Trampas William Jefferson or TW to his friends was just your average ordinary minimum wage employee at the Sack of Suds bar and grill. He didn't want much out of life, maybe a cold can of the banquet, some fried chicken, a tv showing the latest Nascar race, loud country music, and a can of Skoal. That's why the night he was told by the manager to clean out the deep fryer he was a little salty. He had to be off by 7:30 to get over to the fairgrounds to see his favorite band play. Cleaning the fryer could take an extra half an hour!

"Bert this is bullshit, man!" Trampas complained.

The manager adjusted his clip-on tie and replied at a lower volume, "Y'all know we clean the fryer at the end of the shift on Thursday night. I wanna get home as bad as you do, but we have got to follow procedures."

Trampas sighed and said, "Alright. I'm doing it." He started to drain the oil into a tub as he pulled on his rubber gloves.

One of the cooks came around the corner holding his shiny new pistol and waved it with a big smile on his face, "Hey TW, check it out, brother. This is my baby!" He pointed the weapon at TW and made shooting noises.

"Hell yeah, brother! Rodney finally came through?" Trampas laughed warmly.

"Yeah, took about three weeks but it's here at last. Wanna try it?" The cook held the pistol out to Trampas.

Trampas took the pistol in his hand and pointed it out extending his arm and looking down the gunsight. "She's heavy as fuck!" He took the gun and pointed it at his head and laughed as he said, "Bert's got me doing the fryer instead of going to the concert, I could blow my brains out about now!"

The cook's face changed and then he started to say, "Wait, TW there's a..."

BANG!

Trampas pulled the trigger expecting that the safety was on and that the pistol wasn't loaded. Everything went black until computer-like blue writing appeared out of the void...

[System loading...]

[Welcome to the Kunlun Force Cultivation system. You have been randomly selected to host the system. You will be given missions that will grant you skills, items, and powers that will assist you in becoming stronger. These missions can not be avoided or failed. Mission failure will lead to immediate termination. To assist you in your transmigration, the system will automatically translate your language into their language.]

[First mission: Cultivate to the fifth layer of the Qi Refining realm.]

[Time remaining: 3 days 23 hours 59 minutes]

[System has gifted the host with the Kunlun Force Cultivation technique.]

[Reward for mission completion: 1000 system store points]

"Hey man, where am I?"

"Hello? System?"

Suddenly Trampas woke up in a strangely decorated room. He looked around but saw nothing that looked normal. Even his body felt strange. He lifted his hand and looked at it but knew it wasn't his own. An Asian woman walked in and set down a tray she didn't make eye contact with Trampas and asked, "Young Master, would you like tea?"

"Hey man, where am I, what happened to my hand?" He looked around and then asked, "Hey, do you know this system guy?"

Blue text appeared in his vision again...

[Mission time remaining 3 days 23 hours 57 minutes]

"Oh, yeah, I better cultivate." Trampas thought about the Kunlun Force Cultivation technique and it suddenly burst into his mind like a cut scene from a video game. It played through over and over again until he knew it.

The confused Asian woman shook her head and walked out with a worried expression on her face. She quickly walked into another room and softly said, "Madam, I'm afraid the Young Master has gone stupid from his injury. He said he was going to cultivate."

The Madam frowned and then she replied, "Don't tell his father. Let him pretend to cultivate for now. His uncle told him stories about the cultivators which is why he got in trouble at the Fragrant Cloud."

The maid nodded and shook her head before sighing and saying, "Why would he get into a fight with that Childe Li, he should have known that he wasn't able to use martial arts? His uncle only taught him a single move. Aiyah!"

The Madam facepalmed and then replied, "I know. My brother cultivated to the 9th level of Qi Refining only after twenty years. He is hardly a cultivator and yet he still tells those stories at our family gatherings like he is a powerhouse fighter."

"The Master treats your brother like he is a god among men, it's no wonder the Young Master fell into that trap." The maid grumbled.

The Madam rubbed her forehead and then looked around, "What about Hoa'er and Yan'er his brothers, how have they been acting lately?"

The maid looked around and then whispered to the Madam, "The Young Master's brothers from the concubines are both chomping at the bit to get his place. They speak nonstop outside the home to anyone who will listen about how stupid our Young Master is and how he is throwing away the face of the Master."

The Madam sighed and nodded her head. "Whatever is best for our house, if they truly have the ability perhaps it will be for the best if one of them does become the next family head. I guess I can only pray that my stupid child's luck can change or that his brothers will at least let him lead a comfortable life."

In his room, Trampas continued to cultivate as a black oily substance appeared on his skin.

FAaaaAAaaAAaaaarrrt! Squeak! Faaaaaart! Squeak Squeeeeeak! The room filled up quickly with the stench of expelled gasses as he cultivated. BOOM! Trampas lifted off the ground an inch from the pressure as he broke through a realm. Faaaaaaart! Squeak!

One of the concubines just happened to walk past his room. The stench coming out smelled like a latrine so she covered her nose and ran into the next room to meet with the Madam, "Madam! Your son has shit his bed!"

The Madam rubbed her forehead and shook her head, "Ah Yi, will you go check on the Young Master, please... If he is still cultivating, just leave him be for now and ready a bath for him."

The maid nodded and quietly left the room. The Madam looked at the concubine, "Lady Cha, what brings you to my parlor this morning?"

Lady Cha straightened up and then smiled as she poured a cup of tea for the Madam and then for herself, "Yan'er told me that because of the incident with Childe Li, he might not be able to take the civil service exam. He is afraid that the Master will not have the face to speak on his behalf to the steward."

The Madam stared at Lady Cha with a stoic expression. "I will speak to my brother, Yan'er can rest easy he will be able to take the exam. I promise you."

Ah Yi returned to the room quietly and whispered to the Madam, "The Young Master appears to have shit himself and is continuously releasing gas."

The Madam's stoic face rippled with annoyance. She spoke softly, "I understand. Continue to monitor the situation from time to time... Also, light some incense."

Lady Cha smiled and sipped her tea, "Did you hear, little Hoa'er was taken as an apprentice of Master Yang?"

"Lady Song hasn't mentioned that to me, yet. I am sure she will be here shortly to spread the good news." The Madam sipped her tea, annoyance still visible on her face.

Lady Cha leaned in and said softly, "Between us sisters, I think that Master Yang has indecent intentions with little Hoa'er."

The Madam raised an eyebrow, "You mean he was taken as an apprentice not because of his talent but because of his looks?"

Lady Cha nodded and then whispered, "I don't think he will ever truly become an alchemist, like the other little boys Master Yang has accepted. They are all just little ghosts who carry his pills to the shops."

The Madam nodded and then rubbed her chin, "Perhaps we should intervene for the safety of little Hoa'er? I will speak to the Master tonight."

Lady Cha smiled and leaned back, "Mhm, our children are all the Master's sons after all."

Meanwhile, Trampas continued to cultivate. His cultivation went from the first level to the third quickly and stalled a few hours before breaking through to the fourth level in a loud explosion of air and waste. His room went from spotlessly clean into what could only be described as a shit box. Ah Yi the maid nearly fainted as she looked in. She stomped out to the Madam and nearly yelled, "I need to hire some laborers to clean that room, I can not be responsible for it!"

The Madam's eyebrow twitched, "Ah Yi, I will let you handle it as you see fit. Thank you for your trouble." As Ah Yi started to stomp away the Madam called out, "Ah Yi, burn the bedding in there. Don't bother trying to clean it. We'll buy a new set."

"Yes, Madam." Ah Yi looked much calmer as she headed out to hire labor for the cleaning task.