I’ve always known I was different. Whether it was from my random outburst of anger, the weird feeling of emptiness and emotionlessness I felt, or the disconnect of feelings and emotions I had, even with my parents. Yet at the same time, I’ve always subconsciously felt normal. Maybe because it’s all that I’ve ever known. My family is all that I’ve ever known and they don’t let me experience much else.

Unfortunately for me, even with all of the appreciativeness I feel for mother earth I’m still tired and bored of my life. Luckily for me, today is going to be different, I just know it. My days are usually boring and mundane. I work a nine-to-five job at the coffee shop. Maybe I get a break in the middle of it and maybe I don't. I'll walk home from work, eat, watch TV, most likely Wynnona Earp, and then go to sleep, dreaming about a different world. It’s a never-ending cycle of depression and I’m absolutely sick of it. Not to mention the owner of the coffee shop is a low-life.

No, seriously he creeps me out. And he's not someone I think any woman would feel safe being alone with. Do you know that feeling that you get when someone’s watching you? When the hairs at the back of your head stand up and you get goosebumps all over your skin? That’s the feeling I get when he looks at me. It makes me wonder though. My mother does not let me out of her sight. She knows everything I do and everyone I meet.

I think the only thing that really makes my day better is the girl that comes in every day at 12pm like clockwork. The feeling of pure jubilation every time I see her never ceases to surprise me.

I’ve never felt as much emotion as I have with her before, well other than when I’m berating myself.

She has light mocha skin that looks soft to the touch and light brown curly hair. She has beautiful hazel eyes that make it look like she's staring into your soul and a sharp jawline that would make James Bond feel ashamed. She's tall, maybe around 5'10, and she always comes in wearing a nice suit. She’s most likely very wealthy based on the high-quality clothes she wears every day.

Well, at least it’s not one of those stupid outfits people wear on the runway. How in the world do we call that fashion? Anyways, I’ve never gotten the courage to say anything more than what I have before. The same routine words including "Hey welcome back, may I take your order?" and “ Have a nice day!” Yep. The only time I've talked to her is when I was taking her order. Depressing, I know.

She's just so intimidating. Imagine meeting a woman as beautiful as this because I don't think I ever have. Her sharp jawline although beautiful makes her look so intimidating and unapproachable and her eyes although bright look incredibly dull. I know that seems contradictory but if you saw her you’d understand. And maybe just maybe I'll say something to her today. I just have a feeling it's gonna be a good day.

Okay, so I may have been wrong.

Apparently hitting your boss who is sexually harassing you isn't work appropriate. Huh, who knew? It's not my fault though. I may be small and sheltered but you surely won't get away with touching me without my consent. And okay maybe the mystery girl was there when I got fired today but who cares.

Okay, that was a lie again. I care. I am SO embarrassed. Getting fired in front of your crush should make the Guinness world record for the most embarrassing moment. Especially since whenever I’m with her is the only time I truly experience emotions. Like c'mon give a girl a break. Do they think I have a nice apartment and enough to sustain it working at a coffee shop?!

Okay so maybe I do? It's not my fault I have rich parents. There is a downside to having a wealthy family though. As the only child of one of the richest families in the country, I’m never let out of their sight. I'm 21 years old and I've been sheltered all my life. And while it's nice to know that my parents care, I now have no real-life experience.

I’m not naive or stupid but socially or culturally I have no idea what the world is like. I want to go out and explore the world. Learn new things and languages. Eat new types of food. But now I'm a socially awkward person because I never had any friends. I can only associate with people my parents approve of. And while to the world we’re the perfect family, I hardly have any freedom. And I know it’s strange to be working at a coffee shop if my family is really that rich but I wanted as much freedom as I could get.

I love my parents, I really do, or at least I think I do, but they can be extremely protective. It’s exactly why when I began exploring my sexuality I didn’t want to tell them anything. Unfortunately seeing as they somehow know everything that I do, they figured it out.

So how did they react to that? The answer is that they told me that whatever I am feeling is just a phase and that they would help me get through this hard time. They even considered sending me to a conversion camp for a while. But luckily they didn’t want me out of their jurisdiction and protection so they decided against it.

Who do they think they are! I’m certain that I’m not attracted to men and that is not something that will change.

Every so often my parents will try and set me up with some guy from another rich family. Recently though they’ve been setting me up with girls. And I guess they think this is something that I should learn to appreciate but I just can’t. I mean, I think mystery girl is wealthy so I get my hopes up, but every single time I visit my parents I’m disappointed by the knowledge that it isn’t her.

Even though I know I most likely won't ever see her there it hurts knowing that I may never get a chance with her. What if my parents find someone they truly like. Then I'll be engaged with someone I don't like and I'll never get my chance with her. This is so frustrating. And every time I try to explain this to my mother she ignores my thoughts.

So I speak less and less. My body language becomes the only way to understand my emotions and my mind becomes my solace.

And now I have to walk home early. In the cold. It's autumn and the wind is blowing emphatically. It’s so clamorous that I can hear the sound of its whistling pass as it blows my hair around. The leaves crunch under my feet as I stroll down the path to get to my house. The sound of the leaves crunching as I walk to and fro work is my favorite. It calms my mind whenever I’m lost in thought and helps to relax my posture and loosen up my body.

I listen to the stream flowing right beside me as I watch the birds fly overhead to migrate away from the cold. I almost fall over from the strong winds as I struggle to keep my balance. It's not my fault that I can’t gain weight. I definitely need to build up some sort of muscle mass though because this is just pathetic.

After I finally finish strolling down the path and reach my house I unlock the door and walk straight towards the couch. I sit down to think, envisioning things I wish could happen between not only me and my mystery girl but also with my family.

Just as I finally decide to stop wallowing in self-pity I get a call. My eyes darken slightly and my body tenses up as the color drains from my face. I saw her name pop up onto my screen. The only person I’m afraid to disappoint and yet the one I despise the most.

Mom.

And for many people that may not be all that scary but I already know what she's calling for. I've been avoiding her calls for a while. I know how commanding she can be when it comes to these things and I wanted to ignore her for as long as I could. But I can never truly get away from her. She allows a false sense of freedom for a short period of time just to announce something else that will me feel miserable.

And my father, well he’s truly pathetic. He stays submissive to her and no matter how much I plead with him he will always follow her rules. Even when it comes at the cost of my own happiness.

"Hello?" I say into the phone, knowing I'm going to be thoroughly frustrated by the end of the phone call.