《The Adventures of Hood: Part 1 - The Book of Portals》Chapter 44: A short lived epiphany

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About the feet of Dworf, in the hall below, colours and barbarians whirl and fight. After the initial spray of crimson, Dworf’s arm is now merely oozing, the blood thickening and coagulating along its length. Dworf, having almost knocked himself off his feet once, doesn’t learn his lesson and pulls again at the guard on his head, and, with his other free hand, digs down into the back side of his fox fur pants, rummaging around to try and sort out just what is going on down there. Due to Dworf’s long and greasy hair, the guardsman simply cannot hold on any longer, the hair twisting and sliding through his grasp.

Now it behooves me to say dear reader, though revolting as it is to contemplate, this previous description (regarding greasy hair) can be used equally for both remaining guardsman. The outcome for both, however, is quite different. Whilst one simply drops out of Dworf’s pants in a manner unbefitting a human, the other is cast screaming through the air - also in a manner unbefitting a human - to splat, with a crunch and a splat, and to slide down the southern wall of the hall, to land in a bloody heap on top of another heap of four unconscious guards who having been piled up sometime previously have been blissfully unaware of what has recently transpired.

“Dworf kill! Dworf kill!” screams the triumphant Dworf dancing from foot to foot, before realising he still has one uninvited passenger who must be dealt with before he can finally consider himself free - a passenger who all of this time has been holding on for dear life, whilst simultaneously attempting, but failing miserably, to put a choke hold on him.

Understanding her predicament, Hy-Jinx realises that she cannot simply stay wrapped about Dworf’s neck. But just as Dworf is about to reach for Hi-Jinx, Dworf’s masters - the tattooed wrinkly two-some - who, having recovered somewhat from their prior altercation with exploding masonry and Hood’s energy missiles, are reinvigorating their efforts to sow chaos and death against whoever stands in their way. Seeing an opportunity, both commit to blasting the weakened pillar against which Dworf has stumbled twice, and then exhort Dworf into bashing it a third time. Seeing what is about to befall them, the ringed colours above make to move backwards, jostling in panic as another huge section of the hall floor falls away beneath their feet, sending around fifty of them plummeting screaming to the hall below to land in a pile of death and injury. Those that remain press to the nearby stairwell, at the bottom of which the swell of colours is forcing the barbarians back.

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Across at the opposite side of the lower hall due to concerted barbarian effort, and a lot of fallen stonework, a small contingent of colours has been forced back into the stairwell - the noise of whom Dozer and Helmet commented on only moments before. - and are being pushed back even further, as the pressure of the barbarian onslaught is taking its toll.

Now it maybe, dear reader, that you can remember the hulking, muscle bound brutes that were using Dworf as a battering ram and were last seen standing in perfect poise against the backdrop of a dawn lightening sky. Having hung back for a breather, this cohort of twenty barbarian warriors each unclip a large axe from their backs, and with a unified “HUUURRGH!” enter the fray. Hopefully you also have not yet forgotten about the predicament of Hy-Jinx astride Dworf’s neck, nor of Hood, sitting cross-legged in meditative observation, controlling his mind against the pain of a shattered hand. Nor of Madeleine, of Helmet, and Dozer. Nor Bembry, trying to calm his panicked and racing heart, slowing his breathing upon the wrecked western stairs. Nor of Dworf himself, or the wrinkled barbarian magi, or the thrust and parry of hundreds of troops fighting the barbarian multitude and of course don’t forget about the…

BONG!

Amidst this whirring chaos, Hy-Jynx meets Hood’s stare. Unhooking herself from Dworf’s neck she shifts onto the giant’s right shoulder to avoid the grasping of one of his hands - all the while continuing to maintain eye contact with Hood.

“I can’t die,” she shouts earnestly, “not tonight,” cartwheeling along Dworf’s outstretched arm as he braces himself against a wall to stop himself falling over the uneven masonry. “So you’re going to have to save me!”

Hood looks on in silence, gathering what little energy he has in an attempt to lift Hy-Jinx to safety.

“I don’t think you fully understand though,” she shouts again, desperately back flipping to her original position as Dworf changes posture and attempts to snatch at her once more. “It’s not about ME!” Hy-Jinx spins, almost losing her balance on Dworf’s bony shoulder, but rights herself with windmilling arms. Dworf twists his massive malformed face towards her and roars, blasting her with rancid breath that smells like rotting goat. Hy-Jinx’s face grimaces in disgust, but seeing an opportunity, she springs up and kicks Dworf directly in one of his already bloodshot eyes.

