pressed my body into his, holding him tight and nuzzling him. He is trying to break my grip gently. “No Kel, come on. You need to let me go.” I don’t want to though he is so warm and strong and I am so weak this is all I can do to thank him. “Please, let me go Kel. This is not you; I know. If you let me go I can get you to bed and we can talk.” I still hold on, afraid once I let go he will toss me aside for not being good enough for him. “Okay, this needs to stop.” He swiftly and carefully bends and shifts his gravity so he can break my hold and take control of my body. “Let’s just get you to bed.” He walks me to the bed and gently sets me down, covering me with a blanket. Am I too ugly for him?

“Kel, I have some experience with helping guys like you out and I know your thoughts can be anxious, chaotic, messy I guess. I am not mad at you and do not think any less of you for that. Tell me you know what I am saying, please?” I nod gently, turning my back to him. He rolls me back so I am facing him. “With your words Kel.”

“Yes, Sergeant. I am sorry Sergeant.” I ball up.

“Kel, I said in private we should call each other by our first names. Now try this one more time please.”

“Yes, Frank. I’m fine. Just a little stressed.” He’s never going to trust me again and I deserve it. He probably thinks I’m going to do something to him in his sleep because of how gross I am.

“Kel, never say ‘I’m fine’ to me again. Promise me.” He uses his hand to gently force me to look at his face. “Promise me,” he says sternly.

“I am fine though mostly. Just had a weird moment there, won’t happen again.” I cannot look away as long as his hand is on my face.

“I am serious. I know what ‘I’m fine’ means and you need to not fall into that trap. I want you to promise me you will tell me how you feel when it is just us and if you can’t you will let me know we need to talk later.” The concern hurts. I want to deny it as false, as a man wasting his time on a silly project but the sincerity is so strong. I wriggle a bit in place of an answer and he just gets a good grip on my face and keeps me looking at him.

“No. What are you going to do now, tell Salazar that I’m too broken to bother with?” I need him to go away, to not waste his time with me. He jumps back slightly as my words slash at him brutally.

“What I am going to do is be hurt than someone I really want to call my friend and comrade refuses to trust me on something so important to himself and find a way to work even harder to help him realize why I need him to make that promise.” I cannot take it anymore. Why won’t he go away? I just struggle out of his grip and find myself being held by him. It is so different though: I was desperately and confusedly trying to convince him to use me so I would matter to him; he just wants me to know I am not alone.

“Kel, when I care about someone I take my responsibilities to them with absolute seriousness and you are on the list now. Your choices are to fight me and lose the battle slowly or to work with me and find the end to this evil more quickly. Either way I am going to help you be a damn good marine and to overcome this hell.” He puts me down after that short but deeply impassioned speech. “We take care of our own Kel, always. Now why don’t you rest, listen to some music, and then we can talk a bit. I will be right here in case you need anything and once you calm down a bit we can get you that shower.” I just do as he says, the auto player picking some soothing music.

“I’m sorry for what I said Frank. I don’t want to hurt you or anyone in the squad.” I mean it; I just could not control myself. Frank sits back down opposite me.

“I understand completely, okay? I said you are now six out of twelve in this squad alone and I’ve seen them go through some bad times because of it. You should have seen how Davis reacted when I turned him down; it was bad. Now do you also see why I said you too need to not be alone together? You’re both in that state where you will reach out to other physically as a form of validation. I am not sure he can recover thanks to the level of work Kies did to him, but I am still going to make sure to treat him with respect and leave it be as long as it does not interfere with his duties. It is an imperfect solution but I don’t want to see him lose something so important to him.” I just nod and let myself sink into the music.

Time passes by quietly with Frank and I occasionally talking, me often resting, and him doing something at the desk. When I ask him about it he says he will trade that answer for a promise to not say “I’m fine” ever again, even in jest. Not willing to go that far yet I just let it drop. When he feels I have calmed down enough to takes me back to the showers, still pretty empty since we don’t have dead skin and leaking oil mucking us up daily to contend with. It is still uncomfortable being naked, but having Frank there to side eye is kind of nice; I cannot help but think of what could have been if he were a lesser person. He catches me once but seems to ignore it. I am sure I will eventually be used to the sheer size and power of that form, but his own artistic take on its existence is impressive.

Once we are done, dried, and dressed I have to ask him about it. “That’s something you will want to learn about in time. Guys, and gals, like us have a much more limited selection so the old saying of ‘any port in a storm’ is even more emphasized. You said you have files; I would start there. If you have questions ask me and me alone, okay? I will do my best to answer them. And to the one you have now: no for many reasons.” I am starting to wonder if he really is one of those mind readers I fear or if my confused desires to just to pathetically obvious. The squad has assembled by the time we get back though, so I need to start acting like a leader again and not the scared child in a war machine I really am.