I looked into the determined eyes of the buried woman. They were very blue, even more so than mine. Hers was a shallow lake blue while mine was very dark blue. Her hair was also blue, laying in a mess behind her. I hadn't really cared to lay it in any specific way.

Damn, a lot of blue on these people.

"Sir, we are..."

I took my hand and slapped her across the face. It was hard enough to turn her head as far as it would go, leaving me with a stinging sensation.

"I don't care. I will ask you a question, and if you can't answer me, or if you speak unnecessarily, I'll kill one of your comrades. Clear."

"..."

The woman looked like she was about to verbally confirm, but decided it would be safer for her friends to only nod. Good choice. I would've taken one out should she do anything other than nod yes.

What followed felt like a game of 20 questions. The woman clearly got my message and decided to say as little as possible. She was oddly calm. Was I not intimidating enough? I should fix that later. Mr. Rocky Jeffery Nomenclature the 53rd wanted to taste some more human blood.

"You are sailors?"

"No."

"Fisherman?"

"Yes."

"You got caught in that awesome hurricane?"

"Yes."

"You came from some kind of civilization."

"Yes, we came from the..."

I walked up to the man on the end while she spoke; the man furthest from her. Mr. Rocky Jeffery Nomenclature the 53rd swiftly nibbled on his brainstem, forcing me to wipe off the brain matter that covered his body.

Silly rock, brains are for zombies!

"I don't care where you came from, or the name, or the date, or the circumstances. Strike 1, next time, I kill 2."

The woman's determined glare downgraded into a more concerned and apprehensive one. Good, I was getting through to her.

"I ask again, you came from some kind of civilization."

"Y...yes."

"Great, where are we?"

"An island."

"And where is the island located relative to continental landmasses?"

"South, I think."

"Good enough."

I sat in the sand behind her, my legs crossed over each other. I gathered her messy blue hair and started to straighten it as best I could. She flinched every time I grabbed the loose strands. Such a baby, it probably didn't hurt.

"How far would you say we are?"

"100 Nautical Miles, give or take.

I hover Rocky in front of her.

"Give? Or take?"

"T...take."

I smiled. This was fun!

Her hair was cooperating nicely, gathered into one big ponytail. I split it into three even stalks and started to braid it. I was quite good at it by now. The art was simple yet practical. Jess always loved to make me do her's. I missed those times, especially the plastic pellet gunfight that would ensue. I swear officer! These are plastic guns! You couldn't even harm a fly... AHHH MY DICK!

Yes, definitely fond memories

"No onto the more pressing questions. How long would it take to fix the boat?"

"3-4 weeks."

"Not quick enough. Make it faster."

"2-3 weeks."

"Faster."

"1... 1-2 weeks."

"Great. And how many people will it take to fix?"

"All of us."

"Including these whining sacks of shit?"

"Yes."

"Ok."

"Now... This is absolutely the most important question of all. The answer to this question determines if you and your friends live or die, if my very existence is worth anything anymore. Have you ever heard of turtles?"

"Those shelled creatures in the badlands? We people don't hang around there much, but I've definitely heard of them."

The woman took a calculated risk. This was the most important question, so she answered it with some extra information. I liked that, since there were turtles on this weird planet.

"And how far, if we make it to land, are these badlands?"

"500....No... 1000 kilometers from the port city."

"Really? And I would walk 500 miles. And I would walk 500 more. Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles. *Da da da (da da da)*"

The woman clearly didn't get the reference, staring at me in confusion at my admittingly poor musical outburst. I wonder if this place has any catchy tunes, certainly would be a bonus.

But before that...

FUCK YEEEEEEAH! TURTLES! WAHOOOOOOO!

*Cough*

"Good information. I'll dig you out," I had been smiling before, in a slightly good mood from the reptile-laden news, but I went monotone again. "But if you try and do anything, and I mean anything fishy, your brain will become one with Mr. Rocky here."

The woman got the message and looked up, waiting expectantly to be released. Before I let that happen, I relieved the remaining 3 men of their breathing privileges. I stood on the loose sand that allowed their chests to rise and fall.

With the now compact sand, their torso couldn't expand enough to get a full breath. This caused them enormous panic, causing them to need more and more oxygen.

