I knew it. I just knew I shouldn't have answered but I, like always, was blinded by my imagination in hopes of a change. I'm not shocked by her behavior, I knew she'd be mad, I’m just irked by it. Who wants to answer a call from their mother with the knowledge that she’s setting them up for an arranged marriage. But I digress. It's not like I anticipated much more from her anyhow.

"Look mom I'm sorry I haven't been answering but-" and naturally I was interrupted by her.

"There is no but, Thalia, I expect you to answer whenever I call." My mother says and I swear I can feel her disdain through the phone. Did this woman forget I have a job or what? I swear she forgets that I'm an adult. And she watches over everything I do so it shouldn’t even be possible.

"Mom look-" I started but once again she interrupted me from finishing my sentence.

"Thalia I swear. This is why I shouldn't have let you move out. I told your dad we shouldn't let you but no!" She yelled through the phone making me wince and pull the phone away from my ear. I can never speak my mind with her. It’s most likely why I became so despondent when responding to feelings. It’s also yet another reason that I moved out of the house. She never lets me speak for myself. She forcefully became the representative of everything she thinks I want to say. And she wonders why I am the way I am.

"Mom I don't want another meaningless appointment with another girl when you and I both know it never works out. I won't be in a loveless relationship and you’re wasting my time." My body stiffens even more as I sit in silence waiting to hear her response.

"Now listen Thalia-" Whoop there it is. "ANy relationship you choose to be in will be loveless until you finally choose a man. Besides If I have to watch you prance around like a pansy with any girl it should be this one. Moreover, I don't think you get it. You don't have a choice. See you at 7pm for dinner." She rants, increasingly raising her voice with each sentence she finishes.

All I could hear after that was a quick beep and then a long silence from the other end of the phone. That's it. She just hung up on me. She blatantly told me that she doesn't care if I like them, that it only matters if she does. Let alone the fact that I apparently won’t truly fall in love unless it’s with a man.

It's always been like this though. The subtle bigoted comments and microaggressions. She'll say these types of things to me and then try to reconcile with me by explaining to me that she's only doing what's best for me. FOR ME. And of course, my father being the man he is, will just stand to the side and watch, staring at me with a face full of contempt.

Both of them have been less than stellar parents. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be surprised if neither of them know what my favorite color is. I've always considered myself closer to my dad. But now that I’ve gotten older I’ve begun to notice the looks he gives me. Not ones full of love and sadness when I’m cornered by my mother but ones full of scorn and agreement.

We don’t talk and his body language is always taut and uncomfortable. But that’s probably why I always thought we were close when I was younger. Because while yes he's dominating he's nowhere near as controlling as she is. He lets me have some form of control in my life. Something that I’ve always been grateful for. It’s something that I’ve now recognized as an unwillingness to be near me.

Y'know, I've seen examples of what manipulative and mentally abusive mothers look like. The children never figure it out because it’s something they’ve dealt with their whole lives and they think it’s normal. I’ve always thought my parents' treatment of me was normal until I actually began integrating into society. The way other people interact with their children is not the way my parents treat me.

I’ve never understood why parents would have children if they don’t want to take care of them properly. It’s mostly speculation but I believe that they never really wanted to have me in the first place. But again it’s just speculation. Maybe she's just a REALLY sucky mother but at least I have one. Some people aren't so fortunate.

It hurts sometimes though. Knowing that I would never be like that for someone I love and yet it’s exactly how my parents treat me. But that hurt is then replaced by an indifference for anything that relates to my parents. I no longer feel a real emotional attachment to either of them. Sometimes I still feel like I have a moral obligation to love them and so my emotions get mixed up with what I feel is an obligation.

Wanting to be loved by the only people you've ever known is normal but I no longer feel like that. I just want to get away from them. Yes, we have relatives but even then Mom would always keep me away from them. If I ever showed up at one of their homes they wouldn’t even know who I am.

I’m done with trying to get my parents to love me. I’ve been over that for a long time now. So for now I’m focusing on trying to forge a relationship with the one person I think can truly make me happy. And I know that she and I haven't held an actual conversation but it’s rather strange that I make her coffee every day and I don't know her name. Well, made now. I guess I never really thought about it. I mean the coffee shop isn't the most popular but we do have a steady flow of customers every day and yet I've never gotten her name.

And now that I think of it, why does she come to the coffee shop every day? There are plenty in our city and it's not like we serve the best coffee. Actually the coffee there is mediocre at best. And with the way she dresses, it seems that she could afford more than a cheap cup of coffee that probably doesn't even taste good.

I wouldn't put it behind my boss to skimp on fresh ingredients and buy cheaper ones instead. Oops, I meant my former boss. I just can't get over that. Do I feel bad now that I'm finally free from that prick? Absolutely not. I just wish it didn't happen in front of her.

There's so much running through my mind right now. I know literally nothing about her except for her coffee order. She comes in, gets her coffee, and then leaves. She's never in a rush though always taking her time.

“I watch too many crime shows.” I sigh to myself subtly shaking my head.

She's just so beautiful. I wish I knew more about her.

I might as well forget about it now though seeing as my mother seems quite smitten with the woman she's set me up with. I just wish that I’d get to speak with her at least once. I don't want to give up on my chance for love. I want to take her out at night and stargaze, go and explore abandoned buildings, or just take midnight drives cruising down the road and shouting out our favorite songs.

And I know that for some, love at first sight is something false and pretentious and rooted in falling for someone's looks, but for me, I would give anything to be able to hold her, and kiss her and tell her I love her. I want to feel loved, and cherish her, make her laugh, and see her smile. I want to be the one to make her happy. And hopefully, she’d be able to make me happy as well.

But I don't even know if we’ll ever get that chance. This isn’t the life I wanted or the confusing heart I wished to have. I have no friends or life here. What is it about her that has me so crazy for her? I just don't understand why I feel like this. We've never even talked before.

“Whatever.” I say dismissing my thoughts. I better start looking for an outfit, goodness knows how pompous and stuck up this person is going to be. Especially if they won my mother’s seal of approval. I wish I was with my mystery girl. But I will be soon. When I let myself drift away into sleep and I’m transported to another time and a new universe is when I’ll be with her again.