Dworf clutches his face with both hands, throws his head back and yowls, the movement of which necessitates Hy-Jinx to jump up and grab hold of a large hank of greasy hair in order to prevent herself from plunging down onto the jagged masonry below. As Dworf yowls some more and continues to thrash, Hy-Jinx wraps his hair about her fists to maintain purchase.

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“It’s about the MUSIC!” Hy-Jinx shouts, flicked backwards and forwards through the air with each shake of Dworf's head.

Hood’s face wrinkles in confusion. What is she talking about?

“What is she talking about?” Madeleine says exasperated.

BONG!

“They’re coming!” shouts Dozer behind him as he and Helmet slowly back out from the stairwell. Madeleine turns to join them but her attention is suddenly drawn by a loud piercing whistle. Looking up she sees that Bembry has climbed several steps up the stairs and is now directly above them, lowering a rope over the side.

“Climb up, one at a time! I’ll haul you in! Hurry!” shouts Bembry. “The masque first, she’s the lightest and can help me pull up the rest!”

“You don’t understand,” continues Hy-Jinx flailing about in the air as Dworf tries to shake her loose, his antics drawing the attention of the two wrinkled sorcerers, who spot Hy-Jinx. flapping about in the air. ”I’ve invented an entirely new form of musical expression! It’s in here,” she shouts, tapping the side of her head with an index finger - an action requiring her to let go with one hand.

Hood looks at Hy-Jinx as if she is crazy. Now is definitely not the time to be having this conversation…

“You see it involves only rhythmic percussion expressed through and using juxtaposed syntactical rhyming structures.”

Hood looks confused, but the light slowly dawns on him. Hy-Jinx truly is an idiot and he must completely ignore everything that she is saying and concentrate, otherwise she is going to die.

What looks like an icicle of pure energy fizzes past Hy-Jinx’s leg, and impacts high up on the upper hall’s wall, disappearing at the point of contact, to be replaced by a slowly spreading frost, which crystallises over the stonework.

“You don’t actually need musical accompaniment!” Hy-Jinx exclaims maniacally, as if this was an obvious implication of her previous statement. Another fizzing bolt zooms past with similar effect. “It’s amazing! Or maybe it’s the other way around - I haven’t had a chance to analyse it yet. But it’s amazing! And the words! The words are the music.”

Hood lifts his thumb up to reassure Hy-Jinx that he’s heard the message.

“You get it, don’t you?” she shouts

Hood nods his head vigorously but is actually simply using the motion to sooth his mind and concentrate what little energy he has left. Doing this he slowly starts his incantation.

BONG!

To his side Madeleine has made clear the stair’s casement, having climbed the rope offered by Bembry, whilst behind him, Dozer and Helmet are slowly backing away from the stairwell, tentatively glancing behind themselves to check that they are not about to take a fall, as several guards also appear, moving backwards under attack from a stairwell full of barbarians pushing the advantage.

Hy-Jinx feels a tingling relaxation, as if gravity has slowly been turned down, and having witnessed Bembry’s flight earlier, realises what is happening and lets go of Dworf’s hair. Hood slowly guides her directly upwards, up beyond the reach of Dworf and towards the stairs that Bembry and Madeleine are on. Behind him the sounds of battle, of ringing steel against steel, the slat, clash and grind of weapons hitting stone - the grunts of effort and pain.

“I think perhaps dear friend you should go next - I fear that your flesh, against this barbarian assault, will not hold out as long as my armour.” shouts Helmet above the sound of the fray, urging Dozer to climb. Dozer takes little convincing and, with Bembry and Madeleine bracing against the casement with their feet, the rope firmly held in their hands, Dozer begins to climb. For a large man he does so nimbly and quickly.

Above this, Hy-Jinx floats, still shouting at Hood, continuing her impassioned stream of consciousness regarding whatever transformational insight she believes herself to have had:

“It’s like my brain’s on fire! It’s so interesting: the comparison between typical musical construction whereby the chorus forms the central harmony,” she’s expressing herself emphatically with both hands now. “But instead, with this new form, the chorus becomes a non rhyming chant…” the stairs draw near… ”solidifying the communal experience and providing a dithyrambic basis for the form’s entirety! Anyway, I just thought I’d let you know ‘cos if I die, it’s not just me that’ll die, but an entire art form…an entire means of cultural expressi…”

BONG!

A fizzing bolt from below suddenly screams up through the air.

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