《A Portal Fantasy Comedy Poem》Mary had a Little Lamb
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1
One evening long ago, Mary and little lamb
both gazed at the sky, pondering meanings of life
Monotony, dullness, ennui suffused them:
Go to school, go back home, wash dishes, no drive
to learn. Her interests lay in philosophy
Nietzsche, Plato, Chesterton, wide variety
Of startling intellects… Not Aesop fabelry
that the teacher regaled students with endlessly
She wanted to run away to France and meet with
existentialists who would challenge all her wit
Oh, what is this? A portal appears… Mary’s gone
Peter is a young shepherd, fourteen years come morn
He celebrates his birthday with his flock, now dawn
Sheepy1, Sheepy2, and Ypeehs, the last name
An attempt at creativity he’s very proud (to) claim!
For thirteen years he gloried in war and battle
Like any other child his age. Epiphany
shines with this new dawn, leaving his high voice broken
“Females,” he croaks, “are not plague ridden monsters, nay,
Not abominations of Beelzebub, I reckon,
But rather attractive,” he opines to his flock.
Fond memories of Mary engulf the boy’s mind
He sees her far out on the prairie with little lamb
Fleece as white as snow. What to do? Perhaps talking
might help. Perhaps an ode to her beauty, he thinks
Oh Beautiful Creature
Goddess of all that you see
This offering of mine- a pitcher,
Can never be worthy of Thee.
He prepares a cup of milk to offer his love
He approaches, palms sweating, legs trembling, mind numb
“OH BOOTIFUL KEECHAAA,” he stammers, and then Mary’s gone!
The lamb ‘maa’s at him in disdain.
2
Do women just disappear come adolescence?
Peter wonders, cast into a pit of despondence
No wonder Mama tells Georgie off for flirting
Anguished he stands, from the black magic of his courting
Lancelot and Guinevere, Marian and Hood
No, something's wrong here, something is misunderstood
An epic quest of chivalry, Peter sets out in search of Mary
The lamb bleats in disdain and follows.
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