Sir John, The Lion, greets me warmly. “Grace, this is your final interview as a student. Please have a seat.“ He points to one of the comfortable wingback chairs at the low coffee table.

“Wachinga? Grace? Who am I? What am I? What’s to become of me? I can’t get a paying job, not with this.“ I finger the bold blue stripes on my chin. “I thought I would always be proud of my sacrifice.“

His eyes are kind, and with a partial smile, he says, “Grace, you are a hero trapped in a scared little girl’s body. Is that how you feel now?“

I shrug my shoulders and look at the wooden floor to avoid his gaze. “Yes, sir.“

“Take heart; the day after tomorrow, you will not be a little girl but a true warrior.“

I lock onto his eyes. “You said nothing about being scared.“

“Everyone is scared. Our fears drive us. You can be afraid of small things or big things. People who fear big things do big things; in that action with the Yanama tribe, you displayed extreme courage at the greatest fear for your life. You didn’t quit. I’ve known ever since you took your first lessons from the Bear, you would never give up. You could have left before you received the mark of a Mohave woman, but you didn’t. I know you will do what is necessary to save others; you have what it takes to be a knight. You are ready for your ordeal.“

“Sir, what about Wolf? Will you let him become a knight?“

“We are here to talk about you.“

“Sir, if he has to leave, I will take him on as a squire, even without your blessing. He will make his knighthood someday; if not by you, then by some other sanction.“

“You will do that for him? I understand you hate him now.“

“It doesn’t matter how I feel about him; he took care of me, I’ll take care of him. I’ll get over it.“

“Interesting, Wart said the same thing. Remember this about Wolf; a real friend is for life.“

“Yes, Sir.“

“Your oral examinations are tomorrow; you need to study.“

Just like that, I’m dismissed and he’s confirmed that Wolf would be my squire. But, first, I need to talk to Sally to see if she will try for knighthood.

~

I knock on my mother’s door; Lady Jane adopted me even though I was already seventeen at the time. She has been teaching me all the arts a fine lady should possess; sewing, crocheting, knitting, court intrigue, deception, and of course, poison. Why poison? There is more than one kind of poison: the poisoning of the body, the poisoning of the mind, and the poisoning of the truth; it’s not a straightforward thing, and I need to avoid them. She’s also teaching me the art of Kyudo archery.

She calls me in, where, to my surprise, she is kneeling at her tiny tea table with Pell, Sally, and Losau. They are laughing and telling stories about Wolf, so I join them. They all have the same opinion about men in general and Wolf in particular: they are very big, very strong, very handsome, and very stupid. I snort tea out my nose.

It seems that Losau and Sally have worked out their differences about Wolf. But unfortunately, I do not learn what is to happen. We finish our tea and arise to leave, but Lady Jane holds me back. “Ma’am.“

“Grace, Sir John felt it is more appropriate that I should be the one to ask you to accept the commission of performing the functions of a fine lady when called to do so. Will you take on this commission?“

“What? Do you think I can do it?“

“You will be superb at it; you have a sense of the right way to do things. I have confidence in you. Do you remember your first formal ball?“

“Yes, Ma’am, I could not have done it without your help and your wig. Now, look at me. My arms are all muscle and this.“ I point at my blue striped chin and the green tree on the back of my neck.“

She taps the tiny dragon tattoo on the back of her neck and says, “No one is perfect. But, you will stand out above all others. So, accept this role, and I will give you the present you most desire.“

“The most; what is that?“

“Ah, you must wait until commissioned.“

“Will you sponsor me?“

“I insist on it. Now go, you must study.“

~

The ritual of oral exams begins in the morning. But, of course, I've already taken and passed the written exams and am guaranteed a diploma. These exams are live and held in front of my classmates. We each have a subject to test on, and after an hour, the bell rings, and we swap stations for the next subject. So it goes on all day: math, common law, science, English, art, war theory, history, and more.

With my exams over, I migrate over to the last exam, where Wolf receives an extra exam in medicine. It’s all modern medicine, and Doctor Johnson and the school veterinarian, Doctor Lundy, alternate in their questions, and I see Wolf sweat it out. His last question from Doctor. Johnson is, “A patient has a severed artery in the arm and an arrow in his belly; each wound by itself is fatal; how do you proceed?“

Wolf answers, “First, I stop the bleeding in the arm, and second, attend to the abdomen. The loss of blood from the arm wound will kill him before I can finish treating the other injury; if I stop the bleeding, I have a chance of treating the abdomen.“

“Will the use of a tourniquet cause him to lose his arm?“

“Yes, doctor. What you have described is not a win/win situation. His life is more important than his arm.“

Wolf is saved from a counter-question by the bell. There is a cheer and a lot of back-slapping. I smile, for Sally has forgiven Wolf, or at least withdrawn her protest.