"You bastard! You promised you would let them live!"

I laughed, "When did I promise such a thing?"

I stood over their quickly reddening faces. The difficulty of breathing was making their heart pump harder, trying to more quickly get oxygen to the brain. Without breathing, such oxygen never came. All this did was make their body crave air, forceing their lungs to inhale automatically. However, that was currently impossible with the enormity of sand on their chest.

Their faces went from red to purple, and purple to blue. The woman was screaming the entire time. She started at anger, and slowly made her way towards pleading. Did I care? Not really. Well, maybe a little bit. The trauma from this would make the woman work slower, and therefore increase my time away from turtles.

With the 3 men now corpses, I crouch in front of the woman. Her eyes had gone blank. She continuously muttered words under her raspy breath. Her face was streaked with tears that left trails across her face. Her eyes were puffy and inflamed from such a display. What a drag.

I started to dig out the woman, removing the heavy sand from her torso, allowing easier respiration. I could already see her bodily state improving from not having hundreds of pounds of sand around her.

She was still blank-eyed when I made it to her bulging chest. Her breast enticed me, but for a very specific reason. I grab the left one and squeeze it.

"Honk. Hehe."

The woman snapped to attention, her face flush with more anger. The quickest way to break someone out of their stupor, grasp the nipple. Kyle never spoke to me again after that one summer. I never asked why; maybe...

I ended that train of thought as the lady started to violently shake her way out of the sand. She was able to get her arms out. She started to flail them in my direction, trying to tear at my flesh with her nails.

I spoke with honest confusion, "What is your deal? I'm letting you out of the sand, what more could you want? Are you angry I killed your friends? Are you angry at me for killing them? Newsflash: I don't care. You are going to be a tool for me. A tool I will use mercilessly if need be. So STOP IT."

The woman stopped her flailing, choosing to now hug herself and cry. Heavenly Turtle, forgive me, for I have only increased the time until I see your children. People, amiright?"

"I'm not a virgin anymore. I've had sex before. I could be carrying diseases that kill you. You should just let me go. I promise I'll just leave. I promise. I promise..."

I slap her across the face to get her to calm down. I gotta stop though, my hand is red and stinging. But damn is it effective.

"I don't care about your history. You will rebuild the ship, and take me to land. I will hogtie you and build it myself if necessary, but even then I'm gonna need some directions. Until I am united with this planet's single largest source of turtles, I. Own. You. Capiche?"

"..."

"That means: understand?"

Barely audible, she let out a 'yes.'

"Great! Now let's get you out of there. You probably need to pee by now."

I spent ten minutes using Mr. Rocky to get her out of the hole. It was a decent amount of work, but considering that I did it once already, it was much easier. My love for digging holes was only slightly less than my love for turtles, so I was quite proficient at it by now.

"There. You are now un-traped and only a little very sandy. Follow me."

I took her through the dense foliage to my little spot of paradise. I washed her up in the waterfall, quickly checking on Turtely behind it. Fantastic, he's doing fine. I made sure to top off his leaf platter and brought the girl with me to the fish trap.

She was surprisingly complacent. I thought I would have to inflict at LEAST three more rounds of pain until she helped. As I stood thinking, I reached into the stick cage and brought out two fish, one each.

"Eat."

Quietly, she whispered to me, "But...it's raw..."

"So? Eat it. Now."

I took a big, bloody, bite out of my fish, showing her that it was indeed possible. I made direct eye contact with her while doing so, making her shiver a bit. The fish never was delectable, but it made do for a deserted island in an ocean of an alien planet in a void of nothingness only gotten to through a magic space portal. Wow, what a mouthful.

We finished our fish only after multiple threats of violence. She ate the entire thing only after I ripped out its spine and plucked out the bones. What a fucking bother. I hope she knows what she is doing. But I held it together, for the sake of my turtle heaven later.

"I don't care what your name is, because I am changing it to Jane. Jane Doe. Perfect."

"But...my name is Carann..."

"Jane, who is this Carann person? When do I get to meet them? Forget about her, you are now Jane. And until further notice, you are my official turtle guide; guiding me to my sweet sweet reptilian promised land. Understand?"

"...Yes..."

"Fantastic! Now, what do we do first?"