《Phase 0: siVisPride》(Episode IX)(.5)

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Stark could barely contain her weird glee, as she looked on. Jackie found herself, feeling herself, rivet her out of sorts bones back into place, wiring the muscle back together, constantly glancing at the diagrams of the book to get everything mostly right again.

But Jackie also caught a suspicious look on her face. Brief, questioning head tilts, and attempts to do it softly enough so she or the others don’t call her out on it. But Jackie pressed on anyways. She had to, or else who knows what could happen if she stops midway?

The sensation of pain was once again replaced by the sense of disarray, feeling the damage of her body versus the overwhelming alert that something is very, very wrong. Feeling the merging of bone and muscle and understanding that’s not right—and the details of how much this is a contradiction of purpose, versus the inhumane pain Jackie would have been in by just looking at it.

It took 3 minutes, but everything… Settled back into place. It was wrong to say that everything is healed, since she’s still exposed, but everything is aligned, and the act of holding everything together was present—but easier since Jackie isn’t directing the pieces.

“So… Sorry,” Jackie was admittedly winded. “We… I… Was too wrapped up and you have trouble talking. Should’ve realized that you can’t tell us how to do this…”

“OH THANK CHRIST,” Stark suddenly shouted, starting Jackie nearly out of place again. Stark winced from her euphoria. “I thought—You know—You didn’t know that, that I have to be extremely indirect a stuff! And you did it pretty neatly too, given it’s your first time going this at this scale!”

“Thanks…?” Jackie felt lost again—especially the last part. There’s worse injuries than the things they went through so far…?

Stark joyfully flipped through the pages, settling on the layers of skin. “Now fix your skin up and we’ll compare notes, peeps!”

Jackie could only exhale out of exasperation. She looked at the diagrams, and performed self-skin grating.

Which wasn’t as bad or hard as it sounded. Focusing on the flayed and busted areas, forcing them back down over the spots and draping them over. She smoothed the spread over, each attempt caused the skin to tighten over time.

When it was all said and done, all of Jackie’s injuries evened out into a colorless, translucent display. Each piece and part of Jackie was layered upon each other, creating a cluster of visible detail, almost like an x-ray.

Jackie should be afraid, angry. She looked less human the more she delved into the very thing she was meant to go up against… And it was troubling her that she doesn’t feel a thing.

“Hey,” Stark said, causing Jackie to look up at her. “Scars shrink over time, don’t they?”

Jackie felt that the sentiment was familiar, then smiled a bit. “Yeah. I suppose they do, don’t they?”

Jackie sat up, completely, but ends up crumpling in strain. She moved her left arm out, to test her current limits. Can make it straight just fine, but struggles and cramps up towards the end of the exercise. It was better than what she had, and what currently the others are going through.

Jackie turned to look at Stark again, “I read somewhere that we don’t fully heal, but I never got it… It’s not healing but putting things back together?”

Stark nodded enthusiastically, her hair jumping up and down. “It’s all about control. The more you learn about how the body is the body, the more able you become putting it back together. That incluuuudes tapping into your natural healing processes, but it’s like the brain. Waaay too tricky to handle and not without any great results…”

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Jackie rubbed the surface of her clear arm, and watched her puzzlified muscles, bone and veins perform the movement with her other. All the little detail.

“Pulling yourself together. Keeping it together. Got it.”

Jackie struggled to get up, causing Stark to leap to her feet effortlessly so she could support further if she needed to. Jackie looked down to the book, still open and resting on the floor, and picked it up.

Stark merrily walked backwards towards the stairs again, sitting on the last step. Putting her hand under her cheek, sporting her uneven smile on her face.

Jackie sat where Stark was, turned back to the musculoskeletal system page. With her own marked with grimace, she said the following.

“At the end of the fact, I can’t change the way you all think about me. Each other. The world. Regardless, you all have to arrive to your own conclusions and actually have those conclusions be rock solid. Think everything out, and admit maybe we were wrong about something versus insisting we were right in the face of self-destruction. So let’s get to it. Let’s be better.”

It took an hour or so, each of them having their respective problems, their own struggles. Maddie didn’t get weaving skin back together. River, couldn’t get past the fact that her tendons had to be knocked back into place. Tracy needed crying breaks because the idea of her fastening her bones together was just too much. Aiko sped through the steps, only to realize she forgot the most important thing to do in the previous steps.

Jackie had to be silent and look at the people that she just shouted at, and they look back at a person they dressed down. They did the repeat action whenever one had the spotlight, and the person they insulted was eyeing to be next. The tension wasn’t lowered not one moment, and the various snags on the way would’ve been more than enough to start another fire.

