Annnd it's over. Done. Finally.

And it's only the first part--

Welcome to the post-mortem, friends. Writing this is a two-fold purpose, telling you what I was going for in reward for... literally dealing with my insanity for a year--and for me, a reminder that I'm still shit as this, so never get a big head about it.

For a bit of backstory... This was the result of, 6-7 years of on again/off again creative "progess". "Progess" because, I'd have multiple breakdowns--give up--get the buzz--write again--repeat.

...Which is a process but-

This was, literally, a long time coming. So above anything else, and regardless of how I find the quality... I'm proud of actually MAKING shit again. I wrote this. This is a thing that's real. Sure, only a handful of very awesome people care in the world, but that's a fucking victory.

With that in mind...

>Intentions

For one, I wanted a dark story about teens getting a fist hand experience of the harsh world they're in, and struggle against trying to survive to actually use it. So, that's why these characters aren't the standard of the web novel new order. They don't really GET good, they're flawed and non-badass--overall nothing what people currently want. Why would I do this?

-Shrugs- I kinda wanted to see something like that in the world again.

Now granted, I know we don't write these downers and drags because we want an escape from the downer and drag that is IRL... But. Iunno. I like fiction that reflects, I like fiction that isn't just the "theme" but has reality baked into it. I love power fantaies--for fucks sake, I'm a NARUTO fan. And a MHA fan--even worse for some people.

But people write them, other people. People that would be much better at it than me. Most of the celebrated(/mainstream) works we know today was going against the mold of their eras, and finding unlikely success in it. So I wanted to write something I missed in this world--a story that says "life sucks... what are you going to do about it?"

So, it explains the overall pace, mood, everything about this story. Sorry that it was too much at points (in fact, tell me when I went too far), but it was the design.

Now, let's see where I fucked up--

>Pitfills

When I did went too far--I quickly realized that it was a bit of a bummer in the middle bits.

I continued on and this part of the story should be dark, it was starting to become unfun during the period of... 6-8? That back to back was brutal.

A lot of terrible stories that use doom and gloom fell into the same trap as I did: when you want to do a dark story, you have to guide it, structure it. Otherwise, the feeling runs wild, and as a result, gets to you on an emotional level and pushes you into the place of, "fuck this story". It's a very power tool.

I learned a very good lesson about maintaining tone, but adding ease without the expense of it. Something that I'll definitely use in the next Phase.

Also, fuck me, I fucking suck at describing things. Like, I get stuck on a detail without talking about the rest of the other details, to use that to my advantage. And when I wanted to do something to stop that--I forget, which sucks. So sorry for... Stalling in story form.

Lost the thread of the characters, as well. A fucking big sin considering the work is mainly character study, so forgetting the nuances while writing a character study is... Uh, a very bad thing. Thankfully, I knew these characters long enough so even on back foot, I can still write them and use their voice. But it could've been so much better.

Maddie is a great example, of both of Phase 0's faults. Had I structure her character better--you'd still think she's an asshole but she's still human--understandable human--while still not liking her. And that's f i n e

But losing the thread, letting her talk on and on... I won't be mad if you found her insufferable. In fact, sozzle.

Finally, the complete misunderstanding of the web serial format. Well, as it is--

I discovered web serial novels via wilbow and nobody--and in their day, you could get away with posting 5k words a chapter and even go bigger--people marveled at them for doing it. So, I thought, that was still the norm... Woof.

If there was a greater tradegy, it would be me posting (Prelude) in it's entirty. Was the baddest move I did to myself and outright neutered my chance of growth--of course, not posting everyday for a month as well. Literally stopped everything in it's tracks as a result. So yeah--definitely... Uh. Not doing that.

AndofcoursethegrammarbutheyImightloadupGrammarlyoneday

So in short...

>Overall feelings

I liked how it came out, but man it's very much a product mind-to-page. For a complicated story like this, it should be mind-to-structure-to-page-to-product. But despite the woes I have... Again. It's REAL. It's a real thing--it exists! Look! You're looking at it!

And, I managed to bring out the jist of what I was going for, and that's awesome. For all the failings of challenging people with it, at least I made it clear of what this story is about. And at the end of the day, I'm a sucker for mood and tone, so it's a win.

Again, thank you guys for hanging in there. It means so much to me that you followed this story--you could've just read it and find over and over. You've been a very giving audience for simply being an audience at all. For a guy that thought this thing either would be super hated or super loved or super dead... You're the middle ground that I needed.

See ya later in Phase 1!