~

The Lion leads us to a small private dining room reserved for adults. Pages serve the steak dinner and leave. The doors are closed, and we are all alone: Sally, Wolf, Wart, Pell, Harold, George, Hildegard, Richard, Jennifer, and myself; this is our last supper together, I’m sure I will never see us all together again. Sally and Jennifer are to become ladies, and though no one else knows it yet, I will too. We eat our meal to the muted conversation. There are uneasy glances at Wolf and Sally. Wolf looks across the table at his former lover with each bite, but she does not return the look.

Wart nudges his friend, and when there is no response, he whispers, “Say it; just say it.“

“Say what?“ Sally asks.

Wolf looks straight at her. “Sally, I was caught up in the moment. I had no thought to hurt you, and if I could take it back, I would. I beg your forgiveness.“

Giving no hint of her feelings, she asks, “Tell me how She tricked you into marriage.“

“I drank from a cup of boar’s blood. I thought it was in celebration of the kill. It wasn’t; it was the marriage ceremony.“

Sally opens her eyes in mock surprise. “You drank blood?“

Wolf’s face sours. “Yeah, but it was worse than the liver.“

After a long pause, she asks, “You ate liver, like in raw liver?“

Wolf looks down and mumbles, “Yeah, we did it a lot. Tell her Wart.“

Wart holds up his palms. “It’s your story, Vlad.“

We burst into laughter at the mention of the medieval warlord, Prince Vlad Dracula, the Impaler. I pop the cork on a bottle of the red wine I had hidden earlier in a cabinet and pass it around. Everyone takes a swig; Wolf is last, and he must finish the bottle.

“I guess we are all married now,“ says Sally, causing more laughter.

With another bottle of wine poured into glasses, Harold stands to raise his glass of wine. “To the Secret Brotherhood of the Wolf.“

George and Pell help Jennifer to her feet, and she gives the counter toast. “Long may we endure.“ We tip our glasses and finish off the wine.

Richard asks, “What is the Secret Brotherhood of the Wolf?“

Hildegard snorts, “It’s not much of a secret. You just happen to be the newest member; welcome.“

“But if it’s a Brotherhood…. “

“Brotherhood was an ill-crafted word; wasn’t it Wart?“ I ask.

Wart grins and answers, “Yeah, I didn’t have the heart to change it, not after we all pricked our fingers over it.“

“More blood,“ Sally shouts in mock surprise. “Wachinga, let’s have another bottle of that fine red wine.“ She takes a long swallow and hands the bottle across the table to Wolf. “You are forgiven.“

~

The Final Lessons

The dining room’s doors open,, and waiting knights and ladies lead us to several bathtubs where we wash and dress in raw cotton shirts and trousers. Then I receive my final lessons as a squire.

I stand in an empty white room with Bear and Whisperblade facing me, Bear says, “If you survive your Ordeal, you will receive knighthood. Knighthood is a position with grave responsibilities; you will save lives even if your life suffers. You are to protect the weak, live with honor, and obey your liege lord.“

Whisperblade gives me the next lesson. “A Knight wears an ensign on her uniform that she may be marked, so the suffering shall know she will help them. All people, men, women, children, the privileged, and the poor, deserve your respect and kind assistance.“

Bear says, “You are sworn to obey the law; you may not break the law or assist anyone in doing such. You must not ignore evil, but fight it.“

Whisperblade says, “Your word is your honor, use it with care. Conduct yourself such that you will not be afraid of your Final Judgment.“

Bear says, “Even when all is failing, and darkness clouds your vision, there is hope that goodness will prevail. These are the codes of Chivalry; keep them in your consciousness. You will live by these codes. Use them always.“

With my final lessons finished, Bear leads me to the garden to sit on a stone bench facing a brick wall and warns me to remain quiet until I complete my ordeal. I sit alone in the cold until morning.

~

I stare at the wall, and my mind rages. What the hell am I doing? I ran from the gang that scared me to find myself joining another gang. I joined the Mohave gang, and they marked me. I joined the Kaniwa gang, and they marked me. Now I’m joining another gang; a gang of knights, whatever their name. I’m trapped; I never escaped the gang that carved my face so many years ago. Gangs, they’re like this brick wall: I join one, and I’m trapped. Try to escape, and I’ll be crushed like that brick into sand. There is no escaping from this gang; my pledge will be forever. I’d rather take a mark in the heart than on my face or neck. I can live and die for this gang.

Holding up my hands, I stare at the thin scars on my wrists. Once I wanted to die, but now I want to live, I want other girls to live, and I can help them, but I must survive this day.

The sun touches the top of the brick wall, and a hand rests on my shoulder. “It is time, daughter.“ Lady Jane holds a finger to her lips, reminding me to remain silent. I follow her to the lists and see a gauntlet of men and women, all knights, dressed in white cotton.