But everyone pulled themselves together. Everyone, despite themselves, got better.

The others sat on the mattress still, each taking a side. Tracy and River sat on the opposite ends, Maddie on the front facing Jackie, and Aiko at the back, but instantly chosen to lay down and look up—realizing she’ll miss out on what happens next.

Stark got up and clapped, every one off beat and hitting the right or left of her steady hand.

“Yes, we forced our muscles and bones back into our bodies for a whole hour,” River said drily. “Yippie.”

Stark put her hands on her wide hips, “Hey, you can’t unlearn how to do now!”

“And we can never unsee the traumatic damage done,” Tracy had a hysterical lilt to her voice. “I second the PTSD-based ‘yippie’—”

Jackie had to bite back the tongue lashing of using that term so freely… She guessed, on second thought, that they’re close to a diagnosis, if not there already.

“Mm,” a neutral sound Stark made. “But I do think… That’s the best and only thing that can come out of a terrible mess. The ability to steer clear from it ever again.”

“It’s not like we’ll be able to do that,” Maddie piped up—still raspy. “Knowing not to get fucked again doesn’t prevent it from happening.”

“Yeah. But it’s like I said…” Stark put her indexes together, and proceeded to push the two fingers against each other. “This… Weird and emotional journey we’re on, it’s driven by that push and pull. The worse thing someone can do to themselves is to give into one or the other…”

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Something struck her, and it was nonphysical, causing her to stop.

“It—Y’know, this was—that’s what I think…” Stark rambled, and made her voice quieter with each word. “It occurred to me that I did the worst thing to suffers in their time of need—lecturing them about how zany life is when it just chewed them out—so I’ll just—”

“No, let’s turn this into a conversion in that case,” Jackie interjected.

Stark whined a bit. “b-but, I’m a Stark-“

“And Starks love to help, despite yourself apparently.”

She then stayed silent, still fidgeting.

“…What if you can’t fight anymore?” Jackie posed. “You simply lose because you couldn’t help up?”

Stark expression, usually manic and uncanny, dipped into plain and easy to see melancholy.

“Lost a lot of people that have. Did. It’s the reason why I say things like that, it’s me fumbling—telling people that sure, it’s cheesy, but… It’s true. A lot of things are like that.” She looked down, her voice lowered with the weight within her chest. “But I’m not… I’m not stupid. Or airheaded. I’m a freak, but… I was also born here before I beat to my own drum. I know how hard it is to achieve, and most of those people died because they were watching… For absolution that never came.”

“Holy shit…” Maddie, voicing what everyone thought for once.

Jackie gulped. Trying to force down the pit within her own chest from climbing up her neck.

“…First off, I’m sorry to hear. But… Where these people… Did these people even had a chance to fight back? Where they doomed from the start…?”

Stark slowly lifted her head up, then sighed. “Nathan’s gotten to ya’, huh?”

The deafening silence that met her, answered Stark’s question.

“S-so you heard--?” Aiko asked.

“Yeah. I did,” Stark looked directly at the girls, causing Jackie to look back. It was odd, not meeting her eyes. Kind of like Edith…

“And before you all ask… No, I couldn’t have taken him…Or, I guess, it’s like a coin toss—It’s just--!” she banged her fists on the sides of her head again. “He has a lot of years over me, and everything about him and the way he uses siVis—utterly wrong from my and everyone’s point of view… So even your city crazy lady Stark Terri can’t touch him. I’m vulnerable, just like you.”

“Um… That’s… Reassuring and terrifying…” Tracy expressed.

“What did your medical advisors say about your condition?” Stark asked unflinchingly.

Jackie felt a ping. They still had no idea what happened with Leslie or his parents. “The only… Main thing touched on was the fact we were the few that were never meant to gain siVis.”

“Thaaat’s what I thought…” Stark nodded. Then she visibly tightened, stopping her thoughts in place. “…No wonder… You’re the victims of the incident, weren’t you? Never got the full details…?”

Again, silence but their sluggish and small movements in awkwardness was all Stark needed to hear.

“Aw man…” Stark sounded genuinely hurt. “You ladies went through years of trauma compressed into a week. I’m so sorry.”

Jackie shuddered out the air that was trapped in her, seemingly for a while. As it released, she felt herself going weaker. “I cried enough today, Stark…”

“It’s a natural function of the body—fighting it is like trying to stop your heart!” Stark perked up a bit to say.

She then lowered herself again, sliding her hands own her baggy, pajama pants. “Right. Normally, again, teaching people what you think of siVis can mess with them fundamentally… But considering you all might be on the verge of self-destruction—I guess I’ll just say my piece, to act as an anchor.”

She raised her hand, up and towards the girls. “I notice how you shifted. It was gradual, more hands on and you had to do things bit by bit… Whereas I and most siVictims…”

It was like a gentle pulse.

Stark shifted her hand, and the girls watched how quick it was… Seamlessly, from middle finger to wrist, everything in her hand was highlighted briefly, returning to normal in seconds.

She then balled her fist, and punched upward like she was giving an uppercut. Her fist bloated in a clear silver, before again settling neatly. Punching constantly and waving her arm revealed that as long as she was active, her arm both became enhanced in structure and a silver blur that’s so fluid, Jackie and co. was sure it was only because they had siVis themselves that they were able to catch it.

“Your condition is called ‘Shattered’,” Stark explained. “siVictims that got exposed way too much and way too quick… Activation is already beyond where we are as a species. In your case, it was uneven, determined on what exactly you guys went through, characterized by warped and damaged siVis appearance and lack of basics. So what Nathan said was true, you all are working off of a massively cracked glass floor.”

She then quickly raised her finger into the air. “BIG. HOOOOWEVER. INCOMING. What you have is just an exaggerated take on what we all in general have to go through, even me and Nathan and the rest. Sure, we installed the best glass floors money can buy. Mine’s all colorful and portrays an uneven atmosphere! But all it takes is one rock wound up and breaking us too. You just have to work harder, create the failsafes and structure that you lack. If you keep going, you could even have a siVis foundation that could trick someone like Grace Masters!”

Maddie scoffed, making Jackie and the rest eye her. Maddie in turn looked at everyone, but clearly spent by this point.

“That still doesn’t solve the problem—the reason why we fucked up in the first place. We needed this shit because we all knew that we were going to get steamrolled and become a Shift statistic. We needed to learn all this shit years ago, and you all clearly are the glass ceiling while we’re still trying to fix the fucking floor to stand. We’re gonna waste our time trying to get on a level everyone’s ascending from. We’re fucked. Even fixing it, we’re fucked.”

“… It’s a sad fact. We all learn at a set pace, and there’s no shame and there’s no changing that. But even as I say that, it’s still frustrating, right? I can just use empty, encouraging words—but that just doesn’t help what you need. All I can say, and all I can do—is tell you that you have to struggle and maybe fight with keeping that you’re far behind in mind. Act smarter, understand better. Success is a game that’s way too hard for you all, and it’s something we all fail every waking moment.”

Stark looked back at everyone, “Hey, don’t give me the ‘but you’re a Trend’ thing. The only reason why I’m on that list, with all the caution and question marks to begin with—is only because everyone’s afraid that I’ll go nuts.”

Jackie looked at Maddie, as she looked down at her hand and rubbed her middle finger. She couldn’t meet her stare either.

Stark slumped a bit on the stairs. “I’m a runt of the family, otherwise. Dad knows a lot of stuff. Sister literally turned into a block of ice… Brother can sense any present danger. Mother—well, you heard enough of her. Regardless of my progress, regardless of who I am despite having my name plastered around… I’ll never be someone like Grace, y’know? I’m eyed to be the next reason why this time period is the worst. Never a hero. Not even just a person, willing to help…”

“Jesus, okay, I’m sorry that I let street gossip tell me who you are versus you…” Maddie said, sounding despondent.

Stark raised her hands, “Hey, it lets me segue to my overall point…” She rested her arms over her knees, looking forward.

“I wake up everyday, try to make tea, go paint for two hours and try to force the fam to eat actual food… And I’m terrible at every one of those things. But consider where I started? Possible siVis abomination that couldn’t even understand where she was, let alone her own parents when they spoke to her…? I came such a long way. Success is a long road to travel and hard to gain a win from. But we always win with progression. Because moving along every time means victory. You just have to keep going.”

“Fuck,” River shouted out.

“Couldn’t have said it better myself…” Tracy agreed.

“You’re one of the most sane crazy people I’ve ever met—and trust me, they do dish out some truth. I thought you couldn’t string your sentences together, and yet you fucking delivered a speech?”

Stark smiled her smile. “Speaking straight means me thinking straight.” And tapped on her head. “Been thinking about things like that for most of my life.”

    people are reading<Phase 0: siVisPride>
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